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The Good Rev: Lost in America.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, March 04, 2005, 04:56:42 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

March 04, 2005, 04:56:42 PM
Blarg!
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy

#1
March 04, 2005, 06:01:10 PM
And I thought it was bad having my mom's voice in my head :shock:

ps, hope you're ok :wink:

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
March 04, 2005, 06:01:57 PM
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyAnd I thought it was bad having my mom's voice in my head :shock:

ps, hope you're ok :wink:

Just fine, thanks.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy

#3
March 04, 2005, 07:14:37 PM
It's probably a good thing the only special foods I like are chocolate and coffee.  The best store for that happens to be in one of the whitest areas around.  I think most of those people would be too polite to say anything, even if I wigged out.  Unless someone was injured, but I don't think I have ever done that.  :twisted:

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
March 04, 2005, 07:16:27 PM
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyIt's probably a good thing the only special foods I like are chocolate and coffee.  The best store for that happens to be in one of the whitest areas around.  I think most of those people would be too polite to say anything, even if I wigged out.  Unless someone was injured, but I don't think I have ever done that.  :twisted:

The Mexican community is, apparently, very open to bizarre behavior.

Odd things have happened this morning, once news got around.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy

#5
March 04, 2005, 07:27:10 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyIt's probably a good thing the only special foods I like are chocolate and coffee.  The best store for that happens to be in one of the whitest areas around.  I think most of those people would be too polite to say anything, even if I wigged out.  Unless someone was injured, but I don't think I have ever done that.  :twisted:

The Mexican community is, apparently, very open to bizarre behavior.

Odd things have happened this morning, once news got around.
Details?

White snobs are too, if you can pass as one of them.  I just look like every other soccer mom, trying to get caffeine and choclate.  And they added meat and fresh produce.  They also have beer and wine.  I go there on my hubby's birthday to get him boobie beer, I mean St. Pauli Girl, hehehe  :twisted:

Irreverend Hugh, KSC

#6
March 04, 2005, 08:21:24 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerWherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans.
- Alf Landon, just before FDR buried him alive in the polls.

"AMERICA = TEH STOOPIDEST OPIEZ ON THA PLANET."
- Chef, last night, in our head.

I found myself shopping in La Mexicana Chiquita Supermercado last night, trying to find fresh habanero peppers for that lousy Tongan.  He had been keeping me up all night, bellowing about this year's America's Cup race, and about the future of American football.  The only possible cure was to chow down on insanely hot peppers until he was beaten into submission, thus allowing me to get a couple of hours of precious sleep.

Nothing stands out in an almost empy supermarket like The Good Rev, especially when he's stuck halfway in Chef mode.  Hideous...a bone-weary 220 pound gringo, shuffling down the aisles, mumbling things about "teef" and "baggies" and the Chicago Bears...all the while dragging a 20 pound authentic war club.  In any civilized country, I'd be beaten by cops and thrown in jail, for my own good.  

However, I am not in a civilized country, and the locals know me.  For good or for ill, they are my people, and they are more than willing to put up with my eccentricities...as just about everyone in Aurora, IL is eccentric, or a gang-banger, or both.  

Aurora is America in microcosm...at least the America that SHOULD exist.  75% hard-working weirdos, and 25% goons, thugs, and preachers.  Almost everyone carries a gun, at least at 2 AM, but the level of violence is surprisingly low...and people are polite.  They understand, you see, that it is bad policy to be rude to someone, when there is a very good chance that the person you are speaking to is armed to the teeth with pistols that have their serial numbers filed off.

Chef wasn't enjoying himself much.  The ranchero music being piped into the store was too loud, he said, and accordians always set him off.  No time for niceties, now...what if he goes berserk, and starts smashing speakers?  It's not out of the realm of possibility...So, grab a jar of peppers, and dump it down your throat.

Instant sweat.  The inability to breathe.  Spots in front of your eyes, and some freakish little clerk staring at you like you're insane.  Fuck him, he doesn't understand, does he?  "Listen, snapperhead...I AM going to pay for this, but there simply isn't time."  But it doesn't come out that way, does it?  Not with an esophagus full of screaming hot habaneros...it sounds more like "UNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH!"

I could see the horror in his eyes...he began to back away, toward the front of the store.  Toward the phone.  The situation is hopeless...I will NOT be able to explain myself to a cop, at least not while I'm in this condition.  There's only one thing to do...

...Run through the door into the meat department, heading for the back door, where they put the garbage out.  Slip on a freshly-mopped floor, and go skidding along the stainless steel table where they are cutting the meat for tomorrow...half a dozen Mexicans scramble to get out of the way...covered in blood now, bovine, I hope...there were some sharp fucking knives on that table...Out the back door, and running down the street...a hideous, blood covered maniac toting a war club...people in cars, staring at me as I run through the night...

...Back to mi casa, lock the door.  Don't answer the door, don't answer the phone.  There are animals out there, you know...it just isn't SAFE.

Or kill me.

I am actually printing this to read on the train. I'll comment later.
"Time for the tin-foil hats, girls and boys!"

Mangrove

#7
March 04, 2005, 08:25:29 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
...and people are polite.  They understand, you see, that it is bad policy to be rude to someone, when there is a very good chance that the person you are speaking to is armed to the teeth with pistols that have their serial numbers filed off.




ChefRog goes looking for spicy food and learns the secret of bushido.

gambatte kudasai!
What makes it so? Making it so is what makes it so.

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
March 04, 2005, 08:30:11 PM
Quote from: Pope T.Mangrove xvii
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
...and people are polite.  They understand, you see, that it is bad policy to be rude to someone, when there is a very good chance that the person you are speaking to is armed to the teeth with pistols that have their serial numbers filed off.




ChefRog goes looking for spicy food and learns the secret of bushido.

gambatte kudasai!

Weird days, no?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
March 04, 2005, 08:31:24 PM
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyIt's probably a good thing the only special foods I like are chocolate and coffee.  The best store for that happens to be in one of the whitest areas around.  I think most of those people would be too polite to say anything, even if I wigged out.  Unless someone was injured, but I don't think I have ever done that.  :twisted:

The Mexican community is, apparently, very open to bizarre behavior.

Odd things have happened this morning, once news got around.
Details?


Found a stuffed snake on my porch this morning.  It was all covered in fake feathers, which had been attached with scotch tape.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy

#10
March 04, 2005, 08:32:22 PM
Quote from: Pope T.Mangrove xvii
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
...and people are polite.  They understand, you see, that it is bad policy to be rude to someone, when there is a very good chance that the person you are speaking to is armed to the teeth with pistols that have their serial numbers filed off.




ChefRog goes looking for spicy food and learns the secret of bushido.

gambatte kudasai!

ummm... Could I get a translation in English or at least some other language I have a snowball's chance in hell of understanding  :shock:

Mangrove

#11
March 04, 2005, 08:34:53 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Quote from: Pope T.Mangrove xvii
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
...and people are polite.  They understand, you see, that it is bad policy to be rude to someone, when there is a very good chance that the person you are speaking to is armed to the teeth with pistols that have their serial numbers filed off.




ChefRog goes looking for spicy food and learns the secret of bushido.

gambatte kudasai!

Weird days, no?

extremely weird. ancient japanese warrior culture i can help with....stuffed snakes? sorry...not so good....unless you want to hit it with a sword, in which case i might be helpful. though i do like springy snakes, but that's another thread entirely....ok, i'll shut up...<goes back to bar to wipe glasses>
What makes it so? Making it so is what makes it so.

BADGE OF HONOR

#12
March 04, 2005, 08:36:47 PM
Er...what's the name of the feathered serpent god?

Just claim you've been visited by him.
The Jerk On Bike rolled his eyes and tossed the waffle back over his shoulder--before it struck the ground, a stout, disconcertingly monkey-like dog sprang into the air and snatched it, and began to masticate it--literally--for the sound it made was like a homonculus squatting on the floor muttering "masticate masticate masticate".

Ben

#13
March 04, 2005, 08:38:07 PM
A snake with chicken feathers?  They insult Amerika!
?,
Don't Tread on Me.

BADGE OF HONOR

#14
March 04, 2005, 08:38:11 PM
Right, Quetzalcoatl.

The Jerk On Bike rolled his eyes and tossed the waffle back over his shoulder--before it struck the ground, a stout, disconcertingly monkey-like dog sprang into the air and snatched it, and began to masticate it--literally--for the sound it made was like a homonculus squatting on the floor muttering "masticate masticate masticate".
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