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MY side of the fucking story.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, May 30, 2012, 07:36:56 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

I have it on good authority that almost everything that is wrong in the world can be traced back to MY FACE.  I am also informed that the things that AREN'T caused by MY MOM.  Who would say such awful things to their spiritual advisor, you may ask? 

Why, Freeky, of course.

This is just ONE REASON that you should never listen to a word that woman says.  She is WRONG, and she KNOWS she is wrong, and she feeds people false information JUST FOR KICKS.  She is utterly and completely bankrupt in any moral sense, and ethically, she is a vast, festering pit of MALICE and DEGRADATION. 

I mean, ask around.  I am the kindest, most compassionate bastard on this planet.  It is because of MY GOOD GRACES and my intercession with ALIEN GODS that said alien gods don't come down here and SNORT YOUR SOULS LIKE COCAINE.  How's that grab you?  Without ME in the way, YOU are nothing but a bag of CHEAP CRANK.

No.  The problems that plague the world are on account of CRAM'S BEARD and LMNO's lack of 'STACHE.  An example:  My toilet is so clogged up that the breather pipe out by the street vomits out shit and toilet paper every time I flush.  Sure, the plumber's been called, but the toilet tank fills up really fast, and I think I can flush it at least 20 more times before he shows up.  Cleanup is IN HIS CONTRACT, and when he begins to curse at me and weep, like he always does, I shall simply show him a picture of LMNO's hairless mug and tell him WHY I must do these HORRIBLE THINGS.

And as far as Cram goes, he's a fucking terrorist.  If there was any REASON employed by DHS, they'd have shoved him and his smug grin in a fucking hole YEARS AGO.  Well, actually his beard is the terrorist, but WHO GREW THE FUCKING THING IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Anyway, I just wanted You People to know that Freeky is full of shit when she talks all that smack about me.  I'M not the problem, YOU PEOPLE are the fucking problem.  YOU MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE.  If any of you really loved me, you'd kill yourselves today.

Or Kill Me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Nephew Twiddleton

Hi Reverend! Did you have a good time being dead?
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Twiddlegeddon on May 30, 2012, 07:43:43 PM
Hi Reverend! Did you have a good time being dead?

It's getting to be a little routine.  Lay in the box, hate hate hate.  Then Howl fucks something up, and it's burst out of the ground, eat the rector, and shamble back off to work, groaning about brains.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cainad (dec.)

I have it on good authority that Dr James Semaj got so overwhelmed with the shit he had to save the world from, he went underground and actually took over the business of modern Horror. Something about "if you can't beat 'em...", I think. Wanted to make sure that if all the awful shit couldn't be stopped, there might as well be someone sensible in charge of it all.

LMNO

I shave to punish you all for Katy Perry's existence.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Cainad on May 30, 2012, 09:00:13 PM
I have it on good authority that Dr James Semaj got so overwhelmed with the shit he had to save the world from, he went underground and actually took over the business of modern Horror. Something about "if you can't beat 'em...", I think. Wanted to make sure that if all the awful shit couldn't be stopped, there might as well be someone sensible in charge of it all.

"If you can't beat 'em, join them to death."
- Squiddy

Dr James was a fine man, but he had the wrong values.  And it killed him.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on May 30, 2012, 09:03:00 PM
I shave to punish you all for Katy Perry's existence.

Now wait just a damned second!  I have spoken out against Katyism on many occasions!
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

FOR THE SINS OF TAYLOR SWIFT, I STRIKE AT THEE!

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on May 30, 2012, 09:04:27 PM
FOR THE SINS OF TAYLOR SWIFT, I STRIKE AT THEE!

This is one of those times that I wish I was Asian.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

NARY A HAIR ON THE UPPER LIP WHILST LADY ANTEBELLUM STILL DRAWS BREATH!

Anna Mae Bollocks

WHY IS NO ONE SMITING THE EARTH FOR NICKELBACK? IS THERE NO GOD?????
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

Cainad (dec.)

Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on May 30, 2012, 09:22:50 PM
WHY IS NO ONE SMITING THE EARTH FOR NICKELBACK? IS THERE NO GOD?????

I've been going over the data, and I have determined that Nickelback actually exists in God's blind spot.

Luna

Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on May 30, 2012, 09:22:50 PM
WHY IS NO ONE SMITING THE EARTH FOR NICKELBACK? IS THERE NO GOD?????

That one's mine.  I smite quietly.

ANYBODY can smite with thunderbolts and hitting with cars and with with horrible exploding toilets.

Me?  I take PRIDE in smiting.  When I smite you, you get stuck in bus stations for DAYS.  When I smite you, all of your underwear crawls under your bed to die on the morning of that big job interview.  When I smite you, your internet goes down just when you need it.  Your phone shorts out just before that REALLY IMPORTANT CALL.  When I smite you, your boss makes you work overtime the day of your big date.  Your socks don't match.  You need two classes to finish your degree, and they're scheduled for the exact same times.  Your toilet paper runs out, the ONE time you don't check to see it's there before you take that horrible dump.

One big, hard smite is one thing...  But the little smitings that pile up to make you pull out your hair and scream?  THAT'S for Nickelback.

Or kill me.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Anna Mae Bollocks

Quote from: Luna on May 30, 2012, 09:34:25 PM
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on May 30, 2012, 09:22:50 PM
WHY IS NO ONE SMITING THE EARTH FOR NICKELBACK? IS THERE NO GOD?????

That one's mine.  I smite quietly.

ANYBODY can smite with thunderbolts and hitting with cars and with with horrible exploding toilets.

Me?  I take PRIDE in smiting.  When I smite you, you get stuck in bus stations for DAYS.  When I smite you, all of your underwear crawls under your bed to die on the morning of that big job interview.  When I smite you, your internet goes down just when you need it.  Your phone shorts out just before that REALLY IMPORTANT CALL.  When I smite you, your boss makes you work overtime the day of your big date.  Your socks don't match.  You need two classes to finish your degree, and they're scheduled for the exact same times.  Your toilet paper runs out, the ONE time you don't check to see it's there before you take that horrible dump.

One big, hard smite is one thing...  But the little smitings that pile up to make you pull out your hair and scream?  THAT'S for Nickelback.

Or kill me.

Nigel was right. The Luna one really IS a good one. :lulz:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

Oh, yes, she is literally oozing Holiness™ out of every orifice.

Update:  The plumber has come and gone, and I am "a fucking asshole who should be nailed to an overpass".

:lulz:

:digtbk:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.