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Help I'm being oppressed and shunned!

HELP! I'm being opressed! 

One tiny point - I've seen giraffes in zoos.

I never did see a platypus in the flesh tho

I was surprised when I drove back into town and it was full of people. I turned around one eighty degrees, they all disappeared. I turned back, there they all were again. It was then I realised - this whole world was backwards. I walked up to one of them and said hi. He ignored me. He just kept on walking, right through me. I never felt a thing. Except, maybe, pity.

All thoughts of returning to the teevee left my mind like ever decreasing radio waves. I had to find a way to communicate with these poor creatures. Some kind of 6^th or maybe 7^th sense was telling me they were in danger. I looked around and then I saw it, an internet cafe. I closed the door and walked in.

The place was deserted. In both directions. I turned off the nearest terminal, got out my seat, closed a browser and logged out of a file dump site. A couple of mouseclicks later I watched the status bar slowly climb up to 100% and that was it, I'd uploaded myself to the internets. I made a quick backup to cd, just in case the server I was hosted on crashed or something, then I placed an ad on myspace and navigated to a pr0n site to kill some time until I got noticed.

Sure enough the profile pic of miss hotpants 05 paid off. I couldn't have been more than half way through my third facial cumshot when someone downloaded me. Time to put on my gameface. I was only going to get one shot at this and god only knew who was downloading.

My screen went blank as whoever it was installed and rebooted. Next thing I know I'm handcuffed to a chair and someone is shining a light in my face.

"Who are you and what do you know about the HIMEOBS project?"

Print really doesn't float my boat. Books I don't mind but as far as I'm concerned magazines have been superceded by multimedia delivery systems.

I don't mind if you want to use something I've written or shopped but it's hard for me to get excited about this whole deal. If there was a discordian magazine I wouldn't buy it. If they had a website I might use that.

I'd much rather somone was exploiting my ability to write bollix and photoshop stupid pictures together than the way it is now - someone exploiting my ability to endure boredom.

If it hooks me in the 1st papagraph or 2 I'll read it.

In fact most scottish abuses come down to either 'cunt' 'fucker' or 'prick' or combinations thereof.

We're not very imaginative and we like to keep it short so we're not wasting good fighting time expounding litanies of verbal abuse.

This is why the US has more gun violence than other industrialized nations. We have a language suited for cussing people out. Thus instead of small brawls, we have two people that get so angry after the torrents of verbal abuse they shoot each other.

I suppose the fact that everybody in the us is carrying a gun has absolutely no bearing on the issue?

Outside of the US it's glaringly obvious - You have this dumbass 'constitution' religion thing that states all men, most women and about half the children and animals are allowed to own a gun so that, in the event of a police state, they're allowed to shoot the president.

For some reason no one in america seems to get this. If no one has a gun then there is no gun crime. If you don't believe me look at the statistics for high power armour piercing laser crime. Now walk into your local fishmonger or grade school stationery store or wherever else you people go when you need to protect your constitutional right in a hurry and see how many of these laser devices are on offer.

QED - People don't shoot people. People + guns do.

Aye - verbal diarrhoea

Dude better think plenty of fluids or his mind will dehydrate.

Clone tool. How did you get rid of the giraffe on the left? You could use the same technique but smaller.

If not, then you all don't belong in the Discordian Society.

I'm just guessing that the irony of this closing remark was wasted on you?

2nd one gets my vote.

You should mask out the tiny background giraffe that appears to be sticking out the main ones ass too if you want my 5cents

[punctuation marks]

And to think that there are punctuation marks out there which convey more meaning than that there sentence.

teh Fixx

Did you mean messiah, or is messia Scottish for "gaywad".

I'll accept messiah.
Or gaywad.
Whatever I can get.

Scottish for gaywad is 'cunt'

In fact most scottish abuses come down to either 'cunt' 'fucker' or 'prick' or combinations thereof.

We're not very imaginative and we like to keep it short so we're not wasting good fighting time expounding litanies of verbal abuse.

Just like to go on record as saying this is prolly the ugliest graphic I've ever been involved in.