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ITT: Best Posts of the Day

Started by Cramulus, April 13, 2007, 11:33:09 PM

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tyrannosaurus vex

This is only because I can't find the Quotes of the Moment thread.
14:23 < TobyGames> ......................._,,-~'''¯¯¯''~-,,
14:23 < TobyGames> ....................,-'' ; ; ;_,,---,,_ ; ;''-,..................................._,,,---,,_
14:23 < TobyGames> ...................,' ; ; ;,-' , , , , , '-, ; ;'-,,,,---~~''''''~--,,,_.....,,-~'' ; ; ; ;__;'-,
14:23 < TobyGames> ...................| ; ; ;,' , , , _,,-~'' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ¯''~'-,,_ ,,-~'' , , ', ;',
14:23 < TobyGames> ...................', ; ; '-, ,-~'' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;''-, , , , , ,' ; |
14:23 < TobyGames> .....................', ; ;,'' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;'-, , ,-' ;,-'
14:23 < TobyGames> ......................,'-' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;''-' ;,,-'
14:23 < TobyGames> ....................,' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;__ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; '-,'
14:23 < TobyGames> ..................,-' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-''¯: : ''-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; _ ; ; ; ; ;',
14:23 < TobyGames> .................,' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;| : : : : : ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;;;;; ; ; ; ,-''¯: ¯''-, ; '
14:23 < TobyGames> ................,' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; '-,_: : _,-' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | : : : : : ; ; ; |
14:23 < TobyGames> ...............,' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ¯¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;'-,,_ : :,-' ; ; ; ;|
14:23 < TobyGames> ..............,-' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,,-~'' , , , , ,,,-~~-, , , , _ ; ; ;¯¯ ; ; ; ; ;|
14:23 < TobyGames> ..............,-' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,' , , , , , , ,( : : : : , , , ,''-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;|
14:23 < TobyGames> ..........,-' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;', , , , , , , , ,'~---~'' , , , , , ,' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;',
14:23 < TobyGames> .......,-'' ; _, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ''~-,,,,--~~'''¯'''~-,,_ , ,_,-' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ',
14:23 < TobyGames> ....,-''-~'',-' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | ; ; | . . . . . . ,'; ,''¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,_ ; '-,
14:23 < Froggypance> Oh sod this.
14:23 -!- Froggypance [Froggypanc@hide-5721CCD.threembb.co.uk] has quit [Quit: Leaving]
14:23 < vexati0n> oh for f
14:23 < TobyGames> ..........,' ; ;,-, ; ;, ; ; ;, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ', ; ;', . . . . .,' ;,' ; ; ; ;, ; ; ;,'-, ; ;,' ''~--'''
14:23 < TobyGames> .........,'-~' ,-'-~'' ', ,-' ', ,,- ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ', ; ; '~-,,,-'' ; ,' ; ; ; ; ', ;,-'' ; ', ,-',
14:23 < TobyGames> ..........,-'' ; ; ; ; ; '' ; ; ;'' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ''-,,_ ; ; ; _,-' ; ; ; ; ; ;'-'' ; ; ; '' ; ;'-,
14:24 -!- TobyGames [aiden@hide-FC2AAE0E.ph.ph.cox.net] has quit [Client exited]
14:24 < vexati0n> :| ffs.
14:24 < vexati0n> NEVER LET YOUR KIDS ON THE INTERNET
14:28 < Burns> lol
14:28 < Burns> nice combobreaker vexati0n and fp
14:29 < ^Gecko^> i missed it, sadly
14:31 < vexati0n> yes that was my 6 year old ASCII spamming a picture of pedobear in an IRC channel.
14:31 < vexati0n> THEY GROW UP SO FAST
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Bu🤠ns


Placid Dingo

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 30, 2012, 01:45:58 PM
So, you want to know why most people act under blanket assumptions?  Because for the most part, it works, and they've got more important things to do.  They're simply trying to get through their day, and they really don't have time to get into extensive ontological analysis of belief systems and their real-world repercussions.  Their belief systems work well enough to get by, and they'll only really be faced with the issue of changing them when it directly and severely impacts their lives, if then even.

Then there is a minority of people who act under blanket assumptions, and they do that because they see some kind of personal benefit in it, be it financial, "spiritual", or power-based.  They use the assumption as an angle to manipulate others.

Lmno getting all holy again.
Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.

Junkenstein

Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on January 18, 2013, 06:34:55 PM
Fuck that noise. If I lived in America I'd want a nuclear warhead or two. Statistically less people have been killed by nukes than almost any other weapon, including improvised shit like hammers and baseball bats. So there's really no argument for me not having a couple. Just in case. For, like defending my family and property and shit.

ETA: I agree with a ban on multiple yield, tho. Who would possibly need one of those?

I demand creation of a newsletter so I can subscribe.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Suu

Quote from: Elder Iptuous on February 05, 2013, 05:22:35 PM
Quote from: Pixie on February 05, 2013, 05:16:49 PM
i got an upmarket-ish pannini press, with the added bonus of being able to use it like a george foreman grill, plus it will open up to act as an electric griddle. My toasted sandwich maker has been consigned to history, and replaced by a bourgois interloper that won't laugh at me when I don't has the exact right shaped bread, and will let me use it to do horrific things in the form of the full Irish breakfast. I looked at the george foreman grill thing, and it was all plasticky and the action was sadmaking. This thing, however is mostly brushed steel and metal, and looks all deli sammich shop. I went out with  Mum to get new underwears, but there was not a bra in my size to be found.

*sandwichsandwichsancwichsandwichBOOBS*

10/10
:)
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Junkenstein

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 05, 2013, 02:19:40 AM
WOMP busted on account of Windows 8.

So it's reruns:



Wonderful beyond words.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞

Quote from: Queef Erisson on March 08, 2013, 02:17:02 AM
Quiet son, let me show you how it's done
Because you don't want to look down the barrel of a pun
Aimed at you by RWH-un
Cuz that shit ain't no fun
Unless your sort of a word-play one
But that shit makes me groan,
As I've shown, but he'll pun around all up in your TRONE
Where it's all covered up in snow
But if you think that shit's hot like Rigel,
You ain't seen nothing til you've pissed off Nigel
She'll get her Kali on right beside you
You won't know, man, she'll blind side you
Don't call her bro, don't get reckless,
or she might add your skull to her necklace.

Surprised no one beat me to it.

That was awesome Twid.
P E R   A S P E R A   A D   A S T R A

Junkenstein

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 12, 2013, 02:54:11 AM
Quote from: stelz on March 12, 2013, 02:48:46 AM
No...spill!

And  :thanks:

I posted a Chef Diesel troll.  I stated that I was 4'2", 220 pounds, and benched a whopping 60 pounds.  Then I threatened to kick everyone's ass.  Suddenly, everyone was an ex-varsity football player, kickboxer, and weapons expert.  This went on for approximately 80 pages in three hours, with ONE (1) guy interjecting "This guy's probably 6' tall, you dumbasses", and EVERYONE else jockeying to respond to the tiny fat threat.

Every time things would die down, I'd make some comment like:

Short Order Chef (me):  "You bastards are all assholes!  You're as bad as those kids back in school who made fun of my eyes!"

Some guy:  "What the hell is wrong with your eyes?"

SOC:  "SHUT UP!".

Eventually, Superhornet, one of the mods, demanded a pic, so I sent him to Nero_online, which is a browser bomb that opens windows of male homosexual porn at a rate of 90/minute, ramps up your speakers, and bellows out, "HEY EVERYONE!  I'M LOOKING AT GAY PORN!"

I was banned, and unlike most bannings, it was PERMANENT, until the eventual death of Totse and the subsequent abortion that is totse2.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Faust

Quote from: navkat: navkat of...navkat! on April 04, 2013, 12:18:00 AM
Okay, as promised, my long-ass thoughts on the butthurt thing:

People around here get butthurt more than we really need to because we're not following some basic rules...some of them are even our own.

1. It's the fucking internet. People say shit. 5 times out of 7, It's not about you, it's about them. Know why? BECAUSE YOU AREN'T EVEN IN THE FUCKING ROOM. They're not really addressing you, even when they are. They're running at the mouth, haplessly and you are standing (or putting yourself) in the way.

2. Again (and I can't stress this enough) YOU AREN'T IN THE FUCKING ROOM. Nobody can see your facial expressions. Sarcasm, laughter, a good portion of the human experience gets lost. Drowned out in walls of text. So do the recoils and looks of hurt, interruptions, interjections in normal conversation that signal to a person to stop and clarify or change tack. In a normal mano y mano, if someone starts running their mouth, it's easy to stop them and say "Wait a minute. You DO know my mom DIED of Fruit Roll-up addiction, don't you?" Then sensitivity can occur. This doesn't make the person a phoney-baloney, mincing words, it's a necessary part of human exchange when someone is RUNNING OFF AT THE MOUTH. It's a moment for them to pause and really THINK about what they actually mean: you've given them perspective, now they have to factor that into the flow. They have to now reassess their own perspective in less 2-dimensional, overly-simplistic terms and put the brakes on some of the mercilessly one-sided shit that might've rolled out of their mouth otherwise.

In the forum medium, they get to dump their entire, unrebutted opinion onto the page and then YOU, dear reader, have to get pelted with the entire, fucking diatribe, getting hotter and hotter with every one-sided word. Then you let 'em have it. So the original poster is now left with a choice: If they change tack NOW, they look like they're backpeddling. If they don't, they're digging in and screeching. The only winning move becomes not to play (which is what I do).

3. Riding The Correct MILSPEC Humvee. Okay, so you're right. The other guy's opinions are lame. You've got your shit figured out, can point to citations, are pretty sure you're using a good blend of common sense and empathy when formulating your view on the matter and the other guy's being a calloused or uninformed dumbass. Or he's a corpsefucker. Whatever. Okay, so put on your Captain America helmet, climb onto your MOTORCYCLE and zip on through. You're right, other credible people agree with you (or not. But probably so. Who cares?) and you've illuminated an area where the other guy needs to grow up a little bit. This is Easy Rider, man. SO WHY ARE YOU STRAPPING YOURSELF AND YOUR FRIENDS INTO A GIANT, STUFFY, GAS-GUZZLING MONSTROSITY OF RIGHTNESS AND DRIVING ALL OVER THE THREAD FOR SIX MORE PAGES? At some point, it just starts to look like a circle-jerk at some dumbshit's expense before he's had a chance to go back and school himself. Again, fostering screeching or flouncing.

"If ya wanna be a bird, why don't you try a little flyin?"

4. Not letting people off the hook gracefully. Even when someone tries to change tack, self-correct or open another door, people station themselves in front of every exit and screech:
Dude A: "Okay, x, y and z is true but moving onto my other point about a,e,i,o and u..."
PeeDee: "YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT X, Y AND Z, DUMBSHIT!"
Dude: "Okay! I only said that because ___ and ___. Let's just leave "sometimes y" out of it for a minute and..."
PeeDee: "THAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD. X, Y AND Z ARE BACKED BY SCIENTIFIC FACTS, YOU UNINFORMED MONKEY-NOZZLE. YOUR CREDIBILITY IS RUINED FOR THE DAY. POSSIBLY EVEN THE WEEK. THIS WILL HAUNT YOU FOREVER."

5. The Mee Toos. If shit's getting heated, the only reasons to fucking pipe up should be:
a. You are lending a measured and well-balanced validation to someone's argument that they, themselves didn't cover or that you have an alternative way of articulating/presenting for the purpose of helping someone be better informed or gain fair perspective and in the name of benevolence. This can be assertive if need be. Piping in to tell someone "Yes, but that's not what you said." Or pointing out a logical fallacy. Or posting citation.
b. One party is CLEARLY being a douchenozzle and causing genuine harm, distress or making threats--in which case, we all stick together. We do not tolerate stalking, threats, manipulation or downright nastiness against one of our own.
OR
c. You're just ganging up/white knighting/showing allegiance for your favorite(s). If this is the case, stop. Stop. STOP.

Here's the difference: Roger seeing some jerkoff having a difficult time accepting Nigel as a strong, female opponent and telling that guy where to stick is as only a man can call-out another man is Right On. Someone popping in to reiterate all of Roger's points when he's already doing a fine job of nailing someone's balls to a chair is just schadenfreude. You're enjoying yourself. Or masturbating Roger. I don't care which. Stop it. However...

6. NOT stepping in when it's necessary/The Right Thing To Do.
If someone is clearly getting bullied or when someone's unfairly drowning/stumbling...OR because the person who's wrong is "higher ranking" and you don't have the integrity enough to try to bring things into focus, that's just fucked. It should be a welcome part of discourse for someone to say "Hey, dude, you have a lot of clout here but I gotta tell ya, FNG23 has a point. He's floundering about it but here's where he's solid: ..."

7. Exaggerated outrage directed at other members but disguised as righteous conscientiousness.
Really? It bothers you THAT, FUCKING MUCH that some chucklehead called all Hatian sugar-cane farmers a bunch of sketchy marshmallow-fuckers? REALLY? Are you really THAT FUCKING OUTRAGED that someone had the GALL to suggest that school uniforms are in fact, NOT a form of fascist indoctrination, but rather, a way to equalize students in mixed socioeconomic neighborhoods? REALLY? THAT makes them a fascist goat-fucker with no value to the human race? REALLLLLY????? ARE YOU THAT FUCKING STUPID? DID YOUR YOUNGER BROTHERS ALWAYS WIN AT THE WEEKLY ASS-KICKING CONTESTS IN YOUR OBVIOUSLY DYSFUNCTIONAL HOME???? You people make me SICK. YOU ARE THE REASON THE TEABAGGERS ARE WINNING. Go back to your Sarah Lee cream puffs and watch Oprah give away Vespas, sock-defiler.

See where I'm going with this?

8. Willful ignorance/continued feigned misunderstanding.
If someone makes their point, you misunderstand and challenge their point, loudly and obnoxiously and then they clarify the misunderstanding, STOP ATTACKING THEM FOR THE THING YOU MISUNDERSTOOD. Really. This gets like a runaway train in here sometimes. A little necessary disclosure: I'm biased on this point and I'll tell you why and then you can decide whether the point is still credible based on that but it's a fine example to underscore this...

Remember last year when I got into it with some people on here for comments I made about the military?  It was the Anarchism and Welfare thread. I made a point about the dissonance between some of stupid/nasty things people say they want to do or fantasize about doing and what they actually end up wanting to do when finally faced with that choice in reality.  To illustrate my point, I used the metaphor that there exist some people in this country who join the military because they want to (and I quote because I served with some of them) "blow shit up." But the minute someone gives them the keys to the tank, they comprehend the gravity of the situation and the idea of "blowing shit up" loses its charm quick.

Coyote rebutted with the fact that his service in the Army was always intended to be peaceful and anti-militaristic from the start and that he never intended to blow anything up, ever, nor was there ever a chance that he would.

Then I replied with something that was supposed to come out like: "Well, when you joined, if it turned out they didn't have a peaceful billet for you and the Army changed its mind, screwed you over and put a rocket-launcher in your hands, you'd be stuck blowing shit up. And even though that's never what you intended, you'd be stuck doing it and it'd be your own fault too because they told you when they swore you in and you agreed and promised that if the Army ever asked you to kill someone, you would."

What I actually said was:
QuoteTwo points:
1. Of COURSE you didn't join to kill anyone, neither have you said or done anything to indicate that you would enjoy taking lives. Troll account is trollish.

2. That said, the military is inherently violent and you are an adult, of legal age and entered willingly into a contract whose terms imply that you will likely, at some point, be required to take a life to not be in breach of that contract. I did it, you did it, I understand. There a level of disconnect from the following truth: "the purpose of the military is to kill people in a situation wherein my elected officials have determined they will not listen to reason." It's easy to forget when you're in your early 20s and indulging fantasies in your head of decoding intel and jumping out of airplanes but it is nonetheless true and your own fault/responsibility if, after jumping out of airplanes, your orders include putting a slug into the head of a 12 year old child, pointing a gun at you.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I WAS HANOI JANE, CARESSING THE HAND OF A VIET-CONG FLIGHT OFFICER WITH HIS FINGER ON THE BUTTON OF THE BIG ONE, POINTED RIGHT AT THE HAIGHT.

Someone decided I was calling Coyote, Roger, his son, myself and the entire length and breadth of US SVMs and Vets baby-killers. Then I tried to clarify. No dice. I felt genuinely bad and tried to fix it. Over and over, I tried to make my point that he, I, Rog, all of us...we signed a contract with the military. Military inherently means use of militant force. Militant force implies people get killed by weapons. People getting killed by weapons necessarily means someone pulled some triggers somewhere along the way...whether they wanted to or not, triggers got squeezed. We are the ones who agreed to be the squeezers and many of us agreed to that hoping we'd never really have to but knowing deep-down that we might.

It didn't matter. No matter what I said, I was told that CLEARLY, I was calling coyote some nasty shit. It just got worse and worse. Runaway train. I was struck several times with thoughts about that scene in the Shawshank Redemption when Andy says "Don't be obtuse" and the warden was all like "WHAAAT did you call me?!?"

Somewhere along the way, someone in that mess had to have either known what I was really trying to say but chose keep riding that train all the way to Jackson...or simply refused to get to the bottom of it with me because they'd already decided what I meant and where I could shove my Jell-o Pudding Pop that day and they weren't about to let me keep it in the wrapper no matter WHAT the truth was.

I tried to stick it out but it became apparent that I really wasn't offering anyone anything of worth so...exit navkat.

9. Failure to compartmentalize flame-topics to their original thread.
On the surface, this seems to not be a problem but we all do this thing where we discredit or disarm someone's argument based on their statements in a thread where they were caught with their pants down. It follows them in the form of nicknames and dismissals.


10. Inability to apologize/admit wrong.

If you tore them down publicly, you should apologize publicly...or at least apologize privately but make the public effort to make nice without hiding behind some lame "I'm going to be the bigger person here" baloney.

11. We need to let shit roll off our backs.
So, someone waxed your nozzle widdershins instead of deasil. Okay, so? Let them be. It doesn't mean you lost or that they're right, it means you opted not to decorate your cage with their skull.
Sleepless nights at the chateau

tyrannosaurus vex

^ Should qualify for more than POTD ^

we need a "Best Posts of the Information Age" fread
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

EK WAFFLR

Fucking. Brilliant. Thanks, nav!
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Streaker at Fizzy GrizzlyFunny story about that place (Disneyland's It's a Small World ride). Couple weeks ago I was listening to the radio and they started talking about how an old handicap had to stay in the ride for hours because it broke. Everyone else was able to get off, but since he was strapped in and handicapped, he had to wait out the entire thing. He was also claustrophobic and had anxiety since he was old. But the worst part is easily having to listen to that dreadful song for hours. Disney Land, where dreams come true.

Every once in a while, that place has a flash of genius that makes waiting through all the in-jokes and 4Chan bullshit worthwhile.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cainad (dec.)

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 09, 2013, 05:48:24 PM
Communication is, by definition, the exchange of ideas between two or more people.  This isn't exactly a news flash.  However, communication requires that two or more people stay in the conversation.  This is where the concept of anti-communication comes in.

At a given point in many conversations, someone will say something specifically designed to shut down communication, either because they never intended to communicate in the first place, or because their butthurt has grown to the point where it's larger than they are, and they can't communicate past it.

It is important to distinguish, however, something said as an attention-getter.  Attention getters are an old, effective tool in speeches and writing.  For example, starting a paragraph with "I am a complete dumbass" or even "You People are complete dumbasses" grabs peoples' attention right away.

On the other hand, saying in the middle of a post that "You People clearly aren't capable of understanding any of this", in one manner or another, shuts your message down entirely. 

Also, appealing to authority is almost always a way to shut things down.  The reason I stopped posting in Think For Yourself, Schmuck during the BIP days was that any disagreement with the echo chamber mentality resulted in having one or two knuckleheads scream "WAY TO EAT THE MENU" inappropriately.  Likewise, being told that you must accept someone else's bigotry because of your own privilege has the same effect...And in both cases, it weakens the (very valid) concepts that are being misused.

The root of the matter is this:  If your choice of wording or your butthurt has caused your message to fail to reach its intended target - intentionally or otherwise - then you have not engaged in communication, you have indulged in anti-communication.  The failure of the idea to be transmitted and received is your failure, not the failure of those lousy ingrates that should "just listen to the message, not the way it was sent", which is, of course, patently ridiculous.  The burden of communication is on the person trying to send the idea, not the people receiving it.

Okay for Now,
The Good Reverend Doktor.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 09, 2013, 05:58:32 PM
Quote from: Streaker at Fizzy GrizzlyFunny story about that place (Disneyland's It's a Small World ride). Couple weeks ago I was listening to the radio and they started talking about how an old handicap had to stay in the ride for hours because it broke. Everyone else was able to get off, but since he was strapped in and handicapped, he had to wait out the entire thing. He was also claustrophobic and had anxiety since he was old. But the worst part is easily having to listen to that dreadful song for hours. Disney Land, where dreams come true.

Every once in a while, that place has a flash of genius that makes waiting through all the in-jokes and 4Chan bullshit worthwhile.

:lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Junkenstein

Quote from: Alty on April 15, 2013, 02:53:21 AM
I just wrote this and sent to my idiot cousin. His parents seem to be unable to let the stupid bastard fall on his own face. How else will he learn? How do any of us learn?

Quote
Dear O,

I am writing this to you because it seems no one else wants to tell you these things, or you don't want to listen when they do.

I am also writing it because you have a certain admiration of me and so maybe it will sync in.

I have not had any conversations with your mother or father about this, and these are all my opinions.

I am sorry it's no in German, but people will be able to translate it, I'm sure.

Before I say anything else I want to say, you're probably going to get mad at me.

GOOD. You should be mad. You want to be a musician? You want to make ART? You better get mad because you are a richly fed dumbass white boy from the German suburbs. The rap game is some tough shit and you need to get hard fast. Get mad. USE the anger. Or you can cry about all of this like a giant baby. Your choice.


1. Pull you god damned head out of your ass.

You're not special, you're no new or different. The only thing you are bringing to the table is an appetite, you need to bring in some MEAT. You need to earn your own money, or otherwise work toward earning your own money. At this present moment you are not acting like a man in the tinyiest little bit. Not even a little bit.

A man always follows though on his word.
A man takes care of his own needs, so that he can take care of others.
A fully grown man makes sure he can pay his own bills.

You do not pay your bills. Your government GIVES YOU MONEY for NO REASON AT ALL. Do you have any idea how lucky that makes you? Do you think that happens in America? No. Here the children, hundreds and thousands of children STARVE TO DEATH. Are you starving to death? No. But close enough. That Mcdonalds you consume does not build more Oliver, it just builds a cranky asshole.

And believe me, I AM a cranky asshole. All the time. I am grumpy, unfriendly, rude, impatient, and mean. But people still like me and I successful because I take care of myself.

2. You want to be a rapper? Great. Get in line.

There are roughly two hundred million-billion people out there who want to be famous rappers. Or rappers at all. You want that? Prepare to bleed, sweat, and bleed. ART IS PAIN. You have to feel pain to create art, which is something that BELIEVE ME you have not felt. You have never known hunger, you have never wanted for anything.

You mom and dad had the time and money to raise you in such a way that there was not ONE SINGLE DAY where you did not get what you needed, and often from the looks of it, you got whatever you want.

THAT IS NOT HOW LIFE WORKS.

I saw you telling that place you wanted an advertisement for your single.

ARE YOU INSANE? THose people are in BUSINESS. They make money. Why in the fuck should they want anything to do with you? Who the hell do you think you are? WHen it comes to business you are nobody. Nobody. You know nothing about business.

You should be kissing that companies ass, begging them, making them fucking dinner, impressing them like you impress your woman. BETTER than you impress your woman.

If you want to be a rapper you better learn how business works and learn motherfucking FAST.

EVERY SINGLE RAP LEGEND, OF WHOM YOU PROBABLY KNOW LITTLE ABOUT, ARE BUSINESS MEN.

WHAT ARE YOU?

3. You are wasting an opportunity.

You know how many people who want to do art are in the position you're in? Nobody. Ever. You are super lucky. MAKE USE OF IT.

You have a supportive family, who are bascially paying your way, as though you were still a child. You don't really have bills. You have time to do whatever you want.

Make music. Spend 5 hours EVERY SINGLE WEEK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE learning about business. Spend 35 hours a week making music. Learn about rap legends. Learn how music works and what makes it better. As soon as you can PLAY SHOWS.

You are not going to make money on iTunes. Do you understand that will never, ever, ever happen? You are not going to make money on iTunes. You MAY earn a small living if you can play shows and make music into a BUSINESS that will work for you.

4. Finally,

I don't know your, uh, fiancee, but I have never met a woman in my life that liked staying with a guy who didn't have his shit together.

If nothing else I have said has gotten to you, or if you're all butthurt now, PAY ATTENTION:

YOUR WOMAN WILL LEAVE YOU, MANY, MANY WOMEN WILL LEAVE YOU IF YOU DON'T STEP UP, BE A MAN, AND MAKE SHIT HAPPEN FOR YOUR LIFE BY LEARNING HOW.

And here's the real bad news, sometimes they leave you anyway, because that's how the world is.

Sorry to be the one to tell you all this, but it seems like no one else can, or you won't listen to them if they do.

I love you cousin, don't be an asshole.


Love,
Alty

25 Tons of Truth.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.