Been Awhile

[PopeGillies]

Its been awhile since I've sat down and written anything.

I'll be honest, I miss the ability. The fact that I need to be altered to actually see shit really fucks with you you know. Listen to me. I can feel what you've been trained to not feel, that one little gut feeling that you have when you're a child that something is amiss here. Something else exists here that completes the puzzle. What is it? How can I explore it? Is it friendly? Something here is working mysterious forces and I want in. How do I get in?

I've been given (briefly) the ability to feel all that again. Its as if my mind and body are on the edge of the wall between the real world and the world behind the scenes. Something is there. Or maybe its nothing, and when I break the walls open my body will be sucked into oblivion. Either way, I'll know. But for a brief moment while meditating, there was a warmness in my hands. My mind was telling me that I was gently touching my hands to a pool of warm magma. That, was the energy behind it all. A swirling mass of heat, and chaos, and beauty. It was of course, tinged by my perception, because its energy. My perception of the world in that moment was that of love and so what I saw was warm love in one of its rawest, and yet most distilled forms. In that moment, I came closest to dealing with the primordial energy. I was practically there. I could taste it, smell it, and feel it in my hands. IN MY HANDS! I pulled away. Don't you see my point here?

I think its there. That shit that you thought when you were little? That gut feeling that told you something was out there? I think its there!!! I have to believe it after I felt it. How could I not believe at this point. Listen, its there. It is there and it contains love. For some reason. Why it doesn't contain hate, I dont know. It should contain everything theoretically, because hate, and love, are both energies of the same sort, in my view, despite being different. Its like, and electron and a positron. Two fundamental particles of the same sort, but with opposite charges. But with energy, its all love for me, though perhaps below the surface lies the hate, and the greed, and the other emotional and intellectual energies. Perhaps it is a signal to me, that love conquers all.

But anyway, I believe its out there. I believe its out there and its just waiting to be discovered. And to think, I had to be so pathetic as to use outside influences to almost see what only the adept see. Its as if my essence is banging against the walls of my prison, rattling the bars, and disturbing its piece and security. I am so close, and yet so far.

I keep seeing this council of like 6-10 beings in robes (not hooded). Its like 6 people with the rest of the members shrowded in black mist. Man, you know I think that council is of aliens. I dunno, I just keep getting this image of an alien esoteric high council. Probably has to do with the fact that I watched Star Trek before this whole thing started. Whatever, if they are so be it. I hope we get a spaceship at some point as a species that can do interstellar travel to meet them. The point is that there is something there behind everything we see and do, our VERY REALITY, and we have yet to explore it fully (or at least, I do). What can I do with this power I have?

I don't know what I do, and I don't know what you'll do either. But you know what, I can feel Eris's arms around me, and her tongue in my mouth, and her foot hitting my balls with stiletto heals. Hurts like a mothereffer. And I'm feeling myself tonight, and if sober me decides to post it in the morning, well fuck it, it will have meant something.

Break your minds friends. They are the last wall of the Prison. Break your minds like eggs on a chalkboard, AND BE FREE! 

[Vanadium Gryllz]

Love it.

This part in particular:

...Listen to me. I can feel what you've been trained to not feel, that one little gut feeling that you have when you're a child that something is amiss here. Something else exists here that completes the puzzle. What is it? How can I explore it? Is it friendly? Something here is working mysterious forces and I want in. How do I get in?

Really speaks to me. It's been a thought that has regularly crossed my mind in the recent months - is everyone else feeling the same way I do? That nagging feeling of 'why?' deep down inside?

Thanks for sharing

[P3nT4gR4m]

That nagging feeling of 'why?' deep down inside? That's just intellect fucking with you. Forget it - there is no why

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Look, those 6 asshole aliens in robes are NOT your friends.  No.  They are having you on, and you're BUYING IT, because for some reason you want to make out with a toothless old crone who is drenched in blood.  I'm not here to judge mind you, but if she's a hottie, she's NOT Eris and you are probably fucking the toaster.  Boy, won't YOU be surprised when the bath salts wear off!