Now that he's fucked off to Columbia, we can finally speak openly.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

EoC is best described as the mind of Hawking with the personality of Charles Manson and the moral sense of Countess Bathory, all wrapped up in the body of a young, smallish velociraptor.  Although he is actually 6'2" tall, he is very short for his height, and has 20 extra teeth for reasons that he refuses to discuss.  NOTE:  These teeth are not designed for chewing vegetable matter.

EoC attends raves regularly, but does he LOOK like the kind of guy that reacts well to rooms full of methed-up idiots swinging glow sticks?  No.  It's like honking a car horn at a horde of Samoans.  There are never any survivors, and the cops just all feel really awful about it and board the building up and maybe light it on fire.

EoC cannot bend at the waist.  Nobody knows why, but we're all glad about it.  Sort of a "it COULD always be worse, couldn't it?" moment, yes?

Finally, EoC is the only human being who has completely memorized the MTBA subway system, which in itself is and should be terrifying.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

[Ben Shapiro]

LOL

[LMNO]

EVERY WORD OF THAT WAS TRUE

[Richter]

EoC's spirit animal is the Cheshire Cat.  He has a pleasant affect, and smiles, but this in fact indicates hunger.

OH yes, he hungers.  For a steady stream of well hopped beer, mayhem, and places to be "Creative" with cars.  (his weapon of choice when cigars and ar-15's are not available, as he once showed an unfortunate karate tournament)

[Suu]

He leaves his city, and this happens.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=692788540757728

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Word is, EoC was a fairly normal guy once upon a time.  Then one day, as he was walking his corgi/chihuahua mix down the street, the street sweeper went by and just sucked the little bastard up, right through the bristles...Leaving EoC standing there horrified, the frayed remains of the leash dangling from his hand.

On that day, he swore revenge.  You will notice that the streets of New Bedford haven't been cleaned recently¹.  And that's JUST THE BEGINNING.






¹ Reports of the discovery of 6 street sweeper trucks and their drivers being found at the bottom of the Providence River are being investigated.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

EoC is feared among the low men and the tentacle pop crowd of New Bedford.  They feel that he is their just punishment for their varied and seedy sins, and so they write hymns to him, paeans of misery and wretched poverty to appease his wrath.  He is a spiritual leper, and he leaves bits of himself all over town, so to speak.

When he pulled into Fall River this month, you could feel the town shudder, the way a man might shudder when a guinea worm bursts out of his skin like one of those critters from Alien.  Those of us who had already made it to the hall knew he had arrived, before he even got there, because all the roaches started barking...And every clock stopped.  Even the ones in our cell phones.

EoC is from New Bedford, though, and he can't stay in our world for very long.  When he went to take a piss and then failed to return, I found a beer bottle and a pair of shoes in front of the mirror, which was fogged up in the middle and cracked at the edges.  So now I have another phobia...Mirrors.  I am terrified that I will be shaving one day, and I'll suddenly be looking at him, with that insanely toothy grin of his, as he stares right back at me.

[LMNO]

And he'll say, through that lopsided grin,









"For fuck's sake, put on some pants, man."

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And he'll say, through that lopsided grin,









"For fuck's sake, put on some pants, man."

I cannot for the life of me even imagine him saying that.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Bump for the return of the spag.   

[Eater of Clowns]

 

[Eater of Clowns]

I feel as though the readers of this thread are getting an unfair picture of me. The matter of being unable to bend at the waist is simply structural integrity - if that part of me pivoted, I would collapse upon myself and be unable to stand erect. Frankly I don't know how the rest of you manage it, bending as you do.

And as for the mirrors, well you're the strange ones, looking at yourselves in them and having someone else look back at you? That's purely terrifying. No, no thank you, one of me is enough. Of course I need to disappear through the mirrors every now and then. It would be rude of me to leave the other yous standing about wondering where I've gone. I say to you what I say to them:  I'll try to make it quick. That much is easy, what with all the time inconsistencies.

Finally, I see there is some kind of fuss made of my teeth. I grin a lot, and I do it because I have to. My eyes are just a decorative distraction, you understand.

I need my teeth to see.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

EoC's knees bend the other way. Like a flamingo. Only he's not all pink and humorous and kitschy. NOT AT ALL.