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Feeling Up the 21st Century, part 1 of ?

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, March 31, 2016, 06:12:23 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

March 31, 2016, 06:12:23 PM Last Edit: March 31, 2016, 10:09:51 PM by The Good Reverend Roger
5:45 AM, Thursday, 3/31/16

Danny and I waited just outside of the security area in the airport terminal, as the plane our new guest had arrived in finally offloaded.  There had been trouble at the gate, when an obese man had collapsed in the aisle of the plane; but that had been dealt with, and we could watch through the monitors as people moved toward the luggage carousels.

"Hold up the sign, he'll be here in a minute."

Danny held up a sign.  It had an arrow pointing at me that read, "I'm with bigfoot."  I elbowed him, and he flipped the sign over so that it said "Dieter ____".  He made that sort of giggle-snort laughter that is common among the hillbilly Irish.  I sighed.   I am not a morning person and I feel that it is unreasonable to be exposed to this sort of thing before the sun is up.

"There he is," Danny said, pointing at the monitor, "Looks like the nervous type."  We both grinned, as we watched the German astronomer more or less twitch his way down the hallway.  He was a clean-cut guy in his 20s, wearing fashionable clothing.  He probably dated women who liked Italian classical music.  He looked absolutely fatigued and miserable.  I loved him already.

He reached the bottom of the stairs and looked around.  Seeing us, he smiled and walked over.  "I am Dieter."

I shook his hand and said, "I'm Roger, I run the facilities on the mountain.  Our normal driver is ill, so I came to get you.  This is Danny.  He's housebroken."  Danny gave another giggle-snort, and I watched, fascinated, as some of the smile ran off of Dieter's face.  "Anyway, assuming your luggage made it through customs in San Francisco, it will be over on carousel four."

By a minor miracle, his luggage arrived less than 10 minutes later.  He began to pack his passport and visa paperwork.

"I wouldn't do that until we're on the mountain," I said, "You will probably need it."

"But why?  I have cleared customs, yes?"

"You are also less than 30 miles from the border.  Just trust me on this."

Ten minutes later, we're in the car.  Tucson Boulevard to Valencia, Valencia all the way West to Ajo Road.  Less than five miles down Ajo, we hit a Border Patrol roadblock.  As I braked, Dieter asked, "Why are there soldiers on the highway?"

"Those aren't soldiers, Dieter, they are federal police.  That's what our police look like.  Get your passport and visa out."

There were a half-dozen cars ahead of us, so we settled in to wait.  A moment later, three windowless Wackenhutt busses went roaring by, past the checkpoint, without even slowing down.

"Why did those busses just drive through," he asked, "Why have they no windows?"

Danny did his giggle-snort thing.  "Your grandfather would know."

"Oh?  OH."  I watched as poor Dieter's hair more or less stood on end.

"Of course, the people in those busses aren't going to be gassed," I said.

"So far as you know," Danny replied.  Giggle-snort.

"Why are they on those busses?"

"For having the wrong values.  Because they could not explain.  Their paperwork was not in order," I said, "They could not remain between the lines."

Dieter was staring directly ahead as we pulled up to the checkpoint.  A fat guy swaggered up to the car wearing a ridiculous Batman belt full of various handcuffs, pepper sprays, spare magazines, etc.  "You boys all American citizens?"

"Nope," I said, and gestured to Dieter, "This guy is a foreign national."

"Can you tell him to pass me his papers?"

I grabbed Dieter's passport and handed it over to the fat guy, who looked at it.  "You guys from the observatory?"  It is worth noting that our truck has a foot wide symbol of the observatory on each front door.

The fat guy looked bored.  Here he had a real life foreigner, but he couldn't do anything because the foreigner had his papers in order.  He looked very much like he wanted to have us pull over for a "spot search", when his supervisor snarled something at him and he waved us through.

A mile down the road, Dieter looked at me.  "How did this happen?"

"Oh, same way it happened in your country Eighty years ago or so.  I mean, the means are a little different – corporations instead of government, for example – but the general idea is the same."

"Why don't you stop it?"

"Same reason your grandparents didn't.  It's too big.  In Germany's case, the party and the pageantry were too big, and the problems seemed unsolvable, even if they weren't real.  Here, the country is too big, and the brownshirts sort of blend in all over the place instead of holding torch-lit parades.  You can't hit them, because you can't see them, and even if you could, you'd wear your arm out before finishing the first Podunk town you started in."

"Hey, we're in The Nation," Danny said, looking at a mile marker, "so you're safe.  Um, safer."

"The Nation?"  Dieter looked confused.

"The Tribal Nation.  The semi-autonomous Native American entity upon whose land we have built the observatory."

"And we are safe from your strange fucking police here?"

"Sorta.  Almost."

"Where ARE we safe?"

"On the mountain, really.  There are so many jurisdictions involved that nobody wants to sort it out, so nobody comes up.  Also, it's pure up on the mountain."

"Oh, here he goes..."  Danny said.

"Shut up, Danny.  Up on the mountain it is pure and clean and we do not listen to politicians.  We do Science and the braying of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are to us as yapping dogs.  They are the things that fall out of our asses when we eat gas station sushi.  We are like Werner Von Braun, but we don't have to join The Party to get what we want.  We merely point at the Gordian knot of treaties and leases that hold the mountain together, and hope that Alexander doesn't come along anytime soon."

I turned onto the access road from the mountain.  A dozen domes could be seen at this distance.  Dieter perked up a bit.

"See?  Better already."

We drove up the mountain, into the light of day. 

to be continued, I am reasonable sure.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Junkenstein

#1
March 31, 2016, 06:53:55 PM
Looking forward to more. I doubt Dieter enjoyed the trip up the mountain after you noted some points of interest.

Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Eater of Clowns

#2
March 31, 2016, 06:59:15 PM
I think if I saw a border patrol road block I'd be just as weirded out as Dieter. We keep our affairs a bit quieter around here.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
March 31, 2016, 07:05:11 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on March 31, 2016, 06:59:15 PM
I think if I saw a border patrol road block I'd be just as weirded out as Dieter. We keep our affairs a bit quieter around here.

Also, people in America are immersed in it.  They don't see this kinda crap unless they have somewhere they can go where they don't see it.

We have to yell at cops to get them to come up here.   It's interesting.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
March 31, 2016, 07:06:29 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on March 31, 2016, 06:53:55 PM
Looking forward to more. I doubt Dieter enjoyed the trip up the mountain after you noted some points of interest.

He's fine now that he's up here.  We got some food in him and packed him off to the dorms.  He has mentioned that he has no interest in leaving the mountain until it's time to go home.  Obviously, this can't be allowed.  He has to see SOME stuff while he's here.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Q. G. Pennyworth

#5
March 31, 2016, 11:29:10 PM
Beware of Discordians with STUFF to show you...

The Good Reverend Roger

#6
April 01, 2016, 01:37:46 AM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on March 31, 2016, 11:29:10 PM
Beware of Discordians with STUFF to show you...

:lulz:

The domes, not so much.  Dieter is very much INSIDE THE DOME.  He just was never prepared for American OUTSIDE the dome.  He had heard that such things existed, but that sort of thing isn't really REAL until some fat guy in a truss demands your papers.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cain

#7
April 01, 2016, 02:26:10 PM
The thing is, I suspect Dieter, like many Europeans, has travelled all over Europe (and, being a German, he has no doubt put his towel on every available seat near the pool by 6am).

And when you travel in Europe, as an EU citizen, it's like you don't even see much in the way of border controls.  You can, for example, literally walk from Geneva Airport into France, and the worst that will happen is some French police officers will be pissy (but then, pissy is their natural state).  Going into Italy, you'll see maybe two people at passport control, one person at customs, and that's it.  Same for Holland.  And Germany.

Sure, there are police milling around, but outside of usual security precautions (ie; credible imminent threats) and certain Eastern European jurisdictions, they'll have, at most, a pistol.  And there aren't exactly a whole of of them either, most of the the time.  Again, when there are, it's usually because something has justified it, and it's noticeable because of how unusual it is (like the extra security precautions when I came back to the UK in December).  You flash your passport, and you're through.  You don't even have to speak to someone.

America sounds to me more like Peru.  Lots of police, lots of paramilitary, lots of different agencies and private security/mercenaries roaming about.  Normal police officers carry a couple of pistols, and a submachine gun, and what looked suspiciously like grenades (this is actually Peru, with the grenades. I don't think American police, tank fetish aside, are that far gone).  The actual army guys looked like they had walked off the set of a Warhammer 40K movie.  "Papers, please", the please often unspoken, seems to be the order of the day.

Junkenstein

#8
April 01, 2016, 03:18:40 PM
QuoteI don't think American police, tank fetish aside, are that far gone

Perhaps not yet, but give them time and I'm sure they can catch up. To ease the transition I suggest we start referring to militias in the US as Juntas. It just helps get the tone right and saves a lot of expensive re-branding later.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

trippinprincezz13

#9
April 01, 2016, 05:02:48 PM
Just chiming in to say I like it already  :)
There's no sun shine coming through her ass, if you are sure of your penis.

Paranoia is a disease unto itself, and may I add, the person standing next to you, may not be who they appear to be, so take precaution.

If there is no order in your sexual life it may be difficult to stay with a whole skin.

LMNO

#10
April 01, 2016, 05:34:48 PM
I missed your writing, Roger.

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
April 01, 2016, 05:53:58 PM
Quote from: LMNO on April 01, 2016, 05:34:48 PM
I missed your writing, Roger.

Well, I had to get my head straight over a thing or two.  That's done.

I'll continue this when and if we can do more horrible shit to or around Dieter.  I'm thinking we may grab him off the mountain this weekend.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#12
April 01, 2016, 06:12:45 PM
Don't bother taking a German to the MeatRack.  Take him to Lindy's on 4 and make him take the Burger Challenge for the pure American ExperienceTM.

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
April 01, 2016, 06:49:13 PM
Quote from: LMNO on April 01, 2016, 06:12:45 PM
Don't bother taking a German to the MeatRack.  Take him to Lindy's on 4 and make him take the Burger Challenge for the pure American ExperienceTM.

Well, almost.  Monkeyburger then roller derby.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#14
April 01, 2016, 07:00:13 PM
Word.
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