OPEN BAR: NO CISNORMATIVE ELVEN PATRIARCHS ALLOWED

[Faust]

Hehe, The only party that sounds vaguely promising there is the SNP, if only for the entertainment factor.

[Cain]

Yeah, that's pretty much how I see it.  Between them, Labour and the SNP probably have the least offensive set of policies, but Labour's leadership is pretty questionable.  The SNP will also bring the spectacle of Angry Nationalist Scots to London's political scene, which definitely has entertainment potential.

[Demolition Squid]

I'm probably going to vote UKIP because I have a personal vendetta against the tory candidate in my area and no other party has a chance in this tiny village. UKIP have pledged to scrap HS2, though, and that's getting them significant traction. This may mean that Amersham & Little Chalfont unilaterally decide to secede in order to escape Europe and immediately declare war on Bongo Bongo Land, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.

I'm hoping for a Labour/SNP government overall, though. Mostly because I think the red top newspapers will literally burst into flames of incontinent hatred, and Ed Milliband's eyes may pop out of his skull if he becomes Prime Minister.

I don't see any actually good options so we may as well go for spectacle. People having to take Milliband seriously after so long being outright bullied in the press would be glorious. Hell, he might hit the nuclear button out of sheer spite. That'll solve the cost of living crisis once and for all.

[Sung Low]

Posture.

I'm going to modify my habits so that I don't sit like a useless meatsack on the sofa every goddamn evening...

I've got a GRIN and a LAUGH, for fucksake.

I hereby resolve to Go Out and Utilise these assets of mine.

[Cain]

I'm probably going to vote UKIP because I have a personal vendetta against the tory candidate in my area and no other party has a chance in this tiny village. UKIP have pledged to scrap HS2, though, and that's getting them significant traction. This may mean that Amersham & Little Chalfont unilaterally decide to secede in order to escape Europe and immediately declare war on Bongo Bongo Land, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.

I'm hoping for a Labour/SNP government overall, though. Mostly because I think the red top newspapers will literally burst into flames of incontinent hatred, and Ed Milliband's eyes may pop out of his skull if he becomes Prime Minister.

I don't see any actually good options so we may as well go for spectacle. People having to take Milliband seriously after so long being outright bullied in the press would be glorious. Hell, he might hit the nuclear button out of sheer spite. That'll solve the cost of living crisis once and for all.

As I'm in Islington, there isn't even a point in voting.  It's Labour, deal's done, I've already gotten over it.

I'm personally looking forward to the 5 or so days after the election, as the parties attempt to negotiate terms and deals.  I'm absolutely certain the Lib Dems intend to throw away whatever little respectability they have left in some desperate bid to become anyone's coalition partner.  That'll be good for a laugh.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

The guy in the black truck honked at me again the other day. I was waiting at the bus stop with the kids and I swear he looked right at me as he drove by and fucking honked. After I chewed his ass out last fall for being a shitty fucking person and stormed off.

Today the mayor had his monthly public outreach thing, and for once I heard about it ahead of time. I went in and talked with him about it and he took the situation really seriously (the honker works at the charter school, which ramps the inappropes up a lot). He passed it on to the chief of police (with my permission) who called later in the afternoon and also took the whole thing seriously and wanted to assure me that this was indeed not okay and I'm not being a sensitive such and such. I now have both of their personal cell #s, which is a victory in and of itself.

And then I ran the fuck outta spoons and have spent the last two and a half hours completely paralyzed by all the can't evens and on the brink of tears at literally nothing. Can't win 'em all.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The guy in the black truck honked at me again the other day. I was waiting at the bus stop with the kids and I swear he looked right at me as he drove by and fucking honked. After I chewed his ass out last fall for being a shitty fucking person and stormed off.

Today the mayor had his monthly public outreach thing, and for once I heard about it ahead of time. I went in and talked with him about it and he took the situation really seriously (the honker works at the charter school, which ramps the inappropes up a lot). He passed it on to the chief of police (with my permission) who called later in the afternoon and also took the whole thing seriously and wanted to assure me that this was indeed not okay and I'm not being a sensitive such and such. I now have both of their personal cell #s, which is a victory in and of itself.

And then I ran the fuck outta spoons and have spent the last two and a half hours completely paralyzed by all the can't evens and on the brink of tears at literally nothing. Can't win 'em all.

The guy's a dick and I hope he experiences some consequences.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

JESUS FUCKING FUCK MY HOUSEMATE HAS A DRUNK FRIEND OVER AND SHE'S USING THE ONLY BATHROOM IN THE HOUSE AS HER PERSONAL PHONE BOOTH.

I have lab training tomorrow and I was just about to brush my teeth so I could go to bed.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Plus I can hear everything she says because my office is right next to the bathroom. FFS.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Plus I can hear everything she says because my office is right next to the bathroom. FFS.

Anything blackmailable?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Plus I can hear everything she says because my office is right next to the bathroom. FFS.

Anything blackmailable?

Sadly, no.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

From Cracked today:

when he beheld in his mind that image, Eris, goddess of discord, was able to enter this world through it. Her arrival plunged his brain into madness, and this next paragraph is an extended anagram for her chaotic prophecies.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

From Cracked today:

when he beheld in his mind that image, Eris, goddess of discord, was able to enter this world through it. Her arrival plunged his brain into madness, and this next paragraph is an extended anagram for her chaotic prophecies.

The Eris meme is spreading fast, but IMO most people who pick up on it still completely misinterpret the concept into a small selfish arena.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

My oldest biological offspring is seriously irritating the fuck out of  me right now. For one thing, it's bragging on the internet about all the foods it won't eat. Like that's some kind of virtue other than being spoiled as fuck. For another thing, it keeps talking to other internet things as if it's a member of an oppressed minority. I might be able to swallow this shit if it in any way recognized me as a human being who struggles, but it basically sees me as some kind of horrifying oppressor because I expect it to go to school and do its own laundry. This despite the fact that I actually grew up poor and abused and colored, and this little lily-white lazy motherfucking asshole has been sheltered as fuck and taken care of its whole life.

And it sips its Dr. Pepper and complains about how boring some video game is even as I type this.

You know, seriously, I question whether I should even have reproduced. This level of sheer entitlement came out of my womb. This stupid little fuck has never been hungry, has never really been hurt, and thinks the whole world owes it something.

[LMNO]

Congrats, it's human.