Nothing will make them happy....

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Nothing will make them happy.

You know who they are.  There is one or sometimes a few in every type of group you can possibly conceive.  And because of them, there will never be a simple solution to anything.  Why?  Because there is always someone or some group which has to bitch just for the sake of bitching.  Those who will find one point out of thousands to nitpick until the whole project gets the shitcan because the arguing has cost more than the actual results would have.  And these people are everywhere.  You all know one or two personally.  You've all wanted to smack the shit out of them on more than on occasion

They say they want to be treated like everyone else.  They don't.  It's a lie.  They only say that so they look like they are trying to be cooperative.  They say that equality is essential.  They just don't mention that it isn't essential for everyone.  They say they are group players, team players and so on.  LIE, LIE, LIE!!

So now we come to the issue of, how the hell do you deal with people like this?  I have found a way that has been working for quite a while now.  You repeat back to them what they say and make sure you add "Just to clarify" or something along those lines.  For example, you present to the PTA a fundraising idea that could bring in a lot of money.  Requires no effort on the school's part.  Just the selling of a few raffle tickets...  Of course Mrs. Fuckerupper in the front row raises the first objection. 

"I don't think this will work, we've never done anything like this before. "

Your response would be....  "Let me clarify Mrs. Fuckerupper, because we've never done this before you don't think this will work, and as a result of that thinking we should just shit can the whole raffle and not try and see how much we can raise.  Knowing that other schools in the district have raised $$$ amount?"

See what I mean?

My grandpa used to say "Some people would bitch if they were hung with a new rope"  It took me years to realize they still should be hung, no matter what kind of rope was used.

[Doktor Howl]

Yeah, this strikes a chord.

People bitch, so you give them what they want.  Then they either bitch that there isn't enough, or it isn't good enough, or they simply blow past it to bitch some more.  You can't win, really, and one day you realize it isn't actually the only game in town.

There's no use trying to keep people happy, when they're determined to be upset.  Everyone gets like that sometimes, but occasionally, everyone gets like that at the same time.  The only solutions then are to leave or stop caring about whatever the hell it is they think they want, and/or the fact that they thing they want it.

You can't fix monkeys.  I used to think you could, then I learned that they're built with Read Only Memory. 

Problem is, these days, most of the humans I know have chosen to act like monkeys.  I don't understand why, and frankly I'm tired of thinking about it.  I think I'll go listen to talk radio, or something, and relieve myself of the burden of being a biped.

When in Rome, kill me.

Dok

[LMNO]

It was only when I was subjected to the Typical Office Environment that I discovered in practice all the things I had only read about human behavior.

Such as: Most humans are resistant to new ideas.

Such as: Most humans will prefer petty squabbling for small personal gain than co-operation for large group benefit.

Such as: Most humans are incredibly concerned about non-critical behaviors, if those behaviour may result in FUN™.

[East Coast Hustle]

My grandpa used to say "Some people would bitch if they were hung with a new rope"  It took me years to realize they still should be hung, no matter what kind of rope was used.

fuckyeah! Loved the whole rant but using this for the closing line really made it shine.

[Jenne]

My father says that line, and I've begun using it too.  (BTW, ECH, I visited my dad in prison last month, and told him the bottom line to all the b.s. happening in my personal life is "Life's hard, get a helmet" and he laughed and said it was great and was going to use that from now on).

Great rant, Khara!  (ETA:  PTA seems to BREED those who are in the "we've never done this before" camp, which national PTA is trying somewhat to change, noting that their demographics are not representing those who need their help the most.  Ever since I came to powe--ahem took on this latest PTA presidency, I've been changing shit enough to leave behind a better, newer product, while preserving the stuff that is utterly necessary to function and keep our noses clean so our insurance doesn't lapse.   The Mrs.Fuckeruppers have been told to kiss my arsehole many a time in the last 2 years...)

[BadBeast]

If nothing will make them happy, then we should all try and make sure they get nothing. Making people happy can be a good thing, especially when it costs us fuck all.
I'm quite happy to give someone nothing if it means it makes them happy. (Not just anyone though, some people's happiness should be worth something more than this)
Nothing would make me happier than to . . . . . . . hang on, I lost my train of thought, . . . . nothing's happening, and I already feel happier, so, erm, . . .  thanks for nothing!