ITT: Best Posts of the Day

[hooplala]

I think I've found a way to express what I've been trying to say.

If you want to know how the universe works, ask a physicist, not a priest.

If you want to know how the economy works, ask a crack dealer, not an economist.

If you want to know how people work, ask the guy who takes care of the monkeys at the zoo, not a psychologist.

[LMNO]

If you use gold to gild an article, the article can be described as being "Gilt".  Gilding Gilt is, indeed just a thin layer of Gold,  So Gilt Gold is the same as Gilded Gilt.  Neither are Gilled.
And no, the phrase "the guild of gilled gilt gild gold?" is not proper.  "Gild" is being used here as a verb, the wrong tense is being used, it should be  "gilded".  And you can't gild gold, that would be "Engoldening", and frankly, pointless. 

[Suu]

Many claims are made about the ferocity of curries eaten, but in the main they are difficult to substantiate. The hottest verifyable curry eaten was a XXXHot Chicken Murg Thaal with extra chilies consumed by Mr Colin Cuntbubble, (GB) at the Bengal Tiger Restaurant, Shoreditch, London, on 23rd December 1986. The curry was reportedly so hot that between kitchen and table it burst into flames, singing the waiter's eyebrows. Nevertheless, Mr Cuntbubble cleared his plate in 26 minutes flat, then ate an extra Nan-bread to "flesh it out" as he put it.

The following Lunchtime. Mr Cuntbubble also made the record books for
the largest and most catastrophic flatulence based self evisceration . 
In the car park of the Dog and Duck, on the morning of 24th December 1986, suffering from terrible Delhi belly, Mr Cuntbubble carefully attempted to rattle one out whilst bending over to pick up his car keys, but much to the horror of his poor Wife, Vaginika Cuntbubble, (And the the amusement of the rest of the Dog and Duck's Shove Ha'penny" team|)the unexpected peristaltic ferocity of his fart, forced his entire alimentary tract, out of his arse, entangling it almost inextricably with a rotary washing line and a Postman's bicycle. 

Attending firemen had to hose down his smoking tripes for almost three hours with Stella Artois, before Paramedics, equipped with breathing apparatus could begin the process of pushing them back up, using the soapy end of a 1978 Vauxhall Viva gearstick.

"I knew almost straight away that I had miscalculated" said Mr Cuntbubble recovering in his Hospital bed on Christmas Day,
   "But I thought I'd get away with a cludgy shart, maybe a finger of fudge at the very worst." He said. 
"I was horrified when all 28 feet of both intestines, came flaring out of my jacksy, like a Clown's Hanky!"
"Ripped the arse right out of my best jeans too!"

Mr Saheed Kalabindustanadid owner of the Bengal Tiger Restaurant was unavailable for comment, but had an enigmatic, self satisfied smile all across his face, that lasted until New Years eve.

[Cramulus]

My google-fu is great, and I tracked down my origional source in some LiveJournal Discordspag group I started:

.....alfedenzo wrote.....

I've managed to find a version via the Way Back machine: Only use the Eschatron 9000 if you're really, really serious about destroying the world.

This is how the world will end: not with a bang, but with fire, wind, water, meat, cute girls shooting lasers from her eyes, nukes, horses, and the FSM.

[Telarus]

  sweet

[LMNO]

One day they will find me standing atop a pile of shattered electronics, corpses, and office furniture.  Blood and feces, sweat and tears replacing the pale blue walls and worn tile.  Bits of people will fill the spaces where the grout has come loose over the years.  I'll be atop that mountain, calmly, deeply breathing, sensing their presence.

Ambulances will have gone unheeded for the 12 minutes since "the incident" began.  Their drivers' voices falling on the dead silence of the space, its television now a part of that gruesome throne.  And after the shouting, after the yelling and the vomiting and the fear.  After the shrieking and the horror they will ask me. They will ask me why I fucking did it.

And I will tell them, "Some motherfucker keeps paperclipping the manilla folders closed."

And I will be at peace.

[hooplala]

You know when you're having sex with a girl doggystyle, and you pull out too far, and then when you slam it back home your aim is off and the tip jams into her un-lubed asshole, and she screams and clamps down, and your dick bends almost in half, bruising your urethra, ruining the next three weeks of your life?



That's called, "Doing a Cramulus".

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

 

[LMNO]

So yeah, seeing more people get involved - even if it's in a superficial way for now, re-tweeting the latest false rumour - is moving in the right direction.

No, it isn't.  That isn't "getting involved", that's called "fucking off".

The Egypt thing didn't happen all because of Twitter and Facebook.  That stuff would've been meaningless, without the human fuel, the motivation, behind it.  Twitter and Facebook were fine for setting up times and spreading information, but the actual fuel for that motivation was that the Egyptians said enough was enough and it was time to get OUT OF THE HOUSE and onto the street.

If our youth come away with the message that they can be part of a revolution without leaving their basement, then we're hopelessly screwed for at least the next generation or two.   

Roger and 3 other people like this comment.

[Cramulus]

Fucking...  Ugh.  I hope I die on a January.

I was hoping to die while fu... Um... Nevermind.

I keep hearing women say that. But do they ever think of how the guy would feel?

...

The answer is that he would feel like Zeus.  He would tell people at bars, a glint of pride in his eyes.

"SO I'm banging this nymph.  Well, actually it was three nymphs.  Not to brag or anything, it jsut kind of worked out that one time.  ANYWAYS, this one nymph, she's going at it like a freaking dirty milkmaid, and accidentally keels over and dies on top of me, this idiot smile on her face.  I've heard this happens to nymphs.  Somethign about the wrong diet and too much tiem spent as a tree, hardens the arteries if they don't take care of themselves, really terrible.  Buy yeah man, she freakin' dies right there on top of me.

I'm kind of like 'Oh fuck.'.  she died happy and all, but it's totally going to spoil the mood.  Then I remember I'm a GOD, right?  Zeus here for crying out loud.  I got this shit.  So I turn her into pure dark chocolate. 

Her friends are a little spooked, but then they get into this.  One starts nibbling on her ear, the other goes downtown, so to speak, so I'm jsut like:  'Wait!  Where's the cream filling??!'

Off the hook I tell yeah, good times."

[Subtract Eight!]

today: http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?board=2.0

BAMWAM

[Chairman Risus]

Yeah, but this guy on this other forum says the complete opposite, so I get to choose to go with his theory.

Some guy on that other forum is trying to get you run over by a train.

[Luna]

"I dare say, I can shake it like a polaroid picture."  - Ricther

[Placid Dingo]

The U.S. Army Wednesday notified Pfc. Bradley Manning, a prime suspect in the WikiLeaks case, that he now faces 22 more charges in connection with allegedly downloading secret information from computers in Iraq.

The most serious new charge alleges that he aided the enemy by making this information public. That charge is punishable by death. A news release from the Army said the prosecution team "has notified the defense that the prosecution will not recommend the death penalty," but technically it is up to the commander overseeing the case to make the final decision about the death penalty.
http://www.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/03/02/wikileaks.suspect/index.html?hpt=T2

This guy will never be free for the rest of his life.

So it turns out that leaking diplomatic cables in fact did put some soldier's life in danger.

[Placid Dingo]

I think you both have your heads up your arses.

Palin couldn't be that much worse, and she'd be a hell of a lot funnier.

Obama's jokes were funnier when the other guy did them.

The good thing about you electing the Smiler is that at least now it's crystal clear you get fucked both ways.

If McCain had won, a fuckload of semi intelligent people, and I suspect quite a few of our own would have still believed "we wouldn't be in as big of a mess if Obama had won".

Crushing those beliefs might just have been worth 4 years of slightly lower quality jokes.