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Drinks with Jesus, part II of V

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, January 17, 2012, 03:48:14 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

January 17, 2012, 03:48:14 PM
A couple of days later, I was sitting in the Hotel Congress again.  Waiting for Jesus, I had a couple of bourbons, and was bullshitting with the bartender.  He found nothing odd about Jesus drinking in a bar, as he said that Jesus seemed like an earthy type, at least in the 4 gospels...And he was a good tipper, so he was allowed to break the normal rule about politics & religion.

I turned to my right, and Jesus was sitting right there.  I must have jumped a foot.

"Sorry about that", he said, "I keep forgetting."

"No problem.  I was thinking about what you said last time, and I gotta ask ya...Why even bother with humans, when you already had angels?  I mean, we couldn't even leave one apple tree alone."

Jesus nodded as the bartender handed him a glass of water, which immediately turned to red wine. 

"Yeah, that's exactly why we made you.  Angels have no free will.  They do just what they're told, and nothing else.  Well, except for that one time, but that was all part of the plan.  We needed him to tempt you guys, so you'd get off your ass and start developing.  You see, angels only understand 'Thou Shall Not', and humans...Well, humans are capable of 'I Will Not'."

"I'm not sure I follow you."

"Well, look at it this way...Angels HAVE to do good.  Humans may CHOOSE to do good, and doing good by choice is preferable to doing good because that's what you're programmed to do.  I mean, you could program a computer to say "I love you", but would that mean as much as having your wife say it?  Of course not.  Your wife loves you because she wants to love you, not because there's a line of code telling her she does."

"Ah, got it.  So, the whole Garden of Eden thing was a set up?"

"Well, obviously.  The whole war in heaven thing was orchestrated to allow that situation to develop, so that you would learn that you had a choice between right and wrong.  Otherwise, you'd just be angels without wings.  I mean, given what I've told you, Lucifer had to be programmed to rebel, right?"

"Oh, sure.  Makes sense.  But why?  Why go to all this trouble in the first place?"

"We were lonely.  It's really that simple.  In the beginning, you have The Word.  'I Am'.  Then you have the natural second thought, 'I Am, but nobody else Is.  And what I Am is lonely and bored.'  So here you are."

"So, what do you think about these politicians and other jackasses dragging your name around, and saying that you hate these people and those people because they're Gay or Muslim or Liberal or whatever?"

"Let's save that one for next time.  I have some folks I want you to meet."

"Okay, I said, rising to leave", but I have one more question.

"Shoot."

"What about Judas Iscariot?  From where I stand, it looks like was a fall guy.  You know, got a raw deal."

"Oh, no", Jesus laughed, "He was in on the gag from the very beginning.  What, do you think we're monsters or something?  Now go home & get some sleep."

To be continued.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Freeky

#1
January 17, 2012, 04:37:49 PM
Oooh, I liked this.  You do non-horrormirth very well.

Which isn't to say that I don't like the horrormirth, this is just new, and I like it.

Phox

#2
January 17, 2012, 04:40:14 PM
DAMNIT! I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS!

I am particularly fond of this series, Roger. The appropriation of an often misrepresented religious figure and actually explaining things correctly from his point of view is a grand idea, I must say. I think you have more accurately captured the spirit and message of Iesu Khristos in two installments than well over 99% of Christian authorities have in ~1700 years of extrapolation.

Dysfunctional Cunt

#3
January 17, 2012, 04:42:26 PM
I like this jesus so much better!!!

This is really good.  As has been said, you do non horrormirth as well if not better than horrormirth.

I can't wait to see the next installments.

LMNO

#4
January 17, 2012, 05:14:55 PM
It's sounding more and more like Roger has access to some obscure Gnostic texts.


Which is to say, I fucking love it.

Don Coyote

#5
January 17, 2012, 05:23:18 PM
Roger, have you read the Gospel of Judas?

Nephew Twiddleton

#6
January 17, 2012, 05:57:04 PM
Diggin it.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Luna

#7
January 17, 2012, 06:04:17 PM
Funny, how someone who went to school to be trained to condition me to like this guy couldn't program me, even as an impressionable kid, to want to get to know him, but in a couple short bits, you make me want to meet him for a couple beers.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
January 17, 2012, 06:25:40 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 17, 2012, 05:23:18 PM
Roger, have you read the Gospel of Judas?

No.  I want to, though.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
January 17, 2012, 06:28:39 PM
Quote from: Luna on January 17, 2012, 06:04:17 PM
Funny, how someone who went to school to be trained to condition me to like this guy couldn't program me, even as an impressionable kid, to want to get to know him, but in a couple short bits, you make me want to meet him for a couple beers.

This is how I've always viewed Jesus.  Considering what MML&J say, minus Paul of Tarsus's crap, Jesus was the kind of guy everyone wanted to have a beer with.

I am assuming, despite all "evidence" to the contrary, that God is benevolent.  If he is, then there has to be some kind of motive for doing what's been done, and the way things are.  Most of the bad stuff, we did ourselves.  The rest of the bad stuff might not seem so bad if you get the other side of the story.

This just gave me a great idea for part III. 
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Dysfunctional Cunt

#10
January 17, 2012, 06:32:01 PM
Oh I think they bastardized the books of the bible into something that would make people live in fear.  They left books out to keep from having to answer those pesky questions people come up with.

I have always maintained that god nor jesus was as hung up on sex and who was sleeping with who as much as christians seem to think they are.

I agree Roger, I think Jesus is the kind of guy many of us would have a beer with.  I've always pictured him dressed rather like Johnny Cash, all in black, just for the shits and giggles.

Juana

#11
January 17, 2012, 06:37:46 PM
This one made me smile a bit. I like it a lot, and look forward to the rest.
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Dysfunctional Cunt

#13
January 17, 2012, 06:49:44 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 17, 2012, 06:40:49 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 17, 2012, 06:25:40 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 17, 2012, 05:23:18 PM
Roger, have you read the Gospel of Judas?

No.  I want to, though.

http://www.nationalgeographic.com/lostgospel/_pdf/GospelofJudas.pdf

Funny how when the Covenant of Nicaea translated the other books of the bible they didn't mention any missing lines or anything.   :lulz:

Don Coyote

#14
January 17, 2012, 06:57:39 PM
Quote from: Khara on January 17, 2012, 06:49:44 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 17, 2012, 06:40:49 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 17, 2012, 06:25:40 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 17, 2012, 05:23:18 PM
Roger, have you read the Gospel of Judas?

No.  I want to, though.

http://www.nationalgeographic.com/lostgospel/_pdf/GospelofJudas.pdf

Funny how when the Covenant of Nicaea translated the other books of the bible they didn't mention any missing lines or anything.   :lulz:

The story with the Gospel of Judas is that there is only one known scroll, and it spent a lot of time poorly stored in various antiquities dealers. It was recovered relatively recently. I want to say in the 70s, so the Covenant of Nicaea wouldn't have anything to do with this. It is also likely that the other books were much better maintained.

From Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_judas
QuoteToday the manuscript is in over a thousand pieces, with many sections missing due to poor handling and storage. Some passages are only scattered words; others contain many lines. According to Rodolphe Kasser, the codex originally contained 31 pages, with writing on both sides; however, when it came to the market in 1999, only 13 pages remained. It is speculated that individual pages had been removed and sold.
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