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I woke up this morning...

Started by Nephew Twiddleton, June 13, 2013, 06:23:25 AM

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Nephew Twiddleton

...someone was knocking at my door.

I woke... up this morning....

...someone was knocking at my door...

...and I said...

..."Hello, sweet Satan...

...I believe it's time to go..."

I'm used to complaining about the weather. I'm a Masshole. The weather always sucks, even when it's nice. Well, when it's nice, it is actually nice, but we know that it is fleeting, and we hate it on principle. But damn, did I wake up to an unpleasant surprise.

I did what I normally do every morning. Hit the snooze every five minutes for about two hours, because for the life of me, it's just never enough sleep. My room looked the same, mess of cups, clothes, and writings that have nothing to do with each other strewn about. I look for the clothes that are hung up on hooks or draped on chairs and try to find a decent ensemble to impress no one, since everyone has known me since July of 2000, when I was a longhair who only wore Iron Maiden tees and ripped jeans, and have seen me slowly evolve into that guy who shaves his head out of necessity and wears button down longsleeves over a tastefully matching and slightly showing undershirt with no band logo. Usually. at any rate, my pants are largely intact.

Took my shower, skipped breakfast, probably skipped brushing my teeth, I can't remember. I fucked around on the internet for maybe a bit too long, said, "Alright, on with it" and located my keys and left my home.

It's pretty damn hot today. And dry. Been this way all week. All month even. Might have to talk to LMNO about the freak weather we're having. When was the last time I saw that spag anyway? Really hot and dry for June. Feels like goddamn Arrakis out here.

The layout of Somerville is all weird, and I can't find the Orange Line. It's less than a kilometer away. I walk these streets every day, where the hell is the train station? Why is the Sun such an asshole right now?

The street signs are all wrong. Not that I really paid attention to them before, but I know this should be Broadway. Or should it be Washington? Which turn did I take? I turn a corner and I see a straight black road surrounded by sand, and a bald man shouting "YEAH FUCK YOU, I HAVE GUN TOO!!!!"

Then he comes to a screeching halt, as the other guy speeds off.

"What are you doing out in the middle of the desert, kid?"
"I woke up this morning, and...."
"Say no more. Get in. Here's a bottle of water."

Mom always told me never to talk to strangers, but, damned if I didn't want that water right now.

"Where you from?"
"Somerville. Well, originally Boston."
"Boston, huh? Great city. Would live there if I could, but we're here now. And, well, that's that."
"What do you mean?"
"You just woke up this morning. Worst morning you'll ever have, until tomorrow comes."
"I... still don't follow."
"You ever heard of Sheol? Hades? Purgatory? It's kinda like that, but this ain't the Kingdom of Israel, and it ain't ancient Greece, and unlike Purgatory, no amount of rosaries are going to bail you out. I'm sorry to tell you, but you're dead kid, and you're stuck here."
"Well, where the fuck are we then?"
"Tucson."

Doktor Howl, with passenger in tow, sped off, playing chicken with the other drivers that didn't realize that they were already dead.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

Musical inspiration at the beginning:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7S3L-UHgvA

which, for anyone who knows Robert Johnson, was clearly inspired by "Me and the Devil Blues"
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

Also, this is what I had in mind when CPD said she woke up in Tucson in Open Bar, and I said I was going to run with it. Needed to feel it first though.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

You're on a roll tonight! Great piece.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 13, 2013, 06:42:03 AM
You're on a roll tonight! Great piece.

Fucking hell Nigel, I'm FEELING it tonight, and it FEELS awesome and horrible and hilarious all at the same fucking time.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: El Twid on June 13, 2013, 06:45:06 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 13, 2013, 06:42:03 AM
You're on a roll tonight! Great piece.

Fucking hell Nigel, I'm FEELING it tonight, and it FEELS awesome and horrible and hilarious all at the same fucking time.

AH YES

A nasty case of THE HOLIES™.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

It seems to be going around this week.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Don Coyote


Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: Doooooon Coyooooooootaaaaaay on June 13, 2013, 07:01:05 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 13, 2013, 06:57:54 AM
It seems to be going around this week.
End of the quarter?

Well, for me, the beginning of the AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!! that I thought I had a temporary reprieve from.

:lulz:
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 13, 2013, 06:57:29 AM
Quote from: El Twid on June 13, 2013, 06:45:06 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 13, 2013, 06:42:03 AM
You're on a roll tonight! Great piece.

Fucking hell Nigel, I'm FEELING it tonight, and it FEELS awesome and horrible and hilarious all at the same fucking time.

AH YES

A nasty case of THE HOLIES™.

I think this is the first time I've had a proper case of that.

Horrible. Beautiful.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

My Relax-O-Matic 5000 is borked.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

This is awesome, Twid. Wow. Gives me the shivers, it does.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.