Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Bring and Brag => Topic started by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 07, 2008, 03:17:09 AM

Title: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 07, 2008, 03:17:09 AM
How about that story where the girl is in love with the guy, and has been for a long time, and he's basically her best friend except that they sleep together? Also it gets more complicated, but there's no real reason to go into that. It's complicated in the way everyone's lives are complicated, with divorces and kids and friends who don't know and damaged hearts and things that haven't been worked through yet and drinking problems and money problems and communication problems.

But in that story, which you already know because we all already know it, the girl is in love with the boy. The boy loves the girl but he isn't IN LOVE with her, for whatever reason, maybe because it's the wrong time or he's not over his ex or she's not the right girl. It doesn't matter. He's not cruel. He doesn't want anything to change because he likes it the way it is, the closeness and the friendship and even sometimes the sex. She likes it too. The sad part is that she likes it in a way that makes her feel like the only right and natural thing would be if he looked at her the way he used to look at his ex, which is also the way the girl looks at him. He avoids her eyes sometimes. The sad part is that she can feel in her little red fluttery meat heart how right it would be if they ate together, paid the mortgage together, slept together every night, were THAT THING for each other.

The sad part is that she knows she should cut it short, should walk away from the eyes that don't look at her that way and the hands that don't touch her that way, but she won't, because she loves him and she hopes that someday he will love her too, that way.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: saturnine on October 07, 2008, 08:27:50 AM
Love makes us do stupid things to ourselves.

Nigel, is this fic or nonfic?
Title: Re: That story
Post by: The Dark Monk on October 07, 2008, 11:04:44 AM
The sad part was used 3 times. Reminds me of the emo poems in highschool.
In either case of fic or non fic, since the girl OR the guy didn't say what they truly wanted the relationship to be, they're to blame.
It would basically go down like this:
Girl: I want more!
Guy: I don't. This is it. This is all I want, if it changes, we can't do it anymore. (argh, I thought she understood)
Girl option A: Fuck you I thought we had something (sad emotion here)
Girl option B: I know it will never be more. I'll appreciate what I have until I move on. (Yet another sad emotion and lack of a sense of fulfillment)
Life goes on. People move on. Sore heart, heals, gets a small callous. Next relationship ensues.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Triple Zero on October 07, 2008, 11:13:27 AM
well Nigel, as a big fan of Hugh Grant (except in Notting Hill which sucked balls) and expert on Romantic Comedies In General,

the girl will pull through and THE BOY WILL FUCKING WAKE UP ONE DAY AND REALIZE WHAT HE HAS ALMOST THROWN AWAY AND WHAT IT REALLY MEANS TO HIM IF IT WAS GONE FROM HIS LIFE AND THEN REALIZE THAT WHAT HE HAS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT HE MIGHT HAVE and everybody will live happily ever after.

or in a Reality Situation I've been in, the boy will own up some responsibility and decide it's really really not fair to do it this way, and it was really not very cool no matter how clear i've been about my intentions, but in the end i turned away completely instead and now she's happy with another boy (still is, i think) (and the fact that the girl was starting to act pretty creepy-like in the end helped a lot as well--thank you crazy girl i still wish you all the best)

oh and remember my LIFE SLOGAN (and i heard from LMNO it's his LIFE SLOGAN as well):

      Things have the tendency to turn out allright.

                  (it's really true)
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Abramelin on October 07, 2008, 02:43:31 PM
hmmm  :|

Nice written, Nigel.

I know the a very similiar story from my enviroment.

I'm wavering between the meaning of TheScarletReaper  and the one of 000...
The optimist inside me agrees to 000, but another voice in me remembers me that the similiar story I know now is going on for years, so TheScarletReaper is right maybe.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Voodoo on October 07, 2008, 03:27:06 PM
You know the part where the boy "wakes up" and sees what could be, what should be, and asks girl to marry him.  Of course, she says yes and the next year is a blur of wedding planning, wedding and newlyweddedness.

What follows is a montage of finishing school, getting jobs, buying house and car, all set to "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves. 

Then one day when he comes home from work, "Guess what, I'm pregnant!"  Happiness and a pregnancy montage all set to [insert baby montage cliche song here].  Baby is born and is beautiful. 

All is well, credits roll.  Happily ever after.

A couple years later, girl notices that boy's eyes that don't look at her that way anymore and the hands that don't touch her that way anymore.  In fact she can't remember when the last time was they did.  She feels like she deserves better--there are guys she knows that DO look at her that way.  Boy has always known he didn't really feel that way, but he never really could walk away because he loves her (just not like that) and he hopes that is good enough. 
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Triple Zero on October 07, 2008, 03:39:51 PM
but i WANT the optimist side to be right! because girl DESERVES it.

but but but but but but maybe Voodoo is right ...
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Darth Cupcake on October 07, 2008, 03:49:56 PM
Nigel, this story really resonates with me. It sounds like my last serious relationship, which I don't think I'll ever be really fully over. I have no great wisdom.

My consolation was always the part where the girl uses all these feelings she has to be really creative--to write, to paint, to try to find other beautiful things in the world that she can enjoy and love as well, maybe going to museums, or learning photography, or learning to sew. It's not everything, but it's a start.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Roo on October 07, 2008, 04:14:42 PM
The story doesn't have to end with her pining away, waiting for him to wake up. She might realize that all of what she has with him is not even close to how much she really wants in her life. She could decide that she actually deserves to be loved. To give, and receive in return. But the girl will have to discover on her own just how much she's worth. She needs to see her own value, and treat herself with the love she is giving away so freely.

Or not.

She could just pine away and waste years of her life waiting for him to love her.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 07, 2008, 07:28:23 PM
It's basically just an emo blog post.

He's my best friend and also now my full-time studio manager, and I'm being good and not pursuing him because if I don't wake up in his bed three mornings a week I will probably start to be able to move on.

However, moving on for me is also an acceptance of being alone for a good long while, because for me, finding someone compatible is a rare proposition. But who knows, maybe someday.

000, I would love if the story ended your way... but in all honesty most likely what will happen will be that I'll stop sleeping with him and he'll get insecure and pursue me for a while, but eventually it will just taper off and we'll just be friends and I will eventually fall for someone else. Maybe.

Voodoo, your story might have been a possibility 15 years ago but at this point we have two houses and five kids between us, both of us have been married and don't want to get married again, we don't want MORE kids, and school is nowhere on the horizon.

For backstory, we met via a casual encounters ad a little over a year ago and have been fucking ever since. His wife had moved out and he was falling apart and is now putting himself back together, and my husband left me a couple of months ago so I am still in the falling-apart process. It is a terrible time to begin a new relationship, but this relationship isn't new. We weren't really SUPPOSED to get close in the beginning, that wasn't the idea, but we've become ridiculously close and our lives sort of revolve around each other so it's hard as hell to extricate. He even refers to us as "we" when he's talking about MY kids' school events and birthday parties.

He knows I'm in love with him (I told him in June, I think) but he really doesn't think it's a good time to redefine our relationship. And he's right. Also he's not in love with me. So that's that.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 07, 2008, 07:36:27 PM
Quote from: TheScarletReaper on October 07, 2008, 11:04:44 AM
The sad part was used 3 times. Reminds me of the emo poems in highschool.
In either case of fic or non fic, since the girl OR the guy didn't say what they truly wanted the relationship to be, they're to blame.
It would basically go down like this:
Girl: I want more!
Guy: I don't. This is it. This is all I want, if it changes, we can't do it anymore. (argh, I thought she understood)
Girl option A: Fuck you I thought we had something (sad emotion here)
Girl option B: I know it will never be more. I'll appreciate what I have until I move on. (Yet another sad emotion and lack of a sense of fulfillment)
Life goes on. People move on. Sore heart, heals, gets a small callous. Next relationship ensues.


Pardon me for using repetition as a writing device, which I can assure you dates to before your time in high school. I will resist my temptation to call you terrible cruel names, and instead point out that there is no reason to be condescending. I have had my heart broken a few times and the reason I'm being all "emo" (cute how you kids use that word for everything nowadays!) about it is because I do not very much enjoy the experience. I am currently also trying to process the end of a six-year marriage, so it's all a bit overwhelming.

In conclusion, choke on a donkey cock and die. :) Thanx!
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 07, 2008, 07:43:41 PM
Quote from: saturnine on October 07, 2008, 08:27:50 AM
Love makes us do stupid things to ourselves.

Best post in this thread.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: LMNO on October 07, 2008, 07:47:27 PM
Nigel, if you don't want the possibility someone will mock your poetry...



I don't think I have to finish that.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 07, 2008, 07:53:09 PM
Quote from: LMNO on October 07, 2008, 07:47:27 PM
Nigel, if you don't want the possibility someone will mock your poetry...



I don't think I have to finish that.

That's a given. It is also a given that if I don't like the way it's done I will eat their soul.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Abramelin on October 07, 2008, 08:20:26 PM
does someone have a solution?  :lol: :?

Quote from: triple zero on October 07, 2008, 03:39:51 PM
but i WANT the optimist side to be right! because girl DESERVES it.

but but but but but but maybe Voodoo is right ...

I agree.
Question is whats better: Voodoos way and maybe have at least for a while a good time, or better to step apart after checking that the meaning of the boy is really the one the girl thinks?
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 07, 2008, 08:52:36 PM
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on October 07, 2008, 03:49:56 PM
Nigel, this story really resonates with me. It sounds like my last serious relationship, which I don't think I'll ever be really fully over. I have no great wisdom.

My consolation was always the part where the girl uses all these feelings she has to be really creative--to write, to paint, to try to find other beautiful things in the world that she can enjoy and love as well, maybe going to museums, or learning photography, or learning to sew. It's not everything, but it's a start.

Yeah, that's kind of what I'm trying to do with it. Also drinking too much, which is something I need to knock off.

As for never really getting over it... sadly, that's true. I've gotten over most of my past relationships, but there were a couple of loves that left really deep scars when we split and I really don't expect I ever will get completely over them, after eight and sixteen years respectively. The way I feel about Boots is of similar intensity and I kind of suspect that it is the last time I will feel this strongly for anyone... not to be a drama queen, but I don't think I want to put myself in this position again, I don't usually feel this intensely about lovers, and finding someone who meets my rather unique requirements is kind of a challenge to begin with.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Voodoo on October 07, 2008, 08:59:49 PM
I was actually being autobiographical in my response, but I think y'all probably got that.

Quote from: Nigel on October 07, 2008, 07:43:41 PM
Quote from: saturnine on October 07, 2008, 08:27:50 AM
Love makes us do stupid things to ourselves.

Best post in this thread.

Love is a feeling, and most often that feeling is misery.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Darth Cupcake on October 07, 2008, 09:36:26 PM
Quote from: Nigel on October 07, 2008, 08:52:36 PM
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on October 07, 2008, 03:49:56 PM
Nigel, this story really resonates with me. It sounds like my last serious relationship, which I don't think I'll ever be really fully over. I have no great wisdom.

My consolation was always the part where the girl uses all these feelings she has to be really creative--to write, to paint, to try to find other beautiful things in the world that she can enjoy and love as well, maybe going to museums, or learning photography, or learning to sew. It's not everything, but it's a start.

Yeah, that's kind of what I'm trying to do with it. Also drinking too much, which is something I need to knock off.

As for never really getting over it... sadly, that's true. I've gotten over most of my past relationships, but there were a couple of loves that left really deep scars when we split and I really don't expect I ever will get completely over them, after eight and sixteen years respectively. The way I feel about Boots is of similar intensity and I kind of suspect that it is the last time I will feel this strongly for anyone... not to be a drama queen, but I don't think I want to put myself in this position again, I don't usually feel this intensely about lovers, and finding someone who meets my rather unique requirements is kind of a challenge to begin with.

I salute you for having made it to a third. Seriously. After just one, admittedly only just shy of two years ago, I still don't want to ever give it a go again. I don't like that possibility.

I'm afraid I have no wisdom. I wish Eve and I lived near you, cause we'd totally take you out for a fun night on the town! :D
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 07, 2008, 10:04:35 PM
Quote from: Rev. Voodoo on October 07, 2008, 08:59:49 PM
I was actually being autobiographical in my response, but I think y'all probably got that.

I suspected as much.  :x

Quote
Love is a feeling, and most often that feeling is misery.


:tgrr:
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 07, 2008, 10:09:43 PM
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on October 07, 2008, 09:36:26 PM

I salute you for having made it to a third. Seriously. After just one, admittedly only just shy of two years ago, I still don't want to ever give it a go again. I don't like that possibility.

I'm afraid I have no wisdom. I wish Eve and I lived near you, cause we'd totally take you out for a fun night on the town! :D

That would rule!

The main reason I made it to a third is that it totally snuck up on me. He started out as just a drunk midnight booty call, and then we started staying up all night talking, and then one thing led to another, and now... he fulfills every possible function of a boyfriend. Fuck, when he came in earlier today he came up behind me, put his hand on my hip, and nuzzled my cheek. He just took my car to go to the bank and buy me dog food and toilet paper. I would speculate that he wants us to get through this whole "divorce" scenario before exploring feelings of romance, but that would drive me insane. Insaner.

Also, I will think I'm doing OK when he's not around (where by "OK" I mean drunk and crying), but all he has to do is stand sort of near me and I am uncontrollably turned on. It's stupid.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: saturnine on October 08, 2008, 05:59:46 AM
Quote from: Nigel on October 07, 2008, 07:43:41 PM
Quote from: saturnine on October 07, 2008, 08:27:50 AM
Love makes us do stupid things to ourselves.
Best post in this thread.

Nigel, thank you for the compliment.

Suu had wonderful things to say about you as we hung out this weekend, and so all your posts sort of had mental highlighter on them for me as I started posting on the board. I checked out your website, too, and most of the time I had no clue what I was looking at, but somehow I still liked it :) So many happy people having wacky fun. And that underground graffiti excursion -- damn! What's the story behind that? (Love your avatar, BTW.)

Anyway, I asked about fic vs. nonfic because I kind of had a gut feeling right off the bat that this was a true story. I didn't want to speak before I knew whether I was dealing with Real Actual Meat Heart Feelings  :D

What you wrote really rang true for me, too. I just broke up with my girlfriend of one year -- not a long relationship, comparatively, I know, but she was my longest and most serious (and hands-down best) relationship ever. And we're negotiating the weird waters of transitioning from non-normative lovers to non-normative friends who aren't sexual but still sleep together. (I'm typing this on a laptop in her bed now. She's reading Weetzie Bat next to me.) And I read what you wrote, and I was like, "holy shit -- that is just a hop, skip, and a jump away from where I am in my life right now."

Nigel, it's super-clear that you have a rich inner life and a really profound knowledge of self, otherwise you wouldn't have such a clear understanding of your own desires, role, and responsibility in this situation. (And fresh off of a divorce, too -- that's so shitty! Know that I'm sending good vibes your way.)

I think you are wise to start by weaning yourself off of sex with Mr. Studio Manager. Sex will just keep chemicals in your bloodstream and habits in your skin that make your rational self go all wonky when he walks in the room. And it sounds like you're keying into the notion that it's your rational self that's going to have to plan, plot, and guide this change. That's totally true. But it's so fucking painful to transition over to your rational mind when your heart is aching and needy. I have tons of compassion for that. You should, too.

I think it was probably a big step for you to realize these things and commit them to paper (ahem, cursor). Bigger still to slap them up here for (shit-)talk. The cat's out of the bag now  :oops:

My advice? Continue to give yourself time and space to process in this way, and slowly piece together a vision of a life for yourself that involves treating yourself with dignity, and finding a lover who deserves you and understands you. I don't want to hear you post any more bullshit about how your quirky needs and/or identity doohickeys limit the available pool of blah blah blah. In a different light, those same characteristics are parts of a larger blueprint pointing towards your ideal mate. You're experiencing one of those "must-have" characteristics right now! You need someone who will love you when the chips are down. Mr. Studio Manager, sex beast and gentleman that he is, is not at that place in his life right now. His fault or not, you need a mate who IS at that point, and will continue to be.

I say: get a new booty call who stays just a booty call to take good care of your sexual self, and at the same time keep on the path you started with this post: pooling your rational energies. (And the fantastic thing is this: if you let them, they will continue pooling and coming to your aid, because they're trying to nourish you, defend you, and heal you. There's a part of you that fuckin' knows better, and that's where this good energy is coming from.)

Hugs,
Dan
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Honey on October 08, 2008, 11:36:07 AM
Hi there Nigel,

As always & in all ways, I enjoy reading what you write!   :)   It made me think of something someone once said to me.

Love has to be lived for its own sake.

I've been learning it (or trying to, anyway) & living it (or trying to, anyway) my whole life.  Is more like remembering it & not forgetting it?
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Darth Cupcake on October 08, 2008, 02:36:05 PM
Saturnine:

That was a great friggin' response. :mittens:
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 08, 2008, 08:45:25 PM
Saturnine, thanks for such a long, awesome, thoughtful post! And thanks Suu, for saying nice things about me! :D

Right now I'm trying to figure out whether what's really going on meshes with what I'm perceiving, because I think I may be transferring some of my feelings of insecurity, rejection and heartbreak that realistically lie with my husband onto Boots. It's also confusing and difficult because I think I may simply be pushing too hard, perhaps unconsciously trying to fill the intimate void left by my husband, and if I slow down, back up, and breathe deeply, and let things go at their own pace without pushing it may either turn into what I'm wanting all on its own, or things may fizzle and become less intense... either way, I win, and I get to keep my friend. I did spend the night with him last night, just cuddling and sleeping, and it's amazing how "home" he feels to me. Maybe I just need to enjoy the status quo for a while, and see what happens in a few months.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Bebek Sincap Ratatosk on October 08, 2008, 08:51:37 PM
Quote from: Nigel on October 08, 2008, 08:45:25 PM
Saturnine, thanks for such a long, awesome, thoughtful post! And thanks Suu, for saying nice things about me! :D

Right now I'm trying to figure out whether what's really going on meshes with what I'm perceiving, because I think I may be transferring some of my feelings of insecurity, rejection and heartbreak that realistically lie with my husband onto Boots. It's also confusing and difficult because I think I may simply be pushing too hard, perhaps unconsciously trying to fill the intimate void left by my husband, and if I slow down, back up, and breathe deeply, and let things go at their own pace without pushing it may either turn into what I'm wanting all on its own, or things may fizzle and become less intense... either way, I win, and I get to keep my friend. I did spend the night with him last night, just cuddling and sleeping, and it's amazing how "home" he feels to me. Maybe I just need to enjoy the status quo for a while, and see what happens in a few months.

Its always refreshing to see a woman that isn't entirely insane, this whole thread is full of nigelwin. ;-)
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 08, 2008, 08:57:42 PM
 :lulz: Well, I'm trying...
Title: Re: That story
Post by: saturnine on October 08, 2008, 09:06:13 PM
Quote from: Nigel on October 08, 2008, 08:45:25 PM
Saturnine, thanks for such a long, awesome, thoughtful post! And thanks Suu, for saying nice things about me! :D

:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:

Quote from: Nigel on October 08, 2008, 08:45:25 PM
Right now I'm trying to figure out whether what's really going on meshes with what I'm perceiving, because I think I may be transferring some of my feelings of insecurity, rejection and heartbreak that realistically lie with my husband onto Boots.

BING! I totally bet you are. You're in the midst of dealing with a serious emotional loss -- a death, really -- and your needs for safety, security, understanding, physical affection, etc. far trumped the need to carefully arrange a working long-term relationship.

In that sense, your current relationship with Mr. Studio Manager may actually be a healthy thing for you, not in the sense that it's a sustainable, long-term-workable relationship, but in the sense that it offers an in-between step, a place to pause on the landing for a minute and catch your breath instead of falling straight out of a divorce and hitting the concrete.

Quote from: Nigel on October 08, 2008, 08:45:25 PM
It's also confusing and difficult because I think I may simply be pushing too hard, perhaps unconsciously trying to fill the intimate void left by my husband, and if I slow down, back up, and breathe deeply, and let things go at their own pace without pushing it may either turn into what I'm wanting all on its own, or things may fizzle and become less intense... either way, I win, and I get to keep my friend. I did spend the night with him last night, just cuddling and sleeping, and it's amazing how "home" he feels to me. Maybe I just need to enjoy the status quo for a while, and see what happens in a few months.

It also sounds like Mr. Studio Manager is a good "home" to be in while you get other aspects of your post-divorce life together. I think if you begin to shift your mentality from "this dude is the one" to "this relationship is exactly where I need to be right now," then the here and now will be a little more comfortable, and the horizon will have a little more room for you to build plans on.

:D :mrgreen: :D :mrgreen: THIS WHOLE THREAD IS FULL OF NIGELWIN! :D :mrgreen: :D :mrgreen:
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Triple Zero on October 09, 2008, 12:32:12 AM
Quote from: Nigel on October 07, 2008, 07:28:23 PM
000, I would love if the story ended your way... but in all honesty most likely what will happen will be that I'll stop sleeping with him and he'll get insecure and pursue me for a while, but eventually it will just taper off and we'll just be friends and I will eventually fall for someone else. Maybe.

yes but i wanted to make you feel better ... :)
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 09, 2008, 07:42:41 PM
Incidentally we've spent the last couple of nights together, and we talked a bit, and I feel much less freaked-out.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 01, 2008, 05:45:26 AM
Drunk bump of regret.
Title: Re: That story
Post by: Suu on November 01, 2008, 01:39:46 PM
*hugs Nigel lots*