Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Discordian Recipes => Topic started by: Sir Bearington on July 24, 2012, 09:41:44 PM

Title: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Sir Bearington on July 24, 2012, 09:41:44 PM
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-O5a2SGAbssI/TlkVjA43V-I/AAAAAAAAAEM/cZt6wpv_op4/s1600/scared_person.jpg)

With all the zombie flesh eating cannibalism going around, i wonder what human flesh actually tastes like, i believe that if cooked and prepared properly it is a very tender and succulent meal although the skin is thin and may contain a lot of blood.

My estimations are that it would be best roasted until it is well done and the blood drained. And may taste slightly like pork mixed with chicken.

What would you say?
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Faust on July 24, 2012, 10:07:25 PM
I would say between the average diet of the western world and the quality of meat in general it would be very unhealthy to eat at best if not completely rancid to the taste.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Sir Bearington on July 24, 2012, 10:26:28 PM
Quote from: Faust on July 24, 2012, 10:07:25 PM
I would say between the average diet of the western world and the quality of meat in general it would be very unhealthy to eat at best if not completely rancid to the taste.

Maybe you are simply not adventurous enough or appear to be eating the human penis

Im sure a arm lashed with BBQ sauce and grilled would taste delicious.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Freeky on July 24, 2012, 10:29:54 PM
The meat of humans are also unhealthy to eat because it's full of diseases and viruses that humans are susceptible to.  This is an especially big concern if the meat you are eating came from a person that lives in a different area you do, where they have different viruses than where you live. 

Also, eating brains causes brain flukes.  Feeding ground up bits up unusable cow bits (like the brains) is what caused mad cow disease.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Freeky on July 24, 2012, 10:30:36 PM
I have heard that burning people smells exactly like pork, so that's probably what it tastes like.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Freeky on July 24, 2012, 10:31:59 PM
Check out the thread in this subforum called Taboo Soup, btw.  You're late to the party on this one.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Sir Bearington on July 24, 2012, 10:34:10 PM
Quote from: The Freeky of SCIENCE! on July 24, 2012, 10:31:59 PM
Check out the thread in this subforum called Taboo Soup, btw.  You're late to the party on this one.

I was thinking more "human hogroast"

Im sure i could disinfect quite a lot of the meat by properly cooking and taking precautions, also i could discard the organs and eat the safer parts of the body like the fingers and the toes.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Vaud on July 24, 2012, 10:35:24 PM
Quote from: Trollbear on July 24, 2012, 10:26:28 PM
Maybe you are simply not adventurous enough or appear to be eating the human penis
:kingmeh:
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Freeky on July 24, 2012, 10:36:57 PM
Ugh, no no no.  Fingers and toes?  Are you stupid or something?  Those are the parts where there'd be the least amount of meat, and it would be the stringiest and toughest.  Go for an outer thigh (inner, at least on most women I know, would be too fatty).  They look juicy and tender even when they're still moving around.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Faust on July 24, 2012, 10:40:59 PM
Quote from: Trollbear on July 24, 2012, 10:26:28 PM
Quote from: Faust on July 24, 2012, 10:07:25 PM
I would say between the average diet of the western world and the quality of meat in general it would be very unhealthy to eat at best if not completely rancid to the taste.

Maybe you are simply not adventurous enough or appear to be eating the human penis

Im sure a arm lashed with BBQ sauce and grilled would taste delicious.
most shit meat tastes better with bbq sauce, that is kind of the the point of bbq sauce, to hide flavour.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: EK WAFFLR on July 24, 2012, 10:42:55 PM
The cannibals on the Marquesas Islands in Polynesia called it Long Pig.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Vaud on July 25, 2012, 02:20:43 AM
 :lulz:
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on July 25, 2012, 03:00:49 AM
Slice asscheeks against the grain, pound them tender, cut into strips, soak in milk for 30 minutes, season, coat with flour and deep fry quickly in very hot oil. Drain on paper towels.
Voila - ass fingers.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 25, 2012, 06:30:30 AM
Either a lean ham, smoked and cured, or a fatty young butt roast, braised in whiskey sauce for four to six hours until fork-tender, served with beer gravy.

Most Americans are pretty sedentary, so you'd want to be taking advantage of cooking methods which maximize the advantages of a fatty cut. Cured belly, fried crisp and served with spicy rice and collard greens.

Look for diabetics for a unique, delicate, sweet-flavored meat. Withhold insulin for a couple of days prior to butchering for the best results.

If you want to roast a whole person, a charcoal pit roast is best, and make sure you use a very young one, no more than ten or eleven at most. Leave the skin on and open him or her from anus to jawbone so they can be wired flat to a grating that you will lower into the pit before covering; this will ensure the most even cooking. A lot of the fat will drain off, but a great deal will saturate the meat, making it one of the most tender, flavorful roasts you've ever had.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Freeky on July 25, 2012, 06:38:43 AM
Oh!  I got one.  I always do this with my long pork hams.

Preheat oven to 350F (that's 25 kilos in metric).  Trim the thicker parts of the skin off, but leave the fat and thinner sections of skin.  Coat liberally with paprika, seasoned meat tenderizer, onion and garlic powders, freshly ground black pepper, and attach slices of pineapple to the meat with toothpicks.  Don't use colored ones, they'll stain the meat weirdly.  Put some sort of liquid in the bottom so the excess seasonings won't burn and mess everything up.

Cook.  For a ten pound ham, eight hours is slightly too long I think.  Consume with delight.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 25, 2012, 06:56:46 AM
Shoulder slow-cooked with green chili is also fantastic. Serve with warm corn tortillas and sour cream.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on July 25, 2012, 09:18:45 AM
Cheaper cuts from older people tend to be tough, but proper pot roasting will tenderize anything.
If you're looking for a traditional pot roast recipe, try this 5-star, no-fail version. Cuts of long pig that perform well for pot roasting go by many different names: Blade roast, cross-rib roast (or shoulder clod), seven-bone pot roast, arm pot roast, and boneless butt roast are all acceptable cuts. This recipe will make grandma young and juicy again!

Ingredients
1 teaspoon olive oil
1 (3-pound) boneless butt roast, trimmed
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 cups coarsely chopped onion
1 cup dry red wine
4 thyme sprigs
3 garlic cloves, chopped
1 (14-ounce) can fat-free, less-sodium long pig broth
1 bay leaf
4 large carrots, peeled and cut diagonally into 1-inch pieces
2 pounds Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and cut into 2-inch pieces
Fresh thyme leaves (optional)

Preparation
Preheat oven to 350º.
Heat olive oil in a large Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Sprinkle butt roast with salt and pepper. Add roast to pan; cook 5 minutes, turning to brown on all sides. Remove roast from pan. Add onion to pan; sauté 8 minutes or until tender.
Return browned roast to pan. Add the red wine, thyme sprigs, chopped garlic, beef broth, and bay leaf to pan; bring to a simmer. Cover pan and bake at 350° for 1 1/2 hours or until the roast is almost tender.
Add carrots and potatoes to pan. Cover and bake an additional 1 hour or until vegetables are tender. Remove thyme sprigs and bay leaf from pan; discard. Shred meat with 2 forks. Serve roast with vegetable mixture and cooking liquid. Garnish with thyme leaves, if desired.

Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Sir Bearington on July 25, 2012, 09:58:32 AM
You are making me hungry now.

Infact when i think about what you look like i seem to only envisage you as a great big juicy ham.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: The Dark Monk on August 04, 2012, 12:02:10 AM
Cannibal Cracklin's sound delicious.

I want to eat a human that eats humans for that extra bold human flavor.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on August 04, 2012, 05:33:04 AM
Quote from: The Dark Monk on August 04, 2012, 12:02:10 AM
Cannibal Cracklin's sound delicious.

I want to eat a human that eats humans for that extra bold human flavor.

CRACKLIN BREAD

2 tablespoons bacon grease from a fat kid
1 cups stone-ground cornmeal (white or yellow)
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup fresh corn kernels, cut from the cob with milk from the cob (optional)
2 large eggs, beaten
1 cup buttermilk
1 cup cracklins from a fat young man or 5 slices bacon from a lady with a big ass, cooked and crumbled
Butter, for garnish

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Combine cornmeal, flour, baking powder, and salt in a mixing bowl. Add remaining ingredients and stir until well blended. Pour into a greased cast iron skillet and bake for 25 to 30 minutes. Cut into wedges and serve warm with fresh butter.
Mmmmm-MMMMMMM! So long, Mr. Cracklin Bread! So long, neighbors!
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Forsooth on August 04, 2012, 08:45:40 PM
Can long pig be used to make decent jerky?  Does the jerky taste better if the source of meat was an unkind being?

Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: BabylonHoruv on August 04, 2012, 09:33:32 PM
Quote from: Forsooth on August 04, 2012, 08:45:40 PM
Can long pig be used to make decent jerky?  Does the jerky taste better if the source of meat was an unkind being?

jerked pork is pretty good stuff, but it's a bit different from beef jerky.  It originates in the Carribean though, which is also where the word cannibal comes from, so I am sure jerked long pork has been tried at least a few times.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on August 04, 2012, 09:39:50 PM
Quote from: BabylonHoruv on August 04, 2012, 09:33:32 PM
jerked long pork

You should probably never say that again.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on August 04, 2012, 09:52:07 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on August 04, 2012, 09:39:50 PM
Quote from: BabylonHoruv on August 04, 2012, 09:33:32 PM
jerked long pork

You should probably never say that again.

:potd:
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 04, 2012, 10:06:52 PM
Quote from: BabylonHoruv on August 04, 2012, 09:33:32 PM
Quote from: Forsooth on August 04, 2012, 08:45:40 PM
Can long pig be used to make decent jerky?  Does the jerky taste better if the source of meat was an unkind being?

jerked pork is pretty good stuff, but it's a bit different from beef jerky.  It originates in the Carribean though, which is also where the word cannibal comes from, so I am sure jerked long pork has been tried at least a few times.

What those two said x1000.

Also, "jerk" is a type of seasoning. It doesn't have anything to do with "jerky" and is not a way of preserving meat for long periods of time. And jerk came from Jamaica originally and is more commonly used for chicken. Pigs and cows are not prevalent in most of the Caribbean basin except for Cuba, Hispaniola, Puerto Rico, and Trinidad. Most of the islands aren't large enough/are too steep/don't contain enough viable pasture land for larger livestock and though Jamaica is, historically chickens and goats were the primary non-oceanic meat sources.

The term "barbecue" also originated in the region. It comes from "barbacoa", which was a way of cooking meat over hot coals that some of the early pirates who lived on some of the smaller islands off of Cuba adopted from the local natives. And that originally WAS a way of preserving the meat (i.e. smoking it) or, the meat could then be finely chopped and quickly salt-cured and made into pemmican, which keeps long enough for long sea voyages.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 04, 2012, 10:07:47 PM
Also also, the term "long pork" was not historically used as a euphemism for human meat in the Caribbean basin. I believe that's a Polynesian thing.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Forsooth on August 05, 2012, 12:45:22 AM
Very informative, thanks guys.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on August 05, 2012, 01:51:45 AM
Quote from: Echo Chamber Music on August 04, 2012, 10:06:52 PM
Quote from: BabylonHoruv on August 04, 2012, 09:33:32 PM
Quote from: Forsooth on August 04, 2012, 08:45:40 PM
Can long pig be used to make decent jerky?  Does the jerky taste better if the source of meat was an unkind being?

jerked pork is pretty good stuff, but it's a bit different from beef jerky.  It originates in the Carribean though, which is also where the word cannibal comes from, so I am sure jerked long pork has been tried at least a few times.

What those two said x1000.

Also, "jerk" is a type of seasoning. It doesn't have anything to do with "jerky" and is not a way of preserving meat for long periods of time. And jerk came from Jamaica originally and is more commonly used for chicken. Pigs and cows are not prevalent in most of the Caribbean basin except for Cuba, Hispaniola, Puerto Rico, and Trinidad. Most of the islands aren't large enough/are too steep/don't contain enough viable pasture land for larger livestock and though Jamaica is, historically chickens and goats were the primary non-oceanic meat sources.

The term "barbecue" also originated in the region. It comes from "barbacoa", which was a way of cooking meat over hot coals that some of the early pirates who lived on some of the smaller islands off of Cuba adopted from the local natives. And that originally WAS a way of preserving the meat (i.e. smoking it) or, the meat could then be finely chopped and quickly salt-cured and made into pemmican, which keeps long enough for long sea voyages.

Yeah, I always see "jerk sauce" and "jerk seasoning" in the supermarket. Usually with Rasta-colored red, yellow and green labels with palm trees and happy guys in dreds and women in do-rags and long, off-the-shoulder dresses.
I suspect it's made by Kraft or something, so I never looked into it.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 05, 2012, 02:00:01 AM
Yeah, anything called "jerk sauce" is not going to be even remotely authentic since jerk is usually a dry rub seasoning applied before grilling or, if not, is mixed with just enough oil and/or tamarind paste to create a thick paste for evenly spreading on the grilling meat.

There are a million different recipes for jerk seasoning, though, so if it's a dry rub it might be worth checking out as long as it has actual spices in it and not a bunch of dextrose and hydrolyzed this-or-that.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on August 05, 2012, 06:13:29 PM
QuoteCannibalism (from Caníbales, the Spanish name for the Carib people,[1] a West Indies tribe formerly well known for their practice of cannibalism)[2] is the act or practice of humans eating the flesh or internal organs of other human beings. It is also called anthropophagy. A person who practices cannibalism is called a cannibal. The expression "cannibalism" has been extended into zoology to mean one individual of a species consuming all or part of another individual of the same species as food, including sexual cannibalism.

HOWEVER

QuoteEuropean explorers and colonizers brought home many stories of cannibalism practiced by the native peoples they encountered. The friar Diego de Landa reported about Yucatán instances,[67] and there have been similar reports by Purchas from Popayán, Colombia, and from the Marquesas Islands of Polynesia, where human flesh was called long pig.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism





Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on August 05, 2012, 06:36:38 PM
I think it's also important to note that European explorers and colonizers had a habit of, uh, "dramatizing" their actual observations, particularly in ways that made the native people they encountered seem more savage and less people-like.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Cain on August 05, 2012, 06:40:13 PM
In the particular case of the Caribs, it is believed that cannibalism may have something to do with war-related rituals, but could have just as easily been made up as a pretext for enslaving the population, as Spanish law forbade slavery except in cases where it was believed those enslaved would be better for it (and explicitly included cannibals under that description).

Generally, given the lack of historical and archaeological evidence for cannibalism by the Caribs, and the Spanish penchant for enslaving people and strip-mining the Americas of assets, I'm inclined to go with the "it was made up" theory.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on August 05, 2012, 07:17:25 PM
Quote from: Cain on August 05, 2012, 06:40:13 PM
In the particular case of the Caribs, it is believed that cannibalism may have something to do with war-related rituals, but could have just as easily been made up as a pretext for enslaving the population, as Spanish law forbade slavery except in cases where it was believed those enslaved would be better for it (and explicitly included cannibals under that description).

Generally, given the lack of historical and archaeological evidence for cannibalism by the Caribs, and the Spanish penchant for enslaving people and strip-mining the Americas of assets, I'm inclined to go with the "it was made up" theory.

No bones hacked up for the cook pot + a bunch of government-sanctioned looters = this has got to be correct.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 05, 2012, 07:29:24 PM
Actually, cannibalism among warring tribes in the Caribbean basin is well-documented. Thing is, there was never any such thing as a "Carib" tribe. That was just a label given to any of the more warlike Taino tribes by the Spaniards.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Cain on August 05, 2012, 07:45:36 PM
Sure, the Tainos were the "noble savages" and the Caribs were the "evil cannibals", according to Spanish sources.

When I used Caribs above, I was referring more specifically to the Kalinago.

As for the warfare thing, I'm going to have to ask for sources.  It could be, of course, this is the ritual cannibalism I have seen alluded to in some sources, where enemy warriors who were killed in combat were partly consumed.  Still, I think this is somewhat different in substance to what is normally considered to be cannibalism, where humans are slain primarily for their nutritional value. 

Of course, the irony of Catholics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transubstantiation) declaring people eating human flesh to be fallen sinners is not lost on me.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 05, 2012, 10:02:41 PM
You are correct about that. All the archaeological/anthropological evidence that I've ever heard of supports that it was ritual cannibalism conducted by victorious warriors and was NOT something that was prevalent throughout Taino society, or in any way used as just another source of nutrition.
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on August 05, 2012, 10:17:11 PM
Quote from: Echo Chamber Music on August 05, 2012, 10:02:41 PM
You are correct about that. All the archaeological/anthropological evidence that I've ever heard of supports that it was ritual cannibalism conducted by victorious warriors and was NOT something that was prevalent throughout Taino society, or in any way used as just another source of nutrition.

Reminds me of what Rain In The Face said about Tom Custer: "I ate his heart".
Which may or may not have happened, but it's a bodacious "fuck you!"  :lulz:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Honsinger_Bluff
Title: Re: Human Flesh 101
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on August 06, 2012, 03:33:12 AM
Quote from: Dear Departed Uncle Nigel on August 05, 2012, 06:36:38 PM
I think it's also important to note that European explorers and colonizers had a habit of, uh, "dramatizing" their actual observations, particularly in ways that made the native people they encountered seem more savage and less people-like.

So did the Polynesians.  Once they found out that the Europeans had a thing about cannibalism, every tribe over THERE was a bunch of lousy cannibals, unlike us good people over HERE.