Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Hoopla! on January 08, 2010, 05:09:24 pm

Title: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Hoopla! on January 08, 2010, 05:09:24 pm
If you were sent naked into a performing ring, what is the largest animal you think you could kill, bare handed?

PROTIP:  you might want to try avoiding predators.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 08, 2010, 05:10:43 pm
Wait.  I'm only allowed to use my hands?  No other body parts?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Freeky on January 08, 2010, 05:14:52 pm
A goldfish. No troll.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Cramulus on January 08, 2010, 05:17:06 pm
hahahhaha this is a good question!


probably a manatee
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Richter on January 08, 2010, 05:25:27 pm
Provided we begin stationary in our own corners of the performing ring, and that said ring resembles a boxing ring; a blue whale.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Darth Cupcake on January 08, 2010, 05:26:36 pm
Provided we begin stationary in our own corners of the performing ring, and that said ring resembles a boxing ring; a blue whale.

 :lulz:

To be honest, I am such a mush about animals that I probably would get too worked up and start crying when attempting to kill something and thus would not succeed.

Unless it was a spider or something like that, but even then, I get squicky about touching them.

Yeah, I'm kind of a stereotype in that way.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on January 08, 2010, 05:37:17 pm
 :argh!:

I don't think water animals on dry land should count.....

For me, probably a sheep or a goat, though I might be able to take out an old cow!
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Hoopla! on January 08, 2010, 05:39:08 pm
You can use any part of your body, I meant "bare hands" figuratively, not literally.

And, keep in mind that a human is an animal too.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on January 08, 2010, 05:40:49 pm
You can use any part of your body, I meant "bare hands" figuratively, not literally.

And, keep in mind that a human is an animal too.

Do we get extra points if we enjoy it?  Because if that is the case, the kid's dad is 6' + and usually around 280 lbs.

I could kill him without a weapon. 
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: The Johnny on January 08, 2010, 05:41:18 pm

I think a giraffe; but i think it would take a while.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Suu on January 08, 2010, 05:41:44 pm
hahahhaha this is a good question!


probably a manatee

Those things are bigger than you think. Though my brother accidentally hooked one last year and did whatever he could to get the hook out but ended up having to cut the line. Then a few days later they found a dead manatee wrapped in fishing line in the same inlet. The man cried for days...even though he was pretty sure it wasn't the one he snagged, he just felt terrible.  :sad:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Thurnez Isa on January 08, 2010, 05:43:58 pm
A DINOSAUR (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microraptor)
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: AFK on January 08, 2010, 05:51:57 pm
Ryan Seacrest
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on January 08, 2010, 05:55:51 pm
Ryan Seacrest

 :lulz:

Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Richter on January 08, 2010, 05:57:58 pm
:argh!:

I don't think water animals on dry land should count.....

Stipulation not made with challenge.

You can use any part of your body, I meant "bare hands" figuratively, not literally.

I planned on this.  My coup de grace will be defecating down the blowhole.

Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Freeky on January 08, 2010, 05:58:51 pm
:argh!:

I don't think water animals on dry land should count.....

Stipulation not made with challenge.

You can use any part of your body, I meant "bare hands" figuratively, not literally.

I planned on this.  My coup de grace will be defecating down the blowhole.



 :lulz: :lulz:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 08, 2010, 06:00:01 pm
You can use any part of your body, I meant "bare hands" figuratively, not literally.

And, keep in mind that a human is an animal too.

Roseanne Barr.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 08, 2010, 06:05:28 pm
I'd love to say Lion but, in all honesty I reckon one of them would fuck me over big-time. Two or three rottweilers would be a good fight, tho. I'd give myself 50-50 on the outcome of that one.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: -Kel- on January 08, 2010, 06:08:33 pm
a human
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: -Kel- on January 08, 2010, 06:18:24 pm
I'd love to say Lion but, in all honesty I reckon one of them would fuck me over big-time. Two or three rottweilers would be a good fight, tho. I'd give myself 50-50 on the outcome of that one.

What happened to you killing a golden eagle?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Hoopla! on January 08, 2010, 06:24:04 pm
You can use any part of your body, I meant "bare hands" figuratively, not literally.

And, keep in mind that a human is an animal too.

Roseanne Barr.

I would pay a lot of money to see you wrestle Roseanne.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 08, 2010, 06:24:57 pm
You can use any part of your body, I meant "bare hands" figuratively, not literally.

And, keep in mind that a human is an animal too.

Roseanne Barr.

I would pay a lot of money to see you wrestle Roseanne.

Good.  This isn't communism, after all.  If I'm taking my life in my clenched fists, I expect to be paid for it.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on January 08, 2010, 06:27:05 pm
You can use any part of your body, I meant "bare hands" figuratively, not literally.

And, keep in mind that a human is an animal too.

Roseanne Barr.

I would pay a lot of money to see you wrestle Roseanne.

Yes, I would too!!

I wonder if she would bounce of kind of flop like goo?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 08, 2010, 06:30:13 pm
I'd love to say Lion but, in all honesty I reckon one of them would fuck me over big-time. Two or three rottweilers would be a good fight, tho. I'd give myself 50-50 on the outcome of that one.

What happened to you killing a golden eagle?

A golden eagle is much smaller than 3 rottweilers. Thread says "largest"
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Richter on January 08, 2010, 06:37:42 pm
Besides, I thought you just wanted to punch the eagle.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: LMNO on January 08, 2010, 06:38:28 pm
The terms of the fight are fairly unclear.

That said, I've been doing a hell of a job destroying the entire global ecosystem, just by being a part of western society.



Do I win?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: -Kel- on January 08, 2010, 06:42:30 pm
Besides, I thought you just wanted to punch the eagle.

oh yeah, my mistake.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Hoopla! on January 08, 2010, 07:26:03 pm
The terms of the fight are fairly unclear.

That said, I've been doing a hell of a job destroying the entire global ecosystem, just by being a part of western society.



Do I win?

No, it has to be in the ring.  What other terms do you need?

It's you, in a ring, with some other animal.  Both naked.  One of you kills the other.  The end.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Hoopla! on January 08, 2010, 07:26:47 pm
You can use any part of your body, I meant "bare hands" figuratively, not literally.

And, keep in mind that a human is an animal too.

Roseanne Barr.

I would pay a lot of money to see you wrestle Roseanne.

Yes, I would too!!

I wonder if she would bounce of kind of flop like goo?

Have you seen her lately?  She's actually lost a lot of weight.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on January 08, 2010, 07:28:21 pm
You can use any part of your body, I meant "bare hands" figuratively, not literally.

And, keep in mind that a human is an animal too.

Roseanne Barr.

I would pay a lot of money to see you wrestle Roseanne.

Yes, I would too!!

I wonder if she would bounce of kind of flop like goo?

Have you seen her lately?  She's actually lost a lot of weight.

I actually thought she was dead until Roger mentioned her. 

That would have to be a hell of a lot of weight though.... 

Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: LMNO on January 08, 2010, 07:29:24 pm
The terms of the fight are fairly unclear.

That said, I've been doing a hell of a job destroying the entire global ecosystem, just by being a part of western society.



Do I win?

No, it has to be in the ring.  What other terms do you need?

It's you, in a ring, with some other animal.  Both naked.  One of you kills the other.  The end.

How big is the ring?

Also, "could kill" or "would kill"?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 08, 2010, 07:36:16 pm
Good point. Lets talk about the purse first. I mean rotties are nice dogs. Gotta be at least a 6-pack at stake or there's no way I'd kill them.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Hoopla! on January 08, 2010, 07:39:35 pm
The terms of the fight are fairly unclear.

That said, I've been doing a hell of a job destroying the entire global ecosystem, just by being a part of western society.



Do I win?

No, it has to be in the ring.  What other terms do you need?

It's you, in a ring, with some other animal.  Both naked.  One of you kills the other.  The end.

How big is the ring?

Also, "could kill" or "would kill"?


Could.

Let's say diameter of the ring is 50 feet.  Yes, I'm Canadian and I work in feet.  What of it?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Richter on January 08, 2010, 07:48:04 pm
Do we have a consideration for aquatic animals?  Is a platform of moderate size (2 meters.  Yes I'm from the US and I can work in meters, what of it?) allowed?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: LMNO on January 08, 2010, 07:53:06 pm
I'm pretty sure that given enough time, I could kill any herbivore... even an elephant or a rhino.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Hoopla! on January 08, 2010, 07:54:00 pm
Do we have a consideration for aquatic animals?  Is a platform of moderate size (2 meters.  Yes I'm from the US and I can work in meters, what of it?) allowed?

Sure, I'll go with that.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 08, 2010, 07:54:33 pm
How the fuck are you going to kill an elephant with your bare hands? "Given enough time" that they starve to death is cheating  :argh!:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Requia ☣ on January 08, 2010, 07:57:37 pm
A human.  specifically one of the ones with a reinforced scooter.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: LMNO on January 08, 2010, 07:57:51 pm
How the fuck are you going to kill an elephant with your bare hands? "Given enough time" that they starve to death is cheating  :argh!:

Herbivores are prey, and therefore have different innate reactions than predators.  Being non-threatening to prey is different than being non-threatening to predators.

Also, the eyesocket goes straight to the brain, my arm is long, and my nails are sharp.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: The Johnny on January 08, 2010, 08:08:51 pm
How the fuck are you going to kill an elephant with your bare hands? "Given enough time" that they starve to death is cheating  :argh!:

Herbivores are prey, and therefore have different innate reactions than predators.  Being non-threatening to prey is different than being non-threatening to predators.

Also, the eyebuttsocket goes straight to the brain liver and kidneys, my arm is long, and my nails are sharp.

-JohNyx,
  not squeamish of a slow, gory, messy kill.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: LMNO on January 08, 2010, 08:10:12 pm
Five bucks you couldn't tear through the colon with your bare hands.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 08, 2010, 08:21:38 pm
Five bucks you couldn't tear through the colon with your bare hands.

This is precisely why I had hobnails put into my engineer boots.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Richter on January 08, 2010, 08:26:16 pm
Do we have a consideration for aquatic animals?  Is a platform of moderate size (2 meters.  Yes I'm from the US and I can work in meters, what of it?) allowed?

Sure, I'll go with that.

Then I am confident I can take on a 250 lb. shark, toothy variety, exact species irrelevant, with a reasonable chance of sucess.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 08, 2010, 08:42:19 pm
I'd second the shark thing but I still maintain the rotties would be more of a crowd pleaser (win or lose)
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: East Coast Hustle on January 08, 2010, 08:46:37 pm
The terms of the fight are fairly unclear.

That said, I've been doing a hell of a job destroying the entire global ecosystem, just by being a part of western society.



Do I win?

No, it has to be in the ring.  What other terms do you need?

It's you, in a ring, with some other animal.  Both naked.  One of you kills the other.  The end.

if we're both naked, it's not even fair. I'll take anything and win.

ECH,
legendary for fighting naked.

ECH,
not joking about that either.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Nast on January 08, 2010, 08:49:09 pm
I think I could best a penguin at a match of fisticuffs.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Dalek on January 08, 2010, 08:49:17 pm

I think a giraffe; but i think it would take a while.

Those WoW giraffes are tough!
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Hoopla! on January 08, 2010, 08:55:18 pm
Note that I never answered.

I'm a pacifist, and wouldn't kill anything you bloodthirsty bastards.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: The Johnny on January 08, 2010, 09:03:16 pm
Note that I never answered.

I'm a pacifist, and wouldn't kill anything you bloodthirsty bastards.

Its either you or them, you existential hippie  :argh!:

Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on January 08, 2010, 09:03:36 pm
I think fish should be fought in a pool or it doesn't count.  They would just flop around and die within 15 minutes or so.  Aquatic mammals would have to be up for discussion.  That is only fair.

Also, is any footwear allowed?  Because I have these 6 inch heels that are metal and.......
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Richter on January 08, 2010, 09:14:27 pm
Let me clarify; A pool of sufficent size for said animal to move freely and attack from all angles, with a 2 meter platform for the person fightign it.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on January 08, 2010, 09:38:04 pm
Let me clarify; A pool of sufficent size for said animal to move freely and attack from all angles, with a 2 meter platform for the person fightign it.

See, now that would be fair.  Scary as shit, but fair.

I would prefer the damned rhino to a shark.....
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Requia ☣ on January 08, 2010, 09:40:14 pm
Note that I never answered.

I'm a pacifist, and wouldn't kill anything you bloodthirsty bastards.

What if you're hungry?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: -Kel- on January 08, 2010, 10:16:58 pm
this is what sarah palin would do....but with a gun

(http://punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/political-pictures-sarah-palin-bear-shot.jpg)
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Cain on January 08, 2010, 10:34:46 pm
A blue whale.

Because one, they're not very manouverable on land and two, their throat size is smaller than an orange, making it easy to suffocate.  God, I'm such a zoology geek.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: 0 on January 08, 2010, 10:36:36 pm
Giant ground sloth
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on January 08, 2010, 11:00:39 pm
A blue whale.

Because one, they're not very manouverable on land and two, their throat size is smaller than an orange, making it easy to suffocate.  God, I'm such a zoology geek.

But they breathe through a blowhole. :?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Cain on January 08, 2010, 11:01:19 pm
Not when I'm done with it, it wont.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on January 08, 2010, 11:01:44 pm
 :lulz:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: rygD on January 08, 2010, 11:14:50 pm
Note that I never answered.

I'm a pacifist, and wouldn't kill anything you bloodthirsty bastards.

I though it was clarified to "could kill" not would.

Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Cain on January 08, 2010, 11:31:57 pm
Damn, I only just read the thread and saw Richter beat me to it on the blue whale  :sad:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Jasper on January 08, 2010, 11:41:07 pm
I could definitely kill a dog.  All you gotta do is grab a hold of their forearms and yank.  I could probably not kill a cow without a hand weapon because cows are huge and stompy.  Big cats are right out.  Manatee sounds easy, given time.  I could probably kill a dolphin too, but that would be, you know, wrong.  It would have to be a criminal dolphin.


As for the earlier claim about killing a giraffe, I call bullshit.  If you think being kicked by a mule is bad, imagine being kicked by something many times its size.  Your head would fly off.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Cain on January 08, 2010, 11:57:09 pm
Would a rapist dolphin (http://scienceray.com/biology/marine-biology/not-so-cute-dolphin-gang-rape-2/) be OK?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Jasper on January 09, 2010, 12:03:08 am
Would a rapist dolphin (http://scienceray.com/biology/marine-biology/not-so-cute-dolphin-gang-rape-2/) be OK?

I would murder the living shit out of a rapist dolphin.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: maphdet on January 09, 2010, 12:47:05 am
Would a rapist dolphin (http://scienceray.com/biology/marine-biology/not-so-cute-dolphin-gang-rape-2/) be OK?

 :aaa:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 09, 2010, 01:11:49 am
Someday this thread will get necromanced, as an example.

Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: 0 on January 09, 2010, 01:28:41 am
I can also kill boogers with my bare hands. Straight from my nostrils to the grave. There are millions of organisms in those. MASS PHLEGMOCIDE!
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Richter on January 09, 2010, 02:19:59 am
I could definitely kill a dog.  All you gotta do is grab a hold of their forearms and yank.  I could probably not kill a cow without a hand weapon because cows are huge and stompy.  Big cats are right out.  Manatee sounds easy, given time.  I could probably kill a dolphin too, but that would be, you know, wrong.  It would have to be a criminal dolphin.

There's the tale of an old Japanese teacher and unemployed warrior who would kill cows barehanded.  He was from one of the old Okinawan schools that basically train your hands into clubs from age 3.  He'd hammerfist off each horn, then crack the thing right between the eyes, and the combined concussion would kill the cow.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Hoopla! on January 09, 2010, 02:32:53 am
Note that I never answered.

I'm a pacifist, and wouldn't kill anything you bloodthirsty bastards.

I though it was clarified to "could kill" not would.




Damn.  You're right.   :|

Foiled again.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Epimetheus on January 09, 2010, 03:11:20 am
An ostrich or a big dog I guess.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ on January 09, 2010, 03:28:09 am
IMA WRASSLE ME A PANDA!
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: The Johnny on January 09, 2010, 03:59:20 am
I could definitely kill a dog.  All you gotta do is grab a hold of their forearms and yank.  I could probably not kill a cow without a hand weapon because cows are huge and stompy.  Big cats are right out.  Manatee sounds easy, given time.  I could probably kill a dolphin too, but that would be, you know, wrong.  It would have to be a criminal dolphin.


As for the earlier claim about killing a giraffe, I call bullshit.  If you think being kicked by a mule is bad, imagine being kicked by something many times its size.  Your head would fly off.

If you tackled the giraffe right in the knee cap, im sure it would bust.

-JohNyx,
 knows the higher the ride, the harder the fall.
 (of course if it falls on top of you, it would be a tie, wouldnt it.)
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Epimetheus on January 09, 2010, 04:58:21 am
IMA WRASSLE ME A PANDA!

They look cute, but, they're still bears. No way I'm messing with a panda.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on January 09, 2010, 07:18:24 am
I wanna fuck up a koala.
I don't know if I'd actually win, but I bet it'd be a lot of fun to try.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 09, 2010, 10:07:43 am
This fread is just begging for some epic WOMP!
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Freeky on January 09, 2010, 05:54:13 pm
IMA WRASSLE ME A PANDA!

They look cute, but, they're still bears. No way I'm messing with a panda.

Yes, but they're vegetarian pandas. They chose to eat bamboo, no shit, they still have carniverous animal stomachs.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: bugmenоt on January 09, 2010, 06:26:39 pm
I could kill a coral.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: rygD on January 09, 2010, 06:39:50 pm
IMA WRASSLE ME A PANDA!

Pardon my sources, but they were the first results I found:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7743748.stm

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28127056/

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,304249,00.html
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Freeky on January 09, 2010, 06:45:19 pm
Owned by pandas.

Silly monkeys!  :lulz:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Eater of Clowns on January 09, 2010, 07:10:46 pm
Maybe Fred wants to wrestle Red Pandas and not Giant Pandas:

(http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Support/MakeDonation/GivingTree/Images/RedPanda.jpg)

(http://www.codecarnival.com/images/pandastanding.jpg)
For scale purposes, remember it's standing on the Great Wall of China.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: rygD on January 09, 2010, 07:32:19 pm
Fred is going to attack Firefox?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Jenne on January 09, 2010, 07:58:43 pm
"Could"?  A dog, midsize, if I had to.  But I'd probably get bitten all to hell.

"Would"?  Depends on it if it's him/her vs. me, life vs. death of me or mine.  The "have to be nekkid" part is hard b/c animals can really do some bloody work on you if you have no clothes on to catch their claws on or snag on their teefs. 
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 09, 2010, 08:26:41 pm
Claw-based animals I reckon are the worst cos they can wail at you with 4 paws full of that shit, usually with reactions and speed faster than yours.

Teeth generally aren't too much of a worry cos it's one attack vector and you can generally grab one of the other bits and hold the teeth away from you, like with dogs.

Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Zenpeanut on January 09, 2010, 08:32:45 pm
I think I could probably take a baboon.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 09, 2010, 08:34:00 pm
I think I could probably take a baboon.

Now that has the potential to be a fucking good fight. You'd have to be a pretty shit-hot fighter, tho, I reckon.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Salty on January 09, 2010, 08:49:33 pm
I know for certain I can take out a chihuahua. And if flora count, I will fuck UP a fern or a walnut.

On speculation...I'd say...a wild pig.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Cain on January 09, 2010, 08:52:08 pm
I would totally fuck up a llama.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 09, 2010, 08:54:15 pm
I know for certain I can take out a chihuahua. And if flora count, I will fuck UP a fern or a walnut.

On speculation...I'd say...a wild pig.

Are you fucking shitting me?  :lulz:

(http://i580.photobucket.com/albums/ss242/explanoite/image001.jpg)
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 09, 2010, 08:56:33 pm
While I was looking up wild board stories, this article made me sad: http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/hogzilla-not/
 :cry: Poor Fred.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Salty on January 09, 2010, 08:59:12 pm
I know for certain I can take out a chihuahua. And if flora count, I will fuck UP a fern or a walnut.

On speculation...I'd say...a wild pig.

Are you fucking shitting me?  :lulz:

(http://i580.photobucket.com/albums/ss242/explanoite/image001.jpg)


Bring it.

I can crack a walnut with my bare hands.

Fuck that pig. IN THE ASS.

Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Salty on January 09, 2010, 09:05:01 pm
Yeah, in retrospect I believe I mean one of these:
(http://i848.photobucket.com/albums/ab46/Altyvision/piglet.jpg)
that hypothetically got out into the wild.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Nast on January 09, 2010, 09:07:05 pm
D'awww, it's like a living little pork cutlet.  :cry:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Richter on January 09, 2010, 09:07:32 pm
I think I could probably take a baboon.

Do not EVER fuck with a non human primate.  They are crazy strong.  Humans are at the really weak end of the spectrum.  We got tools and thumbs, sure, and we NEED them.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Cain on January 09, 2010, 09:08:57 pm
I googled "wild pig" by the way, and found this

http://www.rascalssanantonio.com/PIG%20SEX%201.JPG (surprisingly not unsafe for work)
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ on January 09, 2010, 09:22:23 pm
While I was looking up wild board stories, this article made me sad: http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/hogzilla-not/
 :cry: Poor Fred.


MY TRUE FORM REVEALED!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  :x AND THEY SHOT ME TOO!!!!!
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 09, 2010, 10:15:04 pm
I think I could probably take a baboon.

Do not EVER fuck with a non human primate.  They are crazy strong.  Humans are at the really weak end of the spectrum.  We got tools and thumbs, sure, and we NEED them.

Yeah. I had a friend who worked at the zoo; a big burly guy. One day a little chimp ran up to him, reached up, and -snap- broke his arm just like that.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Jasper on January 09, 2010, 10:21:49 pm
Do not meddle in the affairs of primates, for they are blatant and quick to anger.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Triple Zero on January 09, 2010, 11:37:24 pm
The wild pigs that nearly ran in front of our car last week in Germany (WOOT I SAW WILD PIGS ZOMG) didn't seem that incredibly huge as the pic you linked, Nigel.

Still, I have no idea how I''d kill them with my bare hands, they seem so round and solid! Where to break them??
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Salty on January 09, 2010, 11:52:19 pm
You must grab them by the tusks! From there they will be like so much pig-shaped clay.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Faust on January 09, 2010, 11:55:40 pm
A stripper. I hope this hasn't been posted already.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: The Fundamentalist on January 10, 2010, 12:05:22 am
I could maybe kill an ant, on a good day.  (I'm pretty weak.)  Not that I would, I like insects.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Freeky on January 10, 2010, 01:28:35 am
Oh jeebus. Even if you weren't fucking with apes or larger monkeys, the little bastards could still fuck you up.

 With all their horrible diseases.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: MMIX on January 10, 2010, 01:31:37 am
You . . . human you
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Freeky on January 10, 2010, 01:35:18 am
Not me, I'm a sheeple!

Baaaa.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Iason Ouabache on January 10, 2010, 08:24:16 am
I wanna fuck up a koala.
I don't know if I'd actually win, but I bet it'd be a lot of fun to try.
Koalas are slow, lazy, and have almost no natural defenses when on the ground. It'd be easy to take one on. 

The largest animal I could kill with my bare hands: three-toed sloth.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Bu☆ns on January 10, 2010, 09:54:52 am
http://kentbeatty.com/2009/02/19/chimps-gone-berserk-woman-mauled-baby-killed/

crazy things


I could take down the Hoff.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Triple Zero on January 10, 2010, 11:00:43 am
(http://i.imgur.com/dw3bZ.jpg)
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Thurnez Isa on January 10, 2010, 03:59:37 pm
Ok that was seriously the fucking cutest thing I have ever seen
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Cain on January 10, 2010, 04:28:38 pm
(http://img682.imageshack.us/img682/2980/dailymailgoat.jpg)

I could kill this wretched creature.  And the goat, if need be.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 10, 2010, 05:04:50 pm
I guess this kind of thing is inevitable after the content rush of the last couple months.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: 0 on January 10, 2010, 08:02:22 pm
I could probably kill this:

(http://cm1.theinsider.com/media/0/372/92/Sally_Struthers.0.0.0x0.327x512.jpeg)
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Epimetheus on January 10, 2010, 08:14:54 pm
I could probably kill this:

(http://cm1.theinsider.com/media/0/372/92/Sally_Struthers.0.0.0x0.327x512.jpeg)

I don't know if I'd want to touch that.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 10, 2010, 08:20:18 pm
:mittens: :mittens:  :mittens:

best thread on PD
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: BadBeast on January 30, 2011, 01:27:11 pm
I'd be comfortably confident of my chances against a human. But thinking about a big critter, and we are proportionally so much weaker than them. Apes would be out of the question. Chimps are like little hairy uBersKinz, strong enough to pull off your arm. Big teeth too. Out of the question. Gorillas are twice the size, but I'd rather take on a Gorilla than a Adult Chimp. Oran utangs are as strong as JCB Earthmovers, and the Males are aggressive, and are well known for putting the raep on anything they can catch. So nuh uh! Monkeys, I reckon I could kill a Baboon. They're not so tough. They can kill Dogs though. Anything up to a  large Pits are quickly despatched. The Dogs run in to get a bite, and the Baboon wraps its at arms and legs around, and then gets those huge teeth stuck in! And the thing to remember about Baboons is they have four hands. (2 hand/feet).

But it's funny, I've seen film footage of Baboons, and one Adult Baboon will think nothing of fronting out a pair of grown Cheetahs, without any fear at all. But one Leopard, will have a whole Troop of thirty Adults racing for the nearest tree / high up escape. They are terrified of Leopards. And so am I. So big cats are off the Billing. But I would take on three Cheetahs. And win. Cheetahs have much weaker smaller mouths than say, a Tiger or Lion. I'd stand a better chance against three Cheetahs than Pent would against three Rottys. For sure.

Rottys are full size Mastiffs, 12 Stone each when they're grown. They have awesomely powerful jaws too. They can run along at fult tilt, jump 7 feet up in the air, catch the branch of a tree, and hang there just by their jaw power. That's awesome when you consider 12 stone moving at up to 15 mile per hour. They were bred by the Romans specially for tearing into a charging line of Cavaly and taking out the horses.  And Pent reckons three of them? Two of them would be the Famous Scottish over optomism. Three? Nah, If Scotsmen were capable of killing three Rottweillers each, then It wouldn't have been The English ruled the Empire for so long.  
Gorillas, yeah,

I also would take on an 5 -6ft Alligator or  Croc,  Especially in this weather where I'd have the advantage  of them being torpid and slow. Just have to get their jaws shut, (one hand) then poke an eye out, with fingers, and gouge at socket until movement ceases. How hard can it be?
I wouldn't take an Ostrich on, they are fucking insane, mad as a tripping chicken, and if you just imagine them with no feathers,they are Velociraptors! nope, they're more  deadly than the proper Reptiles, steer clear.

I forgot Bonobos. That might be tricky, because they wont fight. But If I put the sex on them, for long enough, I'm sure it would die before I did. And if attacked by a Chimp,  you should get your dick  out  (assuming you have one)  and they run the fuck away. Chimps have tiny little dicks, littler than Chinamen apparently and they really don't wan't to have to groom and bitch for no Human, so they run. Just in case.
That's what my friend, Lie Bot  said, anyway.

So my choice is the 6FT Gator. (Then the Bonobo) :fap:
     
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Slyph on January 30, 2011, 03:50:58 pm
Are we going by length or body mass? Because a big snake would probably be an easy kill.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: BadBeast on January 30, 2011, 04:16:09 pm
Are we going by length or body mass? Because a big snake would probably be an easy kill.
I thought about a Snake, but it's not as easy as you'd think to kill a big one. Or even find one that's big enough to fight. Even when you chop one in half with a spade, the two ends go crawling off and become two separate snakes. And some of them are venomous, and can give you a nasty bite. That's why I opted for a Alligator. At least their bite isn't poisonous.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Kai on January 30, 2011, 05:51:57 pm
I could kill a fully grown human. I wouldn't even think of fucking with a squirrel, or anything larger than a large beetle.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Slyph on January 30, 2011, 06:14:52 pm
Are we going by length or body mass? Because a big snake would probably be an easy kill.
I thought about a Snake, but it's not as easy as you'd think to kill a big one. Or even find one that's big enough to fight. Even when you chop one in half with a spade, the two ends go crawling off and become two separate snakes. And some of them are venomous, and can give you a nasty bite. That's why I opted for a Alligator. At least their bite isn't poisonous.

All the really big ones are constrictors, innit? Couldn't you just stomp on the head?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: BadBeast on January 30, 2011, 06:20:47 pm
Are we going by length or body mass? Because a big snake would probably be an easy kill.
I thought about a Snake, but it's not as easy as you'd think to kill a big one. Or even find one that's big enough to fight. Even when you chop one in half with a spade, the two ends go crawling off and become two separate snakes. And some of them are venomous, and can give you a nasty bite. That's why I opted for a Alligator. At least their bite isn't poisonous.

All the really big ones are constrictors, innit? Couldn't you just stomp on the head?
You could, but they are very tough, their jaws unhinge too, and they have teeth nearly as big as a dogs. Thy don't get big enough to swallow humams because we are too wide at the shoulders,and our arms won't go down.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Adios on January 30, 2011, 08:05:51 pm
WTF is wrong with you people?

I HAVE OPPOSING THUMBS AND WILL USE ANY FUCKING WEAPON I CAN WRAP MY HANDS AROUND.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Disco Pickle on January 30, 2011, 08:16:42 pm
WTF is wrong with you people?

I HAVE OPPOSING THUMBS AND WILL USE ANY FUCKING WEAPON I CAN WRAP MY HANDS AROUND.

sooooo, they're always at war with each other??  or do they just disagree politely?   :wink:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Hoopla! on January 30, 2011, 08:17:26 pm
WTF is wrong with you people?

I HAVE OPPOSING THUMBS AND WILL USE ANY FUCKING WEAPON I CAN WRAP MY HANDS AROUND.

Not the point of the thread.  BARE HANDS or GTFO.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Phox on January 30, 2011, 08:21:15 pm
WTF is wrong with you people?

I HAVE OPPOSING THUMBS AND WILL USE ANY FUCKING WEAPON I CAN WRAP MY HANDS AROUND.
You're not manly enough. Go fuck yourself.   
                       /
:cheney:




(I'[m with you Charley) :wink:



Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: BadBeast on January 30, 2011, 08:41:26 pm
Lets have a PD Cross species Deathmatch Cage fight. We'll get as many big fierce animals as we can, trying to stick to the preferences stated ITT, (Blue Whale might be tricky, and Manatees are protected, Sshhh,)  Then take it in turns to go 2 rounds at a time, with whatever Animal is left in Cage. Proper Animals though, not just some bits of livestock. OK? 
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Slyph on January 30, 2011, 08:45:15 pm
Are we going by length or body mass? Because a big snake would probably be an easy kill.
I thought about a Snake, but it's not as easy as you'd think to kill a big one. Or even find one that's big enough to fight. Even when you chop one in half with a spade, the two ends go crawling off and become two separate snakes. And some of them are venomous, and can give you a nasty bite. That's why I opted for a Alligator. At least their bite isn't poisonous.

All the really big ones are constrictors, innit? Couldn't you just stomp on the head?
You could, but they are very tough, their jaws unhinge too, and they have teeth nearly as big as a dogs. Thy don't get big enough to swallow humams because we are too wide at the shoulders,and our arms won't go down.

Yeah but I'm upright and they're permanently supine. Couldn't I just keep kicking the cunt until something breaks?

I made myself sad now because I like snakes :(
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Don Coyote on January 30, 2011, 08:48:36 pm
Are we going by length or body mass? Because a big snake would probably be an easy kill.
I thought about a Snake, but it's not as easy as you'd think to kill a big one. Or even find one that's big enough to fight. Even when you chop one in half with a spade, the two ends go crawling off and become two separate snakes. And some of them are venomous, and can give you a nasty bite. That's why I opted for a Alligator. At least their bite isn't poisonous.

All the really big ones are constrictors, innit? Couldn't you just stomp on the head?
You could, but they are very tough, their jaws unhinge too, and they have teeth nearly as big as a dogs. Thy don't get big enough to swallow humams because we are too wide at the shoulders,and our arms won't go down.

Yeah but I'm upright and they're permanently supine. Couldn't I just keep kicking the cunt until something breaks?

I made myself sad now because I like snakes :(
You ever watched constrictors move in for the kill? You would be all HYA KICKKCIKCIKOMFUFKFUKFUKFUKGETITOFFMENAOITHASTEETH ANDITISCRUSHINGMYRIBS!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: BadBeast on January 30, 2011, 09:01:21 pm
They are Apex Predators.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Phox on January 30, 2011, 09:23:04 pm
Are we going by length or body mass? Because a big snake would probably be an easy kill.
I thought about a Snake, but it's not as easy as you'd think to kill a big one. Or even find one that's big enough to fight. Even when you chop one in half with a spade, the two ends go crawling off and become two separate snakes. And some of them are venomous, and can give you a nasty bite. That's why I opted for a Alligator. At least their bite isn't poisonous.

All the really big ones are constrictors, innit? Couldn't you just stomp on the head?
You could, but they are very tough, their jaws unhinge too, and they have teeth nearly as big as a dogs. Thy don't get big enough to swallow humams because we are too wide at the shoulders,and our arms won't go down.

Yeah but I'm upright and they're permanently supine. Couldn't I just keep kicking the cunt until something breaks?

I made myself sad now because I like snakes :(

Hey guys, was here that I saw that thing about the U.S. special forces training manual saying that to avoid getting eaten by an anaconda you let it start to swallow you.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: BadBeast on January 30, 2011, 09:30:44 pm
Yeah I saw something about that. But you have to make sure it starts at your legs, and not your head.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Phox on January 30, 2011, 09:56:57 pm
Yeah I saw something about that. But you have to make sure it starts at your legs, and not your head.

Yeah, and then when you're knee deep, your pull your knife and hold it so that the fucker slits it own throat when it continues or something to that effect. Hardcore shit. :lulz:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Slyph on January 30, 2011, 10:21:55 pm
And then you eat the snake, right?
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Kurt Christ on January 30, 2011, 10:32:45 pm
And then you eat the snake, right?
Of course. It would have done the same for you.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: BadBeast on January 30, 2011, 10:50:24 pm
And then you eat the snake, right?
Of course. It would have done the same for you.
It would be churlish not to.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Remington on January 31, 2011, 04:33:55 am
I would take on any reptile of any size, provided the fight takes place in a ring outside my house.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Pæs on January 31, 2011, 05:34:42 am
An ostrich. Provided it wasn't already pissed off when it got to the ring.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Pæs on January 31, 2011, 05:42:49 am
As for killing a giraffe, imagine a man with an arm as thick as that neck, beating you with a skull.
It can take a group of people to hold down even a sedated giraffe, and one person can struggle to keep control of a single leg.
Fuck that.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Triple Zero on January 31, 2011, 01:57:32 pm
Even when you chop one in half with a spade, the two ends go crawling off and become two separate snakes.

Dude that only works if you manage to chop it length-wise.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Phox on January 31, 2011, 11:50:12 pm
Hmm. I think I could probably take a sparrow-sized bird, and maybe some of the mid-sized rodents. Maybe.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: *GrumpButt* on February 01, 2011, 12:11:08 am
A small dog- But my luck, fucker would be rabid >.>
(http://www.professionalplanner.com.au/images/stories/blogs/rabid%20dog.jpg)
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Jasper on February 01, 2011, 12:23:14 am
Fuck fighting an ostrich.  They can kick you to death quite easily.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Pæs on February 01, 2011, 04:34:38 am
Well yeah, I would never test if it knew an attack was coming or wanted to start the fight itself.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Elder Iptuous on February 02, 2011, 03:53:25 am
Can we pick a specific animal?
because i think i could take Manuel Uribe, no problem...
and he's huge.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Rumckle on February 03, 2011, 03:21:45 pm
A Galapagos tortoise, those things seem kinda slow. Just need to make sure it keeps poking its head out.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Cain on February 03, 2011, 03:23:18 pm
Added bonuses:  they evolved in an environment free of natural predators, and are incredibly delicious.
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Sister Fracture on February 03, 2011, 04:03:37 pm
I can kill a GOLDFISH with MY BARE FUCKING HANDS! RAH!
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Doktor Howl on June 25, 2018, 04:28:42 pm
You can use any part of your body, I meant "bare hands" figuratively, not literally.

And, keep in mind that a human is an animal too.

Roseanne Barr.

I was doing this shit before it was cool.  :cigaw:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Capeditiea on June 25, 2018, 04:47:18 pm
Would a rapist dolphin (http://scienceray.com/biology/marine-biology/not-so-cute-dolphin-gang-rape-2/) be OK?

i first read this as a racist dolphin...
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: Capeditiea on June 25, 2018, 04:58:25 pm
but yeah... i would probably require a weapon. Like a rocket laucher or something.  :zombie: :backpedal: :omg:
Title: Re: What is the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?
Post by: LuciferX on June 26, 2018, 11:45:51 am
Although we would not presently be in the same situation, I can understand how dignity is God given.