Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Discordian Recipes => Topic started by: GlompChomp on September 25, 2014, 05:25:23 am

Title: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: GlompChomp on September 25, 2014, 05:25:23 am
So I ordered some of this stuff a year ago and it finally arrived today. I had long ago given up all hope so I was so happy I nearly tripped running from the UPS truck and impaled myself on a garden gnome. Now while some of you folk might say "good riddance to bad rubbish" I said victory is mine, went inside and made myself some soylent.

For those of you who don't know what soylent is, it's a gimmicky version of Ensure that was supposedly inspired by The Matrix (which is what inspired me to buy it, I love The Matrix, don't care how played out it is at all). Remember that scene in the Nebuchadnezzar where Neo gets served up a bowl of white spaceship jizz and goes wtf, to which Morpheus sagely replies "it has everything the body needs"? This is supposed to be like that stuff.

Only it really isn't. I can't turn my tap on and have soylent pour into my piehole. As obscene as food delivered via the kitchen sink sounds it would be really neat. The guy who developed the product wants to make that reality because he has ambitions for curing world hunger but considering it took them a year to ship me 1 week's worth of powdered food I am not holding my breath. Plus it requires potable water which is also an issue.

The ingredients, I like that there are included some exotic trace minerals not even most nutritionists consider including such as Chromium and Molybdenium and the ingredients are not at all exotic, which probably took a lot of thought in itself as exotic ingredients would defeat the purpose.

The taste is like Ensure, smells like baby food and this is kind of repulsive. If it's all you eat you'll be pooping baby poops too since it is a soupy liquid meant to be consumed like you would a smoothie. Not a fan of this. Would be more interested in some kind of compact food cube like... pokeblocks or something.

HOWEVER once I began slurping it down I could not get enough and had to cut myself off to avoid getting iron poisoning or some other mineral OD. My body smiled and this tells me I must've been missing some essential nutrient, which is really scary. I did some homework, wrote some fiction and played some videogames and it was all remarkably easier to do and this is after having taken a course of nootropics for months with limited effect. I was definitely short on something big time. I am craving the stuff right now.

This ain't a sales pitch, I think it's actually somewhat easy to make your own version of Matrix soup. I've read recipes where people have attempted making their own and most seem decent.

I am excited for the future of food in general though, With all these zero calorie products and supernutrient rich one stop blends I think a future where food is only eaten for fun and excitement because the nutrient part is easy is within our reach unless our genetics change too much due to radiation. Food is serious business and it shouldn't be because it's kind of a downer.

Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Ben Shapiro on September 25, 2014, 08:38:07 pm
I love the taste of my own semen.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: GlompChomp on September 25, 2014, 08:47:59 pm
I love the taste of my own semen.

Thanks for letting us all know man, I mean you didn't have to but hey, the knowledge could be useful sometime, someplace.

Me personally, not a fan of my own blend. It's always too thick and goopy.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 25, 2014, 08:59:03 pm
I love the taste of my own semen.

Me personally, a fan of my own poo. It's always thick and goopy.

You're gross.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 25, 2014, 09:04:30 pm
Glompchomp, I just want to let you know that I am taking you off ignore. It's not because I find what you have to say interesting or worth reading; it's quite plain that you are of no value and have nothing of value to say. Rather, it is because you have made it clear that you have no intention of leaving, and that you want attention. I have a couple of days until school starts again, although admittedly I am going to be out of town for part of that time. Therefore, I thought that I would take a few minutes out of my remaining vacation to give you exactly what you asked for.

You're welcome.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: GlompChomp on September 26, 2014, 02:03:19 am
Glompchomp, I just want to let you know that I am taking you off ignore. It's not because I find what you have to say interesting or worth reading; it's quite plain that you are of no value and have nothing of value to say. Rather, it is because you have made it clear that you have no intention of leaving, and that you want attention. I have a couple of days until school starts again, although admittedly I am going to be out of town for part of that time. Therefore, I thought that I would take a few minutes out of my remaining vacation to give you exactly what you asked for.

You're welcome.

What are you studying? Women's issues or queer studies?  :lulz:
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on September 26, 2014, 02:19:56 am
Glompchomp, I just want to let you know that I am taking you off ignore. It's not because I find what you have to say interesting or worth reading; it's quite plain that you are of no value and have nothing of value to say. Rather, it is because you have made it clear that you have no intention of leaving, and that you want attention. I have a couple of days until school starts again, although admittedly I am going to be out of town for part of that time. Therefore, I thought that I would take a few minutes out of my remaining vacation to give you exactly what you asked for.

You're welcome.

What are you studying? Women's issues or queer studies?  :lulz:

IIRC, she is studying neuroscience.  Which may explain her looking at you like some kind of bug.  Suitable for study, but not actual conversation.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: GlompChomp on September 26, 2014, 03:14:50 am

IIRC, she is studying neuroscience.  Which may explain her looking at you like some kind of bug.  Suitable for study, but not actual conversation.

So what, as far as I'm concerned anyone who decides to get 'vengeance' on someone for saying nigger and not being black is an asshole. I don't care how smart or how much better she is than me. Go take your vengeance out on brain cancer, tackle the important problems and stop fucking fixating on race. That's been my point this entire time but you fuckfaces love to have someone to ridicule apparently. Nothing I say would change it, I've committed an irreversible sin as far as you moralistic morons are concerned. You're a dilettante, a second-rate thinker.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on September 26, 2014, 03:18:01 am

IIRC, she is studying neuroscience.  Which may explain her looking at you like some kind of bug.  Suitable for study, but not actual conversation.

So what, as far as I'm concerned anyone who decides to get 'vengeance' on someone for saying nigger and not being black is an asshole. I don't care how smart or how much better she is than me. Go take your vengeance out on brain cancer, tackle the important problems and stop fucking fixating on race. That's been my point this entire time but you fuckfaces love to have someone to ridicule apparently. Nothing I say would change it, I've committed an irreversible sin as far as you moralistic morons are concerned. You're a dilettante, a second-rate thinker.

You are a racist; your opinions are worthless.  Just saying.  We sometimes go MINUTES without ridiculing each other.  What the fuck did you think was going to happen to you?  Action/reaction.  How else could you possibly expect people - or any other part of the universe - to react?

You may be intelligent, in some manner, but this is unproven.  In terms of your social filters and skills, you are an entitled little DUMBASS.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on September 26, 2014, 03:23:47 am
Basically, when you kick the door in shouting racial slurs, it's like jamming a cattle prod up a rhino's arse, just to get his attention.  It works.  You get the complete, undivided attention you were so desperately after.  Now you are complaining, and everyone is wondering why.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Hoopla on September 26, 2014, 04:21:58 am
Basically, when you kick the door in shouting racial slurs, it's like jamming a cattle prod up a rhino's arse, just to get his attention.  It works.  You get the complete, undivided attention you were so desperately after.  Now you are complaining, and everyone is wondering why.

This.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 26, 2014, 05:29:11 pm
Glompchomp, I just want to let you know that I am taking you off ignore. It's not because I find what you have to say interesting or worth reading; it's quite plain that you are of no value and have nothing of value to say. Rather, it is because you have made it clear that you have no intention of leaving, and that you want attention. I have a couple of days until school starts again, although admittedly I am going to be out of town for part of that time. Therefore, I thought that I would take a few minutes out of my remaining vacation to give you exactly what you asked for.

You're welcome.

What are you studying? Women's issues or queer studies?  :lulz:

I'm a molecular biology & psychology double major with a focus on neurobiology & epigenetics. 4.0 major GPA, university honors college.

What is it you were doing with your life, again? You keep saying you're super smart but so far I have seen no evidence to support these claims.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 26, 2014, 05:33:42 pm

IIRC, she is studying neuroscience.  Which may explain her looking at you like some kind of bug.  Suitable for study, but not actual conversation.

So what, as far as I'm concerned anyone who decides to get 'vengeance' on someone for saying nigger and not being black is an asshole. I don't care how smart or how much better she is than me. Go take your vengeance out on brain cancer, tackle the important problems and stop fucking fixating on race. That's been my point this entire time but you fuckfaces love to have someone to ridicule apparently. Nothing I say would change it, I've committed an irreversible sin as far as you moralistic morons are concerned. You're a dilettante, a second-rate thinker.

And as far as I'm concerned, anyone who enters a strange room shouting "nigger" and then instead of apologizing, goes on to try to insult people using racist stereotypes, is a bigoted piece of shit. All I have to judge you on is your behavior, and so far it's been pretty much exactly that.

What do you think people are going to judge you on, your aura?  :lol:
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 26, 2014, 05:35:04 pm
But apparently it's all supposed to be proof that you're a "first rate thinker". Been reading up on moral relativism? Looks like someone fancies himself a philosopher. :lulz:
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Doktor Howl on September 26, 2014, 05:57:12 pm


What do you think people are going to judge you on, your aura?  :lol:

 :lulz:

Ah, Doktor Skinsaw, how I have missed you.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: LMNO on September 26, 2014, 06:05:03 pm
Hey!  How long has the Doktor been IN?
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Doktor Howl on September 26, 2014, 06:14:59 pm
Hey!  How long has the Doktor been IN?

About 3 hours.  There is a sickness which must be treated.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Hoopla on September 26, 2014, 07:16:58 pm
It's funny that The Lesser Poptard keeps talking as if he's beyond racism, then calls people nigger.
 
I haven't laughed this hard since I watched The Day the Clown Cried.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 26, 2014, 07:30:00 pm


What do you think people are going to judge you on, your aura?  :lol:

 :lulz:

Ah, Doktor Skinsaw, how I have missed you.

:)
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Doktor Howl on September 26, 2014, 09:14:25 pm
It's funny that The Lesser Poptard keeps talking as if he's beyond racism, then calls people nigger.
 
I haven't laughed this hard since I watched The Day the Clown Cried.

Normally, I would prescribe chloroform and a late night swim.  However, there are no lakes in New Hampshire.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Reginald Ret on September 26, 2014, 11:20:25 pm
It's funny that The Lesser Poptard keeps talking as if he's beyond racism, then calls people nigger.
 
I haven't laughed this hard since I watched The Day the Clown Cried.

Normally, I would prescribe chloroform and a late night swim.  However, there are no lakes in New Hampshire.
Swimming doesn't require water, any liquid will do. Just a hint.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Doktor Howl on September 26, 2014, 11:21:20 pm
It's funny that The Lesser Poptard keeps talking as if he's beyond racism, then calls people nigger.
 
I haven't laughed this hard since I watched The Day the Clown Cried.

Normally, I would prescribe chloroform and a late night swim.  However, there are no lakes in New Hampshire.
Swimming doesn't require water, any liquid will do. Just a hint.

Works better if there's a slippery slope in front of it, at any rate.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Reginald Ret on September 27, 2014, 08:44:54 pm
It's funny that The Lesser Poptard keeps talking as if he's beyond racism, then calls people nigger.
 
I haven't laughed this hard since I watched The Day the Clown Cried.

Normally, I would prescribe chloroform and a late night swim.  However, there are no lakes in New Hampshire.
Swimming doesn't require water, any liquid will do. Just a hint.

Works better if there's a slippery slope in front of it, at any rate.
Very true. Thinking a bit more has lead me to this conclusion: not all lakes contain water.
Title: Re: Soylent and other complete foods for your incomplete face
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 30, 2014, 07:00:25 am
It's funny that The Lesser Poptard keeps talking as if he's beyond racism, then calls people nigger.
 
I haven't laughed this hard since I watched The Day the Clown Cried.

Yeah, it's a little tiny bit self-contradictory.  :lulz: