Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: The Good Reverend Roger on July 12, 2016, 08:24:03 pm

Title: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on July 12, 2016, 08:24:03 pm
I was born rotten, of this I am assured by relatives.  Nasty little bugger, and now amount of talking or spanking would drum civilization through my thick skull.  In short, a typical child in the time and place where I grew up.  There was no conflict, I was what I was.

The little bastard grew up into a monster by age 17 or so, and stayed gleefully in that condition for another 17 years.  And that's when I fucked up.  At age 34, I suddenly developed an urge to be liked.  Never mind that I lacked the skills to be liked, or the social filters that would allow me to fake those skills, I had just decided that I wanted to be approved of.  The only thing that monsters do that popular humans do is tell tales.  Just something to while away the hours between patrols or whatever else had to be done.

So it's been 13 years of awkwardness.  I can imagine that Charley's Kitchen had to be cringe-worthy.  I could feel it at the time, I just couldn't do anything to change it.  And that's not even counting Jenne (EB&G Jenn, not my wife), Charley, Alty, and others that one day decided that I could not be tolerated, for reasons that were never made clear...Or, for that matter, people who seem to like you enough, but not enough to actually respond to you.

But then you get to see a sliver of your own, personal future, and you ask yourself "Why the fuck did I want these knob ends to like me again?"  Why do I give a shit what humans think of me?  Why do I try to be something I'm not when other people are around?"  Or even, "Why was a face-to-face condescending sneer allowed to go unanswered in the appropriate, time-honored manner?"

I'm fucking tired of humans.  Outside of my immediate family, two friends whom I know have my back, and Cain (because he seems to have a keen understanding of what makes me tick, and seems interested), the rest of the species can just stagger off into its glorious, over-heated future without me.  Because let's face facts: You never really liked me anyway, and - from your point of view - there's probably good reason for that.  But, you know, fuck you anyway.

That's it.  Insert clever tag line.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: LMNO on July 12, 2016, 08:58:52 pm
I dunno man, I think Charley's was pretty awesome.  But hey, I'm sort of damaged myself, so who knows?

I've been having similar thoughts.  I want people to like me, but when I try to play along, my best move is to be silent, laugh along, and do my best to toss in some clever joke when I can.  God forbid I find something interesting to talk about -- I get the weirdest looks.

If you need me, I'll be in the back.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Faust on July 12, 2016, 09:59:40 pm
I can like someone without responding, the not responding part just makes me a bad friend, its an important distinction. You're not alone in this regard, I often don't have the bandwidth to communicate with anyone in a week save what I staunchly refuse to give up for herself.

I find myself wondering if I am alone in this, is it that I am bad at time management, is it that my job is too demanding, or have I spread myself so thin that the interactions and things I try to do have been whittled down to such insignificant splinters that they are devoid of meaning, and in the cases of people who need me, damaging even, where no contact at all would be accepted and I'd be added to the book of lost memories, than intermittent bursts that serve more as a reminder of the ghost on the doorstep.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on July 12, 2016, 10:11:49 pm
I'm not calling anyone here bad people.  Except me, to an extent.

I just need to stop trying to be something I'm not, and stop looking for validation and/or popularity with hairless apes.  I was happy when I was 30.  I am not happy now.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Faust on July 12, 2016, 10:25:28 pm
I'm not calling anyone here bad people.  Except me, to an extent.

I just need to stop trying to be something I'm not, and stop looking for validation and/or popularity with hairless apes.  I was happy when I was 30.  I am not happy now.

Yeah, Validation and popularity are at best a transitory joy. If you find what makes you happy let me know.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Hoopla! on July 12, 2016, 10:47:50 pm
I like you Roger.  You're my kind of person.

I want people to like me, but I'm fundamentally not very likable, so I get how you feel.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on July 12, 2016, 11:03:20 pm
I feel you. The happiest years of my life have been the "don't give a shit about y'all" ones.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on July 12, 2016, 11:06:21 pm
I don't like the word "bad" to describe you. It's too nebulous and has a connotation of morality and social value probably best left out of the picture in discussing... well mannered, functional "monsters".

You're not paticularly well mannered, but disciplined AF! You're very good at being you, however you might choose to describe that. You're just not like the other kids.

I myself don't call you "friend" in the sense of those that I would see as my extended family, companions in the truest sense, I don't feel that we are at all so intimate. The creepy false intimacy I've seen some poptart-clones display towards you unsettled me from my first experiences here. I want none of THAT but I think I now understand much better some of out earliest encounters here and elsewhere.

Othere than particular things you've done/accomplished I admire 2 essential things that come to mind. First, you have always been HONEST about your hatred and your hurt alike. I find an ounce of HONEST hatred quite preferable to a gallon of thin pleasantries, and you have tank-loads of it! Second, you're not very nice at all. I'm not even close to your level on this, but I'm not even joking when I say you often inspire the "wrongest" parts of my being. I like that shit, much more than I used to for sure.

You're a Technician (Techne meaning art) of the Science and the Holy alike. You make the things go, or go wrong, as you see fit! Good Times ahead, in a bad old world not really ready for the New Shit yet. :)

More when I get more time to write. Which I'm doing at all mostly because of my experiences here. Thanks.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on July 12, 2016, 11:36:59 pm
I never really analysed what I'm trying to accomplish here on this board. Don't know if being liked is very high on my priority list. Dunno why the fuck I hang out here but I goddamn love it so I keep doing it. In terms of friendship and good happy stuff? It's a limited medium compared to IRL but sometimes when one of you spags has something good happen I feel happy for you and if something shit goes down, it bums me out. What's friendship on the internet if it's not that?

Will I help you move a sofa in? Fuck no but some part of my life is better for you all being in it.

Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on July 13, 2016, 12:35:16 am
I never really analysed what I'm trying to accomplish here on this board. Don't know if being liked is very high on my priority list. Dunno why the fuck I hang out here but I goddamn love it so I keep doing it. In terms of friendship and good happy stuff? It's a limited medium compared to IRL but sometimes when one of you spags has something good happen I feel happy for you and if something shit goes down, it bums me out. What's friendship on the internet if it's not that?

Will I help you move a sofa in? Fuck no but some part of my life is better for you all being in it.

All this! :)
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on July 13, 2016, 01:31:14 am
I never really analysed what I'm trying to accomplish here on this board. Don't know if being liked is very high on my priority list. Dunno why the fuck I hang out here but I goddamn love it so I keep doing it. In terms of friendship and good happy stuff? It's a limited medium compared to IRL but sometimes when one of you spags has something good happen I feel happy for you and if something shit goes down, it bums me out. What's friendship on the internet if it's not that?

Will I help you move a sofa in? Fuck no but some part of my life is better for you all being in it.

This is because you are a Scotsman, and your head is full of chips and lager.

I wasn't really talking about PD.  I was speaking in general terms.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on July 13, 2016, 01:32:10 am
I like you Roger.  You're my kind of person.

I want people to like me, but I'm fundamentally not very likable, so I get how you feel.

Inside all of us is a better person, struggling to get out.

Find that bugger and smash him flat.  There is no place in the world for people like that.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on July 13, 2016, 01:33:09 am
I feel you. The happiest years of my life have been the "don't give a shit about y'all" ones.

Yeah, I am convinced that the best way to be miserable is to try to be something you aren't.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Eater of Clowns on July 13, 2016, 02:16:52 am
I feel you. The happiest years of my life have been the "don't give a shit about y'all" ones.

Yeah, I am convinced that the best way to be miserable is to try to be something you aren't.

Wait but I'm miserable just trying to be happ- *explodes*
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Ziegejunge on July 13, 2016, 07:31:11 pm
From what I know about you, Roger, which is primarily based on your writings here, I like you. I don't feel your writings are disingenuous, nor do they resemble a plea to be liked. You strike me as a quality human being and a critical thinker. No one is perfect, and you can't please all the people all the time. I appreciate that you're honest with yourself, and I hope you'll continue to share that honesty with us, even when (especially when?) that honesty is biting or uncomfortable.

Cheers!

Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Suu on July 13, 2016, 08:13:24 pm
Everybody back East is assuming that California "will be good for me", and that it will make me a "less angry person."

Jokes on those fuckers. Hate is universal.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: PoFP on July 13, 2016, 08:44:15 pm
It's too bad high intelligence is so highly correlated with low self-esteem and depression.

I hate watching giants among men, like you people, walking themselves into dark thoughts and shit.

You guys should drive a couple nails into your heads. I tell yah, being retarded is fucking awesome. You just can't care.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Suu on July 13, 2016, 09:51:46 pm
It's too bad high intelligence is so highly correlated with low self-esteem and depression.


This actually makes a lot of sense, at least to me. Though I wouldn't call myself a genius by any stretch, I've been dealing with low self-esteem for pretty much forever. The depression is new, but doc seemed to think it manifested through stressful events. Fact is, I WISH I couldn't be arsed to care, but I care too goddamn much. I'll never achieve true Slack since I'm forever sitting on pins and needles. Right now, the guest room still has boxes in it. We just got our truck of stuff 2 weeks ago and I'm like, 'THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE 3 SECONDS AFTER IT GOT HERE'. I care too goddamn much to not care, and I wish every fuck I have would just fly away. I'm sick of caring. I want a goddamn nap.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Junkenstein on July 13, 2016, 11:43:08 pm
I feel you. The happiest years of my life have been the "don't give a shit about y'all" ones.

Yeah, I am convinced that the best way to be miserable is to try to be something you aren't.

What always amused me was that it's also far more effort than the rewards are ever worth. Said rewards are usually the misery of having to keep it up.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on July 13, 2016, 11:44:32 pm
It's too bad high intelligence is so highly correlated with low self-esteem and depression.

I hate watching giants among men, like you people, walking themselves into dark thoughts and shit.

You guys should drive a couple nails into your heads. I tell yah, being retarded is fucking awesome. You just can't care.

Intelligence is a worthless survival skill. That's why it's selected against. Don't meet many supersmart fuckers do you? Being a maniac is miles better. Having the energy and the will to just smash a motherfucker clean out existence and a complete lack of concern for the consequences trumps depression every time in my book. I've extensive experience with both and that's my verdict :evil:
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on July 14, 2016, 04:14:48 am
It's too bad high intelligence is so highly correlated with low self-esteem and depression.

I hate watching giants among men, like you people, walking themselves into dark thoughts and shit.

You guys should drive a couple nails into your heads. I tell yah, being retarded is fucking awesome. You just can't care.

I've been a dumbass my whole life.   :lulz:
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: PoFP on July 16, 2016, 01:03:27 am
It's too bad high intelligence is so highly correlated with low self-esteem and depression.


This actually makes a lot of sense, at least to me. Though I wouldn't call myself a genius by any stretch, I've been dealing with low self-esteem for pretty much forever. The depression is new, but doc seemed to think it manifested through stressful events. Fact is, I WISH I couldn't be arsed to care, but I care too goddamn much. I'll never achieve true Slack since I'm forever sitting on pins and needles. Right now, the guest room still has boxes in it. We just got our truck of stuff 2 weeks ago and I'm like, 'THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE 3 SECONDS AFTER IT GOT HERE'. I care too goddamn much to not care, and I wish every fuck I have would just fly away. I'm sick of caring. I want a goddamn nap.

I think intelligence might also be highly correlated with not finding your calling: your purpose in life.

You see, I'm dumb enough to know I'm meant to serve people in some way. Regardless of what point in my life I was in, I KNEW I would always be reliable in that way. When you know exactly what you're meant for, you lose your ability to feel stressed by situations, you gain infinite patience, and you obtain the skills for what you specialize in quite quickly.

When you think fast enough to question your purpose in life or whether you chose the right thing, you get FUCKED. You start worrying about every little thing because you're desperate to find that thing that drives you. Serving people is the only thing that has kept me away from drugs and BAD BAD things. If it weren't for having someone to devote myself to, I would be dead or I would be wanted dead.

Do you often find yourself lost in a massive chaotic world, not knowing what you should be doing with your life? If so, you might be intelligent.

Or blinded by drugs.

It's too bad high intelligence is so highly correlated with low self-esteem and depression.

I hate watching giants among men, like you people, walking themselves into dark thoughts and shit.

You guys should drive a couple nails into your heads. I tell yah, being retarded is fucking awesome. You just can't care.

Intelligence is a worthless survival skill. That's why it's selected against. Don't meet many supersmart fuckers do you? Being a maniac is miles better. Having the energy and the will to just smash a motherfucker clean out existence and a complete lack of concern for the consequences trumps depression every time in my book. I've extensive experience with both and that's my verdict :evil:

In a lot of ways, I agree with you. We could have the world of Mad Max if we didn't think about shit. We could've had FUCKING VALHALLA. But NO, motherfuckers had to start questioning the atmospheric conditions. And the harms of cancer. And the need for water.

It's too bad high intelligence is so highly correlated with low self-esteem and depression.

I hate watching giants among men, like you people, walking themselves into dark thoughts and shit.

You guys should drive a couple nails into your heads. I tell yah, being retarded is fucking awesome. You just can't care.

I've been a dumbass my whole life.   :lulz:

A dumbass only because you underestimate your own intelligence.

Dumbass  :lulz:
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 16, 2016, 05:46:07 am
It's too bad high intelligence is so highly correlated with low self-esteem and depression.

I hate watching giants among men, like you people, walking themselves into dark thoughts and shit.

You guys should drive a couple nails into your heads. I tell yah, being retarded is fucking awesome. You just can't care.

Quote
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/neuroskeptic/2013/01/12/smart-people-say-theyre-less-depressed/#.V4m73JMrJsM
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: PoFP on July 16, 2016, 07:17:06 am
It's too bad high intelligence is so highly correlated with low self-esteem and depression.

I hate watching giants among men, like you people, walking themselves into dark thoughts and shit.

You guys should drive a couple nails into your heads. I tell yah, being retarded is fucking awesome. You just can't care.

Quote
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/neuroskeptic/2013/01/12/smart-people-say-theyre-less-depressed/#.V4m73JMrJsM

Oops  :oops:
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on July 22, 2016, 07:23:51 pm
It always amazes me when people tell you horrible shit about how you're less than human or the worst friend ever or shit like that, and then fail to understand why you aren't friends anymore.  Call me a dumbass, fine.  Call me an asshole, also fine.  Tell me that I'm not human or make a joke out of a friendship, that's not so fine.  I may holler at you, I may say ignorant shit, but I never told a friend they were less than human. 

Hugh did this shit 11 years ago (among other things, but let's just concentrate on this one thing), and I am not about to forgive him for it. 
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Cuddlefish on July 22, 2016, 07:32:18 pm
Knowing you outside of PeeDee, this reads like "Why won't people just LET me be an asshole to everyone without calling me on it?" You're gonna get what you give, and when you give everybody rashers of shit all the time, well...

Now, OF COURSE, none of this is to say that I don't like you, because I DO LIKE YOU. But you can't complain that nobody likes you when you go out of the way to make it so. It's a self fulfilling prophecy at this point.

And, OF COURSE, none of this is to say that you SHOULD want to be liked, that's up to you. But you can't complain when you never really tried.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: N E T on July 23, 2016, 03:35:56 am
I think you're pretty awesome, Roger. I always look forward to your rants and Facebook posts.

You remind me to be true to myself, and sometimes that means being an asshole.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on July 23, 2016, 04:21:01 am
Knowing you outside of PeeDee, this reads like "Why won't people just LET me be an asshole to everyone without calling me on it?"

Funny, reads more like a personal thing than this generalized abstraction to me.
Maybe I'm being unduly literate here, but that's just your crude opinion on an off topic at best, a swipe at Roger while he's getting shit off his chest at worst.


Either way...  :kingmeh:
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Cuddlefish on July 23, 2016, 05:03:35 am
Knowing you outside of PeeDee, this reads like "Why won't people just LET me be an asshole to everyone without calling me on it?"

Funny, reads more like a personal thing than this generalized abstraction to me.
Maybe I'm being unduly literate here, but that's just your crude opinion on an off topic at best, a swipe at Roger while he's getting shit off his chest at worst.


Either way...  :kingmeh:

nah, once you get to know him, it's pretty much the same old shit every time.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 23, 2016, 05:13:30 am
Knowing you outside of PeeDee, this reads like "Why won't people just LET me be an asshole to everyone without calling me on it?" You're gonna get what you give, and when you give everybody rashers of shit all the time, well...

Now, OF COURSE, none of this is to say that I don't like you, because I DO LIKE YOU. But you can't complain that nobody likes you when you go out of the way to make it so. It's a self fulfilling prophecy at this point.

And, OF COURSE, none of this is to say that you SHOULD want to be liked, that's up to you. But you can't complain when you never really tried.

Bingo.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Cuddlefish on July 23, 2016, 05:31:05 am
And, not for nothing, but I know Alty And Charlie, and I've met few people that were more reasonable, caring and understanding than them. So if THEY won't talk to you, it's probably not because of something THEY'VE done.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on July 23, 2016, 05:50:14 am
And, not for nothing, but I know Alty And Charlie, and I've met few people that were more reasonable, caring and understanding than them. So if THEY won't talk to you, it's probably not because of something THEY'VE done.

I can personally only see one thing really happening here. See it's pretty clear that your interest is in making Roger FEEL BAD because you FEEL BAD. I know this because you're onto name calling and other weak shit now. This is all YOUR butthurt, and you'd like to share it around. I totally get it. You're going to drag more folks' names into this to support your assault huh? Nice. Guess consensus established right?  :boring:
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Cuddlefish on July 23, 2016, 05:59:47 am
And, not for nothing, but I know Alty And Charlie, and I've met few people that were more reasonable, caring and understanding than them. So if THEY won't talk to you, it's probably not because of something THEY'VE done.

I can personally only see one thing really happening here. See it's pretty clear that your interest is in making Roger FEEL BAD because you FEEL BAD. I know this because you're onto name calling and other weak shit now. This is all YOUR butthurt, and you'd like to share it around. I totally get it. You're going to drag more folks' names into this to support your assault huh? Nice. Guess consensus established right?  :boring:

I'm onto name calling because it's the only thing certain people around here seem to understand. I know, I know, it would help you to sleep better if you could write the whole thing off as butthurt, but you won't be getting sleep. I don't expect you to understand, Joseph, it's hard to understand what it's like on the outside once you've crawled so far up someone's ass.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Cuddlefish on July 23, 2016, 06:03:41 am
And, my interest was, initially, to have a conversation with a friend of mine who seemed like he needed someone to point out "the spinach in his teeth" like a decent friend should. But instead, I'm up to my knees in sock-monkeys without a single thought of their own. You must be Roger's favorite.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on July 23, 2016, 06:48:35 am
And, not for nothing, but I know Alty And Charlie, and I've met few people that were more reasonable, caring and understanding than them. So if THEY won't talk to you, it's probably not because of something THEY'VE done.

I can personally only see one thing really happening here. See it's pretty clear that your interest is in making Roger FEEL BAD because you FEEL BAD. I know this because you're onto name calling and other weak shit now. This is all YOUR butthurt, and you'd like to share it around. I totally get it. You're going to drag more folks' names into this to support your assault huh? Nice. Guess consensus established right?  :boring:

I'm onto name calling because it's the only thing certain people around here seem to understand. I know, I know, it would help you to sleep better if you could write the whole thing off as butthurt, but you won't be getting sleep. I don't expect you to understand, Joseph, it's hard to understand what it's like on the outside once you've crawled so far up someone's ass.

Fun fact:  Charley just started hating me one day.  I will admit, though, that before the entire thing exploded in an enormous ball of shit, I did my part to make things worse.  Alty more or less followed suit, for reasons he never made clear.  Neither of them ever accused me of being subhuman, though.  Hell, most of the arse biscuits from the civil war of ancient legend aren't permanently on my shit list.

Kai did, years ago (something about how he wasn't going to mix with liberals that didn't have advanced degrees, because we can't think and harbor all manner of superstitions, you know us peasants), and I have never spoken to him since.  Hugh, Fnordie, and Nigel all decided, over an eleven year period, that my friendship was of no value, aside from maybe a source of vicious humor, and I more or less consider that to be the same thing.  Now Dimo, because I am a dog and all I can do is bark and bark and bark.

So that's 5 people in 14 years (on this board at any rate).  I am a monster.   what can I say?  woof.

I do appreciate your support, but there's really no sense in continuing.  This isn't even really an argument. 
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 23, 2016, 03:04:02 pm
And, not for nothing, but I know Alty And Charlie, and I've met few people that were more reasonable, caring and understanding than them. So if THEY won't talk to you, it's probably not because of something THEY'VE done.

I can personally only see one thing really happening here. See it's pretty clear that your interest is in making Roger FEEL BAD because you FEEL BAD. I know this because you're onto name calling and other weak shit now. This is all YOUR butthurt, and you'd like to share it around. I totally get it. You're going to drag more folks' names into this to support your assault huh? Nice. Guess consensus established right?  :boring:

Christ, what a fucking mindless sycophant.
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on July 23, 2016, 05:02:29 pm
And, not for nothing, but I know Alty And Charlie, and I've met few people that were more reasonable, caring and understanding than them. So if THEY won't talk to you, it's probably not because of something THEY'VE done.

I can personally only see one thing really happening here. See it's pretty clear that your interest is in making Roger FEEL BAD because you FEEL BAD. I know this because you're onto name calling and other weak shit now. This is all YOUR butthurt, and you'd like to share it around. I totally get it. You're going to drag more folks' names into this to support your assault huh? Nice. Guess consensus established right?  :boring:

Christ, what a fucking mindless sycophant.

Why drag Jesus into this?
Title: Re: Your Moment of Hate
Post by: axod on July 23, 2016, 10:15:14 pm
Hatred is its own ignorance of being toward itself.