Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Aneristic Illusions => Topic started by: Junkenstein on November 15, 2016, 02:17:10 am

Title: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 15, 2016, 02:17:10 am
Giving you the best odds around with Payouts SO YUGE you look at my hands and say "These payouts are huge, and the odds, the odds are overwhelming" The Officially Stamped Betting Cabal is taking bets large and small on any and all forthcoming bullshit.

Think Alex Jones might be trump's press secretary? Hey, the breitbart guy is in so I'd throw a piranha on it.

Shkreli for the new FBI head? Two monkeys, just for fun. A banana for getting something.

Guessing the next front opens in Africa and not the middle east? Surely worth two donkeys and a chisel.

Palin for state secretary? No? Supreme court judge material you say? Then quit after two weeks? Well, throw a wheelbarrow on it and let's see.

You see, dear friends, that we are firmly in the grip of the strange times. And we shall fight this, like we fight everything else (often each-other), but that is just one part of it all. The other, the much more important, is to LAUGH at it all. You know i'm not always talking about that happy or healthy laugh either. But laugh we must, and what better laughter comes than from a horrible notion plucked from the air AND THEN LAND A PAYOUT THAT YOU WOULD NEVER OF CONCEIVED OF. OH GODS I PROMISE YOU, SHOULD YOU WIN YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THE PAYOUT THAT SHALL BE INFLICTED GRIEVOUSLY UPON THEE GENEROUSLY REWARDED BEYOND REASON. Really, you just won't believe it. If you're struggling to start, look at that picture of trump/farage in front of the GOLD(bronze) door and repeat the holy mantra:

"This represents the underprivileged white underclass". Enlightenment and the urge to gamble shall follow.


So step right up, prove your prophecy skills, predict comical nominations, resignations, quiet marginalisations, outright failures and WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE comes to mind. We're covering all bets until bankruptcy, going hoarse, or it just stops being funny.


And remember before you bet, I've just had a daughter literally today. The last few months have fucking crept by, the weeks moreso, and now, I have a kid. A tiny ball of innocence that I shall be dragging through this era and having to explain so much bullshit as it already stands, I can barely conceive of it. If you saw that ever happening you're a better fucking man than I. 

Well then, Taking all bets.


Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Emo Howard on November 15, 2016, 05:03:21 am
Scott Baio appointed to the Supreme Court. No doubt whether Charles is really in charge, then.  I got 1 petrified toad on that one.

Ted Nugent: Chairman for the National Endowment for the arts. Grants strictly limited to rock operas about Donald Trump. An autographed copy of The Zen of Nose Hair Weaving, and the Issue of Mad Magazine where they spoof the movie Schindler's List, respectively.




Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on November 15, 2016, 05:22:12 am
I'm betting that the "Truthers" that just all got seats that they don't even slightly qualify for in a government that they previously believed inimical and totalitarian are in for some mind-rending revelations beyond the petty fantasies they've been slinging since Bill Cooper died shortly after predicting 9-11 with the help of his caji friends.

Betting also that they're just going to do as their masters say anyway.

Betting most of the world will never know the difference because nothing really changes.

For my part all bets are in and I'm just getting warmed up for round 1 of the new normal. Maybe one day you'll find yourself placing a few wagers on me, but for now I've got to get my qualification back and get ready for the real fights coming up all too soon.

Also congratulations on the birth of your daughter!  :)
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 15, 2016, 07:51:42 pm
Trump signs the more odious legislation on Ryan's desk.
GOP is then shocked to learn that Trump has evaded taxes, impeaches him.
President Pence, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Paul Ryan.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 15, 2016, 08:13:47 pm
Trump signs the more odious legislation on Ryan's desk.
GOP is then shocked to learn that Trump has evaded taxes, impeaches him.
President Pence, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Paul Ryan.

Remind me, who takes over if pence snuffs it or has other issues? That guy needs watching because he's got some serious incentives to fuck the pair of them.


And thanks joe, 2 mules says you're an elected official in 3 years.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 15, 2016, 08:16:01 pm
Trump signs the more odious legislation on Ryan's desk.
GOP is then shocked to learn that Trump has evaded taxes, impeaches him.
President Pence, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Paul Ryan.

Remind me, who takes over if pence snuffs it or has other issues? That guy needs watching because he's got some serious incentives to fuck the pair of them.


And thanks joe, 2 mules says you're an elected official in 3 years.

Paul Ryan, of course.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 15, 2016, 08:21:57 pm
HA. HA. HA.

3 pies on when Obama leaves the whitehouse he leaves behind a pile of practical jokes that make Andrew Jackson's cheese stunt look tame. 1 pie on this being a map to Lincoln's gold which trump destroys the place to find.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Prelate Diogenes Shandor on November 15, 2016, 11:27:13 pm
HA. HA. HA.

3 pies on when Obama leaves the whitehouse he leaves behind a pile of practical jokes that make Andrew Jackson's cheese stunt look tame.

I don't recall that one.

I remember Bill Clinton's staff removing all the "w"s from the computers though
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 15, 2016, 11:48:11 pm
Google it.

There's a distinct chance of duelling being brought back into fashion to settle disputes.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on November 16, 2016, 12:17:44 am
Trump signs the more odious legislation on Ryan's desk.
GOP is then shocked to learn that Trump has evaded taxes, impeaches him.
President Pence, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Paul Ryan.

Remind me, who takes over if pence snuffs it or has other issues? That guy needs watching because he's got some serious incentives to fuck the pair of them.


And thanks joe, 2 mules says you're an elected official in 3 years.

 :crankey: Well those mules are full of shit! Don't listen to them!!! They can't make be and I ain't voluntary! I know that's not what you meant!! I'm just so fucking triggered by the very idea!! DAMMIT JUNKENSTEIN! DAMMIT TO HECK!
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Prelate Diogenes Shandor on November 16, 2016, 01:59:31 am
I predict the democrats bringing in Jerry Springer as their candidate in 2020
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 16, 2016, 02:10:20 am
Further bets without a stake will assume the entirety of the bettors wealth is the stake, and this stake is valued at 1 1$ 1E 1 rusty nail.

My lawyers indicate that this is legit.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 17, 2016, 02:51:12 am
Relevant:  https://trumptracker.github.io/
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 17, 2016, 06:05:19 am
I predict that Discordianism will have an unprecedented surge in popularity, bringing it into the public eye at the same level of publicity enjoyed by the Quakers and Mennonnites.

Also, this thread is currently my favorite thing on earth. Way to horrormirth!  :lulz:

Bet you an apple pie.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 17, 2016, 06:06:16 am
Plus, congratulations on the kid! Teach her how to kill people with her hands.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 17, 2016, 03:05:24 pm
Plus, congratulations on the kid! Teach her how to kill people with her hands.

Thanks! I've had a good while to work out education and this was already on it. It's quite high on the list after pick-pocketing practice and chimney sweeping. Needs to be in hand before being sent to the mines. 


Also, 2 bits and and bumper on Warren meeting with a mysterious accident after this classy little fuck you:

http://www.warren.senate.gov/files/documents/2016-11-15-Trump_Letter.pdf

Quote
David Malpass, who is responsible for shaping your Administration's Treasury
Department. 7 Malpass served as Chief Economist at Bear Stearns for six years and now
runs a consulting firm for Wall Street clients. Just nine months before the crash of 2008,
Malpass asserted that "[h]ousing and debt markets are not that big a part of the U.S.
economy, or of job creation."8

Quote
Jeff Eisenach, a "paid consultant for Verizon" 18 and "former lobbyist who has called for
deregulation of the telecommunications industry"19 is advising your team on personnel
decisions at the Federal Communications Commission.

Quote
Martin Whitmer, a founding partner of a lobbying firm representing clients such as
National Asphalt Pavement Association, is advising your transition team on
transportation and infrastructure decisions.25

Quote
Cindy Hayden, a lobbyist for tobacco company Altria, is overseeing Homeland Security
for your transition team

Quote
Mira Ricardel, who worked until recently for Boeing - a company that received over
$16.5 billion in Defense Department contracts in FY2015, making it "one of the largest
beneficiaries of U.S. taxpayer-funded government contracts and federal loan
guarantees"29 - is guiding your transition on Defense.

5 nails on Ted Nugent ending up in charge of environment/climate change.

3 Shovels on a convicted pimp being put in charge of women's issues.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 20, 2016, 10:55:44 am
1 explosive turd on the current asshole being rp.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 20, 2016, 05:02:53 pm
1 explosive turd on the current asshole being rp.

Oh, definitely. At least he's mixing up his douchebaggery by saying new stupid things.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Salty on November 20, 2016, 07:41:20 pm
1 explosive turd on the current asshole being rp.

Oh yeah. The thing that really convinces me, aside from the fact that rp hasn't posted at all since the noob showed up, was that he has made a big show of blocking people. Just so HE can SHOW US.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 21, 2016, 04:58:02 pm
1 explosive turd on the current asshole being rp.

Oh yeah. The thing that really convinces me, aside from the fact that rp hasn't posted at all since the noob showed up, was that he has made a big show of blocking people. Just so HE can SHOW US.

Yeah, he's transparent as fuck.

Plus now he's just gone back to posting his crap links. He's like the link-dumping cockroach of PD.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on November 22, 2016, 02:10:15 am
Put me down for half a gerbil and two ounces of grade AA compressed pocket lint that Elvis is not in fact RPspag.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on November 22, 2016, 02:14:23 am

I don't believe that this is RPspag. I don't have certain proof, but I REALLY can't say that I get the same vibe overall from posting style and other signs. That's not to say they're dissimilar overall, but...

IPs don't match, but one of the two IPs appears to be one of the big centers for cell phones.

Put me down for half a gerbil and two ounces of grade AA compressed pocket lint that Elvis is not in fact RPspag.

Can I double down on my bet if I already split the gerbil?
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 24, 2016, 11:11:28 pm
3 roubles on Russia annexing a few more areas in the same way the Crimea went through 2017, probably starting around March. No point fucking about in the winter when you don't have to.

2 pesos on China doing the same on a smaller, quieter scale, disputed islands and such.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 28, 2016, 11:34:58 pm
UKIP's got a new leader, half a wheelbarrow on him lasting till the new year. Farage to make a predictable return around april. A third of a mouldy pear on that.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2016, 12:06:41 am
The scabs on my left ass cheek say the right runs the country into the dirt with precisely zero effective opposition.

The scabs on my right ass cheek are my wager that Le Pen takes France.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 29, 2016, 12:09:05 am
I'll cover those and raise you some shit stained pants that next year is marked as the one when things started to get really easy for China. Start working on your mandarin now.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2016, 12:10:45 am
I'll cover those and raise you some shit stained pants that next year is marked as the one when things started to get really easy for China. Start working on your mandarin now.

Accepted, and putting up my pee-stained dentures that Britain takes the Brexit thing to the fucking wall and everyone winds up eating parsnips and burning textbooks to stay warm.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 29, 2016, 12:13:04 am
Ha, Joke's on you, we're already doing that.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2016, 12:16:08 am
Ha, Joke's on you, we're already doing that.

Then I'd say my pee-stained dentures are on pretty safe ground.   :lulz:
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Emo Howard on November 30, 2016, 05:42:19 am
Judging from all the pro-Trump headlines in all the tabloids in the checkout lanes, I'll wager a my entire Mike Warnke collection that Bat-Boy will soon be appointed Head of the National Bureau of Alt-Science.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on November 30, 2016, 06:33:43 am
Judging from all the pro-Trump headlines in all the tabloids in the checkout lanes, I'll wager a my entire Mike Warnke collection that Bat-Boy will soon be appointed Head of the National Bureau of Alt-Science.

He DOES deserve it. After all, he's done literal miracles for the world and the people of the United States specifically.

I put 5lbs of top quality guano on the same! Sack or bucket not included.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2016, 03:03:36 pm
Anyone bet on Romney sucking Trump's butthole?

Because that just happened.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on November 30, 2016, 04:35:42 pm
Anyone bet on Romney sucking Trump's butthole?

Because that just happened.

2 left sandals on there being one US politician with a spine and standards. It's unlikely, but not impossible.

A broken belt buckle says it turns out to be Palin.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 30, 2016, 04:58:51 pm
An assassination attempt draws actual blood, but is not successful. This forestalls Trump's flounce by another six months.

Betting all my wisdom teeth on it.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on November 30, 2016, 06:03:26 pm
Bet it's his own folks as a stunt or else political "sacrifice" if so.

I'd wager actual money, but 30 silver electroplated steel slugs is all I have to put up.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on December 08, 2016, 04:59:29 pm
Half a bit of broken string on trump shite spreading to at least 3 more threads by the end of the month.

This crap is like a virus. It's getting distinct flavour of personality cult too.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 08, 2016, 05:13:22 pm
Betting a blown-out pair of BVDs that someone actually kills that Carrier union official.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on December 08, 2016, 05:22:37 pm
Betting a blown-out pair of BVDs that someone actually kills that Carrier union official.

Not a worthy bet. Too likely. What we need is  a pool on how! I got a rusty speculum and dirty spoon on "dragged behind a truck bearing some variety of "rebel flag" and four old nails on it having an ichthos "jesus fish".
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on December 08, 2016, 07:51:24 pm
A pound of piss on trump making a speech before inauguration actively invoking positive nostalgia for previous eras. He's referring to apartheid.  He has a straight face. The crowd love it. Zimmerman is invited to meet with him afterwards to discuss how they're both super not racist at all.

Rogers bee filled skin on a picture being taken showing trumps bags being carried in a stupidly grandiose fashion. Later to all be revealed to be empty.

Half a bag of shit on whitehouse rooms being redecorated in a style called "early Gaddafi"
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 08, 2016, 11:29:33 pm
A pound of piss on trump making a speech before inauguration actively invoking positive nostalgia for previous eras. He's referring to apartheid.  He has a straight face. The crowd love it. Zimmerman is invited to meet with him afterwards to discuss how they're both super not racist at all.

Rogers bee filled skin on a picture being taken showing trumps bags being carried in a stupidly grandiose fashion. Later to all be revealed to be empty.

Half a bag of shit on whitehouse rooms being redecorated in a style called "early Gaddafi"

Junkenstein's horribly stained crowbar says Trump arrives at the inauguration in a helicopter.  Seconds before he's due to take the oath.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Junkenstein on December 09, 2016, 12:33:37 am
Covered, he's obviously going to be late.

Hell, I'll throw a Dollar on not turning up at all. Even if he does I'll have another dollar on some additions or alterations to the oath. He can't help it, it's just all part of the wonderful tapestry of mental illness.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: xXRon_Paul_42016Xxx(weed) on December 09, 2016, 02:43:09 am
There will be a major terrorist attack rivaling or surpassing 9/11 during Trumps presidency.

"Fake News" legislation is going to be on the floor and if it passes will mostly be used to crack down on Elite Child Abuse stories.

France and/or Germany is going to Brexit.

We have not seen the last of Guacman Jeb Bush.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on December 09, 2016, 03:58:11 am
There will be a major terrorist attack rivaling or surpassing 9/11 during Trumps presidency.

"Fake News" legislation is going to be on the floor and if it passes will mostly be used to crack down on Elite Child Abuse stories.

France and/or Germany is going to Brexit.

We have not seen the last of Guacman Jeb Bush.

What's your bet? We don't take distressed souls with a lean on them.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: xXRon_Paul_42016Xxx(weed) on December 09, 2016, 04:00:59 am
There will be a major terrorist attack rivaling or surpassing 9/11 during Trumps presidency.

"Fake News" legislation is going to be on the floor and if it passes will mostly be used to crack down on Elite Child Abuse stories.

France and/or Germany is going to Brexit.

We have not seen the last of Guacman Jeb Bush.

What's your bet? We don't take distressed souls with a lean on them.

All the res in my pipe. And a sheet of chinese research chemicals.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: QueenThera on December 10, 2016, 12:49:16 am
Judging from all the pro-Trump headlines in all the tabloids in the checkout lanes, I'll wager a my entire Mike Warnke collection that Bat-Boy will soon be appointed Head of the National Bureau of Alt-Science.
The Weekly World News that featured Bat Boy went defunct ages ago in 2007.

The only ones left are nearly believable ones. No fun left in tabloids, at least from what I recall from packing those into boxes to ship out to supermarkets.

It makes me sad to think about it.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Sung Low on December 13, 2016, 03:11:42 pm
The stuff that was clogging up the sink on Ron never getting his 'Converted a Discordian forum' merit badge.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Eater of Clowns on January 06, 2017, 03:18:00 am
Betting that Trump's public shitting on US intelligence agencies directly leads into the formation of his secret police.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 06, 2017, 03:26:06 am
Betting that Trump's public shitting on US intelligence agencies directly leads into the formation of his secret police.

Six indefinite detentions says you're being an optimist.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Eater of Clowns on January 06, 2017, 03:30:30 am
Betting that Trump's public shitting on US intelligence agencies directly leads into the formation of his secret police.

Six indefinite detentions says you're being an optimist.
I'll raise you an enhanced interrogation that waterboarding doesn't go far enough and, further, turns constitutional in SCotUS.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: East Coast Hustle on January 06, 2017, 07:50:18 am
Betting on WW3 starting in Lithuania, but since it's currently a 3-1 favorite I'm also placing some "swing for the fences" bets on Finland at 20-1 and Georgia at 75-1.
Title: Re: Offical betting thread
Post by: Prelate Diogenes Shandor on January 11, 2017, 07:55:47 pm
Betting that Trump's public shitting on US intelligence agencies directly leads into the formation of his secret police.

Or his assassination by said agencies (one can hope)