Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Cramulus on September 05, 2017, 01:41:46 pm

Title: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: Cramulus on September 05, 2017, 01:41:46 pm
PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.

Fuck it. I'm starting a death cult

If anybody wants in, let me know. We're gonna off ourselves at the same time on a Monday. Why Monday? So we can get in a good weekend before the finale. 

The only rule is that you have to kill yourself in a way that nobody's ever heard of. When people find our bodies, it'll really make their day.


So here's how I'm gonna go ---

I'm gonna glue living field mice all over my naked body, and then lay down in a room full of hungry eagles.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on September 05, 2017, 01:59:33 pm
I'm in. Gonna drink a couple of litres of silly string formula then splodeyvest myself in a crowded area. I'll be remembered in the history books as the human yarnbomber.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: Faust on September 05, 2017, 02:05:53 pm
I'm going to participate in an orange eating contest.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on September 05, 2017, 02:14:24 pm
I'm gonna go to Africa and eat raw bats until I develop a novel hemorrhagic fever for folks to enjoy because I don't have the guts to die of eating ORANGES like Faust does.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: PoFP on September 05, 2017, 02:46:18 pm
I'd put myself into a guided missile that looks like a nuclear warhead and have myself given to North Korea for testing. The missile itself has no explosive capability.

But it is filled with 300 lbs of FLAX.

And all-you-can-eat stuffed crab.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: Mr. Gone on September 05, 2017, 06:49:08 pm
I'm going to give several vision-impaired individuals several poison and blade-tipped saxophones and violins, then I will stand up against a wall and tell them to have at er.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on September 05, 2017, 08:02:35 pm
I'm going to get a genie to grant me the conditional wish that I slowly and painfully transmute into gold when I make psychical contact with Trump, then make that handshake happen.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: Freeky on September 05, 2017, 08:07:19 pm
I'm going to participate in an orange eating contest.

 :lulz:
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on September 05, 2017, 11:10:33 pm
strap cats to myself and hop in the shower.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on September 05, 2017, 11:57:15 pm
This whole fread! I'ma sculpt it all.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: Pope Pelvis Flirtini on September 06, 2017, 01:02:23 am
Ninjas. I'm going to be killed by ninjas.

When I'm old and I've done all the things I want to do or there's no chance I'll do any of the things I haven't done, I'll contract assassins to hunt me down. It can be any time, any place, just as long as I don't know when and where. The only rule is that they need to be many, and it must be with swords.

And I'll carry a katana with me for the remainder of my days, because I'm sure as hell not going down without a fight. I might have hired them myself, but they won't know that, and I'll be damned if I'm not determined to take a few of the bastards out with me.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: MMIX on September 06, 2017, 05:52:30 pm
Ninjas. I'm going to be killed by ninjas.

When I'm old and I've done all the things I want to do or there's no chance I'll do any of the things I haven't done, I'll contract assassins to hunt me down. It can be any time, any place, just as long as I don't know when and where. The only rule is that they need to be many, and it must be with swords.

And I'll carry a katana with me for the remainder of my days, because I'm sure as hell not going down without a fight. I might have hired them myself, but they won't know that, and I'll be damned if I'm not determined to take a few of the bastards out with me.

Oh FFS man, that is soo fucking bourgeois - lay off of the ninja's by all that's holey, they are only doing their bloody jobs
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: Cain on September 06, 2017, 06:10:02 pm
Anyone who dies to more than one ninja is lame anyways.  Conservation of Ninjutsu means you should fall only when facing a lone ninja.  If you're facing, like 50, then you should be perfectly safe.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on September 06, 2017, 06:40:51 pm
Anyone who dies to more than one ninja is lame anyways.  Conservation of Ninjutsu means you should fall only when facing a lone ninja.  If you're facing, like 50, then you should be perfectly safe.
Every straight-to-vhs ninja movie I rented in the 80's corroborates your hypothesis.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: PoFP on September 06, 2017, 08:30:38 pm
 
Anyone who dies to more than one ninja is lame anyways.  Conservation of Ninjutsu means you should fall only when facing a lone ninja.  If you're facing, like 50, then you should be perfectly safe.

Every straight-to-vhs ninja movie I rented in the 80's corroborates your hypothesis.

 :spittake:
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on September 06, 2017, 08:48:06 pm
Anyone who dies to more than one ninja is lame anyways.  Conservation of Ninjutsu means you should fall only when facing a lone ninja.  If you're facing, like 50, then you should be perfectly safe.

Every straight-to-vhs ninja movie I rented in the 80's corroborates your hypothesis.

 :spittake:

 :lulz: :lulz:
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on September 06, 2017, 08:49:04 pm
This whole fread! I'ma sculpt it all.

Sweet Jeebus yaaas!  :fap:
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on September 06, 2017, 08:51:33 pm
I'm gonna strap lit flares to my body and jump into a swimming pool full of industrial grade oxidizer. Might be able to see the fireball from orbit!
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: LuciferX on September 06, 2017, 09:47:45 pm
Me, decortication by sonic canon. 240 db of souped-up Russian LRAD to the chest, request playing Struggle for Pleasure by Wim Mertens.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on September 06, 2017, 09:53:13 pm
Me, decortication by sonic canon. 240 db of souped-up Russian LRAD to the chest, request playing Struggle for Pleasure by Wim Mertens.

Huh. I hadn't considered that a song could kill these days. Noise marines are real!

also..  In Russia guitar solos shred you!
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: LuciferX on September 07, 2017, 11:59:34 am
Me, decortication by sonic canon. 240 db of souped-up Russian LRAD to the chest, request playing Struggle for Pleasure by Wim Mertens.

Huh. I hadn't considered that a song could kill these days. Noise marines are real!

also..  In Russia guitar solos shred you!

Damnit, I said _Fish Beach_ by Michael Nyman!
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: Frontside Back on November 19, 2017, 11:49:18 am
Every time I try to take my life I just get resurrected by some random amazonian tribe. It's kind of annoying to shake off a whole tribe of people thinking of me as their personal messiah, finding my way back to civilization through the worlds largest jungle, and building a new identity out of nothing because I'm officially passed on despite my numerous complaints to the state officials. Also, dying fucking hurts, so I'll pass this one.

But if I were to do it, I'd put great effort into making my flat waterproof and then simply leave the tap on.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: Doktor Howl on November 19, 2017, 05:46:17 pm
Every time I try to take my life I just get resurrected by some random amazonian tribe. It's kind of annoying to shake off a whole tribe of people thinking of me as their personal messiah, finding my way back to civilization through the worlds largest jungle, and building a new identity out of nothing because I'm officially passed on despite my numerous complaints to the state officials. Also, dying fucking hurts, so I'll pass this one.

But if I were to do it, I'd put great effort into making my flat waterproof and then simply leave the tap on.

Payne does the exact same thing with Chavs in Scottland.
Title: Re: PD.COM: We're a self service death cult. Spike your own f'kin Koolaid.
Post by: Chelagoras The Boulder on November 19, 2017, 11:00:35 pm
Gonna dress like Zachary Taylor, drink a pitcher of cold milk and consume an absurd amount of cherries.