Messages

1

Apple Zone / Re: I have a cat

« on: Yesterday at 10:30:02 pm »

There is currently a hedgehog, camped out under my shed. P3nTK9 has to be supervised when peeing. "Leave it!"

First fucking terrier I've pwnt. There is a sheer, bloody determination there that was missing from the more instruction friendly Shepherds and Labs I've had before. This little bastard will give you 110% attention up until such a time as a rabbit or squirrel crosses his nose. He chases deer. Never catches them. It's good exercise for him. I'll sic him on them. "Rabbits!" I never bothered breaking it down - "food smelling animal to chase - go!" "Rabbits!" one size fits all.

From that moment on, until he finds himself alone in the woods, quarry gone, and none too sure where I am. Then he'd take a recall command but he doesn't get one. I've hidden behind a big fat old scots pine. If a dog is in the habit of fucking off on its own and refusing to come back, one logical human reaction is to chase after it. Dogs love this. And will run away for hours. I've seen them playing this game down the park with owners who are fucking clueless to what's going on. He gets cocky in the woods - "I can always find them they shout and yell. No worries. I'm off in here."

However, I take him up the woods and off he goes and I shout once and then hide. Every time he disappears - duck down in a ditch or something. Pretty soon he gets the message I want him to get - "I have to keep an eye on this bastard."

2

Apple Zone / Re: I have a cat

« on: Yesterday at 09:53:42 pm »

Cat thread now exclusively about dogs. Situation averted. Stand down

3

Apple Zone / Re: I have a cat

« on: Yesterday at 08:06:27 pm »

I have a rescue, but whomever his prior owners were, he was completely house trained.  He has sicked up in the house once, but never pissed or shat in it, no matter how desperate he is.

Pretty sure they also beat him pretty badly.  It's been 7 months, and he's just now able to pass people in the house without cringing.

Mine hates getting his head patted. Like fucking hates it. He's never been beaten or anything I'm pretty sure it's just a personal preference but he cringes like hell if you go to pat him on the head, turning round so you can scratch the little magical bit no dog can reach, at the base of the tail.

Pretty sure I know what folks who try to pat him on the head are thinking, tho. 

4

Apple Zone / Re: I have a cat

« on: Yesterday at 07:56:23 pm »

What I did with mine was, when he was a pup, he'd pee every time he woke up (most of them do) so I'd pick him up as soon as his eyes opened, dump him outside and, as soon as he started, I'd yell "pee pees!" in a comdey high pitched voice then stuff a treat down his throat. if I fucked up and missed it. I'd just ignore the whole thing then clean it up when he was done.

Pretty much as soon as he gained a bit of bladder control he'd be clawing at the back door, whining, cos he knew he only got the happy noise and the scooby snack if it happened outside. So I'd let him out and sure enough "trickle"... "PEE PEES" ... "Chomp!" but it doesn't end there.

Thanks to the work of Mr Pavlov we know that the act of peeing and the happy noise have become inextricably linked in the dog and it's a two way street. So now when we're out all I have to tell him is "Pee Pees" and liquid comes out. That's kinda dog training in a nutshell.

When compared to Nigel's experience this is why I like to get them young. I wish I had the patience to take on a rescue but I don't and have nothing but admiration and appreciation for folks who do.

5

Aneristic Illusions / Re: WHAT IN THE BLUE FUCK SCOTUS :(

« on: Yesterday at 07:26:40 pm »

Cunts in Disguise

or

Criminal Investigation Department

Depending on which side of the badge you're on

6

Aneristic Illusions / Re: WHAT IN THE BLUE FUCK SCOTUS :(

« on: Yesterday at 07:22:00 pm »

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/17/supreme-court-silence_n_3453968.html

"It has long been settled that the privilege `generally is not self-executing' and that a witness who desires its protection `must claim it.'"

They don't advertise it but, yeah, saying a single word to filth until you've been "cautioned" as we call it over here is the way of the dumbass. Any time I've been lifted, ever, the only thing I've said in response to any question, other than "are you P3nT4gR4m?" (failure to respond to this question is obstruction) is in the form of a question - "Are you arresting me?" otherwise there's wiggle room where they can claim you waived your rights. If it's CID they'll try everything to avoid it. Including flat out denying that they're about to slap the cuffs on you, by way of getting unprotected answers from you.

Generally it's only the criminals who are taught this, tho. Law abiding punters get raped over it

7

Apple Zone / Re: I have a cat

« on: Yesterday at 06:55:39 pm »

It's a pretty common problem. A lot of people see people with dogs and think "ooh that
Also a lot of dog training is counter intuitive, as a result of how dogs minds work. First time dog owners make a lot of mistakes this way and, as a result, a lot of the training can actually work backwards 

Would you mind elaborating on this point? I feel this may have been my problem with dogs on the past.

Best example I can think of is potty training.

First off, dogs do not associate cause and effect, only immediate behavior. So you come into the room and you notice the dog has peed on the rug. Immediately you fly off the handle and roar and bawl at the dog who, by this time has zero recollection of peeing, ever. Straight away the dog is freaked out.

"I'm getting a bollocking. What was I doing, oh yeah, chewing my chew toy. Fine! Never again, it's just not worth it, I'll try the sofa next time. Gotta chew something, right? WTF? He's still yelling. He's pointing at that puddle of pee over there. Why you yelling at me, it's obviously the pee's fault? Fine so he really hates pee. Note to self - don't let him see pee, or I'm gonna cop some flak over it"

So you clean up the pee and feel satisfied that the dog has got the message. He did, loud and clear. Just not the message you were trying to put across. Next thing you know the dog will totally not pee in front of you. Ever. You can walk that little bastard til his legs are hanging off. No dice. He's got the message all right - you hate pee. So he'll wait til you come back home, hours later, walking all funny cos all he wants to do is pee but he can't cos you'll see. Soon as you get back home what happens? Straight behind the sofa. Relief.

Good luck fixing that one

8

Apple Zone / Re: Re: THE PROBLEM WITH THIS BOARD

« on: Yesterday at 03:06:30 pm »

Yeah, but it seems he only knows how to express himself in terms of drugs lately.


Guy is like a fucking junkie

9

Apple Zone / Re: I have a cat

« on: Yesterday at 03:01:38 pm »

Yeah, I think that might have been part of the problem when I was a kid. We were never prepared for having the dogs, my dad just showed up with them when he came home from work. The poor things were alone most of the day because everyone as either at work or school.

It's a pretty common problem. A lot of people see people with dogs and think "ooh that looks like fun let's get one"

Next thing it's a year later and it turns out they "got lumbered with a psycho"

Or at least, that's how it looks to them. To an experienced dog owner it's an all too familiar and totally predictable story. Dogs require work. If you put in the effort, you will be rewarded with this furry thing that's really intelligent, loyal enough to lay down it's life for you and looks up to you as a god. It's the work thing that a lot of people don't think about.

I got a mate who trains gun dogs to retrieve birds which have been shot out the sky. He tells me people are always asking him where he got his whistle. Like it's some kind of special whistle that controls dogs as if they will be able to get theirs to come back or stop chewing the furniture if only they had one of these special whistles. Truth is he spends months training them from pups to respond to the whistle as a cue. Any whistle would do the job fine.

Also a lot of dog training is counter intuitive, as a result of how dogs minds work. First time dog owners make a lot of mistakes this way and, as a result, a lot of the training can actually work backwards 

10

Apple Zone / Re: I have a cat

« on: Yesterday at 02:40:53 pm »

There's a certain mentality required to own a large or powerful dog. You need to have a strong authoritarian streak or the dog will fill that role (usually against it's wishes) but, at the same time, you need to be on it's wavelength and up for a carry on, otherwise it'll get depressed or neurotic and wired.

So me and P3nTK9 will roll around the floor for hours on end play fighting and chewing on each others limbs but when I decide it's over, it stops with one word. If you can't establish and enforce those boundaries then dog ownership is not for you. If your lifestyle prohibits long hikes most days and an investment of time to stimulate the animal mentally through play or training then you're probably better off with something like a cat.

All you have to do is feed those fucks and even that isn't really necessary, it's just a fairly reliable way to persuade them to come back home.

11

Aneristic Illusions / Re: Financial fuckery thread

« on: Yesterday at 09:45:53 am »

Is there any single sentence in political parlance that isn't code for "go fuck yourself"?

12

Aneristic Illusions / Re: Financial fuckery thread

« on: Yesterday at 08:42:58 am »

LOL, yeah. I wonder how much that exercise in stating the utterly fucking obvious cost us?

Next the gravity inquiry - 6 months, 20 million bucks on executive lunches to find out that, yes, gravity is an actual thing

Someone explained to me a while back why we need these fucking idiots but I can't for the life of me remember

13

Apple Zone / Re: Re: THE PROBLEM WITH THIS BOARD

« on: Yesterday at 08:35:47 am »

Thread becomes another fucking drug thread in 3... 2... 1... 

14

Apple Zone / Re: I have a cat

« on: Yesterday at 08:04:51 am »

A lot of people get dogs, not realizing that even very small dogs need a great deal of exercise to not go crazy. My dog ran and swam probably eighteen miles today, and she'll be antsy again by dog-thirty Friday. Small dog ran about six and she's good for a few days too. Then we do the short beach trip where we all get a few miles in Friday, and next week we do another long trip, and so on.

This! Mine does about 4-5 miles per day plus wrestling and tug-o-war which knackers us both out. It's like having a pet and a gym in one package.

15

Apple Zone / Re: PICS VIII: 10% LARGER THAN PICS VII

« on: Yesterday at 07:54:12 am »

He's high and he has cake. Of course he's fucking happy!