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Messages - Eater of Clowns

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1
I wish my sedentary male friends had such a positive attitude about that.

 :lulz:

2

So this family walks into a talent agent's office. The father looks at the man behind his desk and declares 'boy, have we got an act for you...

I live on the quiet end of a quiet island that lies among a number of other quiet islands which all lie some miles away from some other quiet islands which themselves all lie off a big island.  I've been here since October, having moved from a big city hundreds of miles away.

I have a beard, one of several beards I have had over the last few decades, but this one is my favourite.

I'm creative, eccentric, sarcastic, and I like a lot of things. 

Well that's enough about me, let's talk about you - what do you think?

*adds a "hello" just in case such things are required around here*

Joke inserted.

Welcome to PD!

4
I was being a super turd yesterday afternoon and dragging my feet about going to see my friends' band play.

Five hours later I'm in a dive bar in Newport at a table surrounded by roller derby girls, listening to rock and roll and drinking Narragansett.

It's nice to be reminded just how fucking wrong the lazy, whiny asshole inside me really is.

5
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: Yesterday at 01:07:37 am »
Weapons manufacturer and all around cartoonishly evil Haliburton-esque corporation is developing strong AI despite warnings from respected members of the scientific community that it will lead to humanity's enslavement and/or destruction. Naturally, they are hoping this will happen because warfare got a whole lot less popular after cheap fusion came on the scene. The catch is that they have been completely successful in creating strong AI, but it just won't turn evil on them. Hijinks ensue as they resort to more and more obvious manipulations to attempt to turn their creating into the kind of world-threatening intelligence that would justify another world war.

 :lulz:  I love that subversion. Goddamn robots, all behavin' and shit.

6
Driver just greeted me with "Oh My God, good. You speak English."

 :argh!:

"Hello? Yeah I need a new driver. No, the car is fine. The driver just seems to be hanging from a telephone pole by his own entrails. I know. Funny way to spend a lunch break."

7
Or Kill Me / Re: I R STOOPID
« on: December 18, 2014, 10:40:58 pm »
That time made me sad, because I remember the kind of person he used to be, and his creatve ideas and contributions (and yes, he had them).

Yeah, I feel like his personal life sent him off the deep end, to a level of involvement and dedication to his Cause that we just hadn't seen in him before. And it turned awful.

8
TUCSON AWAKES.


TUCSON TRAVELS.

Tucson just got rudely tossed out of bed.  Onto you.

PLENTY OF ROOM, TUCSON, MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTALBLE   :horrormirth:

9
Literate Chaotic / Re: Lovecraft for Squids: Scifi Religion Creation
« on: December 18, 2014, 03:14:18 pm »
Squid in the wild die soon after reproduction, on purpose. When uplifted by humans, ingeniopods were made to be capable of multiple reproductive events without dying. But there's still an instinct down deep in their heritage to have sex and die. It has become a twisted impulse that mashes together a desire for murder/suicide with sex. So, I envision the dark sexuality of the creatures in Lovecraft would resonate, and they'd engage in worship and rituals involving them to hold back these instincts.

Wait a minute...

What squid species die after reproduction in a pre-planned way? Most squid have short lifespans, so they only get one or two cracks at mating seasons, but I think you've got octopuses on the brain here (specifically the giant pacific octopus).

Well. I did say we were prudish about such things, but very well.

Architeuthis explodius, or more commonly, the demolition squid, is known for its tendency to interweave complex displays of explosions into its behavior. Whilst this grants it an obvious advantage in hunting, and assists it in claiming territory in the London sewers where it is most commonly encountered, it does make the mating habits of the species both difficult to observe and highly dangerous for members of the species, observers, and the structural integrity of nearby buildings.

Quite why the demolition squid feels compelled to hunt out unexploded bombs and incorporate them into its mating ritual is a subject hotly contested by scholars of the species. It is believed that it may have come about during the blitz, when several of the species were caught with their pants down during a raid, and the sudden introduction of several tons of explosive force leant a certain 'kick' to proceedings. Now, it seems that mating rites are allotted only to the pair who can accumulate the most 'bang'. Thus the popular slang in artillery units throughout the world, who refer to shelling as 'stirring up the squids' or 'spreading the ink'.

The most convincing argument for the behavior, however, is that it helps to keep territorial conflicts to a minimum. Following the presentation of the largest collection of shells (or 'banging beaks' as they are known in the squid's own community), the lesser squids retreat to their lairs, and detonate the explosives alone. Without the cushioning force of a second squid (and the impact absorbing 'fluids' excreted during the mating), this results in large sections of London being owned up for new territorial claims. As the squids can't afford the rent in high class areas, and it keeps the property developers in regular business, nobody minds too much. Well, not anyone important anyway.

AND NOW YOU KNOW.

:potd:

10
Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Re: The latest from SlateStarCodex
« on: December 18, 2014, 03:10:32 pm »
This was a great read. I wish any of my friends, so many of whom were or are caught up in the Ferguson flamewar (any semblance of debate vanished weeks ago), would take the time to go through it. But they won't, because facebook.

At its most basic, the fact that news stations and blogs drum up controversy for ratings is like Mass Media Awareness 101, but this served to really dissect the reason why. Meditations on Moloch was one of my favorite reads from the last few months and has been pervasive in a lot of ideas I've been playing with. I hope to similarly keep this one in mind for the next inevitable shitstorm.

11
Post of mine from another forum, no context will ever be provided:

Quote
Yeah, but that's easy.  Chopin was born in the city of Bulgaria in 1805, the illegitimate love-child of Eva Peron and Otto von Bismarck.  At that time, Bulgaria was part of the Hanseatic League and thus at war with Argentina, meaning Chopin's early life was filled with much poverty and need.  Only once he emigrated to Lichtenstein (which most people mistake for a country, but is in fact a variety of cheese popular along the Adriatic coastline) did he find commercial success with his breakthrough single - "Smack my B*tch up".

 :lulz:

I feel like context would only ruin it.

12
GASM Command / Re: IlluminatiGASM
« on: December 17, 2014, 07:06:45 pm »
I think it's brilliant, doing the same old jokes for 55 years.  It's very random.

It's amazing how many people seem to think they're the punchline when in fact, all of Discordianism is just the setup.

The day the last Discordian dies, they're going to yell out "The Aristocrats!"

13
Absolutely haunting.

Partly because there are some days I feel exactly how you describe Mr. Language.

14
Portland is in fact a weird place, though.  It's official slogan is "the city that works", which is a blatant lie.  It's unofficial slogan is "keep Portland weird".  When Portlanders say that, they don't mean Tucson weird or even Providence weird.  They mean a safe weird, like coloring your hair magenta and wearing lots of leather.  Nothing wrong with that of course, but that's not the only weird they get.  The whole fucking city is haunted.  It is full of cannibal street urchins.  It is run by psychopaths who hire murderous policemen who will cheerfully shoot you in the back of the squad car and call it a righteous shoot.  The river bends space, and streets change direction without corners or curves, the moment they cross a bridge.  There are rats the size of Rottweilers, and the strip clubs and bodegas are full of zero men and their flint-eyed girlfriends.  The sun doesn't exist.  I've been above the clouds, and there is no fucking sun.  It's missing.  Earth just flies in a straight line, through a gigantic cloud of God's piss, which is why it NEVER STOPS RAINING, even when you're drinking with a ghost.

To be continued

This is a brilliant paragraph, man.

15
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: The Dark Room
« on: December 16, 2014, 12:37:01 pm »
Very nicely done, QG.

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