We're sitting in a tent the size of Casablanca, on the northernmost tip of scotland, watching ted2 with korean subtitles and puffing the last of the stash. Next thing there's a fkin helicopter, so low it's shaking the tent. Had to pause the movie, couldn't hear shit. Deep, thrummy engines, not one of those little rich-wanker fuckabouts, sounded like search and rescue. Nipped outside to see WTF and sure enough it's a rescue chopper, spotlight on the shoreline, probably looking for some idiot tourist drifting out to sea on a lilo. Seriously - shit happens so often nobody even bothers to laugh anymore.
It was dark, all you could really make out were lights and suddenly I wasn't looking at one of those swanky new SAR choppers, it was an apache gunship. "Maybe it's finally happening" I thought to myself, "maybe this is the zombie apocalypse!"
Of course I knew, deep down inside that it wasn't but I was just about baked enough to entertain the fantasy for a few minutes. The crowd that had gathered to stare at the pretty lights in the sky, one of them suddenly screaming "I've been bitten". Chain reaction. Running for the car, driving to the water, mowing down undead, rammstein blaring at 10, laughing maniacally. That's my dream of the perfect world.
They fished some fat english turd out the water this morning. He'd been doing fine until he got caught in a tiderace off the headland and lost the lilo. Fucker didn't even have the decency to wake up and bite the paramedic.
Fuck this planet!