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Topics - P3nT4gR4m

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Aneristic Illusions / London knife attacks
« on: March 22, 2017, 03:53:43 pm »
Looks like there's been a spot of argy bargy down south

No doubt it's all we'll be hearing about for the next fortnight or so  :kingmeh:

Bring and Brag / Anatomy musings
« on: February 16, 2017, 11:43:33 pm »
I'm a machine
I see myself deconstructed
Twitching and growing
Hinges and levers
Rotating ball sockets
The springs flex fueled by the pumps and the bellows
It burns and turns and runs and feeds
It fixes itself
It swarms and it breeds
Mechanism of animated flesh and bone

It thinks about itself
This myserious golem
Somehow mechanism gives rise to something
Something that isn't mechanical
Something radical
Something almost ghostly and inexplicable
What the fuck am I?
That's typing these words on a keyboard
Directing the golem's fingers to dance
Spiralling reflecting emerging conciousness

I'm haunted matter
I'm the weirdest thing there is
I'm gears and levers whirring and flicking
I'm trillions of lines of communication
I'm none of these things
I'm all of the above
I'm an imaginary pilot flying a monkey
I'm a face in the mirror
I'm the sublime meeting the preposterous
I'm a temporary glitch in the universe

Literate Chaotic / The Grudge
« on: January 24, 2017, 06:59:46 pm »

"Danny! How are you?"

"Rolling in credits, Billy, got the matter lined up for a space mission. Thinking Crab Nebula, the net has new hypothesis. If proven could be able to send about fifty kilos of probe substrate & miner-bot mix in under two years. The Crab, Billy, the motherfucken crab. I shit you not."

"Whoa there, Dan, back up a bit. How the fuck did you get credit for space program volume? I just blinked that research, it's only two days old. Last I heard you'd fallen in with those hypercollider junkies and blown everything you had. How'd that work out for you anyway?"

"I came this close, bud, this fucking close to having my name on a pseudoparticle. 'The Danny's Ballsack Boson'

"No shit? You're allowed to do that?"

"Fuck yeah, you're allowed, is PDsci, nobody pwns that shit

"So what went wrong?"

"Fking Norwegian is what went wrong, giant of a man. Bastard Viking crossed with a cliff. Took exception. Got all 'science is serious bizness' on me. Punched me out in a bar when I was out celebrating the find. I came to and he's jacked my patch and posted the results on my behalf. I hadn't even submitted it, I was so stoked, I ran straight out and got shitfaced. Insult to injury he's some corporate fuck. So now we have the Mitsubishi-Gundersen Pseudohadron. Shit name or what?"

"Oh fuck me gently, THAT particle?"

"Yeah that f'kin particle. That particle that was discovered on my gloopfarms and, under open source 'Finders Keepers' rules I get to name."

"Surely you could just stick a claim in to bitjudge or something?"

"Not the point"


"The point was that fucking evil vampire bitch on the six pm infoburst having to read out 'Danny's ballsack' with her butter-wouldn't-melt, cost me every credit I had smile on her whore face!"


"F'kin Julia."

"You're still bitter?"

"Fuck yeah, I'm bitter. I ever tell you about the time..."

"Pretty sure I could recite it word perfect, Dan."

"Fuck off."

"Dude it's been twelve years. You need to get over that shit. So anyway, you got the credits all right? Was still your Q-key on the form."

"PDsci, Billy, Public Domain. No credits. Idealistic bullshit if you ask me but it would have been worth the creds I ploughed into it. So anyway, Crab!"

"Yeah, before that. Between the scandanavian thing and now. Credits?"

"Oh, yeah, Primlifes."



"Nope, blink is blind, nothing on net."

"Yeah, it's kinda darknet."

"Ahhhhh. K, so spill."

"Pretty straightforward, it's fastbreeding Primlifes."

"And a primlife is?"

"Kinda like a monkey. Modelled at data abstraction plugged in to an environment sim."

"And the credits come how?"

"Well the key is to set up the environment, just right."

"And what's 'right'?"

"You want it really fucking hostile for maximum effect. Just enough to allow them to balance the stats on either side of the i/o graph but have to keep working like motherfuckers to keep it going. And then you run the sim and let them breed for a couple of million generations. Just enough food and water and a lot of natural predators kinda schtick."

"You want vicious little monkey sims?"

"Not vicious, per se, that's actually a kinda side effect that really kills the productivity. If you could make them not vicious it'd be worth trillions instead of billions but any other environment setting and you don't get results fast enough if at all."

"So we're talking billions?"


"How long does it take?"

"Couple of weeks."

"Holy shit. So what's the script?"

"Script is for the first couple of days you're working constantly, night and day. Sim runs fast as fuck and you gotta stay on top of extinction threats at the same time making sure to torture the little fucks hard enough to make their lives a misery, it's like a tightrope. My first couple of attempts burned out pretty fast. Started to wonder if the whole thing was a hoax or something but the science checked out so I kept going."

"So you just watch this shit and tweak it for two fucking weeks?"

"Fuck no. What do I look like? No, you gotta watch it for a couple of days. After that they start torturing each other."

"You're joking?"

"Nope, for the next week and a half it kinda settles in to a rhythm of building shit up then building other shit to knock the first shit down."

"Like ants?"

"Fuck no. Well, at first, yeah, it's like ants but they end up growing more intelligent by the hour. Building mud then clay then stone, the start using fire and that leads to tech, the whole time the little bastards are getting smarter."

"And vicious."

"Aw shit, man they go beyond vicious, I mean this shit is just insane. They're just nasty little monkey fuckheads to be honest and some of it is kinda funny. Like sick but funny? Tell you the truth I started feeling a bit bad for them but at the same time they do it to themselves."

"Dude, project much."

"Oh it aint projection, Billy. That's backed up, after a couple of weeks they start becoming sentient, to the point that they start pushing category three cognition."

"No fucking way!"


"You gotta be kidding me."


"But they must be crazy as fuck, what possible use could you have for them?"

"I don't."

"Talk sense"

"I don't have any use for a couple of billion insane cat3 monkey sims but after a week, I'm sitting on a couple of hundred thousand Cat 4."



"Four, like you and me four?"

"Full cognition. Something about that inhospitable environment pushes monkeys, and it's only monkeys as far as we know. It pushes them to cat4 in no time flat."

"So then what? You're running a virtual concentration camp?"

"Fuck no, you get them the fuck out of there as soon as they're detected onto alternative substrate running luxury simspace. Then you introduce yourself."

"What are they like? Vicious? Wait, they're cat4, they must understand what you've done to them."

"Most of them are pretty relieved it wasn't real, to be honest. Some get argumentative but there's no vicious. To the best of our knowledge cat4 is still incapable of vicious. No change there."

"So they're trapped there? What next?"

"Citizenship test."

"Fuck off."


"But if they pass, then they're people. They'll sue the fuck out of you."

"For the most part, they see the logic that they probably wouldn't have existed any other way."

"For the most part? You have to kill some of them?"

"Dude, fucksake, no. Ewwwww! I just told you I felt bad wiping out a bunch of threes"

"Psychotic threes."

"Yeah but still, they're conscious."

"So what about the guys theatening to sue."

"They're not a problem, we make them sign an NDA before we release onto the net."

"And you take a cut of the 'Welcome-Citizen' credits."

"For services rendered."

"Not too much I trust."

"No, no. Just enough to cover a mission to the Crab."

"So why the Crab?"

"Gonna remodel the nebula so it spells out 'Fuck you Julia'. I think that just might bring me closure."


As DNN's and the like become more complex and learning increasingly unattended, more and more their operations become unfathomable to meatware. Potential for lulz are off the charts.

Q) "Skynet - why did you nuke Sweden?"
A) "#1#B:)"w8;,1"lk"

Literate Chaotic / Stalker
« on: July 21, 2016, 05:59:59 pm »
"Got one of those stalker virus yesterday, creepy as fuck."

"Aye, what happened?"

"Walking down Main Street, talking to Melissa, getting the trip organised. She's checking flights and hotels and cars and shit. We'd just got to the cross and I get that creepy - being watched - feeling and I turn around and there's this shady looking fucker standing outside RS and he's looking right at me. "

"So what'd you do?"

"Well nothing at first. Just figured I was being paranoid. It's just after twelve, street was mobbed."

"So then what?"

"So, we walk on a couple of hundred yards, past the Eyeshop and I turn around again, kinda humouring myself, yanno?"


"There he is, half a block back and staring at me, this fucked up grin on his face."

"Fuck no!"

"My thoughts exactly. I told Mel to check him out. You'll never guess what she tells me?"


"Nobody there."


"She can't see him."

"She glitched?"

"That's what I'm thinking. So I turn back to the guy who's fucking marching toward us at this point, and he's got one hand inside his coat, you know like..."

"...he's going for a weapon."

"Aye, and I'm still thinking - paranoid but he's pretty fucking close now."

"How close."

"Like a couple of car lengths."

"Fuck me."

"So I turn to ask Mel if she can see him now."


"And, fuck all. She's gone."


"Aye, no sign."


"So I shout her a couple of times but nothing. I'm standing at the entrance to the star and it's mobbed. Saturday afternoon, right?"


"And I'm thinking, I'll be safe in there, maybe lose the cunt."


"So I head in and I'm straight up to the bar for a pint and I'm standing there and Mel appears, right next to me and I'm like, fuck happened to you?"

"So what's she say?"

"She leans in, right in my face, like inches away and then her face changes into the creepy cunt and he takes a step back, in a split second I can see a knife in his hand and then he stabs me right in the gut."

"Fuck, no."

"Seriously. There was blood pishing out and everything."

"Aw, that's heavy man."

"That's no the worst part."

"What's that, like?"

"The worst part is I've just made a complete twat of myself, in the middle of the Star on a saturday avo, in front of half the fucking town."


"Like I jumped back like fuck, cracked my back on the bar. I think I screamed like a wee lassie. Got some mental looks off the punters."

"Aw you did not?"

"Seriously, man, it was realistic as fuck, my heart was pure pounding. Dropped my pint and everything."

"So how'd you fix it?"

"I never."


"Fucker keeps doing it."


"What I told you - it's a virus."

"Aye I know but you deleted it, right?"

"Took the virus-scanner out, mate. Most of the time, it's just normal Melissa but, every now and again she turns into the creepy dude and stabs me and then for the next half hour I'm surrounded wi porn spam. Getting boners in the most inappropriate places. Can't even turn my eyes off."

"Fuck off."

"Seriously. Rooted."

"So what now?"


"What time?"

"Half an hour, was on my way there when I saw you."

"Good luck. Hey, what's that fucker over there think he's staring at?"


"Dude in the trenchcoat, wi the hat."

"Black hat?"


"Better come down wi me. Think you might have caught it too."


So I watched a couple of youtube clips a while back, that explained what learning algorithms are up to well enough for my brain to take in but, for anyone who's still trying to wrap their heads around it, the first half of this ted talk does a pretty good job of summing it up.

From the department of - what the fuck did I just not even - the platform which gave us deepdream psychedellic landscapes brings one of the most unintentionally funny shorts I've ever watched. Cudos to the maniacs who actually shot it :lulz:

ETA: There must be potential conspiracy lulz to be had if someone were able to "decode" the "obscure symbolism" and realise that it's a viral, hypnotic pacifier, paving the way for a terminator scenario  :evil:

If you've played Fallout 4, this account of the first guy to beat survivor mode is fucking hilarious

Aneristic Illusions / How to hack an election
« on: April 01, 2016, 12:48:37 pm »

As for Sepúlveda, his insight was to understand that voters trusted what they thought were spontaneous expressions of real people on social media more than they did experts on television and in newspapers. He knew that accounts could be faked and social media trends fabricated, all relatively cheaply. He wrote a software program, now called Social Media Predator, to manage and direct a virtual army of fake Twitter accounts. The software let him quickly change names, profile pictures, and biographies to fit any need. Eventually, he discovered, he could manipulate the public debate as easily as moving pieces on a chessboard—or, as he puts it, “When I realized that people believe what the Internet says more than reality, I discovered that I had the power to make people believe almost anything.”

Techmology and Scientism / Meta at Ted
« on: March 18, 2016, 05:38:03 pm »

Gribetz comes The Smiler at times but I'm stoked for this tech, regardless. I reckon the people currently saying this is the next platform shift are bang on the money.

Bring and Brag / Thinking about LMNO's alcohol thread...
« on: March 18, 2016, 04:53:56 pm »
... on some pretty nice bud


Look at me I here I can hardly walk
I can hardly move I can barely talk
Open my eyes but I'm blind to see
the horrible truth staring back at me

Listen to me sing and see me dance
Swallowing my hate and spitting out romance
All you ever get when you play this game
is a shot of regret f'kin drowning in pain

Happy ever after never paid the rent
After turned to this as the happy got spent
There was fire in the sky all fighting with the smog
raining black tears on a dead stray dog

Not to call it negative it is what it is
Cracking under pressure but I made it like this
Can't remember how so at least I got that
Still aint seen the wreckage but I'm guessing it's bad

People on the beach, steer their kids the hell away
turned up in a cruiser but they didn't wanna stay
Memory or dreaming couldn't tell the two apart
Numb and sweet oblivion an aching in my heart

Grabbed a chunk of paradise and turned it into hell
Motherfucken alchemist disaster for a spell
No idea how I got here but I'm half a mile from shore
It's eleven in the morning and I gotta have some more

Or Kill Me / Installments...
« on: February 19, 2016, 06:38:06 pm »
... seems an appropriate title for something that's been sitting on my phone, unfinished for about six months. The older I get, the less productive I seem to be.

Hatred of horses learns to ride
Into battle with the other side
Hand of god and fiery wing
Beating on the enemies of everything

Singing songs about revolution
And the words those bullets spoke
There was thunder in the distance
Human race went up in smoke

"This is where it starts to get beautiful"
Said the smart man to the king
He was dressed in pretty colours
Snaking vulture, gameshow grin

And he painted pretty pictures
As he flew into the air
And he left his people sinking
In the blood and guts down there

"This is where you pledge allegiance"
Said the preacher to the crowd
There was smoke and there was mirrors
There was music playing loud

Then another and another
Same damn corpse in different rags
Bearing rules and regulations
Wielding power and waving flags

"This is where the base metal learns to fly"
Said the chief of Warfare inc.
To the board of guys who paid his rent
And kept his wife in mink

He was sick and tired of slaughter
But addicted to the wealth
And he slept at night cos he told himself
That a gun don't shoot itself

"This is where the mothers lose their sons"
Said the actor on the screen
But they've earned a place in Disneyland
For their service to the dream

He's a study in sincerity
Autocued to "frown right there"
Mass manufactured sentiment
The news that really cares

"This is where our spirit fails"
Said the one who sees it all
The dice are loaded, deck is stacked
The clarion makes his call

While the stupid march relentless
The wise irresolute
Eternity or oblivion
Which target will we shoot?

Richard Nixon's glittering half-life sarcophagus / So last night...
« on: August 08, 2015, 07:38:25 pm »
We're sitting in a tent the size of Casablanca, on the northernmost tip of scotland, watching ted2 with korean subtitles and puffing the last of the stash. Next thing there's a fkin helicopter, so low it's shaking the tent. Had to pause the movie, couldn't hear shit. Deep, thrummy engines, not one of those little rich-wanker fuckabouts, sounded like search and rescue. Nipped outside to see WTF and sure enough it's a rescue chopper, spotlight on the shoreline, probably looking for some idiot tourist drifting out to sea on a lilo. Seriously - shit happens so often nobody even bothers to laugh anymore.

It was dark, all you could really make out were lights and suddenly I wasn't looking at one of those swanky new SAR choppers, it was an apache gunship. "Maybe it's finally happening" I thought to myself, "maybe this is the zombie apocalypse!"

Of course I knew, deep down inside that it wasn't but I was just about baked enough to entertain the fantasy for a few minutes. The crowd that had gathered to stare at the pretty lights in the sky, one of them suddenly screaming "I've been bitten". Chain reaction. Running for the car, driving to the water, mowing down undead, rammstein blaring at 10, laughing maniacally. That's my dream of the perfect world.


They fished some fat english turd out the water this morning. He'd been doing fine until he got caught in a tiderace off the headland and lost the lilo. Fucker didn't even have the decency to wake up and bite the paramedic.

Fuck this planet! :argh!:

Bring and Brag / Been years since words came in my head...
« on: July 31, 2015, 02:56:28 pm »
Just happened a couple of minutes ago. I'd forgotten what it felt like. Was fun!

Happy fuckin birthday
step into the limousine
Snort a line of white shit
Throw up on a beauty queen
Could have been a soldier
Could have killed a mockingbird
Got 'em on the outside
Got 'em on the ropes, man

Fire in the sky
didn't help you to forget
when all the sounds of summer
are the sirens of regret
Teacher broke the rules
when she told you 'bout the atom bomb
Johnny played the fool
Juggling fistfuls of uranium

The needle gets broken
and the bones get bent
Hiding in the back
pleading guilty to the innocent
Hell freezes over
and the dead get up and dance
Could have been a hero
but you never got the chance

And they all fall down
singing "glory to the government"
Fingers on the trigger
and the lipstick on the medicine
This is what you waited for
this is why you came to me
Drowning in the future
Mister Mediocrity

Go back in your cave, man
wrap it in security
This is what you wanted
This is why you came to me
Never getting out, son
gonna have to stay in there
Happy fuckin birthday
Find a pretty dress to wear

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