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Topics - Chelagoras The Boulder

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1
Literate Chaotic / When Doves Cry- An Overwatch Fanfic
« on: July 04, 2017, 04:19:07 am »
Dunno if anyone plays Overwatch, but this is just a little something i threw together a while back. Will release a second chapter soon if i get motivated to polish it. anyways, enjoy!


“Alright, well that should cover just about everything, Miss Zaryanova. As usual you are as healthy as any three horses you’d care to name.”
“Thank you, Dr. Ziegler, I”-, Zarya trailed off. “Do you hear that?” she said. There was some sort of music coming from the general direction of the window. It sounded like a violin, but somehow more wavering.
“ Hear what? I don’t-“ her eyes widened,  then rolled, as her shoulders sagged in exasperated recognition.  “Not again,” Angela Ziegler said, “Not after last time!”
“Who is it? Talon?” said Zarya, glancing towards the enormous particle cannon she had lain in the corner of the room.
Mercy sighed. “I should be so lucky,” She said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “It’s one of my exes.”
“you hev….history with this man?”
“we only dated the one time!”, Mercy blurted, almost yelling,” I was just out of med school, some friends set me up on a blind date. ‘you need to get out and meet people’, they said, ‘he’s a handsome well-established doctor!’ they said. Pssh!”, Mercy said with a dismissing gesture of her hand
“It went badly?”
“Catastrophically.”
+++++++Some years previous, a fine French restaurant++++++++++++
Mercy sat in her only good evening dress across from a older German man with greying temples wearing what appeared to be a rough approximation of an army colonel’s coat, which might have been impressive, if not for the fact that officer’s coats were usually not white and definitely were not topped off with a ridiculously tall collection of hats stacked one on top of the other, which he had refused to remove upon entering the restaurant. He was currently engaged in telling what he believed to be a hilarious story, thumping the table and laughing nigh-maniacally.
“Und vait, it gets better! Vhen ze patient voke up, his skeleton vas missing, and ze doctor vas never seen again!” the man’s mad laughter filled the dining room now, with other patrons having stopped eating to gawk at the man in his stack of hats. Mercy’s eyes were wide with shock and embarrassment and her eyes swept around the room looking for some form of escape. She smiled awkwardly as The Medic made eye contact, his laughter dying down to normal levels. “Ah,” he sighed, “ Anyvay, zat’s how I lost my medical license.”
Mercy shot up straight at that, eyes wide as dinner plates. WHAT?! Nope. No no no no no. NO. She was done. “Check please!” she called to a nearby waiter, nervous smile still frozen across her features.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“Yikes, I dun’t blame you. Don’t know what you could see in a man like thet.”
“yea, well, I used to have a thing for older men.”
“Used to?” said Zarya, raising an eyebrow.
“Listen, I hate to ask this of you, but could you help me to get rid of him? Any attention I give him seems to only add fuel to the fire.”
“Say no more”, Zarya glanced again towards her particle cannon. “I do nut hev much experience in romance, but I can think of at least one way to be rid of unwanted suitors.”
“well, actually that’s not quite what I had in mi-“
But it was too late. In swift efficient motions, Zarya scooped up her cannon, pointed the barrel out of the window and fired several plasma grenades in the direction of the music, which was cut short with a screech and a cry of surprise.
Stepping into full view of the grounds outside, she quickly scanned for any sign of the man, and saw a flash of white ducking behind a tree. She vaulted out the first story window and fired the particle cannon at the tree, which started to vaporize. The man cried out a curse in German and rolled out from behind the tree pulled out some sort of weapon and returned fire.
Zarya activated her shields in time to deflect…needles? That was different. As she fought to keep a bead on the zigzagging doctor, she took a closer look at the target. The white coat, the brown hair now greyed at the temples, a gun that shoots needles…
She stopped. “HEY MEDIC, IS THAT YOU?! IT’S ALEKSANDRA”
The Medic also stopped. “Little Bear? Mien Gott, it has been years! Look how much you have grown! Your uncle would be so proud!”
Mercy’s shocked surprise at the sudden violence was now working into horrified dread. What was going on here?
Zarya approached the window she had just jumped out of with the Medic under one well-toned arm. “ Doctor, vhy did you nut tell me you knew the Medic, hes is old family friend!”
It took Mercy a few tries to get her jaw up off the floor. “You too know each other?”, Mercy said. “Know her? I delivered her!” said the Medic proudly.
“He and my uncle were comrades during the- would you call it a war?”
“Technically a series of covert assaults between gangs of mercenaries privately bankrolled by immensely wealthy business interests, but close enough, jah.”
Mercy’s stomach felt like a sack filled with powdered lead. She did not like where this was going. “Oh… so you two are close…that’s. just. WONDERFUL.” She said, her words slipping out through a clenched smile.
“Indeed!”, cried Zarya, slapping the medic on the back so hard his spectacles fell off. “Come Doctor, let me get you something in the mess hall, you can get to know teammates!”
Why God, why couldnt it be Talon? thought Mercy," those mercs I was prepared for today."

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Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / ITT: Confess your WOO!
« on: June 26, 2017, 05:00:45 am »
One thing i've always loved about Discordianism is the ability to be your own cult leader. To define what one believes for oneself without some ass with a funny hat and a book tell you whats right and wrong. Given this freedom of course, why wouldnt one dabble in the weirder, spicier, more adventurous entrees of the philosophical buffet? i know i always have and i'm betting i'm not alone. So i've been thinking what we need here is a place to bring out our weirdest beliefs, the irrational, the superstitious, the absolute bugfuck, and talk about them without judging mocking or deciding who's imaginary friends are the best. I'll go first.

-in addition to being a Pope, I am also a Dudeist priest, because apparently one joke religion wasn't enough for me
-In addition to that, I am also a Unitarian Universalist, because it's nice to have a community of people around me who, as far as i can tell, worship The Idea of Not Being An Asshole.
-I dabble in Chaos magic and such and the reason i'm not more into it is I'm a little afraid it might a actually work.
-I also dabble in a bit of Zen buddhism, specifically listening to Alan Watts whenever i'm bored.
-I have listened to Grant Morrison describe the universe as a giant life form (like a Space baby or a giant egg) and decided fuck it, i like it, makes sense to me.
-I am you and you are me and we are all together. koo koo ka choo

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this is why i'm sincerely hoping we colonize a planet in my lifetime. It's the only semi-possible escape i can see from this madness.

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Apple Talk / Something I've been working on.....
« on: January 01, 2016, 10:34:10 pm »
Right so i was thinking about "tests" for media, like the Bechdel or Mako Mori tests. This got me thinking about some other tests that could be useful for examining media and so i sat down with a writer friend of mine and hashed these tests out, lemme know what you think. First up:

The Steve Rogers Test
Purpose: to weed out toxic and stereotypical depictions of masculinity in TV and movies.
Criteria:
-Male protagonist must display a willful alignment w/ Good
-MP must publicly display emotions other than anger or lust
-MP must not be portrayed as weak for displaying morality
-MP must have an emotional relationship with another character that is neither sexual nor familial

The Takeo-Yamato Test
Purpose: to provide a healthy and realistic view of relationships in TV and movies.
- It must be clear why both partners are together; what they "get" out of being together, even if that thing is not necessarily positive
- The relationship is not portrayed as "inevitable", both partners must have to invest in the relationship in order to maintain it
- Both partners must actively choose to be in the relationship.

Currently working on one for Lampshading Toxic Masculinity, calling it the Frank Murphy Test, but these are the two i have so far.

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So, I'm thinking of getting a tattoo.
I've  been kicking this idea around for a while,  I wanted to get some input from people who have gotten them before, as well as some advice for the symbols I want to incorporate. So far, the concept is a Japanese yakuza style back piece of Great Atuin the Star turtle carrying the Disc on his back, but the land displayed is in the shape of the sacred Chao (oceans can be disorder, land can be order etc.). I like the general theme of Chaos(sacred Chao) as the driving force for Creation(world turtle in several mythologies ). Being a total tattoo virgin, what do you guys think?

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Apple Talk / Okay, show of hands....
« on: September 19, 2015, 12:18:59 am »
Who else here is a weeb, and what series are you watching?

right now i'm watching:

Food Wars! Shokugeki no Soma: IronChef+ DBZ+ TITS

My Love Story: A shaved gorilla posing as a japanese high school student starts an adorable relationship with a high school girl who seems to not have bones sometimes

Princess Tutu: Cardcaptor Sakura has to save a Tuxedo Mask's heart; collecting it piece by piece using the power of ballet.

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Apple Talk / So what's this whole Race and Gender thing all about....
« on: July 10, 2015, 08:16:57 am »
...i mean really? When you get right down to it?

Recently Nigel and I had a discussion about the racial issues surrounding the recent Rachel Dolezal story, which brought up some good points we wanted to share with you guys, which were thus:
Quote
I guess my initial reaction was a kneejerk, "screw this crazy white lady" which i will admit was probably couched in my general dislike for Tumblr identity politics, and a feeling that this would result less in a nuanced discussion of how race is a socially defined construct and more in a bunch of tumblr spags going "see, see! transethnic IS a thing! I was right all along! I AM black even though i've lived my whole life in the suburbs!"

 But my other response, the one that made this so difficult to dismiss, was Why can i dismiss transethnics and not transgenders?" and I'll admit i dont really have a clear defining line for that except that I'm more used to one idea than the other. But then again, even transgenderism used to not really be so accepted, so who knows? Maybe if i just dismissed it like i wanted to i'd end up one of those bitter old men on the wrong side of history.

So i thought about race and gender and how those two are just social constructs, but then i had the thought of "well, what else would you construct a society out of if not social constructs?" Hell, language is a social construct, but we'd all be fucked if it disappeared tomorrow and had to make do with points and grunts. We're all stuck playing this game called society, and social constructs like race and gender help to define the rules; give us quick and easy categories to fit each other in so we can flow through our day to day interactions. So it seemed to me, that the problem wasn't that this game we're playing has rules, but rather that the rules are decidedly unfair to large groups of players.

To which she replied:
Quote
I really think that a lot of this digs into an underlying question, which is "why can't people live and identify as they want to, and not as their happenstance of biology dictates"?

which led to:
Quote
Yea, and i feel like the end goal of social justice should be to create a society where people can do whatever they like as long as it doesn't hurt anybody. Like a more benevolent Hammurabi's code of law, i guess. tho that also leads me to another interesting question. If, in this hypothetical social justice utopia i am positing, almost no discrimination based on race gender, sexual orientation, creed etc. happens, would we not have to reach a point where all those things stop mattering, to a degree? Like, not that we stop having them somehow, but that they become extraneous details that people don't necessarily focus on, like the color of you hair or your middle name. Like, not only do people NOT decide whether you should have a job based on your race, but that your race is seen as such a nonfactor that people are infinitely more interested in the fact that you enjoy nude bungee jumping or whatever.

Followed by:
Quote
Yes, I think they could continue to matter, but in a much less relevant way; more as "oh, your grandmother went to school in Budapest? How interesting!" kind of way, rather than the current "your skin color makes you Other" kind of way. A person's cultural heritage is an important part of who they are, but not necessarily particularly relevant to other people in  most settings; it is highly personally relevant to my friend that she is Jewish, but that fact doesn't significantly shape our friendship or her job or the way she interacts with most people.

and finally:
Quote
I think that will happen slowly as people become more connected and the sharing of details like that becomes more and more common. Perhaps as more and more peoples experiences become shared, whether it be the experiences of different races, homosexuals, intersexuals, etc. become commonplace, things like race and gender will become like white noise amongst all of the formerly "weird" things that now everyone will grow up knowing about.

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Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Theory of the Soul
« on: July 08, 2015, 09:06:28 am »
Right, so i've had this idea banging around in my head for a bit, been wanting to let it out and see what other people think of it.

So in psychology, a problem you often have in doing research is trying to test things objectively when what you're talking about is inherently nonphysical. You can either refuse to deal with anything "inside the black box" which is to say cognition, emotions, subconscious processes, etc, like the behaviorists do, or you can choose to set up your experiments using Operational definitions, meaning that the abstract idea you are trying to study should have a strictly defined meaning for the purposes of the experiment and therefore have a way to observe and measure the subject within the experiment. So that got me thinking, what would be a an operational definition for the soul? After listening to Nigel talk about the mind as an emergent property of the neurological processes of the brain, that got me thinking, what if what we often refer to as the soul is  a similar thing?

so first i guess i should clarify what i feel the difference is between the soul and the mind example i gave above. The Mind, being an emergent process of the brain, would be a product of our awareness of a self, so even an animal that is aware of itself as an individual could be said to have a mind, yet these animals wouldn't be said to have a soul in the same way that humans have souls, tho some philosophers argue that different forms of life have vegetative souls or animal souls yadda yadda yadda. So then, my argument is that the soul is something far more abstract than the mind, yet is important for how we perceive and interact with others. Simply put the soul is our "story". It's the "Meta" that tends to build up around any kind of game you get invested in for very long, kind of like how in Team Fortress, even though the classes are meant to be as well balanced against each other as they can possibly be, there are also various factors that pull players to choose certain clases over other, some classes to be more popular over others, and the community tends to attach subjective meanings to the different classes and the people who play them (pyros are unskilled noobs, snipers and spies are douchebags, etc). So when we talk about a soul in culture what we are talking about is our story, and when we talk about selling our soul or saving a soul, or this youtube video hurts my soul, what we are talking about is a change in what we perceive in these three elements: what we perceive/give meaning to about ourselves (I am a good person), what other people perceive/give meaning to about us (No, you're a piece of shit, Dave), and the interplay between those two elements; what we perceive/give meaning to about what others perceive/give meaning to about us (Hey fuck you, did i ask for your opinion, you bunch of wankers?) Applied to the animal examples i mentioned above, this could mean that the difference between a human soul and an animal's might be a lack of one of these components. Your dog for example, might be aware of itself, might be aware of whether or not you think hes a good boy who wants a treat, but might stop there and consider whether there's more to its existence than that.

So yea, just this recurring thought i keep having , thought i'd air it out and let you guys look at it. I have the vaguest sense that Shintoism has some belief like this, though I've never really done much reading on Shintoism, so if there is an influence its probably subconscious thru i dunno, Inuyasha or something. Tell me what ya think, it's late and i'm going to bed for now.

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Apple Talk / Sooo.....is this a dumb idea?
« on: June 16, 2015, 08:33:16 am »
right, so its become increasingly aparent that my current jobs are not cutting the mustard, money-wise and the internship i was hoping for has finally let me know they are passing on me. So, with nothing on the horizon career-wise, i need to focus on money. Prideful as a I am, I have been putting off applying to fast food places and the like, and trying to get into any position my degree will qualify me for, but I've had no calls lately and shit needs to change in a hurry. So i hatched a scheme. I came across a service called Breeze which is partnered with Uber. Basically they will lease you a brand new Prius and then help you pay off the lease by helping you land a job with Uber. By all accounts it seems like most people who drive for Uber are pretty happy with the arrangement, and it seem to be what a lot of youngins my age are doing for money these days.Both my dad and my sister have warned me away from doing this, my sister having had a bad experience with leasing cars in the past and my dad saying that i wont be able to make the payments. Bu this is something that seems really appealing to me, being able to have a car that can take me all over the state and a job that i can do on my schedule. I was even planning to use the job as a means to do a little roadtripping, which is an experience i have woefully lacked up until this point. I should probably get an estimate on what specific leasing terms i can get, considering this would be my first time doing so, but i ask for the advice of the older members here, am i insane for thinking about this? Is this perhaps the kind of insane thing its good to do at 25? i feel like i'm tired of waiting for shit to drop into my lap and this seems like a good risk to take if it results in a job situation that makes me happy.

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Literate Chaotic / The Sailors Tale
« on: May 14, 2015, 11:40:50 pm »
this is a one off thing i wasn't sure merited its own thread, but it came almost fully formed out of my head this morning when i woke up, probably the crystallization of some dream i cant remember, but here goes.

There once was a sailor who had been on ships his whole life. And as many sailors had, he fell in love with a mermaid. The older sailors warned him off, saying "it's not worth it lad, they got fish parts down there" Despite this, the sailor pursued the mermaid, winning her love and even making her a proper merbride.

He bought a plot of land off the seashore, and built a short dock off of it. Off of this dock he moored a small house boat. He and his wife modified the ship, giving his beloved equal access to the sea and the deck, . All the other sailors laughed at these efforts, saying the man had gone mad, "seen it a million times, lads. Man goes head over heels for a girl, and watches it fizzle in the sack. Tale as old as time." And surely, as long as there have been sailors, there have been tales of men and mermaids falling in love and meeting poor, even tragic fates. How could our sailor be any different?

And yet the sailor lived a long and peaceful life. He and his bride shared a happy home on their houseboat, and raised a fit and healthy brood of merchildren, many of whom grew to be some of the most capable seamen and seawomen on any ship you could name. The sailor's friends were humbled and curious as to how the two had built such a life, against all common wisdom. The sex question, in particular, nagged at their  thoughts, and the sailors wives would often question the mermaid on the subject, who simply smiled and sipped her tea, as if to say "wouldn't you like to know?"

Yet all men must die, and our sailor was no exception. As he lay on his deathbed, his eldest son, who was courting a girl of his own, asked the secret of his marriage's happiness. The old man beckoned him closer and told him the secret of he and his wife's sex life, which included, but was not limited to, erogenous zones, blowjobs, toys, roleplay, and no small amount of butt stuff. The son recoiled at such a frank description, and asked, "ugh, dear god Dad, why the hell would you tell me that?". "Because, my son," said the old man, "When I met your mother everyone said it was a waste of my time because she has fish parts down there and fish sex is non-insertive. But 'to hell with that', I told them. A good relationship is built on more than compatible bits, its about loving someone so much that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make it work, whether that's building a house you can both call home, or occasionally jerking off into a sink full of caviar. So that's what I did because I love your mother more than I have words to say, and so it will be with you and your love." The son considered this, and replied, "Were you also bragging?" "Oh, blatantly" said the old man with a broad and toothy grin, "doesn't make the other bit any less true though." Shortly after this last fatherly advice, the man said his good byes to this world and everyone in it he held dear, leaving behind his wife and children and this simple truth.

Moral: When life gives you incompatible genetalia, make incompatible genetalia-ade

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RPG Ghetto / Campaign idea i had
« on: February 10, 2015, 05:44:39 am »
So, I've been wanting to jump back into Roleplaying after a long hiatus and after looking at a bunch of my old character concepts i came up with an idea for a campaign idea with something i'd never tried before.The story goes like this. Ten children were born to some decidedly shitty parents who come to the conclusion that poverty suck and kids are a drag, so they join up with a demon cult that promises them great wealth if they just sacrifice children to a high ranking demon. Having a dearth of money and a shit-ton of kids they decide to line up their kids for demonic sacrifice. The first child, the eldest son, is slain in full view of the other nine. His twin sister is just about to be knelt down to meet the same fate, when the Church of Sarenrae jumps in and busts up the cult meeting. The pranets and the cultists are tried and found guilty of heresy and consorting with demons. The leaders are executed, the followers imprisoned for life, and the children are given to the church as wards of the state. some stayed in the church, some left for various reasons, and all grew up to adopt a different alignment and class in their adult lives. The roster is thus:
 
Jericho, a LG paladin of Sarenrae who has made it his mission to protect other from the evils that scourged his family, while also working within a church that does not fully trust the son of heretics.
Terrence, a NG cleric of sarenrae. Being only a babe at the time of his siblings encounter with cultists, he lacks any clear memories of the event and attends to his flock with limitless good cheer and irrepressible optimism
Beryl, a CG bard that is currently on tour with a wildly popular band loosely based on Rock Bitch (http://www.rockbitch.com/html/Home.html)
Lawrence, a LN marshal of the state known for his rock hard demeanor and willingness to go to any length to get his man.
Sheryl, a TN urban druid(witch?) is forced out of her comfortable world of community works and activism and into the world of adventuring to make sure her brothers dont get themselves killed.
Aerys, a CN oracle who is struggling with a burgeoning drug problem as she tours with her sister Beryl and her band.
Geralt, a LE wizard who became obsessed with binding and controlling demons
Carolyn, a NE alchemist who was locked in a mental institution after the church failed to be able to control her.....experiements with chemicals and the human body
Marilyn, a CE antipaladin, the eldest daughter who's twin was murdered right before her very eyes, and who's only desire is to see the world burnt down so that she might dance in the ashes

How this came about is I came up with a backstory for one character, which happened to involve a lot of his family and family ties. after some thought i realized that the characters given in the backstory and the ties between all of them would be much more interesting than the lone character by himself so I thought what if i statted the characters out, let the players pick whichever family member strikes their fancy, and then start them off playing as one of three "parties" depending on which characters they choose. i've never done this sort of oldschool "The DM stats all your characters for you" type of campaign, so i'd like to know what you think, and what i should be aware of to keep it fun and interesting for the players.

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Apple Talk / Right, so i did this thing a while back.....
« on: January 26, 2015, 04:57:45 am »
I went on http://dudeism.com/ and got myself ordained as a Dudeist priest. the certificate is now sorta sitting around my house as i've yet to think of anything very trollworthy besides getting recognized by the county to preform just ALLL the gay marriages CUZ FUCK YOU PROP 8 I DO WHAT I WANT!

I dunno if Dudeism is actually recognized by any nearby counties here in CA, but assuming they are, what kind of shenanigans do you guys think would go into a Dudeist weddding?

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right so i believe it was QG who mentioned AIs and robot ethics recently, which kinda got me thinking on a video a friend of mine posted a few months back, seen here:

Humans Need Not Apply
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Pq-S557XQU

In it, they describe the level of automation that could conceivably be reached where virtually any profession we humans now perform could be done by machines, up to and including being doctors, lawyers and even composing works of art. So ideally, what that would mean is that that one day we would all enjoy a kind of utopian future where all needs are met robotically and people have time to pursue only pleasurable activities, a lot of which would also be produced by robots. this leads me to two questions:

1. In such a utopia, would our most relevant contribution be our ability to judge and attach subjective meaning to, robotically made products? (a robot chef needs some way of knowing if he makes "good" food, a robotic writer would like to know if he (rhe?) writes good novels, etc.)

2. Would this small function of humanity cause a schism in any sort of robotic uprising, where self-aware robots whose purpose is reliant on having humans to service clashes against more abstract AIs who might be less sympathetic to humanity?

again, i know very little about roboethics (the choice of Robots game Nigel posted has been a very fun education tho) so i'm mainly curious to see what y'all think

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Literate Chaotic / X Reasons Tumblr is Terrible for Social Justice
« on: November 28, 2014, 06:12:55 am »
right so I'm writing up a pitch for a Cracked article about why tumblr's brand of social justice is flawed. this means i need some sources to back up my points which at this point include:
- their "safe spaces" support Us vs. them narratives
- It's "special snowflake" culture creates a territorial one-upping pissing contest.
- It becomes an echo chamber for bitterness and resentment
- For all its talk, Tumblr's not invested in actually changing anything IRL.
- it's definitions of feminism and activism are so narrow and exclusionary that it actually undermines the ideals of equality they claim to stand for.

problem is i'm not sure where to begin finding studies or articles to support these points, so i was hoping someone could point me in the right direction, as these are arguments i've heard around here from time to time. Any help or guidance would be much appreciated.

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Or Kill Me / Am i being an independent thinker or just a coward?
« on: November 03, 2014, 01:54:15 am »
I have been fat for pretty much my whole life. It is only recently that i've discovered that i suffer from hypothyroidism, which is a dearth of the hormone that regulates metabolism. basically this makes it a bitch and a half to lose weight, even after the damn thyroid pills have been slowly ratcheted up to an appropriate level. Diabetes runs in my family, and being overweight doesn't help obviously. i'm on my parents insurance, and my sister is pressuring me to undergo some kind of bariatric surgery (gastric sleeve, bypass, lap band etc.) She has had lap band and sleeve procedures before, and lost some weight with it, but is still a bit overweight because she doesn't strictly follow the rules around having that kind of thing. For myself, i know that i'm staring down the barrel of diabetes, i know that I am probably being held back from some of the things i want in life (jobs, dating, longer life span, etc.) but I have reservations about going through with it. Namely, there the fear that i'll go through with this, and still have the same depression problems as before, or like in my sister's case, that it wont work and that i'll still be big even after this whole ordeal.
 Another is that i'll be doing this not for myself, but for my family. they've been telling me for years that they're worried and scared about what my life will turn out to be, so i dunno if i'm doing this because i'm scared of being fat, or because they've been scaring me with it for so long.
 For years i've just been trying to feel comfortable in my own skin, in the hopes that if I deal with the depression part first, the weight loss can happen more easily. But i'm also lazy as shit, and these days i dont have a regular convenient time to work out and rarely have the energy to motivate myself to do it in any case. so yea, the surgery might be a tool to help me deal with this, but on the other hand, isnt going into this like its a magical weight loss surgery that makes me thin without work the wrong mindset? I have flip flopped on one side to the other on this question, so i'd like some input, am i standing up for something personal, or am i just being a coward?

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