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Topics - Da6s

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1
Sitting at a bar and kinda buzzed so I imagine and plan and depend on this post getting updated later today. With more feels. And stuff.

Today marks the one year anniversary since my last shift ever in hospitality. And damn freedom feels fucking amazing. Herein will be all of the trivial bullshit that I do not miss. And also, why getting the fuck out was a great choice.

Let's start with the things I do miss. Since that's a much shorter list. It's cheesy as all hell, but I miss the magical pseudo happiness that lingers over a tourist resort. It's surreal. It's vacation. And living in it on a day to day basis can confuse and bewilder. Actually, the vacation magic is what made the fantasy shattering shit so much worse. Outside of this vacation eutopia world you'll live in, the miserable fucks in the trenches with you make up some of the best coworkers you'll ever have. Because you're completely in it together. Hell or high water, you're helping your team get through the shit, and now that I work in IT from home, I really miss that comradery. There's nothing like a smoke break or a back office bitch fest about the unreasonable family that expects 5 star treatment at a 2 star rate. I miss the views. Being able to stop during any work day and just take it in. I haven't smoked consistently since I was 17 but the times of high stress at that job that led to my buying a pack of camel Turkish silver resulted in bliss. There's something about a late night cig in the silence of a snowstorm watching the kats groom for the next say that is just perfect. I miss that the most I think. Huehuehue Eris blah blah but honestly I miss the unpredictable chaos the job had. The fact every night some totally fucking off the wall situation could give me a bar story for life.

3
Or Kill Me / How to Survive a Ski Resort Town: 2013/2014 edition
« on: October 31, 2013, 06:56:27 pm »
4th winter in the mountains. Going to try a similar direction to the one I wanted last years to go in, before shitty job and shitty shitty schedule ruined it. The format may be shorter than past posts, with more pictures and more one off's bitching about things. Such as


It's god damned October. Today is the 4th fucking day in a row we've had snow. Said snow was supposed to have stopped last night sometime. It didn't. Normally I'd be stoked for this, but noooo. The mountain I look at while working doesn't open for another 8 fucking days. The one mountain that is open, Arapahoe Basin (A-Bay, A-Basin, my pre or post season mountain) fucking closes at 4:00 PM. Since I'm now a member of the US worker drone society, my 7 am - 4 pm does not allow me to make it over.

Having said that, despite only being open for 2 and a half weeks, I've already ridden 3 days. Which is a sign my season is off to a strong start. Here's hoping I don't get fucked like last season.

Either my first or second winter out here I managed to royally fuck my right knee up. It happened in either the Outback at Keystone first winter or in a powder day at Vail during second winter or both. Basically, I managed to twork my knee in both instances. At Keystone, I hit an unexpected mogul, overcompensated with a hard turn to survive it without bailing which my knee was not prepared for. This happened near the end of the season, I took a week and a half off, and went back. It was tender but I never had any issue walking on it. The second at Vail was worse. It was a crazy powder day with hellacious flat light. For the uninitiated, "flat light" is when it's a cloudy/demi-foggy day on the mountain with the sun shining through the fog/clouds. The light from this causes the snow to appear flat, despite that it may be a very steep section. The problem with flat light is it's impossible to judge misfalls such as gulleys or ravines, or in psychotic cases, cliffs/drops. In flat light you typically use trees to gauge descents. What happened to me in this case was I was playing in a bowl in a sick 4 inches of powder. At the end of the bowl there's this long cattrack back to the lift. I was enjoying myself and playing, and didn't see a ravine to the left side until I was already inside of it. I made an attempt to carve out of it too late, and ended up slamming the nose of my board into a powder wall. Momentum kept me going and though I was able to bend my left knee properly to fall, my right knee came into the stop at a very bad angle and I torked it really bad again. Much worse, as I fell over in pain and back slid down the ravine. It took me a solid 45 minutes to dig myself out. Fuck flat light.

Once I got back up and started skating (when front foot is strepped into board, and back foot pushes similar to propelling a skateboard" toward the lift. I made my way back to the village and everytime I had weight on my right knee it would burn in agony and start to tremor. I only went out for maybe 5 more days that season, luckily this happened end of Feb so my season was almost over.

Last year I had an epic powder day at Beaver Creek and decided to say fuck it and ride like hell all day. 6 hours in of total leg abuse and my legs feel like jello. On my last run back to the viillage base area I had to swerve hard to avoid a beginner who should not have been on a blue run and in the process my knee noped the fuck out and decided it was done for the day. This caused me to actually walk with a limp for 3 - 4 days. Happened in mid february, and cut my season short.

Went to dr for preventative care visit recently and asked about the knee. He checked it, said he thought it was fine with the exception of the muscle on the left side of said knee, no clue what it's called. As a result i'm now doing band exercises to strengthen it as well as wall sits. Bring it the fuck on.

As I was saying, it's still fucking snowy and 25 degrees and my goddamned mountain doesn't even open until a week from tomorrow. Pointless fucking snow. It's not even accumulating really, just blowing and making everyone out in it miserable for no reason. I hate wind snow.





Might continue this one. Might create a new. we'll see.

4
Or Kill Me / Street Observations from the punishment chamber
« on: July 14, 2013, 09:22:39 pm »
So I'm currently working 2 jobs, 7 days a week all summer long like the good little masochistic whore that I am. Currently sitting in a "kiosk" for my rafting company gig, where is really just a fucking glass octagon cage that I sit in while tourists walk by constantly. I endearingly refer to work station as the punishment chamber, since it's nigh impossible to be productive while having to smile at every jackass that happens by, on the off chance they'll come inside and actually ask me about rafting/zipline trips, and not 15 minutes of Q and fucking A about all things town. Since I'm on display as a zoo for 5 hours today meanwhile phones are dead, I'm going to rant about every single tourist stereotype that has the misfortune to walk past me. Just cause.

Summers in high country ski resort town CO are the best climate imaginable. Daily: highs do not exceed mid 70's, no humidity, no allergies, no bugs. It's a special kind of paradise. At least until 4th of july. 4th of july is when the fucking summer mountain tourists arrive and the absolute tranquility of this place is shattered by infuriating idiots everywhere.

So I've mentioned it elsewhere, but I live in Breckenridge, CO, in a fucking clutch apartment on main street. Mainstreets got tons of pedestrian crosswalks along it, with main itself stretching about a 15 minute walk. I don't know distances, nor do I care. There are really 3 red lights along main, one at north, one at mid, and one at south. The south redlight is part of what inspired this.

Today was the FOURTH fucking time in the past 2 weeks that I was almost clipped by a goddamned tourist turning right on red when I was crossing in the fucking crosswalk with the walky man as my spirit guide. The tags on this offender? Illinois. It's like because this is a peaceful place all rules of the road and how to interact with pedestrians fucking vanishes in a dismal case of vacation brain. Shit's awful.

There's a restaurant behind my cage called "rasta pasta". There's a french bakery beside it. 70% of people who walk by me will speak one of these two phrases. There's another place beside them called the Lost Cajun. It has obnoxious facehole plywood cut outs of a gator and a what i'm assuming is supposed to be a cajun guy? by their door. Three little shits just ran down the stairs screaming wanting their picture taken. One of them started crying when he didn't have a facehole. Smiling at the people who just walked by was easier.

Some geriatric fucks just had a make out session for about 20 seconds right in front of my goddamned window. I don't know why.

ASIAN TOURISTS! I love these guys. They never talk except to ask directions and when they do if you point to guide with your hand they point as well. Typical asian tourists for everyone, but they aren't bad. Unless they're driving, which I don't recall seeing this summer yet.

Main street has shit loads of parallel parking. Tourists have no idea how to parallel park their SUV's. I have a game wherein I stare at the driver. HOLY SHIT IM NOT KIDDING THIS FAT UNSIGHTLY LADY JUST BUMBED THE RED CAR SHE WAS PARALLEL PARKING BEHIND! Couldn't have been scripted if I wanted it to be. Just watched that happen in real time. I'm now leaving a sticky note on teh victims windshield notifying them of what happened. YESSSSSS. Ok, as I was saying, I stare down the driver while they do a shitawful parallel parking job in the hopes that what LITERALLY just happened happens, so that then they know there's a local witness. That was awesome. Hail Eris.

Colorado is for dog lovers. Especially up in the high country. Since I started typing this there's been at least 8 different breeds strolls by on their leashes, from a great pyr to a pug. 95% of these animals are extremely well behaved, but for whatever stupid reason the other 5% have shitty owners and they are unruly. One of these 5% just went by, started barking insanely loud and agressively for no fucking reason. And the owner just patted it on its head and told it to hush. Real effective lady.

I think a schizo just walked by. Either that or he had a bluetooth douche headset on. Either's possible. Probably the latter. May've been high on something.

We are a fat fucking country. CO is spared from this mostly, but our fat demographics increase exponentially in summer when the tourists flock. Lady just walked by with a hershey kiss shaped body. Unfortunate.

There's a weird ass trend in bootwear this summer where there's like frilly leather strap tassels hanging from boots with poof balls. What I don't even.

I really enjoy the eye candy that summer brings. Especially when it's families. My routine is typical smile through my glass cage at the approach family, make eye contact, do a quick up down check out of the attractive daughter, proceed immediately to making eye contact with the father while I purposefully widen my smile. Their brows usually furrow. It's the little things. Also, whoever inspired the yoga pants trend needs to be rewarded and knighted and praised and sainted. Hail that beautiful man/lesbian/exhibitionist. Going further into the eye candy aspect, this county is a sausage fest hell of 3 to 1 male to female ratios, with a local saying of "it's not your chick, it's just your turn". This was told to me by multiple bartenders. I probably mentioned this in a shangri, but it needed to be repeated.

And as if on cue, a trio of neckbeards walks by! And the largest among them who had to be pushing 300 was wheezing hard. Red faced too. Breathing at 9600 feet sucks a bit.

And then two more stereotypes that are annoying happened. For starters, cycling is huge up here. Lots of shops to rent cruzer bikes from since there are miles and miles of bike paths. In town here, there are bike lanes alongside the road. Dumb tourists just cruised by on the sidewalk, because fuck it, I don't give a shit about all these people walking, I'm a tourist on a bike! Fuck your sideWALK!. The second stereotype was the elderly couple that doubles back. This happens probably at least 3 times a day - old couple walks by slowly, stops, looks at the shops behind my cage, continues walking 15 feet past my cage, stops again, looks around for 45 seconds, turns around and walks back the way they came.

Some douche with a faux hawk acros the street just let his dog shit on the sidewalk and didn't pick it up. Fucking tourists. A few seconds later a guy with a popped collar strolls by. That's out of style, right?

Just had to play tour guide for a family from Kansas who stepped inside my shop to ask me where teh closest bathroom is. After that, they proceeded to ask me all things breck resort related (not town related), and didn't seem to understand that my 2 day a week job is to tell her about rafting.

In the past 3 minutes I've heard 3 lost cajuns, 1 rasta pasta, and 1 french bakery. Make that 2 rasta pastas. Now 3. I should really keep a tally one day. They don't even inquire about the places or look at their menu, they just say the restaurants name outloud for whatever reason as they walk by. The mind reels. Another common thing that I've noticed today is I've heard 3 different older fellows bitch to their families about carrying all the shopping bags. And a fat lady in a breck got oxygen t shirt just wheezed loudly going DOWN the 8 stairs behind me. No oxygen is a bitch.

I'm not sure why but loud ass motorcycles driven loudly in the summer up here are a thing. And the drivers do this in packs. It's like the tranquil peaceful quiet of the rustling leaves and chirping birds is too much for them to take and they have to drive these ass blaster bikes as loud as they possibly fucking can in a herd of 4+. One of these packs just drove by. I had a call right as they did, and they were too loud for me to hear the lost person who was asking me directions questions.

One of my favorite parts of summer up here is that every day like clockwork between 3 - 7 pm it rain. It never lasts more than 10 - 15 minutes tops, and usually is a light drizzle except for maybe 2 minutes of downpour, tops. Today it started at 2:45. When it starts the tourists FREAK. There were multiple families that sprinted by. The veterans who know their shit have been strolling around in their rain jackets like bosses. I just had a couple duck into my kisosk for a minute and a half, asking me inane questions about rafting with no real curiosity behind their voices so it didn't look obvious to me they were avoiding the heavy parts of the rain. 8 minutes later and the sky is blue again.

I had kind of hoped there'd have been more worthwhile examples to cross my path today so that I could share them with the expected amount of vitriol Or Kill Me warrants, providing more than just generic people watching that is partially what you find in any hub with people. Alas, not to be today.

Of course now that I'm closing this out I'm sure the shitshow will arrive. Until the next time I'm raging in this glass octogon.

-Or Kill Me






5
Or Kill Me / Shangri Fleeting
« on: April 15, 2013, 03:14:17 am »
I quit my job.

My last day of resort employment was last sunday. Monday morning at 5 am I drove to LA. In 4 hours im driving the long way home courtesy of this fuck all storm. My new job starts Tuesday at 10 am.

I intend to log and vent about the bullshit that went down over the past 5 months once im back. I think it'll maybe bring closure to that job.

Stay tuned.

6
Or Kill Me / The Winter Resort Survival Guide (Shangri pt 3)
« on: October 05, 2012, 10:39:00 am »
I.

I left Shangri. I was tired of living at work. Not to mention Shangri's for family's and that really just wasn't doing it for me. Plus I found a clutch apartment on fucking main street in Brecca. Well, the apartment itself is dated as hell, but goddamn my location is fucking fantastic.

I'm going to attempt to keep this running from the point the snow flies. Well, the fun snow. This weekend's forecast probably won't amount to anything. This will also serve as a lingo guide so you don't look like a fucking gaper when talking to some steezies on the hill. I fucking hate this place sometimes. And now the opener:


If you're reading this you're either bored as fuck or somewhere along the lines your interest has been piqued about the ski bum lifestyle. For the record, I hate this term. There's really no bums that I've encountered, just a lot of hard working broke motherfuckers. The closest thing we have to bums are trustafarians. These are the trust fund kids who live off their inheritance and do nothing but smoke themselves stupid and then play on the snowy mountain. I'm sure they piss and shit somewhere in there too. Cost of living in a resort town is stupid high. You will never become wealthy working on a ski resort. But you can have a lot of damned fun.

To give yourself the best chance of a job you need to know the hiring schedules and how the seasons work. I am speaking solely for Colorado in this. There are four distinct seasons: Summer, which starts around the 4th of July and ends early September. Shoulder, which starts early September & ends as soon as the mountains open and jobs are available (you can hope and pray for early November). Ski Season, which is AKA winter and runs from November until about Cinco De Mayo.  And lastly, Mud Season, when the snow all melts and everyone gets laid off and the friends you've made dip out unannounced because they couldn't cut it. Now that you know these, when's the best time to come out for a gig? Honestly, late in Shoulder season. Once you arrive you'll be faced with two major options: Work for the beast (big ski resort corporation that chews up and spits out seasonal workers like it's nothing, and somehow isn't even phased when just under half of their entire housekeeping force gets deported the week of thanksgiving in a huge ICE raid) or work for small business. The beast has it's perks no doubt: they hire a lot more people (increasing your chances), they offer shitawful housing on resort as a benefit (imagine a terrible, awful dorm full of the families of all the migrant workers), they comp your ski pass, and they allow you to qualify for unemployment when you are laid off at the start of Mud season. And you will be laid off. Your other option is small business. These can offer you full year employment usually, but the benefits and perks will be nowhere near what the beast offers you. At best your pass will be paid for. But hey, you don't have to move home to mommy and daddy when the snow melts like a loser townie, so you have that going for you. If the beast sounds appealing, all of them usually offer job fairs late october & early november. Just showing up to these job fairs is a virtually guaranteed way of getting hired. Keep this in mind.


Stopping here for tonight. Will cover more about shoulder season at next update, which I really intend to do soon. Swear.





Winter Resort Dictionary:

This is not in alphabetical order because fuck you. This will be updated throughout the season.

Steezy - a term meaning style and ease. It's become synonomous with being a badass at either snowboarding or skiing, while also dressing in the hippest way possible. Wardrobes include huge saggy winter pants, tall tees that cover your ass, vibrant almost neon colors, and proform (expensive and the best on the market) gear.

Clutch - Nice, tight, awesome, spiffy, fucking fantastic, whatever.

Trustafarians - Trust fund kids who lives off said trust funds and do nothing but smoke themselves retarded and ride as often as they please. Usually they pay no rent and live in their parents condos.

Hill - The mountain, the slopes. You have a home hill. Be prepared to tell people you meet where it is on top of your favorite runs.

Runs - I thought you were a fucking snow sports enthusiast. Slopes. Jesus.

Pow Pow - Powder. In colorado it's champagne pow. White, fluffy, perfect bliss. Powder days are bragging rights.

Lines - The trail one makes in powder. These can also be referred to as turns in passing, such as "yeah, i took some turns on my lunch break..."

Gnarly - Fuck if I know. It means sick gross but somehow it almost means incredible, crazy awesome? I fucking hate this term.

Gaper - The worst face of tourists. Think Texans skiing in jeans. Referred to as gapers because they stand on the slope with their mouth agape looking at all the pretty scenery. They also have the same reaction while driving on the fucking road. Be prepared to hate and loathe them.

Village - The area of the resort where all the shops, bars, & restaurants are. Usually situated near the Gondola or a main lift.

The park - The usually minor section of the resort dedicated solely to the people who want to play & showboat. Park has features including rails, boxes, jumps, jibs, wall rides, and if you're lucky, a pipe.

Park Rats - Skiers & riders who live in the park. Their day on the hill consists of sitting in a line for a jump, doing said jump, landing or bailing it, and then rinse/repeat. I can see the appeal, but it's not for me. At all.

Bro-Brah's - Take your typical fratty douche. Make him smoke too much pot (now legal here), have him fail out of college & said fraternity, have him dress in ridiculous clothing including XXXL t-shirts affectionately called "tall tees", and make his preferred home be the park. In his arsenal is some of the worst pseudo ghetto slang you've ever heard, as well as rufies. Bro-Brah's are the douches of your mountain town. Best to just avoid them entirely, and laugh when they inevitably get a DUI or are arrested for starting a fight with a competing bro-brah. 

White Ribbon of Death - What's that? You want to ride in October? WELL FUCK YEAH WE'LL TAKE YOUR MONEY! Here, ride this granular god awful man made snow for a quarter of the mountain for hours on end. Oh, just know that around 10:30 AM it's going to be chopped up all to hell and be like the worst combination of a mogul field and a kat track that you can imagine. Oh, and there's also going to be 60 other people riding this 45 second run, so be ready to wait longer in the lift line and on the lift itself. I just hope for your sake no beginners scrape our imitation crushed ice away. Nevermind those twigs, shrubs, rocks, exposed mud, and holes in the ground. Think of them as challenges to increase your fun. But hey, we're letting you board our shitawful runs in October. Stop your bitching.


Posts will be updated as I think of more aspects for them.


Index by relevant post by yours truly:

I.   Intro, Seasons, & Glossary

II.  Cost of Living

III. Winter Driving

IV.  Resort Drinking



-Or Kill Me



7
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57476379/mass-shooting-at-batman-premiere-in-denver-suburb-suburb-aurora-colorado/


Mass shooting in Aurora at the end of the Batman screening tonight.

Quote
(CBS/AP) AURORA, Colo. - At least 14 people were killed and dozens more injured by a gunmen who allegedly began his attack on Denver area movie-goers by hurling tear gas into the crowd at a Batman "The Dark Knight Rises" premiere around midnight on Thursday, police say.

Oats said a gas mask, a knife, and at least one rifle and a handgun were found on the suspect. Oats said the suspect informed officers that he had explosives in his home, which was in the local area. There was no suggestion of links to international terrorism.


Hour east of me. Actually found out while making the mistake of waiting for the credits to finish. Don't.

Calling it now: I give it 4 days until someone on Fox News blames video games.

I just know the suspect has a manifesto. He was wearing a fucking gas mask for christs sake.

I'm guessing that he's a crazy fundamentalist megachurch rich fuck from CO Springs who lost his house in the fire of gods wrath. Purging out the evil for the Lord.

I'm expecting Fox News to mention how close this was to Columbine at some point for added effect. Someone let me know if I get BINGO, ya?


8
Or Kill Me / Conspiracy: Aurora
« on: July 20, 2012, 10:07:19 am »
Rush Limbaugh is a profit. Hear his words.

Not exactly.

But here goes. Because I don't have the patience to write this shit out eloquently.

Seek knowledge about all this bain capital = banevillain = romneyvillain blah blah that started this week. Basically Limbaugh assumes everyone was spared from the agony of Batman & Robin and thus had never heard of "Bane" from any source until this movie. He then goes off muttering about how this has been a liberal plot for months/years and is the only reason why this villain has the same name as bain capital.

Afterward your brain does a hard reset, but you shrug it off to oxycontin.

Midnight rolls around, and you're in the theater seeing the last major movie of the summer, a movie that is the conclusion of a trilogy and is advertised in virtually everything you've stumbled across recently because you don't live under a rock. You're seeing a movie that will stick with you until christmas (buy buy buy toys toys toys), being the last major summer movie and all.

You watch this movie. It ends. Credits start. You debate with your friends on staying through for possible extra scenes. The consensus is yes. You feed your twitter addiction on your phone. 7m ago. @bbcbreaking "Masked gunman opened fire and set off device at Batman (capitalized) premiere in Colorado, witnesses say".

You enter a shock. You announce to the entire theater what's going on, play by play. You see a patron's eyes widen "I'm glad we didn't go to the imax... (in aurora mall).

You leave the theater. The trigger hits: Batman. You've been fed it long enough. It's everywhere.

Your brain ticks back to the profit's words in the car. You block it out and shrug it off as shit is just going down in (kinda) ghetto denver.

You get home. You check for news updates. You find this. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57476379/mass-shooting-at-batman-premiere-in-denver-suburb-suburb-aurora-colorado/

A gas mask. He was wearing a gas mask. It's so simple. Why wasn't the vision there before? You hear the words of profit hicks in your mind.

I have this feeling man, 'cause you know, it's just a handful of people who run everything, you know that's true, it's provable. It's not I'm not a fucking conspiracy nut, it's provable. A handful, a very small elite, run and own these corporations, which include the mainstream media. I have this feeling that whoever is elected president, like Clinton was, no matter what you promise on the campaign trail blah, blah, blah when you win, you go into this smoke-filled room with the twelve industrialist capitalist scum-fucks who got you in there. And you're in this smoky room, and this little film screen comes down and a big guy with a cigar goes, "Roll the film." And it's a shot of the Kennedy assassination from an angle you've never seen before that looks suspiciously like it's from the grassy knoll. And then the screen goes up and the lights come up, and they go to the new president, "Any questions?" "Er, just what my agenda is." "First we bomb Baghdad." "You got it "

You black out. You come to. It's so easy, why wasn't it there before? Limbaugh is the only one who speaks the truth!


The Dark Knight Rises shooting at the Batman premier in Aurora just ensured Romney loses the election.
:tinfoilhat:



-Or Kill Me

Or just realize this is my feeble attempt to write from the mind of a crazy person shortly after major tragedy.






9
Or Kill Me / BECAUSE I PAID MY 60 FUCKING DOLLARS
« on: May 15, 2012, 08:09:02 am »
FUCKING GOD DAMNED DIABLO 3

That's right. I'm a goddamned nerd. Woo.

I've waited since FUCKING HIGHSCHOOL for this shit.

Goddamned spent 60 dollars for this fucking experience.

60 dollars that I SHOULDVE saved for my sinful trip to Italy next month.

60 dollars that meant I OWN THIS FUCKING GAME

OHHHHHH FUCK NO I DONT.

Know what 60 fucking dollars gets you?

A GODDAMNED LOGIN ERROR FOR OVER A FUCKING HOUR.

yes, I realize Blizzard is a filthy evil company but goddammit like an abused housewife I keep coming back.

HE HAS A GOOD HEART. HE DIDNT MEAN IT. I JUST NEED TO NOT EXPECT SO MUCH OF HIM

HE REALLY CARES ABOUT ME. I JUST SHOULDNT MAKE HIM ANGRY


FUCK

I've typed this god damned login pw I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW HOW MANY TIMES

You'd think I were a crack fiend.

WILL SUCK DICK TO PLAY THIS FUCKING GAME THAT I OWN.


not really

unless you've got an in...



OR KILL ME
just let me slaughter the legions of hell first. Please?

10
High Weirdness / Ultimate Tazer Ball
« on: February 14, 2012, 02:28:43 am »
http://utblive.com/

Quote
Overview:

Ultimate Tazerball, from here on referred to as UTB, is a 4 on 4 action sport involving a 200 x 85 rectangular playing field,

with one ball, 2 goals at opposing ends, and 8 Tazer apparatus.  The following will be a detailed rulebook, covering on

field play, safety regulations, equipment requirements, field regulation, and general player conduct, among other things.

The Ultimate Tazerball league, conceived of by Leif Kellenberger, has been developed in conjunction with several industry

partners (Erik Wunsch & Eric Prum) in order to bring a new, action packed team sport to the forefront of extreme sport.

UTB incorporates 20th century technolgy with team strategy in an action packed game. UTB is a high-octane experience

for both the participating athletes and spectators.


This is legit. I'm kind of in awe.


They're seriously tazing each other while running around with an oversized air soccer ball. Wow. - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E38G31wo7qc

 :lulz:

sometimes, i really love people.

11
Or Kill Me / The Second Coming
« on: January 09, 2012, 06:01:09 am »
is not Tim fucking Tebow.

Disclaimer: I will talk about sports herein, including american football. I do not consider myself a sports enthusiast (excluding "winter" sports), so don't try to discuss this shit with me. You'll be speaking greek and I really don't give a fuck.


Fuck I hate that dude. Oh how I hate him. Oh how I've hated him. And somehow, by some twisted joke of fate or whatthefuck have you, I cannot escape this goody fuck two shoes.

I tried. He followed me.

My tech monkey job back in knox was working for a mba program at the university of tennessee. TN's football team was utter shit all five years I lived there. Hell, the only decent TN game I saw in those five years was when we stomped a hole in LSU's ass using our shitty third string QB right after Katrina fucked their shit up. That night was awesome. There was a student "riot" (at least that's what the knoxville news sentinel called it), complete with a futon mattress being torched at the entrance to Neyland. Yep, them crazy tn kids sure know how to throw on a good riot.

That game was my freshman year, and we had the shittiest of shitty qb's, a true fuckoff named Eric Ainge. I used to hate him more than any sports figure I'd ever heard of. I was naive.

TN's arguably worst rival in the SEC is fucking florida. The animosity was bred by Steve Spurrier, a native tennesseean, snubbing the head coaching position at TN in favor of going to the swamp. This hatred ran, and still runs deep in the hearts of all orange blooded vol fans. A popular shirt in the tackiest of orange and white, that was still being worn by the fandom just before my exodus read "Hey Spurrier, Up Yours!" Point being, volfans hate gators. They tailgate and eat gator tail. It's not uncommon at these tail gate events to see whateverthefuck the fl mascot gator is named stuffed animals hanging from nooses or being drug behind trucks. That state is full of fucking rednecks.

I digress.

It was in the midst of this shitty decade of football that spurriers replacement urban meyer lifted this golden child up to become my most hated of all sports celebrities. He blasted onto the scene the year after the futon bonfire game, and didn't do much, though the gators won the championship. The next year he won the heisman. The next year they again won the championship. The next year they lost to Bama, and tebow wept.

Proof:



Just looking at his face makes me want to shank something. Also, it should be noted that tebow was known for crying. A lot. I'm not sure what always brought him to tears, but it makes me happy nonetheless.

Graduation time came, and wonder child shocked everyone by saying he was declining continuing his football career, and instead was going to go into mission work to spread the word o' the lord. This was fine with me, because he looks like a third world country might do him some good. I'd especially enjoy seeing him in Africa trying to tell a bloated stomach dying child that jesus loves him. I honestly believe he'd do that too. Fucking zealots.

Tebow was leaving on his jesus journey, and there was peace for a time. I began to plan my exodus, and as I tend to do, stopped giving a shit about sports. I left tn, and visited an old friend for a night in st louis. This friend is a big dude, 6'4", criminal justice major, but has been unable to find a legit cop job on account of knee problems, and so he works as a security guard. He's also a huge sports fan. He's also cruel.

Within 10 minutes of arriving in st louis and saying hello to the long lost friend we departed for a nearby dive bar to drink and catch up. In the course of this conversation he asks my target destination, i discuss the interview, and the following conversation occurs, to the best of my memory:

B - so how far are you going to be from denver?
Me - I dunno, an hour, maybe two.
B - so are you a broncos fan now?
M - ha, we'll see. do they suck as bad as the titans?
B - off and on. you know who their new quarterback for this season is right?
M - No clue. you know me, I don't keep up with this shit.
B - It's tim tebow.
M - *20 seconds pass, denial strikes* I thought he was doing missionary stuff?
B - Nah, he actually released a statement that he felt being in the NFL would give him a greater platform to spread gods word
M - ...you mean he's fucking following me? GOD DAMMIT!!!
B - You seriously didn't know that?
M - No, I fucking didn't, and I'm not happy about it.
B - Yep, Bronco's drafted him on first round. He's been in denver training all summer.
M - oh for fucks sake.

I drink more, and try to push it out of my mind. I mean it was colorado right? everyone's going to be obsessed with the slopes and no ones going to give a shit about broncos football, right?

Fucking wrong.

Every. Goddamn. Game. Weekly on the radio. All over twitter. All over the bars I frequent TV's. Tim fucking Tebow. He won't go the fuck away, and I can't escape him. Zealots cite every victory he pulls out of his ass at the end of the game as proof of gods existence. They also have no comment when the broncos lose.

Tonight the final straw broke the camels back. The broncs beat the steelers, and that was ok. I glanced at my twitter feed, because I'm a fucking addict, and sure enough four different fuckfaces have retweeted the following tonight: "Tebow threw for 316 yards in the game tonight. John 3:16!!! Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!!" or "So Tebow threw for 316 yards at a 31.6 per attempt. Is this God influencing football"

I can't fucking take it anymore. I've known this country was full of the batshit insane, but fuck.

I can handle the tebow-ing thing, despite the name, because mocking fundamentalists brings me joy. Hell, I even forgive the tourists who insist on doing it at the top of the mountain while they have their picture taken. That's forgivable. But jesus fuck people, stop invoking tebow's name as proof of gods existence.

TIM TEBOW DOES NOT HAVE A SINGLE FUCKING THING TO DO WITH THE EXISTENCE OF GOD. JUST BECAUSE HE OPENLY BARES HIS MISGUIDED ZEALOTRY DOES NOT MEAN THAT A DIVINE CREATOR GIVES A SINGLE CLOUD FLOATING FUCK ABOUT AMERICAN FOOTBALL.

Hell, fucking football wasn't even around until eons and eons after the major religious texts were written. And no, no one gives a shit about you, book of mormon.

I'd continue this rant further on all the little appearances of Tebow that happen in my daily life, and why he's a fucking horrible person and should be assassinated by a member of a crazy kooky cult, but christmas hell made me start smoking again and I've gone four days with no nicotine and this rant and my own pissed-off-ness over tim fuckhead tebow isn't going to ruin that for me.

- Or Kill Me. Better yet, slay tebow. Bonus points if you crucify him.


12
Techmology and Scientism / Cloned human embryo creates working stem cells
« on: October 06, 2011, 12:37:20 am »
http://www.nature.com/news/2011/111005/full/news.2011.578.html

Quote
Scientists at the New York Stem Cell Foundation Laboratory have reprogrammed an adult human egg cell to an embryonic state using cloning technology and created a self-reproducing line of embryonic stem cells from the developing embryo. In so doing, they have managed a feat that has at times been thought impossible, then inevitable, then completed, then incomplete and unfeasible. Their work is published today in Nature1.

It is not the end-all experiment that scientists aiming to create embryonic stem cells have been hoping for the embryos are not true clones, because the DNA of the stem-cell line does not match that of the patient who donated cells but it is a step in that direction and addresses some of the problems that have flummoxed experiments.

the future is awesome.

13
High Weirdness / Mushrooms create hippies
« on: October 01, 2011, 09:24:03 am »
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/09/110929074205.htm

Quote
A single high dose of the hallucinogen psilocybin, the active ingredient in so-called "magic mushrooms," was enough to bring about a measurable personality change lasting at least a year in nearly 60 percent of the 51 participants in a new study, according to the Johns Hopkins researchers who conducted it.

Lasting change was found in the part of the personality known as openness, which includes traits related to imagination, aesthetics, feelings, abstract ideas and general broad-mindedness. Changes in these traits, measured on a widely used and scientifically validated personality inventory, were larger in magnitude than changes typically observed in healthy adults over decades of life experiences, the scientists say. Researchers in the field say that after the age of 30, personality doesn't usually change significantly.

 :lulz:

14
Or Kill Me / Shangri-La: The second year
« on: September 17, 2011, 06:23:44 am »
Today marks 1 year since I stumbled across this county. I keep expecting that fact to sink in with me a bit, but the truth is it's not. There's been no huge "whoa". Hell, I'm not even in a reflective enough mood to properly open the second edition of the madness that accompanies working in HRT. But I feel I should. Maybe some bored stoner kid will read this at some point and think "you mean that asshole did this? why am i still stuck in hell?" The truth is, you aren't stuck anywhere. All the roots you've laid can be chopped up, you just have to be willing to sacrifice your legs in the process. It worked out well for the tin man, right?

I was a bored stoner kid in Knoxville, TN. I was living with 2 strippers, and dating one of them. I had a shit keyboard monkey job providing IT support to mostly evil doctors getting their MBA's. I had been in this shit job for 4 and a half years. It wasn't a career, nor was it even that great for my resume, but it was easy, and it gave me a comfortable enough standard of living to where I did what I wanted when I wanted. I should say that since I was 14 I wanted to work in hospitality management. When I was 15 I started snowboarding - casually. Senior year of highschool I organized a field trip for my Travel & Tourism class to a local resort: Sugar Mountain in NC. I got us the hook up. We had a full tour of the entire resort, including into the buildings that housed the snow making machinery, a 45 minute Q & A with the GM of the resort, and then super cheap lift passes & rentals. From that trip on I had the itch to work in the ski resort industry, even if only for a season.

Throughout my 5 years in Knoxville I went on an annual week long trip to Snowshoe, WV. It was the first time I'd ever encountered a secluded ski resort that was entirely self-sufficient relying solely on tourism money. I fell in love with the idea of a small tourism based town where my only sporting passion was what made everything function. I was arguably naive (still am), and the fact that the closest hospital to the resort was in a town 50 minutes away with clear roads. We found this out when an old friend, who was doing awesome on skis considering it was her first week, crossed up her skis on a green at night, tumbled and rolled, and slashed her face 2 inches from her eye on a large jagged piece of ice. Mountain ski patrol couldn't stitch her up, and so it was an hour drive for her and another friend to the closest ER, while the rest of us drank in the hot tub while it snowed. Memories like that seem trivial, but they all contributed to the constantly growing desire I had to live in a place like that.

The 09/10 winter in the south sucked for riding. Hell, the only good riding I had that year was one run down a black at snowshoe on a trip up there for my bday with aforementioned stripper gf, where the rest of the time I spent teaching & coaching. Two weeks later one of the surprisingly awesome docs that was an alum of the MBA I worked for housed me and a coworker in his 3 bedroom cabin at Timberline, WV. He was head of ski patrol, in addition to being one of the best chemo docs in WV. He gave us the royal treatment the entire time. The best part of that trip wasn't even the riding. It was the way my coworker and I were treated. Since the doc was head of ski patrol everyone knew him, and we were treated exactly like locals. The bar conversations I had at the base of the mountain with the people who were living the life I wanted gave me a perspective I'd never received. They assured me I could do it, I just needed to be prepared for poverty as a result.

In March of 2010, I asked said stripper gf to sign a lease with me when mine expired. We were practically living together at this point anyways. She declined repeatedly, and made it abundantly clear she didn't want to be at that level of commitment with me. Fine. I spent the next few months watching a lot of the friends I'd made moving away, or moving back home because their resumes were shit and no where would hire them solely on the degree. I also looked at the job I hated, and how genuinely unhappy I was to still be living in TN. I was 23 years old. Why was I still in this town? Why was I still in this state? Why was I still in this region?

I told her in June that I was moving in September. My lease ended June 30th. I had tapped a friend to live in a spare bedroom at his place for free for my last two months while I saved money, she insisted that I move in with her and her friend, who was also a stripper. I told her I would, but it would be for July & August while I worked and saved, and then left. She said ok, and seemed to understand I was going. Or at least pretended to. I should probably also mentioned when our courtship first started she asked me what my catch was, and I told her flat out that i wasn't in the south forever, and I was moving to work ski resorts. She had had ample warning and time to prepare.

In June my best friend tells me he's thinking about moving to CO to pursue a career & degree in journalism/literature, with a focus on film. I proceed to have a few serious conversations with him about it, and tell him when I was going.

I told my boss in July that I was going to work through our mid august hell week (residence period, when MBA students were on site and I worked 16 - 20 hour days), and then I would be putting in my two weeks. He looked at me, smiled, and told me he was starting to wonder when I was finally leaving. I left that job with some amazing references, and also had a MBA communications professor type up my resume for me.

I start doing some research and come up with several different locations to move to. High Rockies, CO (I was just calling it CO resorts at the time), Burlington, Vermont , Bend, Oregon became my top three. I decided Burlington was a college town, and I wanted out of the scene, so it was nixed. Bend seemed like too far, and so I settled on CO. In August I landed an interview for mid september  at Winter Park Resort. They are owned by Intrawest. The same company that owns Snowshoe. The same company that owns Whistler. The same company that filed for bankruptcy & required a bail out while hosting the Olympics. I was wary of this interview, which I should add was part of a job fair & is peak hiring time, but I was even more wary for the lack of security working for this company could get me. I pushed it out of my mind, and decided I would go to CO the week before the interview, get a feel for it, do the interview, and see how it went.

I spent most of August giving away or selling everything I had. I got up to around 2200 saved, and decided to do a farewell trip with the chick I'd been dating for 10 months to DC/ VA beach. I really wanted to see the ocean before I left it for cold mountains. She spent a lot of the trip asking me not to go, pleading with me not to, and fuming at me for doing so. Trip ended, I drove her back, and drove to my parents. It was now Sept 9th. I spent the next 3 days packing and saying goodbye to long time friends. My mother threw me a going away lunch for extended family. At this lunch my paternal grandmother looked me in the face and said "I don't know why you're doing this. You're going to get out there and you're going to fail and you're going to beg for your mommy and daddy to help get you home". Since then I've only spoken to my curmudgeon bitch grandmother for 35 seconds on xmas.

I packed only things I felt I would need, or want bad enough. Laptop, sleeping bag, comforter, Wii & 360 (no TV), DVD's that I hadn't sold loaded into a 120 page case, One carry on sized suitcase loaded small keepsakes/treasures/items I was emotionally attached to, two plastic tubs of care packages given to me by my parents & aunt, a large suitcase of clothes, a green army duffle bag from an army surplus loaded with rolled up clothes, a tent (just in case), few dress shirts/slacks for interviews, snowboard & board bag, all winter gear, and a big plastic bag full of cords and miscellaneous tech items I might need (keyboard, chargers, etc). My bank account at this point was around 1700. I felt positive that would be enough.

I say goodbye to my parents, which was surprisingly harder than I thought it would be. I left, and drove to Knox with my loaded car for my last two nights. I ate foods I knew I would miss. The morning of the 14th comes. I wake up at 9 AM, and ask the woman i'd been cohabiting with for months if she'd like to help me with the last three loads. She refused. It got to be 11, which was when I wanted to leave, and she starts crying & begging me to stay. I say my goodbye, and surprisingly it was a much harder goodbye than I was prepared for. I've been called emotionally cold & distant by more than one ex, but the last view of her that I had was in my rear view mirror as she dropped to the grass bawling with her head in her hands. I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry too, but I refused to turn back for even 10 minutes, because it would give her false hope. I called her 20 minutes into my drive, and she was still crying.

I drive two and a half hours to Murfreesboro to visit the little sister for lunch before I continued my Exodus. Was a nice visit. I then made my way up to St Louis & stayed with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. Crashed on his couch early, woke up at 6, and started driving again.

Missouri was pretty, despite the rain. Kansas was fucking awful. The only nice part about Kansas was the giant fuck all wind farm that you can see for 45 minutes, because it's Kansas. I entered GMT, and it really hit me that I was doing it. I had started popping Niacin to get my piss clean for potential jobs, and about 10 minutes after entering GMT I had a hot flash. Fuck everything about that shit. My mother went through menopause hella early, and I would give her hell about her hot flashes, and now I feel like the biggest dick ever. Shit was awful. Drank 4 bottles of water that I bought at this scary little gas station where everyone was wearing cowboy hats, and drank them all. 25 minutes later I was fine. Fuck Kansas.

I get into CO, and head down to CO Springs to crash on the floor of the best friend I'd mentioned earlier. I wake up the next morning, and head to I-70 west, just west of Denver. The foothills of west Denver are where you first start to climb into the rockies. At this point I was truly giddy for the first time. I drove until I passed a sign for Winter Park, and decided I was going to find the first semi-decent looking place that had a hotel I could get a weekly rate at and post up, since I'd be driving back to the interview on Saturday. I go through the eisenhower tunnel, seeing the lifts and runs of Loveland ski area that go over the tunnel, and I got giddy again, as I was about to live in the dream.

8 miles after the tunnel I see an interstate sign advertising a super 8 and various restaurants. Bingo. I went to the super 8, since I knew I could get a decent rate, and it turns out I was in Dillon, CO. I went to the grocery store, a CityMarket, and that's when the culture shock started to settle in. I went back to my hotel room with my newly acquired sandwich stuffs & went on Craigslist to look for housing options in or near Winterpark, or in the area. I then discovered that Breckenridge was in the same county I was staying in. I opened a classified for housing offered in Breckenridge. 1 bedroom/bathroom in 3 bedroom townhome in Breck, Sept 15th - Oct 15th for $450. I emailed immediately. Was a dude and a chick, slightly older than me, same story as me, and they needed to fill a bedroom until their third roommate arrived. I agree to meet them at a lakeside tiki bar in town the next day. We meet, I follow them back to their place with some stuff already in my car, and tell them I'm sold on it. We work out that I'm moving in the next day, since it was already past check out time at my hotel. I actually unload a few items into the room at this point. I head back to town, and have dinner at a brewery.

I head back to the hotel and start thinking. From what I'd seen of the county, I was overjoyed with it. The next morning was my interview with Intrawest, but I didn't really want to move to Winter Park at this point (to date I still haven't even seen Winter Park). I didn't realize the decision I'd made until I was driving the next morning. I did not go to my interview. I drove straight to Breck and got moved in. It was Oktoberfest in Breck, and as soon as I'd unloaded my stuff I walked down to town.

I had a hangover at 5 PM. It was that day I discovered elevation drinking.

The choice not to go to that interview pretty much shaped my entire life here. All the pieces fell into place over the following two months. I found another, even more awesome place to live on Craigslist. I landed a job I love after 8 interviews and 2 long-drug out offers from other places (and 3 more offers after said job). 

I've experienced things this past year I'd never even tried to fathom. Eating dinner alone on Christmas before going into work. Eating dinner on my birthday alone. Being on the literal first chair lift of the year 2011. Having a job in my career field that I love. Lying in my bed watching the gondola go up and down the mountain. And snowboarding on demand.

I fucking love it here.

TL;DR
Move the fuck out of your shithole town and love your life.

15
Techmology and Scientism / Sony sneakily changes TOS so you can't sue them
« on: September 17, 2011, 03:44:04 am »
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2393107,00.asp

Quote
Do you read every single user agreement with which you're presented or do you just hurry past and click with abandon to get to your music, video game, or Web site? Most likely it's the latter, but an updated agreement from Sony might cause you to think twice.

As first discovered by The Examiner, Sony updated its PlayStation Network terms of service on September 15 to ban class-action lawsuits against the company.

"Any dispute resolution proceedings, whether in arbitration or court, will be conducted only on an individual basis and not in a class or representative action or as a named or unnamed member in a class, consolidated, representative, or private attorney general action unless you and [Sony] agree to do so in writing," according to the updated terms.

Users do have the ability to opt out of this agreement, but it must be done in writing within 30 days of the date that you accept the agreement. That opt-out request must include your name, address, PSN account number, and a clear statement that you don't want to resolve any Sony-related issues via arbitration (mailed to 6080 Center Dr., 10th Floor, Los Angeles, CA 90045).

So in order to use a service you purchased when you bought your console, you have to agree not to participate in any class action law suit against Sony. Neveryoumind the potential HUGE class action suit regarding the rampant identity theft that all PSN & SOE users are subject to now. Too bad 95% (probably higher) of the people who would benefit from such a suit will just blindly agree to the new TOS.

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