Dammit, I hate what I've become. I'm a walking appliance. I can do the work of two men, but I can't smile, or tell a joke, or even laugh at one. I spend all my time at work half-awake, trying to psychoanalyze myself and make up fucking terrible fantasy settings for games that are doubly imaginary, since they'll only ever exist in my own head. I have no education and no idea what I even want out of life. The only friends I ever see in person are filthy borderline cultists that keep pressuring me into joining a hypothetical primitivist settlement that I really don't want anything to do with because I think it's fucking retarded, and it hurts whenever I see them, because it feels like I'm watching them die. I talk to them, but I know on some level I'm just talking to the corpses of the friends I used to have, and what's left is just a pair of puppets, and sometimes I can feel the things inside them reaching out with their tentacles and trying to pull me in. And you know what? They were jerks to begin with. And so was I. So fuck it. It is what it is, and everyone involved deserved it.