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Topics - trix

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1
Beyond the wall / Things I've Learned From PeeDee
« on: November 17, 2016, 07:35:49 pm »
Things I've learned from PeeDee.

1.  I've learned that holy men can be more dangerous than drug fiends.

2.  I've learned that darlings WANT you to murder them without mercy.

3.  I've learned that when you are experiencing butthurt, if you suddenly look behind you REALLY FAST you can sometimes catch Nigel slipping away grinning.  When this happens, pull your pants back up and move the fuck on, you deserved it.

4.  I've learned that Operation Mindfuck is not about being funny, that's just an effective tactic (as is cognitive dissonance) towards the real goal.  Which is the proverbial monkey wrench, aimed at half-asleep monkey brains.

5.  I've learned that collateral damage can be a very good, desired outcome.

More to come after work.

Feel free to add your own.

2
Or Kill Me / HEY HIPPIES: STOP PUTTING FLOWERS IN YOUR HAIR
« on: September 26, 2016, 12:35:13 am »
Flowers in the hair.  Often the same people that hug trees and protect nature, DO THIS STUPID SHIT.

Why is that beautiful?  Why is that acceptable for someone who professes a LOVE of nature?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING.

I mean, the concept is TERRIBLE.

First, you find something beautiful and natural growing out of the ground.  Something so beautiful that it's likely at its peak of beauty and life.

Then you rip it out of its support, killing it, and put the pretty corpse in your hair to use its beauty to enhance your own.

...

You are wearing the slowly decaying corpse of something beautiful that you killed just to steal its beauty for your own.

How about instead you make something beautiful, meant for your hair, and put that in there?  Not only are you not murdering a beautiful plant for selfish reasons, but you can be proud of the beauty the thing in your hair adds because YOU MADE IT.  It's YOURS.  The beauty in it came from YOU to begin with.

I mean, I give a shit about flowers, but INCONSISTENCY hurts my brain.

Or kill me.

3
Beyond the wall / Um, Cramulus??
« on: September 25, 2016, 09:19:21 pm »
So I somehow completely randomly came across this while searching for something entirely unrelated:

http://discordia.wikia.com/wiki/Professor_Cramulus

...And I have to ask.  What in the hell?

Quote
At first appearing to be an agent of chaos, it slowly became more and more evident to observers outside of his sycophantic core group of adoring followers that Cramulus is, in fact, something else entirely... a mole agent of Order whose primary goal is to "organize" the Discordian Society out of existence.

 :lulz:

4
Or Kill Me / DON'T LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE - THEY ARE BAD FOR YOU!
« on: September 24, 2016, 07:52:49 am »
DON'T LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE - THEY ARE BAD FOR YOU!

Ok, I know they talk a serious (or at least, hilarious) game.  I get that much of what they say can be very enticing.  This is the BAIT they are using to lure you in, you sucker.

What you are missing is that NONE OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST IN MIND.  NONE.  Even when they say they do.  Why would you ever believe a Discordian???

Think about it.  I've read hundreds upon hundreds of threads here over the last few years and have realized these folks at PD are a BIG FUCKING THREAT.  The more you read, the more you learn, the more you let them dose your mind with the literary LSD they carefully package in a deliciously spicy blend of hilarity and WTF, you LOSE PEICES OF YOURSELF.

Everything you are trying to accomplish in your life, ALL OF IT, is THREATENED by each word you read in this place.  They are KILLING YOU.  You work your fucking ass off ALL DAY LONG, day after day after DAY, to afford your comfortable place, your nice clothes, your big screen TV with 10,000 channels and Netflix, your XBOX420 and your virtual reality headset and your motion-activated plastic fish that sings and your collection of whatever-the-fuck-you-collect.  These are NICE THINGS.  You get to come home after a hard day and relax and turn off your brain (or keep it off, if you work the type of job that most of us do).  You get to watch your shows and put your feet up and relax for the short spurt before going to bed.  Nice.

But then one day while wasting some time online you come across something that's pretty funny, pretty interesting, and you look more into it.  You read more of it.  Over time, you start to find yourself agreeing with things you never thought you would.  You start to see the Truth in what they are saying and the Bullshit you are surrounded by.  The Bullshit you surround yourSELF with.  That you trick yourself with.

That's when they GOT YOU.

At first it's only a mild annoyance, in the back of your mind.  Something you read, in one of those many rants, sticks out in your mind a bit more than most.  You start seeing things a little differently.  Your priority shifts ever so slightly.  Your shows start to seem unusually boring, repetitive, and insidious.  You start to notice spiders.  Shadows and spiders.  You start to notice pills.  You start to notice all manner of uncomfortable realities that were always there but invisible.

One day you realize you are no longer comfortable.  No longer satisfied.  You feel abused, manipulated, and surrounded by cons.  CONS.  All sorts of them.  From low level stupid cons you really should have noticed before, to epic, masterful cons that had to have taken massive teams of amazingly skilled con-artists to create.  Suddenly, it's hard to breathe.

So you go back to the place that did this to you and search for an explanation.  Instead, you realize they find it FUNNY.  They are LAUGHING AT YOU.

Eris likes it when you are uncomfortable.  Her Discordians like it too.  That's what you missed.  That's what you didn't see until it was TOO LATE.  But it IS too late.  Now there's only one direction left that you can really go... DEEPER.

So you read more and more, hoping for a weakness, an achilles heel to this insidious mind-control they've pulled on you with LAZ0RS and FNORDS.  You laugh at the jokes along the way, and the noobs that are starting down the path you are now too far down to turn back.  You laugh at the noobs that don't get it, and can't even see the path is there.  You even start to laugh at your own foolishness, in being so comfortable in the first place.  After all, you were surrounded by spiders and didn't even know it.

That's when they GOT YOU AGAIN.

You laugh, and you laugh.  You start making your own jokes.  You start making your own posts.  You even start showing some noobs the path markers they keep missing, all the while laughing at them too for being such utter fools.  Laughing WITH the other Discordians, because you are fully one of them now.

"NO WAY" you say, "I can see the joke, sure, but I'm NOTHING LIKE THE REST OF THEM."

Sure, numbnuts, you're not like them at all.  But neither are THEY.  That's what drew your attention to begin with!  That's how they GOT YOU.  A singular point of view gets BORING.  These are CHAOS people you are dealing with.  They destroy your LIFE, laugh at you for it, then keep laughing until you get the joke and laugh too.

Discordia is not a cult, nor a religion.

Discordia is a journey that comes in many stages.  How many exactly varies person to person.

It's a fucking hidden trap door in your COUCH, and while you sit there watching some corporate approved "rebellious" TV show suddenly the trap door springs open and you fall into an alternate dimension full of spiders and horrors and the couch is coated in SUPERGLUE and the TV only shows some hypnotic white noise that's DAMN hard to look away from and the snack you were mindlessly munching on is now MUD.

It's a fucking combination of every itchy as fuck sweater every grandma ever made into one lumpy fuck of a body suit and duct-taped around your entire naked body.  Every time you so much as turn your head to look at ANYTHING it's all ITCH ITCH ITCH BURN BURN BURN.

Doesn't sound fun or funny, does it?

That's because you're not yet ready to get the joke.

If you would rather stay in the Matrix and eat steak, this is your last chance.

GET THE FUCK OUT NOW.  DISCORDIA IS BAD FOR YOU.

You have been warned.

(This post has not been proof-read, re-read, or even read for the first time.)
(Yup, that means you didn't read it either.  Fucking LSD)

 - trix

5
Or Kill Me / KALLISTI
« on: August 05, 2016, 05:02:58 pm »
Living in the world the golden apple brought about
laughing at the horror and the fear and the doubt
People going nuts, no longer having fun
and everybody thinks they're the prettiest one.

I'M PRETTY
I'M GREAT
SO I CONTROL MY FATE

Imposition of Order equals Eris' delight
BAN ALL THE THINGS yeah that'll make it right!
Cheering really hard for the victory you've won!
Everybody thinks they're the prettiest one.

I'M PRETTY
I'M GREAT
SO I CONTROL MY FATE

People are prayin, pleadin, and wishin
for the Greyface to complete their mission
what does it matter if you carry a gun
when everybody thinks they're the prettiest one?

I'M PRETTY
I'M GREAT
SO I CONTROL MY FATE

People are the problem, why can't you see?
Everyone else thinks they're better than me.
Everyone wants to ruin everyone's fun
because everyone thinks they're the prettiest one.

6
Or Kill Me / WARRIORS AGAINST SWORD CONTROL
« on: August 04, 2016, 05:32:05 pm »
I take the constitution very seriously.  I think that BOTH of the amendments are very very important, but the second one is most.  The right to bear arms.  Not just have them, mind you, the right to bear them.

That means the right to put them right out where everyone can see them.

Personally, I'm glad I live in a country where I can walk down Main Street with my trusty 50lb Broadsword strapped to my back.  This sword is bigger and duller than I am, which in the latter case is really saying something.  Without my sword (which I've named Phallus) I would feel less like the level 3 Human Warrior I am, and more like the skinny little twerp I was before.  Also, yes, I'm level 3.  I think by now I've killed enough Large Rats and Spiders and Snakes to have gained at least two levels.

Ok, sure, technically if I am attacked by bandits, I don't think I can lift Phallus high enough to attack anything above the kneecaps.  And sure, I've been told I'm probably better off with a big knife I can actually lift.  But what you don't understand, is a WARRIOR needs a GIANT SWORD because that's what makes us awesome.  Not our crappy personalities or our complete lack of style, THE BIG, HUGE, UN-IGNORABLE FUCKING WEAPON.

So, when I walk drunk into Denny's at 3am, step up to the hostess, unstrap my trusty Phallus, hoist the fucker as high as I can lift it, point it in the general direction of "slightly above the floor", and shout HOW MUCH GOLD TO STAY AT THIS INN??  I expect my right to drunkenly bear arms to be upheld.

I also expect that when I explain the above to the police, they don't laugh at me and tell me never to go back to that Denny's.

I don't like my second amendment rights being infringed upon.  A monk is allowed to keep his/her fists!  Just because my Phallus is bigger, and more awesome, I have to put it away so others don't feel inadequate? BALLS!

I call for a stance for our second amendment rights.  If I want to try really hard to point my Phallus at your foot, I have a goddamn right to!

Or Kill Me

7
Techmology and Scientism / One Community
« on: July 27, 2016, 05:47:33 pm »
So I searched these forums but was unable to find a thread on this topic so here's one.

At onecommunityglobal.com they are attempting to create a sort of Venus Project / Zeitgeist sustainable community that is both a tourist attraction and an example of modern living in comfort while using only sustainable technology.  I've spent a couple weeks reading nearly everything on their website, which is a LOT of reading and researching, and I have to say I very much like this project

However, some of the terminology they've invented and the way a lot of their ideas are presented makes me a bit... hesitant.  They seem rather heavily Holistic / PETA-ish in their way of addressing many things.  Maybe I'm just knee-jerking to the word "Holistic" and certain terms like "The Highest Good Of All" which reminds me of Grindlewald from the Harry Potter universe. ("The Greatest Good!")

I'm curious as to what the people here may think, being somewhat better than me at spotting bullshit disguised as goodness.

 - trix

8
Beyond the wall / Instead of sleep, Mitch.
« on: October 10, 2014, 01:37:45 pm »
Ok apparently I don't get to sleep yet, because I just found out I was supposed to remember to do something before I go to bed.  But I don't really want to, so while I stay up even longer under the excuse that I have something to do, allow me to avoid getting to it by making a thread dedicated to everyone's favorite Mitch Hedberg joke, just because.

I'll start.

As an adult, I’m not supposed to go down slides. So if I end up at the top of a slide, I have to act like I got there accidentally. “How’d I get up here, god damnit?! I guess I have to slide down.”

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ddate is a command-line utility that for a very long time came standard with most Linux distributions as part of the "binutils" package, and when executed displays the current discordian date.  Recently, one particular upstream maintainer of the binutils package decided this very tiny 12k utility was not worthy of inclusion and removed it, despite a rather large amount of negative feedback and absolutely no benefit to doing so.  This prompted many many bug reports and other bitching, due to many people (myself included) using ddate in various scripts to various effect.

Is anyone else annoyed at this?  I mean sure, some distros handle it themselves, either by adding a separate "ddate" package into the repository or by using an older version of binutils or even by patching the upstream binutils to reinclude ddate.

But still, I either have to revert to an older binutils, rewrite about a dozen scripts per computer in each of the 16 PC's in my cluster, or wait until each of my OS's add ddate directly to the repo and download it.  Or do a fuckload of patching.  Not the end of the world, but an annoyance for no good reason whatsofuckingever.

Speaking of which, on an unrelated note, I have a ton of decent computers (average power = Core2Duo cpu with dedicated ATI HD 2400 Pro video card and 3GB RAM) that I got for free, by replacing all of them at my brother's work with newer models and being gifted the old ones for my trouble.  Anyone that pays for shipping can have one, for free.  I'll even toss in a keyboard and monitor, though I am low on mice so you'll need one of those.  First come first serve until I run out of extras, have about 8 I'm not using right now, and another 5-10 coming next week.

Anyway back on topic.  What the fuck.  The guy that changed binutils responded to all the complaints with (and I'm paraphrasing strongly here) "Yeah well I don't use it so everyone else can go fuck themselves".  I'd congratulate him on some very excellent trolling, if I believed that was his true purpose, but I think it's more likely that he just really is a prick.

No real point to this post, most of you wont give one whit of a shit, I guess I just need to vent my frustration before I start rewriting some scripts.

10
Principia Discussion / PD as a Discordia
« on: July 14, 2014, 03:34:15 am »
This might come off as pretentious and stupid.
That might be because I am pretentious and stupid.

Anyway:

The way I see it, Discordia comes in millions of flavors, but only three real scopes.  And what I mean by scopes is that, on the one end of the scale, we are all Popes.  We have EVERYBODY'S Discordia, even in the modern BIP interpretation where (whether an individual knows it or not) we are all in our own little cell in the BIP, even if we don't see it or have other names for it.  Then, on the other end of the scale, we have the INDIVIDUAL'S Discordia, AKA, MY Discordia.  Which is better than YOUR Discordia and EVERYBODY'S Discordia because it is specific to me as an individual Mildly Intelligent Pretend Agent of My Own Destiny.  Between the two, there's a middle scope, the "Stuck Apart" Discordia.  OUR Discordia you might call it.  This includes the Cabal level, Forum level, and Community level takes on Discordia.

And, obviously, the further you are from EVERYBODY'S Discordia the more exclusive the party becomes.  Of course, there's the fewest number of EVERYBODY'S Discordias and the greatest number of MY Discordias, so anyone interested can still connect at all three scopes to Discordians with close enough interpretations for meaningful discourse.  I myself am part of the PD-ZWZM-BIP-TtC "EVERYBODY'S" Discordia at the left end, this forum and a local Cabal in the middle, and a version of life in MY Discordia exclusive to my gf and I, on the other end.

I'm not sure if that makes sense or where I'm really going with this.  I guess I just find it an interesting train of thought.

Also I think that the whole scale including the extreme "ALL POPES" end implements its own filters to repel those Discordians that are better off sticking a bit aparter.  Yes I know aparter isn't a word.  The PD is probably the first filter most encounter, and you have to have a certain level of tolerance for humor and/or silliness to ride that ride.  Every collection of Discordians I've encountered seems to have these filters, and the filters are always a bit different.


I don't know.  Somebody come in here and finish my thought please, because I seem unable to take it anywhere

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Beyond the wall / Ways To Make Someone Giggle.
« on: July 10, 2014, 06:42:02 am »
I could always use a few extra tricks to whip out when the mood needs more giggle.  Maybe you could too.

Feel free to contribute.

Here's what I've come up with in the last 45 seconds:

1) Write down the word flatulafartipoopy and have someone pronounce it out loud.

2) Quote Mitch Hedberg.

3) With a straight face, take off your right shoe, then your sock. Ball your sock up, and stuff it into your pants to make your crotch bulgier.  Extra points for doing this on an elevator full of people. Extra extra points if you do this and are female.

4) Silly impersonations

5) Draw a large smiley face on a peice of paper, fold it up, and get into character as a Secret Agent.  Stealthily pass the note to someone as if they are also an Agent and should be expecting it, then take off running while they unfold the paper, as if it's going to explode.

12


http://thefreethoughtproject.com/citizen-pulls-drunken-cop-locks-cruiser/

Quote
Meet Russell George. Russell was driving Stott Street one Sunday night last year, when he noticed a police van driving fast and recklessly.
The van was swerving and turned into oncoming traffic.

“At this point I was concerned about the safety of other road users,” self-employed George told The Witness.

“He suddenly jammed on his brakes and came to a complete stop.”

“I got out of my car and went towards him and I asked him if he knew what he was doing. He started his car and carried on driving,” he said.

Continuing to drive recklessly, the policeman turned into Logan Road and came to a stop at the Howard Road intersection.
George decided it would be best to call the police. He was told the police would be there shortly.

“After five minutes, no one had arrived. So I jumped out of my car and I approached the driver’s side and asked him to come out. He looked at me and I could smell that he had been drinking.

“I asked him again, and he refused.

“I then grabbed his keys, pulled him out and locked him in the back of his own van,” George said.

He added that the police van was badly damaged, as if it had been involved in an accident.
Witnesses said that the officer who’d been locked in the back of the van began crying.

13
RPG Ghetto / Magic the Gathering - Kustom Kards
« on: May 11, 2014, 06:54:19 am »
My friends and I play a custom version of MtG we invented called the Hunt.  This game requires 5+ people, and we play it every other night or more because we are addicts.

Our version has a bunch of custom tweaks to fit our playstyle, but the one relevant to this thread is that prior to each game, we pull out a stack of custom made Hunt Cards containing each of our faces, and deal them out face down.  Whoever's card you get is your "target", and all spells, attacks, enchantments, or anything that uses the word "target" can ONLY be played against your specific target.  If you kill your target you get 8 life and the Hunt Cards are collected, the dead person's is removed, and the remainder are re-dealt.  There's other little tweaks that make it work very smoothly that we've added over the last decade or so, but the purpose of this specific thread is not really about the Hunt itself, but about the custom cards we make.

Here are some examples.


So anyway I make all these myself using GIMP, then I print them onto special ultra-thin film paper, take real official FOIL Magic cards, remove the film paper they glue to the FOIL card stock with the ink on it, and glue the new design to it with special glue.  The result, a very high quality counterfeit MtG card with custom faces.

The point of this thread is if anyone is interested in their own card, put up a pic you want me to use and whenever I get around to it I might make you a badass card for the low low price of free.  And if you want the fully printed and counterfeit card that could go into an actual deck, I charge $10 (USD) flat fee and ship it in good bubble wrap envelopes.  I also take bitcoin.

Anyway I just thought it'd be interesting to make some PDers into MtG cards.  I reserve the right to invent the type of card and text on it, unless of course you are paying me, then it's your card your way.  In either case you choose the color(s) though.

 - trix

PS.  In case you are wondering, The Bearded One is me.

14
Beyond the wall / Roommate of the month
« on: November 24, 2011, 01:37:14 pm »
Most awesome roommate seeks same.

Quote
Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I'm a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies in New York Fucking City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post shit like this on Craigslist.

It goes on... and on.  I dunno, this guy sounds like the perfect roommate.  Or the biggest bullshitter ever.

15
A study has found that fox news viewers are less informed than people who watch no news at all.

Quote
Fox News viewers are less informed than people who don't watch any news, according to a new poll from Fairleigh Dickinson University.

The poll surveyed New Jersey residents about the uprisings in Egypt and the Middle East, and where they get their news sources. The study, which controlled for demographic factors like education and partisanship, found that "people who watch Fox News are 18-points less likely to know that Egyptians overthrew their government" and "6-points less likely to know that Syrians have not yet overthrown their government" compared to those who watch no news.

In further news, Fox News viewers remain uninformed about this study, so nothing changes.

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