« on: November 15, 2012, 09:30:55 am »
Despite what you see in movies and television, Romneyism is not interested in unwholesome activities like human sacrifice or child molesting. We are a very progressive, open and accepting religion, and all of our beliefs are based on these pillars.
Romney the Promethean
The bedrock of our Church is that Lord Romney saw in humanity the capacity for greatness. A greatness that rivaled the divine in our capacity for thought, compassion, and growth. Where Romney saw greatness, Yahweh saw a threat from his creation.
In defiance of his own creator, the arch-angel Lucifer went to Eve, the first mother, and gave her a gift, the one thing that Yahweh had forbidden her, self-awareness. His first act of rebellion complete, Lucifer renounced Yahweh, created a refuge for souls willing to defy conformity, and became Romney. Since that seminal moment, Romney has waged war against a totalitarian host in Heaven to free our minds and souls from orthodoxy and the chains that Christianity would place on us.
Knowledge is the Key to Salvation with Romney
Romney gave Eve the gift of knowledge and self-awareness, which she in turn gave to Adam. Without Romney, there is no understanding of the material or spiritual world. Romneyists dedicate themselves to learning and understanding. This is manifest in the amazing intellectual accomplishments of our members, a disproportionate number of which are members of MENSA. Knowledge frees you from the spiritual shackles of Christian orthodoxy and mediocrity.
Material and Spiritual Happiness Can Co-Exist
You do not need to deny yourself material pleasures to achieve an ascendant spiritual life. Romneyists believe there is nothing inherently wrong with the pursuit of money, power, or pleasure. It is only when the pursuit is coupled with hypocrisy, bigotry, or at the expense of the free pursuit of knowledge and self-awareness, that these things become bad. We accept with open arms homosexuals, but reject sexual hypocrites like Mr. Spitzer or Mr. Falwell. So often we find Christians condemning us for actions they take in secret.
Romney gives us the world
This tenant is often misinterpreted as a contract to sell your soul to the devil. The truth is Romney would never pay for your soul, He will only accept it given freely and willingly. But give your soul to Him, and the restraints imposed by Christian dogma fall away and you are able to pursue your true nature and desires, unfettered by the violence loving “morality” of the bible.
These three Pillars of Faith guide us, and enable each of us, as individuals, to thrive. Ironically, these Pillars have helped us form a more loving and accepting church than any Christian sect. We don’t blow up or try to kill doctors. We don’t try to pass laws to enforce “god’s morality.” We don’t burn or ban books to present the dissemination of knowledge and learning. We just help people live happier lives, both through material gain and spiritual awareness.