« on: January 27, 2007, 06:14:53 am »
When you die, youé─˘re going to regret the things you doné─˘t do. You think youé─˘re queer? Ié─˘m going to tell you something, weé─˘re all queer. You think youé─˘re a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheated on your girlfriend? You did it, live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. Thereé─˘s an absolute morality? May be. And then what? If you think there is, then be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I doné─˘t think so. If you think that way, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I woné─˘t live in it. Thaté─˘s me.
You ever take a dump that made you feel like you slept for twelve hours? Or a piss? A great meal fades in reflection. Everything else gains. You know why? Cause ité─˘s only food. This shit we eat, it keeps us going. But ité─˘s only food. The great fucks you may have had. What do you remember about them? I doné─˘t know. For me, Ié─˘m saying, what it is, ité─˘s not the orgasm. Her forearms on my neck, something her eyes did. There was a sound she made...or, me, lying, in the, Ié─˘ll tell you: me lying in bed; the next day we go out and have fun. Then we fool around some more, my balls feel like concrete. Eh?
What Ié─˘m saying, what is our life? Ité─˘s looking forward or ité─˘s looking back. And thaté─˘s our life. Thaté─˘s it. Where is the moment? And what is it that weé─˘re afraid of? Loss. What else? The bank closes. We get sick, my girlfriend dies in a car accident, the stock market collapsed, the house burnt down; what of these happen? None of é─˛em. We worry anyway. What does this mean? Ié─˘m not secure. How can I be secure? Through amassing wealth beyond all measure? No. And whaté─˘s beyond all measure? Thaté─˘s a sickness. Thaté─˘s a trap. There is no measure. Only greed.
How can we act? The right way, we would say, to deal with this: é─˙There is a one-in-a-million chance that so and so will happen. Fuck it, it woné─˘t happen to me.é─¨ No. We know that is not the right way I think. We say the correct way to deal with this é─˙There is a one-in-so-and-so chance this will happen. God protect me. I am powerless, let not happen to me.é─¨ But no to that. I say, thereé─˘s something else. What is it? é─˙If it happens, AS IT MAY for that is not within our powers, I will deal with it, just as I do today with what draws my concern today.é─¨ I say this is how we must act. I do those things which seem correct to me today. I trust myself. And if security concerns me, I do that which today I think will make me secure. And every day I do that, when the day arrives that I need a reserve, (a) odds are that I have it, and (b) the true reserve is that I have the strength that I have of acting each day without fear. According to the dictates of my mind. Stocks, bonds, objects of art, friends. Now: What are they? An opportunity. To what? To make money? Perhaps. To lose money? Perhaps. To é─˛indulgeé─˘ and to é─˛learné─˘ about ourselves? Perhaps. So fucking what? What isné─˘t? Theyé─˘re an opportunity. Thaté─˘s all. Theyé─˘re an event. You walk up to a guy, he makes a call, something gets done, it doesné─˘t matter, é─˙Thereé─˘s this person that Ié─˘d like you to meet.é─¨ What does it mean? What do you want it to mean? Money? Security? Comfort? All it is is THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO YOU. Thaté─˘s all it is. How are they different? Some poor, newly married guy gets run down by a cab. Some busboy wins the lottery. All it is, ité─˘s a carnival. Whaté─˘s special, what draws us? Weé─˘re all different. Weé─˘re not the same. We are not the same.
Ité─˘s been a long week.