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Messages - Doktor Howl

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 1603
1
You might think you're hardcore.  But you're not "arguing so hard with Uber via Twitter that they give up on their vaunted complete lack of responsibility "privacy" policy and let you put in a complaint" hardcore.

But seriously, fuck Uber.  I can't put in a complaint even though I have the reference number, the time of the incident and the name of your driver, but the guy who didn't see anything has to report it because he put the order in?  Fuck off.  Your driver came to my accommodation.  High.  With his buddy.  Who physically threatened and verbally abused my student.  You're damn lucky I just don't ban your company from delivering here ever again, which I'm still going to recommend to my manager once I get some feedback from you.

Isn't this why you have insanely violent police?

2
Also today:

Me:  "That girl threw *what* at you?"

Billy:  "Her cat."

Me:  "Why do you keep hanging out with her?"

Billy:  "She has a big butt."

Me:  "A big butt isn't everything, Billy."

Billy:  "BOSS, LISTEN TO YOURSELF.  LISTEN TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID."

3
Me:  "...And so the programming is setting up the problem, because an "or" condition should have been an "and" condition, so if one sensor of two goes bad, the whole system freaks out, all the pumps come on, we overfill the tank, and we put poop on dirt."

Boss:  *looks dubious*

Me:  "It's simple Boolean algebra.  Look for yourself."

Boss:  "We need to get an engineer involved." 

Billy:  "What?  Why?"

Me:  "Billy, that is management code for "We're not going to address the problem, because doing something is riskier than, say, putting poop on dirt and getting the county up our colons sideways with a surfboard."

Boss:  "What?  No it isn't."

Me:  "How many problems that we have 'gotten an engineer involved' in have been completed?"

Boss:  "You aren't paid to be an engineer."

Me:  "No, I am paid to wait for engineering.  I am going to my office to listen to Lady Gaga and wait for the engineers to fix everything."

Boss:  *freaks the hell out, stomps off*

Billy:  "You're going to push her too far one day, boss."

Me:  "This is all normal, Billy."

Billy:  "You're going to get fired."

Me:  "Hush, Billy, it's Lady Gaga time."

4
Principia Discussion / Re: The message board is broken
« on: Yesterday at 11:49:20 pm »
There appears to be something wrong with the website, it keeps throwing "untrusted connection" warnings on all of my web browsers and loadig without page styles

What part of this place should be trusted?

You can trust me.

To do what?   :eek:

5
Literate Chaotic / Re: Nope
« on: Yesterday at 04:04:14 am »
I find it not only peculiar but somewhat blasphemous that you would stop posting under your normal username and then adopt a name which is almost entirely but not quite absolutely the same as a prominent figure in a well-established parody religion.

It was chosen partially in honor of him, from a joke he told me 20 years ago, and also on an old friend of mine who used the moniker "Doc Howl", who died a few years back, and I have used it for no less than 6 years...Whenever that fucking TGRR dies again.  He's like Payne, except that he comes back all rotten and manky.

And our Blasphemy is 50% off, this week only!

6
Antifa is a Russian construct. It was created to discredit the American Left.

The whole catch is that it "can't be viewed as terrorism" because it terrorizes for the left.

Stop placating asinine political ploys, idiots.

"The enemy of my enemy is my enemy."

Fuck off, Trumpster.   :lulz:

7
Aneristic Illusions / Re: AN IMPORTANT POLITICAL CONFESSION
« on: Yesterday at 01:38:10 am »
Once again, when presented with the means and opportunity to do so, I did not punch any nazis.

You are like 30 pounds soaking wet. 

I just found out Bannon was in town last night, and everyone was all Tucson about it.

And yet, nobody punched him.

Welcome to the fucking point.

Dude, he ninja'd in, and before a decent crowd could properly form, he was gone.

So what the fuck are you on about?

8
Aneristic Illusions / Re: AN IMPORTANT POLITICAL CONFESSION
« on: Yesterday at 01:37:32 am »
Once again, when presented with the means and opportunity to do so, I did not punch any nazis.

I heard it was relatively uneventful--until the police funked it all up.

My paranoia served me well, got out before they blocked the bulk of the protesters off from the escaping nazis. Wound up being the only counter-person there at the exit.

Once again, when presented with the means and opportunity to do so, I did not punch any nazis.

You are like 30 pounds soaking wet. 

I just found out Bannon was in town last night, and everyone was all Tucson about it.

I WILL FIGHT YOU.

If you hit me and I find out about it, you're in trouble.

9
My boss has completely lost her mind.

Not speaking figuratively, here.  That's two people in a row that her position has driven crazy.

I love the work, but the people are either crazy or whingers or both.

10
Aneristic Illusions / Re: AN IMPORTANT POLITICAL CONFESSION
« on: November 20, 2017, 03:51:47 am »
Once again, when presented with the means and opportunity to do so, I did not punch any nazis.

You are like 30 pounds soaking wet. 

I just found out Bannon was in town last night, and everyone was all Tucson about it.

11
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: November 20, 2017, 03:50:50 am »
Cousin wants me to go vegan. Sister wants me to get a gastric bypass or something. Because supporting me in how i actually WANT to handle my diabetes would just be pure madness.

Just do what the doctor says, maintain a diet diary, and tell them you'll consider their ideas.

Do not consider their ideas.

12
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: November 19, 2017, 11:17:34 pm »
Man, dontcha just love it when people are so concerned about you and your diabetes they make themselves a bigger nuisance than the diabetes itself?

also sorry to hear your bands breaking up, LMNO

Have you been getting advice from crunchies yet?

"No need for Metformin, just eat lots of kale and use essential oils."

13
Every time I try to take my life I just get resurrected by some random amazonian tribe. It's kind of annoying to shake off a whole tribe of people thinking of me as their personal messiah, finding my way back to civilization through the worlds largest jungle, and building a new identity out of nothing because I'm officially passed on despite my numerous complaints to the state officials. Also, dying fucking hurts, so I'll pass this one.

But if I were to do it, I'd put great effort into making my flat waterproof and then simply leave the tap on.

Payne does the exact same thing with Chavs in Scottland.

14
Apple Talk / Re: things I will do when I am emperor of the universe
« on: November 18, 2017, 05:13:05 am »
*eradicated

It's like I don't even know you, anymore.

15
Apple Talk / Re: things I will do when I am emperor of the universe
« on: November 17, 2017, 11:48:54 pm »
In penance, blast Bearforce1 at work. Make Billy dance.

I apparently do penance every day.   :lulz:

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