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Messages - Doktor Howl

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 1443
1
Or Kill Me / Re: I R STOOPID
« on: Today at 08:02:17 pm »
Unless he hid it really really well, he wasn't like that ten years ago. Something along the line inflated his narcissism to hilarious proportions.

He founded a google group for other "preventionists", and they spent 6 years huffing each other's farts.  Think of it as tumblr for actual Nazis.
"friendly reminder": there are actual neo-Nazis on tumblr already.

He's talking about real-life grown-up policymakers and lobbyists, kiddo, not basement-dwelling racists.

Policymakers.   :lulz:

Ah, the good old days.  By which I mean the days when a rancid, misogynistic piece of shit dribbled his feeble hate all over the board.

2
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: LMNO
« on: Today at 07:08:59 pm »
HEY LMNO

BEATHOVEN SPENT HIS WHOLE LIFE COMPOSING.

AND ALL THE TIME SINCE DECOMPOSING.

3
:lulz:

I took another picture that you might like, Doktor. It might be a little grainy, so I will explain what you're looking at. I am, as you can probably tell by the foreground, standing in a park, looking toward a cliff on the East side of the river. At the top of the cliff you can see some buildings; that's an old folk's warehouse. At the bottom of the cliff, in the floodplain, there are three mansions... and to the very right of the picture, a trailer home.

This, my friends, is Portland, and it's here for you.



My nannywall doesn't like it (it will learn to, though, I imagine).  I will look at it at home.

5
GASM Command / Re: IlluminatiGASM
« on: Today at 05:52:34 pm »
Look at his sig, and think back to the bad old days.

Looks like standard Discordian parroting to me. Though it does bring Tao Jones and his lady friend to mind.

And Trollax.  And Hugh.

6
TUCSON AWAKES.


TUCSON TRAVELS.

Tucson just got rudely tossed out of bed.  Onto you.

PLENTY OF ROOM, TUCSON, MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTALBLE   :horrormirth:

Portland shoves Tucson.  Tucson slams into Providence.  Providence slides into Boston.  LMNO next seen covered in spray tan.

7
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: LMNO
« on: Today at 05:51:08 pm »
 :lulz:

Gonna resize that an make an emote out of it.

8
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / LMNO
« on: Today at 05:46:28 pm »
I just invented a land mine shaped like a pulpit.

I expect prophets to go through the roof.

9
TUCSON AWAKES.


TUCSON TRAVELS.

Tucson just got rudely tossed out of bed.  Onto you.

11
GASM Command / Re: IlluminatiGASM
« on: Today at 05:27:50 pm »
Look at his sig, and think back to the bad old days.

12
Or Kill Me / Re: I R STOOPID
« on: Today at 05:23:01 pm »
Unless he hid it really really well, he wasn't like that ten years ago. Something along the line inflated his narcissism to hilarious proportions.

He founded a google group for other "preventionists", and they spent 6 years huffing each other's farts.  Think of it as tumblr for actual Nazis.

13
I have often referred to Nigel's trip here in 2010 as an angelic visitation, mostly because she wasn't covered in powdered coyote shit like everyone else, but also because she made the city behave for a day.  Funny part about this is that - while a wise man knows "angel" doesn't equate to "safe" or "good" - you expect an angel to come from heaven.

Then you go to Portland, and it's like finding out that the Playboy Mansion is just a double wide trailer with a children's wading pool out back.  Or that Norway is just an ice sheet with a few miserable Lapps wandering around, and all the cool shit you hear about  it is nothing more than a mean joke played on gullible Americans by mean Danes.  Or the Taj Mahal is made out of plastic and Buckingham Palace was bought by Donald Trump.

Worse, you learn that it's contagious.  It hasn't stopped raining in Tucson since I got back.  My office toilet doesn't work, and when you force whatever titanic movement down the pipe, the "breather" out on the public sidewalk erupts with toilet paper and the remains of the 3rd-last shit flushed.  People have suddenly forgotten how to drive home, due to low visibility from the aforementioned rain.  Monday's rush hour is still circling downtown, unable to leave the legal district and slowly running out of money for the food trucks.  By this time next week, they'll all be dead, and their families will never learn their fate.

Even now, black clouds swirl above the refinery, waiting for me to go outside.  Waiting to silence my talk of Portland and its Skinsaw Queen.  But I can stay in this office for a long, long time.  Oh, yes.  I have a gallon of e-juice, 12 pounds of coffee, overweight coworkers, and A1 Sauce.

You may think this is funny or even a good thing, this displacement of Tucson by Portland, this venereal disease of the soul which I have brought home like a particularly bad case of the crabs.  Yeah, laugh it up, assholes...But consider:  If Portland has displaced Tucson, then where did Tucson go?  Yeah, that's right.  Learn to suck vacuum, you Goddamn barking monkeys.  Learn to NOT LOOK when the cops are throwing up.  Learn to ignore the detective crying into his bourbon.  Learn to fear the ANGRY FIST OF GOD that is grinding you into the pavement while you helplessly shit yourselves.

Learn to love being Sheriff Joe's next-door neighbor.

Okay until the coffee runs out,
Dok




14
Working on the last Portland thing now.  Might be another hour, probably less.

15
Squid in the wild die soon after reproduction, on purpose. When uplifted by humans, ingeniopods were made to be capable of multiple reproductive events without dying. But there's still an instinct down deep in their heritage to have sex and die. It has become a twisted impulse that mashes together a desire for murder/suicide with sex. So, I envision the dark sexuality of the creatures in Lovecraft would resonate, and they'd engage in worship and rituals involving them to hold back these instincts.

Wait a minute...

What squid species die after reproduction in a pre-planned way? Most squid have short lifespans, so they only get one or two cracks at mating seasons, but I think you've got octopuses on the brain here (specifically the giant pacific octopus).

Well. I did say we were prudish about such things, but very well.

Architeuthis explodius, or more commonly, the demolition squid, is known for its tendency to interweave complex displays of explosions into its behavior. Whilst this grants it an obvious advantage in hunting, and assists it in claiming territory in the London sewers where it is most commonly encountered, it does make the mating habits of the species both difficult to observe and highly dangerous for members of the species, observers, and the structural integrity of nearby buildings.

Quite why the demolition squid feels compelled to hunt out unexploded bombs and incorporate them into its mating ritual is a subject hotly contested by scholars of the species. It is believed that it may have come about during the blitz, when several of the species were caught with their pants down during a raid, and the sudden introduction of several tons of explosive force leant a certain 'kick' to proceedings. Now, it seems that mating rights are accorded only to the pair who can accumulate the most 'bang'. Thus the popular slang in artillery units throughout the world, who refer to shelling as 'stirring up the squids' or 'spreading the ink'.

The most convincing argument for the behavior, however, is that it helps to keep territorial conflicts to a minimum. Following the presentation of the largest collection of shells (or 'banging beaks' as they are known in the squid's own community), the lesser squids retreat to their lairs, and detonate their explosives alone. Without the cushioning material of a second squid (and the impact-absorbing 'fluids' excreted during the mating), this results in large sections of London being opened up for new territorial claims. As the squids can't afford the rent in high class areas, and it keeps the property developers in regular business, nobody minds too much. Well, not anyone important anyway.

AND NOW YOU KNOW.

 :lulz:  WOW

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