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Messages - Doktor Howl

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Apple Talk / Re: Not Crazy
« on: Today at 03:16:02 am »
I'm not crazy.

It's weird, because I spend a lot of time crazy, but right now I'm not. I'm sad, and scared, and have a problem with procrastination and confronting things sometimes, but it's not crazy. It's just human shit.

I wish there was a way to explain that subtle divide between crazy and not, to wrap it up in neat little paragraphs or poetry and go "see? This is the line." I don't even know how to start.

Maybe it's an issue of cohesiveness: an internal experience that's all one thing and not a war of screaming invasive thoughts and impulses. It's knowing the things that are in your head are all yours -- strike that, knowing that it's all you -- and not feeling a need for a dialogue or a conflict with it. It doesn't mean anything is resolved, there's still all the emotions and practical concerns that were there yesterday, and I'm crying at the drop of a hat and barely caught up with half of my work, but I'm not crazy.

The world is still a terrifying place and there is still so much wrong we may never recover, and I may be leaving my children a far more difficult life than my parents gave me. There are still fires and the theft of elections and the threat of war and social collapse. There are still nazis on our doorstep. Relationships are still hard.

I want to say it's like being in a pool, hearing everything muffled and muted by the water, but it's not like that at all. There is a reduction in the intensity of the experience, yes, but it's more like someone was screaming into a megaphone next to my head and only just now put the damn thing down. It's like finally taking your hand off the hot burner. There are still problems, and there is still pain, but it's less.

I've had times like this before. I know it's no guarantee that I've "made a breakthrough" and I'm "cured." My crazy is deep and rooted in the genes of my ancestors, a long line of uppity women with private battles as far back as the stories reach. I am not deluded.

I feel like I should be happier about this, excited, but really it's just a thing. I spend a lot of time crazy, so I have a lot of stuff built up to make me a functional crazy person. When I'm not, it's almost a little trouble adjusting back. Have to relearn how to make art like this, how to write, how to relate to other people. It's not a complaint, either, I like being safe in my own skin.

It's worth knowing. It's worth talking about.

You know I know those feels.

Principia Discussion / Re: Chaos is Energy
« on: Today at 02:56:34 am »
Look, this thing is my baby. That doesn't mean it's perfect or that I can't take criticism, but if you're gonna come in here and go HOLY NONSENSE HAS PROBLEMS and then quote one of the five sections pulled from the Principia and act like this is a Holy Nonsense problem IN PRINCIPIA DISCUSSION, I'm gonna get my hackles up.

When have you known him NOT to be a passive-aggressive shitbag?  :lulz:

Okay, I'm willing to go along with that hypothesis, but care to explain? Your best anti-Zizek rant, please. I mean if you have the time. He does talk some crap, but what I like about him is that he doesn't even try to develop a consistent position, which, I think, i very Discordian.

What?  No.  If I am going to rant, I am not going to waste my time on that particular gobshite.  It would be like ranting about Alex Jones or Julian Assange.

And Fox's usual MO is to whine and play the victim.

I've seen speculation that it is Mueller-linked, but people are always saying that about everything.  On the other hand, Mifsud, the missing professor, has suddenly reappeared and wants to testify to the Senate.

This sounds much bigger then it initially would appear: their entire bread and butter is maintaining a direct rapport with their audience.The only thing that would make them silent is some kind of legal ugliness and not just a gag order and subpoena because Fox would relish the thought of violating that and paying the contempt.

I see a Mueller-shaped empty spot in Fox.

Principia Discussion / Re: Chaos is Energy
« on: Yesterday at 04:22:26 pm »
I would like to take this moment to point out that this page is from the original Principia.

We were all not pointing that out.  :crankey:

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Drinks are on the Supreme Court
« on: Yesterday at 04:21:39 pm »
It was 35F in Tucson this morning and everyone died.  :cry:

Geez, doesn't water freeze at, like, 60 degrees, there?


Zizek.  :lulz:

You always were sucker, Dildo.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Drinks are on the Supreme Court
« on: Yesterday at 03:39:46 am »
It was 35F in Tucson this morning and everyone died.  :cry:

Well yeah what did you expect, it's freezing over; you people elected a Democrat.


Aneristic Illusions / Re: General Trump hilarity free-for-all thread
« on: November 13, 2018, 10:59:18 pm »
I mean, everyone knows that Farage is a shitty little punk, but the idea that's he's an actual traitor to the crown is kinda fun.

Principia Discussion / Re: Chaos is Energy
« on: November 13, 2018, 10:56:33 pm »
Think about the sourpuss negative people you know, who never have anything good to say, only criticism and negativity.

I hate those people.  :rogpipe:

Aneristic Illusions / Re: UNLIMITED Immigration Nutbaggery Thread
« on: November 13, 2018, 10:24:59 pm »
Of COURSE he fucking did.‘dirt’-in-recorded-conversation/ar-BBPCEye?ocid=spartanntp

Aneristic Illusions / Re: General Trump hilarity free-for-all thread
« on: November 13, 2018, 10:18:20 pm »

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Drinks are on the Supreme Court
« on: November 13, 2018, 09:11:41 pm »
It was 35F in Tucson this morning and everyone died.  :cry:

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