« on: March 05, 2015, 12:56:43 am »
Outside of the scientific community, it's a little known fact that cringing is a defensive mechanism designed to protect the cringer from Nigelling. Tensing up, ducking the head and tightening the abdomen are all classic signs that a person is trying to defend themselves from an imminent attack. The attacker being defended against was unknown until recently. Modern image-capturing technology has allowed us a slow-motion glimpse at people cringing, giving us our first look at a glimmer of Nigel sidling up to each and every one of them.
We now know that when horrifically objectionable and awkwardness inducing content is viewed, Nigel will almost without fail and through the misunderstood power of quantums, make a brief appearance behind and slightly to the side of the viewer of the materal and inspect it over their shoulder, vibrating at a menacing frequency and gibbering with delight. At a primal level, the viewer of the material becomes aware of this presence and the mind recoils in horror, the limbic system tries to wrest control of the body away, misfiring the fight-or-flight engine once or twice before giving up and settling down again leaving the viewer with either a confused boner or a deep sense of shame and regret.
And Nigel? Oh, Nigel. Nigel disappears into the night to consume the awkwardness of another poor soul.