« on: April 12, 2013, 12:05:33 pm »
Disclaimer: I snooped the NYEX's phone. I felt lousy about it when I did it, and worse when I found exactly what I had expected to find.
She most likely did it because, yes, she is insecure. Assuming, for the moment, that she has Baden screwed over at least once in the past (who hasn't?), this is understandable. She doesn't know how to deal with it, and you having conversations with your ex aggravated it. (Note, I think it is awesome you still have a cordial relationship with your ex.)
You were clear, you thought. She missed the message. This was a communication breakdown.
You are justifiably upset. She was (not knowing her, I am speculating, here) acting to deal with an unaddressed insecurity. She handled it wrong.
Express to her that snooping in your phone is disrespectful, and you won't tolerate it. If you are party with showing her the conversations, tell her that if she wants to see, you will show her. Tell her that, more than the snooping, you are worried that she doesn't trust you, and see if you can work through that.
I'd call it a first major fight, and see if it's recoverable.