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Messages - P3nT4gR4m

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The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / So last night...
« on: August 08, 2015, 06:38:25 pm »
We're sitting in a tent the size of Casablanca, on the northernmost tip of scotland, watching ted2 with korean subtitles and puffing the last of the stash. Next thing there's a fkin helicopter, so low it's shaking the tent. Had to pause the movie, couldn't hear shit. Deep, thrummy engines, not one of those little rich-wanker fuckabouts, sounded like search and rescue. Nipped outside to see WTF and sure enough it's a rescue chopper, spotlight on the shoreline, probably looking for some idiot tourist drifting out to sea on a lilo. Seriously - shit happens so often nobody even bothers to laugh anymore.

It was dark, all you could really make out were lights and suddenly I wasn't looking at one of those swanky new SAR choppers, it was an apache gunship. "Maybe it's finally happening" I thought to myself, "maybe this is the zombie apocalypse!"

Of course I knew, deep down inside that it wasn't but I was just about baked enough to entertain the fantasy for a few minutes. The crowd that had gathered to stare at the pretty lights in the sky, one of them suddenly screaming "I've been bitten". Chain reaction. Running for the car, driving to the water, mowing down undead, rammstein blaring at 10, laughing maniacally. That's my dream of the perfect world.


They fished some fat english turd out the water this morning. He'd been doing fine until he got caught in a tiderace off the headland and lost the lilo. Fucker didn't even have the decency to wake up and bite the paramedic.

Fuck this planet! :argh!:

That, sir, is fucking genius.  It's like someone put Tebow's brain in Stephen Hawking's body and then had him wrassle bears.

Okay, I'd appreciate it if somebody could invent brain transplants. RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!

Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Re: 9 the shit
« on: August 02, 2015, 07:16:36 am »
Wow! Does that mean I've arrived back in the past?  :horrormirth:

Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Re: 9 the shit
« on: August 01, 2015, 11:41:35 pm »
What the actual fuck did I just scroll past?  :eek: :?

Bring and Brag / Re: Been years since words came in my head...
« on: August 01, 2015, 07:21:38 am »
The first verse made me hork coffee out of my nose.   :lulz:

All an armchair poet could ever ask :lulz:

I spoke with my doctor about welbutrin today (I already had an appointment set up) and decided its worth trying e-cigs first before medication. 

I'm about to work a fuckload of overtime (8 12 hr midnight shifts followed by 4 more 12 hr day shifts - with a 24 hr break after midnights to 'adjust') so I'm gonna stick with what works until that's over.

In the meantime - I'd appreciate some e-cig brand recommendations.  The ones I've tried were the disposable kind and they pretty much suck. 

I've often thought I'd prefer an e-cig if it was more like a pipe.  The weight of them doesn't feel right if that makes sense.

Kangertech are good, although I don't bother with their batteries, just use generics. Juice-wise my local store does a menthol called Airblast but juice is personal taste. Most stores have a sample section. Try before you buy.

+1 on e-cigs. Why give up nicotine? It's hard. Just get rid of the toxic carcinogenic way of eating it. It's worth spending a bit of cash on a decent one tho. The cheap disposable shit is cheap, disposable and also shit. Stump up some cash up front for a decent tank and the difference is night and day

Bring and Brag / Been years since words came in my head...
« on: July 31, 2015, 01:56:28 pm »
Just happened a couple of minutes ago. I'd forgotten what it felt like. Was fun!

Happy fuckin birthday
step into the limousine
Snort a line of white shit
Throw up on a beauty queen
Could have been a soldier
Could have killed a mockingbird
Got 'em on the outside
Got 'em on the ropes, man

Fire in the sky
didn't help you to forget
when all the sounds of summer
are the sirens of regret
Teacher broke the rules
when she told you 'bout the atom bomb
Johnny played the fool
Juggling fistfuls of uranium

The needle gets broken
and the bones get bent
Hiding in the back
pleading guilty to the innocent
Hell freezes over
and the dead get up and dance
Could have been a hero
but you never got the chance

And they all fall down
singing "glory to the government"
Fingers on the trigger
and the lipstick on the medicine
This is what you waited for
this is why you came to me
Drowning in the future
Mister Mediocrity

Go back in your cave, man
wrap it in security
This is what you wanted
This is why you came to me
Never getting out, son
gonna have to stay in there
Happy fuckin birthday
Find a pretty dress to wear

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were pogs in the base. He didn’t see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad “I want to be on the ships daddy.”
Dad said “No! You will BE KILL BY POGS”
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were pogs.
“This is Joson” the radio crackered. “You must fight the pogs!”
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
“HE GOING TO KILL US” said the pogs
“I will shoot at him” said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
“No! I must kill the pogs” he shouted
The radio said “No, John. You are the pogs”
And then John was a zombie.


I'll forgive you as soon as you become a genuine person and stop with the edgelord trolling shit.

Difference is we never came bounding up to you like some kind of demented kitten insisting it had a hairball to share. why don't you stick it on the pile, along with all the others and then fuck off and do something interesting with the rest of your life?

So you have anything to say or you content to keep wowing us with shit we already know?

Wrong. We were pretending not to be

I achieved Hall of Shame status in just a handful of hours posting?

This has to be a record.

Actually, no.  Not even close.

It might surprise you how many bags of douche there are exactly like you out there. It won't surprise anyone here, of course.

It doesn't surprise me one bit. I see them all the time.

I think you're unaware just how many fartsmellers there are just like you all over the place with your meta-meta-meta...humor and your counter-counter-counter...culture.

Honestly, just join the fucking Catholic clergy.

Wow, you're a mirror that reveals a side of us that we always knew about anyway and are strangely comfortable with. Whaddya know, we're just like all the other dumb hairless apes on the face of this dumb hairless planet. Congratulations 1999 called and wants its front page back :kingmeh:

I tried going outside last night.

Some guy tried to pee in the front door and a bunch of kids were throwing rocks at a car.

When did you get to scotland?  :?

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