Messages

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Apple Zone / The City that Ate People #2 : The Noisemakers

« on: Today at 11:50:05 am »

The screamers.  The car-revers.  Johnny Thinks-he-can-play-guitar. 

SHUT UP.

Holier men than me have said it.  SHUT UP.

Anthropology is useful for getting this point.  Your species (barring alien weirdness) comes from apes.  Apes make noise to prove status, among other methods.  (You learn other important things too, like how a smile is really a threat.)  There's a gorilla somewhere in Africa who is undisputed head-chimp because he knows how to heave around some old gas cans and make more ruckus than anyone else on the block.  Along with the woe of his over - augmented rice-burner throwing a rod in front of the club he was trying to impress, I'd like Mr. Tire Destroyer to realize this too.  Well, he won't be back fro a few thousand dollars anyways.

Noise it up.  Have fun.  The Deacon's words sure as hell aren't going to stop ANY of them.  Then again, they probably didn't have personalities worth listening to ANYWAYS, and are warning others of their presence.

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Apple Zone / Re: Now, now, I've heard the ruckus . . .

« on: May 21, 2013, 09:43:51 pm »

Sure, it's quiet now. But you like it that way. Your heart rate is slower. Your polite, blindingly-white smile is wider. Because you use the right products. Because you do the right things. Because you're a nice person and you deserve a peaceful and tranquil life.

http://dark-funeral.tumblr.com/post/46764838351

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Apple Zone / Re: The City that Ate People #1: What Richter thinks is wrong with you all

« on: May 21, 2013, 09:41:04 pm »

You know, I read all this shit and I go 'fuck yeah!' I'm bouncing on my couch fistbumping Jesus and shouting 'BURN IT ALL DOWN!'.

Then I actually think about it. I'm bitchy. And bitter. And nothing ever changes. Because I don't change. I'm too passive. I just don't care anymore. All my heroes are made of cellophane and styrofoam and clever marketing ploys that have something to do with sitting on the couch and getting fatter.

Fuck!

We're ALL guilty.

"A plea of innocence is guilty of wasting my time" - Torquemada

Change is proportional to the energy invested in it, and there is no minimum deposit.

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Apple Zone / Re: The City that Ate People #1: What Richter thinks is wrong with you all

« on: May 21, 2013, 09:37:53 pm »

HORRIBLE, you say?  Then send in $200 to the town for that red light you ran last week.  Another $200 for speeding to pass that guy on the highway.  $100 for dropping you "Coke" can in the bush because the garbage can was too far away, or flicking a cigarette butt onto the pavement. 

I don't speed or cut people off. I pick up litter during my walks at the park. I recycle. I don't smoke. I don't play Skyrim or Fallout.

It's not about if you can dodge all the examples either, is it?

Nope, the worst that happens is some smirking punk cuts off the dweeb two people ahead of you, and gets out faster because no one has the stones to tell him to wait like everyone else.

Busted. I don't notice this shit. I'm usually folding origami or knitting in line.

At least it isn't a smartphone.

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Apple Zone / Re: Dear PD...

« on: May 21, 2013, 09:33:11 pm »

Ah, they're so CUTE before the hammer comes down!   

I've got no doubt that within a few short years I'll be howling to be let back in.

But it's hard to work up the adrenaline and give a shout like you really MEAN it unless you've ACTUALLY smashed your toe, know what I mean?

From where I am right now, trying to hide is more like fear than prudence. Can't make a rug until I'm actually turned into roadkill and all flattened out.


...I think that metaphor got away from me.

I just had this vision of the ghost of Spiro Agnew pounding on the outside of the prison doors, demanding entry.

I've been thinking about LOBB a bit too much, I think.

Sling Blade, if nothing else did it calm and collected.

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Apple Zone / Re: Dear PD...

« on: May 21, 2013, 09:27:18 pm »

HAR HAR!  Now you have to come out HERE, into the REAL WORLD, with the rest of us.  Remember what happened to Cramulus?  Yeah.  You'll be smashed into a cubicle in DAYS, and there will be NO MORE BALLPIPE.

BALLPIPE WILL LIVE ON!

Somehow, despite its obvious reproduction-inhibiting effects, it will live on. The universe is just horrible enough to allow such perversity to sneak around the rules.


At least there's a slight chance that being crushed into a different kind of awful routine will rustle a different set of jimmies. My academic jimmies are all rustled-out. I came here with pance full of Hate during high school, and had some new shit to spew after starting college, but this lat year has been pure grey. All my friends have graduated, and Stony Brook is a notoriously un-college town.

So now you know, and it's time for you to go, Kwai Chang Caine style, and bang weird into some other place in life. 

Learn from my first mistake, and NEVER be afraid to call people out on taking the piss.

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Apple Zone / The City that Ate People #1: What Richter thinks is wrong with you all

« on: May 21, 2013, 09:19:49 pm »

For one thing you are all are made out of the wrong stuff for your role models.  Your role models are ideas and philosophies.  Bright shinning characters on a screen or in a book who kept their shit together for the few hours it took to find out their tale.  They did not have to hold things together through rush hour, school bus trips, pointless meetings or check out lines at Wal Mart. 

You, on the other hand, are MEAT.

How would Walker, Texas Ranger, deal with that shit?  What would Chuck Norris Do THERE?

He would stand in line like a good goddamn doobie, because all the horrible martial arts he had to visit on the rest of his series, he did it so everyone else could wait for their own turn in line with the indolent 20-something at the check out.
Where's the JUSTICE there?  Well, for one thing, no one is shooting each other to move ahead one space.  No one is harvesting a kidney from the lady at the back of the line while she isn't looking.  All that crap you so gleefully do in "SKyrim" or "Fallout" ISN'T happening to YOU YET.  Nope, the worst that happens is some smirking punk cuts off the dweeb two people ahead of you, and gets out faster because no one has the stones to tell him to wait like everyone else.
That's the Pax Romana for you.  Justice will never, and can never be absolute.

HORRIBLE, you say?  Then send in $200 to the town for that red light you ran last week.  Another $200 for speeding to pass that guy on the highway.  $100 for dropping you "Coke" can in the bush because the garbage can was too far away, or flicking a cigarette butt onto the pavement. 

This wiggle room in the code lets us be MEAT safely.  It gives us a chance to say "Shit, that really didn't solve anything, did it?" and do better next time.  Not to decide we're going to live our lives pulling off little screw-overs before we're the ones who get screwed. 

Because it's only wrong to you when YOU get screwed.  When you do it it's OK.  It's JUSTIFIED somehow. 

Be honest with yourself, if you still have the character to do so.

Or kill me.

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Apple Zone / Re: Open Bar VII: written by George Lucas!

« on: May 21, 2013, 01:58:32 am »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdYaTa_lOf4

 

I think I'm in love.

"Just remember - if someone tries to mug you, pull your pants down and fart your lungs all over them."

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Apple Zone / Re: Open Bar VII: written by George Lucas!

« on: May 21, 2013, 01:50:12 am »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdYaTa_lOf4

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Apple Zone / Re: Some Rather Sad News

« on: May 21, 2013, 01:46:33 am »

I am never again acting as executor for a last will and testament.

I am certain half of this stuff is illegal, if not damning to my soul, and the sadistic freakjob lawyer who was on retainer to assist me just laughs whenever I call for advice. 

Here are a few of the more tame conditions.

- a certain portion of funds are to go to establish a scholarship fund for geriatric nursing and disco

- Hair is to be collected and a rug woven.  I don't even....

- The bones are to be removed and sizes cataloged.  I'm to calculate the median size, and slip three into a certain "Jewelery" vendor's stock, then mail a sealed pre - addressed and stamped letter to local fuzz.

- the left foot is to be exempted from this.  I am to take it to a local crematoria with half a set of handcuffs while wearing full motorcycle leathers and ask for it to be incinerated.

- the old pair of engineer's boots are to be filled with pitch, fitted onto a "mythbusters" style "boot marching machine" lit, and pointed into the desert at night.

- the "parts" are to be taken to a local legislator's office.

 

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Apple Zone / Re: How to Win Enemies and Influence People

« on: May 17, 2013, 08:01:43 pm »

I needed to read this sort of thing today.  Bravo for pwnage,welcome  to being the most fit monkey in their eyes.

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Apple Zone / Re: ICONS OF HATE

« on: May 09, 2013, 11:36:22 pm »

There is no benevolent incarnation of big brother, Google included.

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Apple Zone / Re: A Collection of Nightmares

« on: May 08, 2013, 11:21:57 pm »

It's red outside.  Like that snow-storm pink in the inner city at night, except it's dark red.  I'm in the house I grew up in so I msut be visiting. I don't know.  I run to the porch to see where the red is coming from, and all these grey aliens are sort of underwater walking up to me.  The mind control doesn't work though.  Too wrong, too basic, too much of the old berserker blood.  They're after my family, I'm mad, and they are tissue paper..

<flip>

It's one of those backwards worlds again, I know somehow.

"Back for another shoot, huh?"  says the blonde bombshell with the camera and the deranged smile.  "Bet you're SO proud of what you're doing for the conception of men as objects.  Since you've been so naughty, we're going to start with THIS."

She hands me a can of Fosters that ain't for where I want

<flip>

I'm walking through a hall, remembering. 

I'm remembering being with her.  The good times.  Her laugh, her life, her energy, the sweat on her skin...

"No."  Growls the thing living behind my eyes.  "That will bring sadness.  Or happiness.  Be cold now.  Cold and mad."

<flip>

I'm at the game again.  Everyone's there, Cram, Cainad, the rest of the team of nuts.  It's at the new camp site too.  The one with the cabins surrounded by dead ironwood trees hung with the skulls of our enemies.  The ones with the sand dunes of Wood End covered in fragrant northeast pine.  The one on the bay where the family has just brought the boat in, and are riding at anchor.  We'll take a row out at dinner hour for wine and food with them, then back in for the nighttime raids.  Best place and people for LARP ever.

...and I've left my fucking boffer weapons in Rhode Island....

<flip>

The Tribe dude (Sioux, Blackfoot?  I can never remember...) and I are in the woods again.  No nature hikes or herb lessons this time, this is actually risky.  He knows some short cut to power, and it involves hanging fake dead babies from trees in their weird wrapped coffin things.  Why in the name of Hell am I helping him?

Then the spirits show up and shred him before I can even blink.  They're in the form of these three little kids of cold unflinching demeanor and unquestioning purpose. 

There's a creek, so I lie down in it, and make one with the water.  Flowing away slowly, but maybe silently enough that they'll miss me.

They don't and lined up, side by side, they lean over the stream as I float by.  Each in turn kisses my forehead as I pass, and says the same thing to me.

"Murder - chaun"

"Murder - chaun"

"Murder - chaun"

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Apple Zone / Re: Spagbook

« on: May 08, 2013, 01:57:22 am »

How does that work?

Two old vets get the young guy drunk and then just listen.

Best fix there is, really. Aside from not having to go.

Yeah, it would be.

Anybody else would be too sheltered. It wouldn't work.

Well anyone can listen. But it's hard not to flinch sometimes, unless you've been there.

It's hard to SAY THINGS to people who haven't been there, if "there" is sufficiently horrible.

But you don't say.  The only thing you say is, "So, Snake, where ya been?"

Then you shut up and keep the tumblers full.

"Just get your ass back and we'll figure out the rest."  - To my buddy before he went off.  He did, luckier than a lot, and doing OK since. 

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Apple Zone / Re: Open Bar VII: written by George Lucas!

« on: May 08, 2013, 01:36:20 am »

You won't get far calling it "Butthair Wig"

Try "Ass-Merkin"

It's all about the marketing.

I am all about truth in advertising.

"Genuine TGRR Asshair Wig.  Specially treated with vindaloo squeezings."

"Tribbles existing would collapse the Merkin Market in less than one fiscal quarter."   - Epistle to the perverts on FB