I've been listening to this song
obsessively. Over and over. It's been bothering me, weighing on my like an abcess on my Id. Something about the simple progression from childish attention-seeking to pure megalomania has been getting
to me. Words have been seeping in, and now they're spewing out.
Part of being human is ignoring how at the mercy you are to the rest of the world. You hop into your car, despite the danger. You go to work, hoping to have a good day. You order a meal, not wanting to know what goes on in the kitchen. But secretly, underneath it all, you know
how you're just surfing on the edge of your own life, that shit can and will happen at any moment.
It manifests in the little escapes that we manufacture, in alcohol or drugs, or sex, or video games. For the smallest moment, we no longer have to submit to life, for a moment our scope is sufficiently narrow that we can honestly say, "I am master of all I see." In giving up control of the greater world, we gain that much more control over a tiny portion.
It manifests in ambition. The need for control, for power, for moral authority. For the ability to make change. For the ability to destroy.
It's all from evolution. It is thought that schizophrenics suffer from the same genes that initially gave us hominids the ability to think and create, the very genes that helped us become top of the food chain despite our physical weakness. But intelligence isn't the only thing. There is also drive, ambition. The burning need to be faster, stronger, smarter, sexier, than any and all comers. History tells me those who are the most grasping, the most driven, the most insane
, are the ones divinely favored. Happiness doesn't come into it. They are holes needing filling by one thing--power.
We are genetically programmed to have hierarchy. Some people will be content with controlling the petty things in their lives, what to have for breakfast and whether to wear yellow today. And others, others will need, desperately, to tell everybody else what to have for breakfast. Those are the people who seek the positions of power, and those, sadly, are the ones who get it. The old tired adage is true.
We will always be a pile of rats clawing our way over our fellows towards the top. That, I don't think, will ever change. But what gets me every time, every god damned time
is how the rats at the top are trusted
by the people who think they put them there.
The ultimate power is the power to destroy.