Fuck you, I'll never be wrong!
I was once a genius, like you.
But then I took a Nigel to the knee.
I got bad, man. Let me tell you. REAL bad. I was so addicted to being wrong the doktors thoughts I would never recover, stood no chance of ever leading a normal life again. I hit rock bottom the day I woke up in a stranger's house with a sore throat, and I knew... even though I couldn't remember... that I'd paid a man to let me come over and take the wrong side of an argument with him all night long. Stumbling out into the sunlight, throat raw from shouting him down because my point was too weak to stand on the merits of its own logic, I knew that I had to quit. I had to give up that sweet, sweet full-body rush of wrongness. So I gave it up. Cold turkey.
At first it was hard... I couldn't walk past a TV showing Fox News or the alternative medicine section in a bookstore without getting hit hard by the cravings. But it got better, bit by bit, and eventually my life started to return to normal. Almost normal. The hardest part about recovery is that now the Doktors say that I have to stay clean, that just one hit could drag me down into a full relapse. There are people who would really love to see that, you know; they try to tempt me. "C'mon, Nigel, you know you want it", they say, trying to make me wrong. But I know how it goes; I know I can't touch the stuff anymore. Wrong: not even once.
You bastards have no idea how lucky you are.