We all remember BadBeast, right? That day he washed up on our fine shores sputtering and hacking, fucked up on who knows what? And of course, the man that he became during his time at http://www.principiadiscordia.com
during the following months - sputtering and hacking, fucked up on who knows what? A fine subject of Her Majesty if we've ever seen one. Well, it's time I share what really happened to him.
BadBeast was a man of science. No, not SCIENCE! with all its glamou*r and fun, but science
science, with all of its scientists and stuff. The discovery of the BadBeast particle, which comprises at least 50% of your average PDer's being, was a big breakthrough for him and for HERN.T
It should be noted that when you toss the two BadBeast particles together in the Large Hardon Collider (a rather grim hooligan named Vinnie) the sound it makes doesn't exactly say "numb cunt" but it sounded so similar that, in celebration, BB went on a bender for four days, rather than his standard three.
It was during this romp in the garden of earthly delights that BadBeast came upon an even more important discovery. A discovery of the self, you might say. PD is full of fucking lunatics, and even
they think I'm a lunatic.
Now that's a lot to come to terms with, if you're a right wanker, but this is BadBeast we're talking about. He wandered back to his lab sputtering and hacking, fucked up who knows what. He was a celebrated figure in a place that celebrates nearly no one! He was a human among apes! And just as he thought this, he stumbled into the LHC chamber.
Vinnie wasn't supposed to be there at the time but for men like Vinnie, who did what he loved, you just had to smash some shit together. With a headbutt that made BadBeast proud even in his last moment, one of our very own total fuckwads came together with his namesake particle. It was simply too much BadBeast for one chamber, for one world. The man came apart at the, admittedly, shoddily maintained and drunkenly sewn together, seams.
We never heard from BB again after that night. But some say he's just waiting to form together again through sheer will and an indefatiguable need to get fucked up. And for that day, friends, we wait.
We wait for BadBeast.
*This one's for you, BBT
Strangely, CERN's British counterpart was not an acronym, but the noise BB made after a long night at the pub when they asked him what they should call it.