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Messages - Eater of Clowns

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2821
Aneristic Illusions / Re: PEOPLE ARE STUPID, AND THEY SUCK
« on: December 23, 2010, 12:40:27 am »
I wonder what they would do at the TSA if I ran my own CORI information at work and brought it in for them.

2822
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: A Very PD Holiday
« on: December 23, 2010, 12:36:50 am »
Thanks, it was a lot of fun to write.

Feel free to throw your own verses in there.

2823
Discordian Recipes / Re: Christmas Dinner
« on: December 22, 2010, 11:55:04 pm »
What kind of rum does everybody like? We prefer Admiral Nelson spiced rum.

I don't really like rum, but my stepsister brought me back a bottle of Brugal from the Dominican Republic last year that I've worked about half way through.  It's pretty good.

2824
Got an ambulance call.  Nothing physically wrong with the guy.  He's taking the ride because he doesn't know what else to do, and he's in no right mind to think of something.  Hearing him screaming in the back, I'm not sure he even could think of anything.

He'd just fatally struck a pedestrian.

2825
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / A Very PD Holiday
« on: December 22, 2010, 11:43:51 pm »
<<2010>>

It’s Christmas in Tucson,
And in Portland it’s Yule.
Cram’s getting his Moose on,
‘Til there’s blood in his stool.
Even I this year popped my Moosemas cherry,
With drinking and Zardoz at the Monestary.

In those Europ-ey places
They’ve got Sinterklaus.
He’s eating kids’ faces
In his gingerbread house.
I don’t speak Dutch so don’t be a hater.
If my myth’s wrong just blame Google translator.

In SoCal it’s raining,
Just pouring it fierce.
White Christmas is straining
Against mudslides and fears.
Course it’s not like it snows in those sunny spots,
Though tell that to Pickle in his Florida shorts.

Then there’s our Scot peers
And those Englishmen close.
They’re deep frying reindeers,
Served with sauteed Welsh toes.
I’ve always heard Brit cuisine is an odd one,
I think it’s because they’re descended from goblins.

We’ve a spag-scattered globe,
What with Aussies like Lys.
And Slaknet who knows where
That mystery man lives?
The point is we’re all in our Holiday moods.
To some it means screaming, to others new shoes.

What I’m trying to say,
Oh my PD’ers dear.
Is that starting today
Spread Discordian cheer.
It’s almost like happiness of the ordin’ry sort,
Except it’s hating on rev’lers, and cruelty for sport!

They’re not deserving of
Their gifts under their trees.
They need a serving of
Lead pipes to their knees.
I hope that Santa carries ‘round something sharp
To cut himself loose from my trap with the tarp.

On hustlers and rev’rends!
On hipsters and punners!
On artists and madmen!
On crunchers of numbers!
On to your wintry festivals all kind!
‘Tis the season, so go fuck with some minds!

<<2011>>

There’re spags round the fireplace,
Hanging up their stockings,
They’ve met up in meatspace,
For Holiday mockings.
BadBeast says some shit like “blimey oi govnah”
We can’t understand him, but BB we love ya.

That Santa guy’s finally
Been taken some care of.
Those Nessies are grimey,
But the snow keeps the slime off.
‘Cause the Southampton horrors ate Rudolph et al,
And a Templar’s put Santa’s hat on his metal.

But wait what’s that racket,
Coming up the chimney?
“I’m telling you faggots,
I’ve got gasoline, see?”
Our dear old Enrico wants to light up the fire,
But burning the place down isn’t what they desire!

“Unless it is, of course,”
A voice came from somewhere.
They screamed until hoarse.
One said, “dynamite’s no fair!”
So many ideas to start up that first spark,
It’s too bad we can’t just light it with snark.

Though it didn’t much matter,
In the end it got lit.
And ECH made a platter,
Of some de-licious shit.
So we argue and revel and laugh with some brews,
Try this beer by Squiddy!  And this one is Suu’s!

Discord is the spirit,
Among different folk.
Let each other hear it,
But it’s all the same joke!
Be it Moosemas or Christmas, Festivus or Yule,
It’s time to bring mindfucks from high upon fools.

The year at this place is,
Well, it’s winding right down.
So silence your faces!
And hear Eater of Clowns!
PD is for fun and for serious havoc,
And all of this butthurt, no sir I won’t have it.

On WOMPers and writers!
On analysts and teachers!
On students and fighters!
On occupiers and creatures!
On to your PD revelry once more,
For again ‘tis the season to show all what for!


<<2012>>

Ofuk not again,
the spags said together,
this poem’s a pain,
give us a breather.
But the holiday season comes like it not,
so shut the fuck up and read up this rot.

So what the hell happened,
to PDers in ’12.
Well we wrote some crap and
mostly we yelled.
The tumbleweeds heard it if no one else,
and even they were shocked by RWHN and Stellz.

There will be no tree,
for Garbo and Pix.
They’ll light a bush or three,
because they’re less phallic.
Roger and ECH can just stand there and watch,
but they cannot help because of their crotch.

And what about Twid,
whose faith this offends?
He knows that I kid,
so spare your Depends.
Ironing out what happens to Waffle,
I doubt he’ll read this PD poem awful.

The Marrowman offers
me a few new rhyme schemes.
“One bone for my coffers,
to stop these grade school themes!”
L-M-N-O is worse than the bone man,
for making New England some scary land.

Hang holist’s stocking,
but what the fuck’s this?
It’s far too shocking,
which one of them’s his?
A h0list, a holis+, a ho1ist and,
fuck if I’m typing that whole list again.

On beaders and crocheters!
On writers and garbers!
On larpers and players!
On mixers and warblers!
On and remember during this holiday chore,
There’s no better time to punish fuckers galore!

2826
We just took an ambulance call for a woman who used mouthwash and is complaining of it burning.

I.  I just.

  :asplode:

2827
Welcome new face.  Unfortunately, as you use your own version of English I can't really be sure that any of the words you're choosing hold the same meaning the rest of us have come to know them by.

As such, I will assume that you've wished us the happiest of days and I will, for now, ignore the nasty things you said about that pet turtle I had as a kid.  I didn't starve him; it's not my fault he couldn't solve the puzzle to get to his food.

If you're here to communicate, can I suggest you adopt a means of doing so that we all share so as to ease on the miscommunications that are already bound to arise?  Speaking the same language is one way of accomplishing this.

2828
Wow, this thread has shifted. Damn, didn't hear about that either. At all. Not surprised, mind you, considering the DC News Blackout thread.

Here's a quote that illuminates both topics:

"Essentially, we have a system where wealthy farmers feed the poor crap and poor farmers feed the wealthy high-quality food. -Michael Pollan

via @Justin Boland

I love Michael Pollan.  Whenever I think journalism is dead, I'm reminded of Pollan's significant efforts on bring the food problem into the light.

2830
If I let you fire the corpse out of my canon, I'll have to burn it afterwards.

You selfish son of a bitch.  I'll have you canonized for that!   :argh!:

2831
I move to canonize him.

2832
Like I figured, it could be a few months between updates, but this is a good one:


We just took a call from a local police department requesting our K9 officer for a track.  The situation is that a guy dressed as Santa Claus just unslung a rifle from his back and robbed a bar.

 :lulz:

2833
Literate Chaotic / Re: THE GREAT BOOK SLAUGHTER
« on: December 17, 2010, 03:37:03 pm »
It's also very Discordian to talk about making a list, and never finish it. 



Man, if only we had a list of all the times that's happened.

2834
Horrorology / Re: Slow Time in Fat City™, #11: The Long, Slow Slide
« on: December 17, 2010, 06:29:35 am »
It's for specifically this reason I've been slowly acclimating my body to arsenic in minute increases. 



If you're so positive, try eating my leg.  :)

2835
Horrorology / Re: Slow Time in Fat City™, #11: The Long, Slow Slide
« on: December 17, 2010, 03:21:40 am »
It's for specifically this reason I've been slowly acclimating my body to arsenic in minute increases.  I may be eaten, but I'll take them out as well.  I hope they're smart and they leave me alive as they eat me in pieces so I can see it happen.

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