It's not laughter if you're just going through the muscle movements you remember from the times you actually gave a fuck.
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
This is horrible. More horrible than the idea of mp3s stealing my car and going to a rock show without me.
Slightly more accurate:
Dear Reverend Roger:
I come to you asking for penance as the results of my Holy Quest this weekend ended in abject failure.
You see, in an effort to make everything pretty and shiny they have removed most of the “East St. Louis” signs and replaced them with simple street named signs and signs for every other burg imaginable. This is done, we observed, in an attempt to ease the fear in people as they exit that highway. I mean who is scared of a place called Cahokia? Or Dupo? They sound so simple and in no way induce the fear into the hearts of those drivers. WHY? It’s a trap. Because to get to these sweet sounding little towns you have to drive thru East St. Louis.
So here is how the adventure went.
We were naturally looking for a sign that specifically said “East St. Louis.” As the quest was for a picture of a sign saying as much. We were almost to Collinsville, IL when we realized there was no East St. Louis sign. So we turned around and thought we’d get a pic heading west. Again, no such luck, but we did have enough forethought to go ahead and get off the highway at the Casino Queen exit.
Here is where we hit gold. Instead of taking the beautiful tree lined avenue that leads to the Casino we turned left. Driving down the street we noticed we certainly weren’t in Missouri anymore.
Now I am looking for any sign that says East St. Louis, the kids are not helping, they are too distracted by the woman on the corner that weighed 300 if she weighed a pound. The back boobs may have put my youngest son off women for life. But we all agreed it was very nice for that man to pick her up and give her a ride, especially since she must have been tired so she laid down in the front seat for a nap. It was a touching scene of the goodness in humanity.
It’s a beautiful Sunday morning, you can hear the church bells echoing from across the river. Older people with grandchildren in their Sunday bests running from the bus stop to the church doors. It was strange as they seem to be experiencing abdominal pain, they all run hunched over.
Then there are all the joggers. Very thin joggers racing down the sidewalk. Most must have hit a swarm of gnats or something because almost every jogger we saw was scratching like they’d come down with the chicken pox. They may have considering the scabs that covered them where you could see skin. This part of town is certainly working towards a healthier life.
Then we see it. The last East St. Louis sign. It stood there on its rusted pole, the reflective tape peeling, the green background chipped and scarred. Like a beacon calling for the downtrodden, the hungry, those in need….
We stopped about 20 feet back from the sign in order to get a really good picture. I must have been looking especially great because there were at least 4 drivers who slowed down and called out for my attention. The sign was over my head, so I was going to stand just beneath it for a picture. Just as I got to the sign a nice police officer pulled in behind my car. He must have mistaken me for someone else because he called out to me as if he knew me “Lady are you ^$#@(*$% (edited for the children) crazy?”
I responded in the only way I knew how. “Why no officer, I’m not mentally impaired at all. Is there a problem?”
Now I notice during this conversation, the people passing have stopped calling out greetings to me and are now slowing down and looking at me, the car, the kids…. It was really nice how they wanted to make sure no one was being hurt.
The officer walked up to me, it was odd Reverend, he didn’t leave his car running and he brought a shotgun with him to talk to me.
“Lady, do you realize that the only thing that has kept you from getting shot is because everyone driving by thinks you must be insane?”
“Why officer, I need a picture of this sign. I just want to….. Officer, I really don’t think there is a need to….. Why are you pulling me towards my car?
Directed to my son by the officer “Get in the ^$%#@$@ car kid and get your mother the hell out of here is she insane?”
From my son, the ungrateful little shit. “Yes officer she is, we just try to stay with her and keep her out of trouble. It’s the Alzheimer’s you see…..”
Now at this point Reverend, not only has the officer walked me back to the car, opened the door and practically shoved me in the car, he’s now acting as if my insane children are the sane ones…
Back in the car, the officer is talking to my oldest, who I mistakenly brought with me and let drive and he is explaining how to get back on the highway. He is also saying terrible terrible things about the people in the neighborhood we are in. It seems they aren’t as health conscious as I first thought. They also are very bashful it seems because the officer told the oldest that we should turn around and never look back.
As we made a quick u-turn and head back towards the highway the nice people in the area send us off with what sounded like firecrackers. It was really very nice of them. And that nice officer, he followed us all the way to the bridge as we headed back into Missouri. They have very a very nice police force over there.
So I come to you, head held down in shame, I have failed, but I truly hope you will allow me another opportunity for extra Holy credit.
Do they actually have gophers in Arizona?
I also want to buy Requia a pair of glasses, and kill Bill Murray with a chainsaw.
I dunno, I'm a mushpot--I just wanna hold my grandchildren and have them know me and remember me before I'm gone.
/srs fr rls srs sorry
Works for me. I was trying to get something out of my head, I think I was trying too hard. Mine didn't turn out as well as I was hoping.
Balls. There's something hideous lurking in the OP.
Yes it is tickling my brain as well.... I thought it was just me.
Ah, yes. Apologies, I've been trying to nail down one of EoC's rants.
I think there's a flubbed line in the last paragraph of yours, "latest celebrity gossip." If you don't mind re-doing that, cool.