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Messages - Eater of Clowns

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Apple Talk / Re: ATTN: Anime Boston Spags
« on: April 14, 2011, 10:32:59 pm »
If you're going for bad latin, you need a bunch of people named convincing bad latin, then one guy named Venti Latte.

I volunteer myself.

...Do you want to join us?  :mrgreen:

I honestly have no idea what that would entail.  Pretend I've never been to a con, done proper costuming, know what the date today is, and just spent the better part of ten grand on a car.  So...maybe?

ETA:  Is there beer?

...You DO know who you'd be rooming with, right?

Is there beer...Christ. Bukowski is across the street. Not to mention we do a fair share of stocking up as well.

It's an anime con. It's juvenile and easy to troll. We can only drink in our rooms because of this (Got busted last year on the floor with bourbon. :( ) but flasks happen.

$50 at the door I think for a 3 day pass.
$76 gets you space in our room for 2 nights at the main hotel.

Okay yeah I totally can't swing that right now.  I appreciate the invite though.  Some other time, I'd like to tag along and see what it's all about.  It's something I've never done, and therefore seems like something I should do.

Thanks Suu!

Oh, and you get to witness me being a really real™ industry professional, of course.


Apple Talk / Re: ATTN: Anime Boston Spags
« on: April 14, 2011, 10:02:17 pm »
If you're going for bad latin, you need a bunch of people named convincing bad latin, then one guy named Venti Latte.

I volunteer myself.

...Do you want to join us?  :mrgreen:

I honestly have no idea what that would entail.  Pretend I've never been to a con, done proper costuming, know what the date today is, and just spent the better part of ten grand on a car.  So...maybe?

ETA:  Is there beer?

Bring and Brag / Re: From the Wooden Womb (pic heavy)
« on: April 14, 2011, 09:56:45 pm »
That is really lovely.

Apple Talk / Re: ATTN: Anime Boston Spags
« on: April 14, 2011, 09:55:05 pm »
If you're going for bad latin, you need a bunch of people named convincing bad latin, then one guy named Venti Latte.

I volunteer myself.

Apple Talk / Re: EoC's World of Dispatching
« on: April 14, 2011, 09:35:45 pm »
And it only took . . . what, seven hours?

I bet those chicks were irritated.

We're a state agency.  Frankly, I'm amazed it got done at all.

Apple Talk / Re: EoC's World of Dispatching
« on: April 14, 2011, 09:32:30 pm »
It was a male chicken.  It was black.  It was actually harassing people outside the women's facility.

I was only actually there for the tail end of it all, but sweet christ that's just too good to pass up.

Apple Talk / Re: EoC's World of Dispatching
« on: April 14, 2011, 09:18:56 pm »
4/14/11  0846 Captain ***** reports there is a rooster walking around the women's center.  K9 was notified.

4/14/11  1227 K9 Lietenant ****** reports the rooster is back and near the women's center entrance.  Sallyport was notified.  K9 is attempting to contact animal control.

4/14/11  1542 K9 Officer ***** reports animal control is on scene.

4/14/11  1547 K9 Officer ***** reports animal control has the rooster captured.  K9 and animal control are clear of that scene.

Apple Talk / Re: Are you a Snob?
« on: April 14, 2011, 08:58:40 pm »
I think everyone is a snob when it comes to certain things.  I mean, it's a side effect of having distinct tastes about anything at all.  Snobbery goes in both directions, though, and an avowed Bud drinker that thinks higher brow beers are for pussies is just as much a snob as the high brow beer drinker.  I wrote something about that not long ago, actually.

My friends always tease me about having snobby tastes, but it's very infrequent that anyone is actually offended by it to my knowledge.

I'm sure I could keep going.  I'm not certain what to do with The Hessian, but then I wasn't certain what to do with Hayes and Sams either and those turned out okay.  For some reason in this project, I'm actually way less confident in prose than I am in dialogue.

Apple Talk / Re: The MAN Laws. A silly listing.
« on: April 14, 2011, 12:59:45 am »
On a serious note, I've always thought devising some hackneyed rules for manhood qualifies as one of the least manly things it's possible to do.  All they ever say to me are that guys are coming up with excuses as to why they're so manly, when really the manliest thing would be to just say "I'm a man, therefore whatever I do is something that a man does."

ďYouíre at the pub and thereís this girl,Ē he started.  Lesson one of the class.  The briefing room his school.  A single Templar his student.  Onlookers readying for their excursion subtly strain to hear over the bustle of their routine.  ďThere are plenty of others around, and maybe on another day theyíd be the ones on your mind.  But today itís this one girl, all the thoughts going through you shared by just about every man in there.  Thatís how the Nessies work.Ē

The lone templar says nothing.  He listens to this, his new teacher.  In the corner, a chaplain watches the exchange.  Hearing the introduction, a few Templars scoff and shake their heads.  A few others glare at the ones who do.  It is not their lesson, and the instructor pays them no mind.

ďItís a pheromone.  You donít notice itís there, but you feel its effect.  That girl in the bar is putting them off and the Nessie in the tunnel is doing the same.  Only instead of going for your prick, it gives you the fear enough to make you stupid.  One of the effects of the juice is to stop you noticing it.Ē  Heís not a big man, like some of them.  Heís not a warrior like The Old Man, or even just a skilled nut like Tom.  He isnít a giant, or a mercenary.  He watches.

The ones who scoffed are listening again, but theyíre skeptical.  Pheromone or not, you felt the fear.

ďThatís one of the many little things that the juice kills.  With all of those dead, you can focus on the big things, which is necessary to stay alive when youíre first coming down here,Ē the teacher went on.  Out of the tunnels, the men talk.  There are some that they donít speak about, some whose stories were tragic ones.  Then there are some they speak about in awe and reverence.  Men like Samson.  Then there is this man, the teacher now, asked about from templar to templar in curiosity, sometimes in rumor and sometimes in fact.  He wears a watch set eight hours behind, they say.  Itís because heís living on borrowed time, they say, cheating death not by a step ahead but by a corner behind.

ďBut you and I need the little things.  Giving the little things their due respect is what brings us here, and in time will bring others here as well,Ē he says.  Then there are the rumors that he isnít cheating death, but chasing it.  That heís been swung upon by Nessies and lived without a scratch.  That he even stands and waits for their strike, hoping this will be the one that does it.

ďNessie is not as strong as is rumored.  They are fast, and they can destroy us even through the metal, but that isnít from sheer strength.  A Nessie strikes like a spring.  Before its appendages swing, it winds itself up.  In a matter of seconds, of course.  Every muscle in its body tenses, lends itself to the blow.  Like an expert fighter that uses his whole body to throw a punch.Ē

The templars have stopped readying.  To the last, they sit and listen.  The classroom of one has become a tutorial to the lot.  Seeing this, the chaplain standing by moves the group out.  He knows what the man known a The Hessian is about to say.  To the average templar, itís dangerous knowledge.  It takes a special sort to use it effectively.  It takes the sort sitting before him now.

ďYou can see this in the templars who have survived.  The ones whose armor was merely cut, rather than their entire bodies.  The strike wasnít wound up, maybe done outside the creatureís instinct, maybe interrupted by a blow, a jab to a boxer rather than a right hook.  Look at the page in front of you,Ē he gestures to a single sheet given to his student.

ďOn that Nessie is a red dot, a sizable enough area to hit under normal circumstances, but it might as well be a pinhole when youíre fighting.  That spot is where the spring coils up, where all the energy that will kill you is stored.  I donít know what rests there, maybe some kind of heart.  But thatís the little thing that you need to know better than your girlfriendís clitoris,Ē he says.  He leans in close to the student for the next part, near a whisper.

ďAnd itís dead useless unless the spring is coiled.  So you stand before a Nessie and you wait.  You hold.  You watch.  You hold.  Just when the fucker is about to unite your skull with the servo suit, you hit that spot.  Only that spot,Ē The Hessian stands back again, adopting his casual tone.

ďAll that stored up energy will release.  The pressure of the thingís blood will push your weapon back if youíve still got it in there.  If not, itíll spray out not unlike a fire hose.  Thatís what Iíve taken to calling The Burst.  You donít need to be a genius to do it, nor a brute.  You need to be able to read the things on some level.  Now get yourself ready, you and I are heading out.  Youíll watch me for a few kills and then we come back here to train your striking.Ē

Apple Talk / Re: Atlas Shrugged. April 15. Is your body ready?
« on: April 12, 2011, 02:11:35 am »
I've been working on a scholarship essay from the Ayn Rand foundation. On the Fountainhead.  :vom:

I got to the rape scene and gave up. Gotta love spark notes.

That the one with the $10,000 scholarship?  They had it around when I was in high school.

Apple Talk / Re: CRAMULUS
« on: April 11, 2011, 10:45:09 pm »
Funny how the people who get along well here and contribute content don't get shat on, but the people who come in trolling do.


But the post that got Cram to speak up was a noob who used the word "crazy" in a post in a casual "I might be a little bit crazy" way, then got flamed out as much as someone who shows up as a self diagnosed aspie or some shit.

It was a bit on the ridiculous side, and in no way do I support a policy of niceness or anything to noobs.  We just need to recognize that, yeah, sometimes people get shat on because of someone that came right before them, or because we're having a bad fucking day.

Yeah I just plain didn't remember that correctly.  My bad.  Left for sake of honesty about my own stupidity.

And that, Good Reverend, was the result of my holy quest.

You have to ask a lot of questions.  Then you need to answer them.  Thatís as simple as paperwork is.  The questions you think, the answers you write down.  The more of them you answer, the more foolproof your paperwork.  The line they always give us is that itís admissible in court, which means itís under the scrutiny of lawyers, which means that to prevent them from asking a difficult question you need to have a mind one part sneakier in order to have answered it already.

More people get involved.  More minds devising questions.  More heads wrapping themselves around answers to whatís never been asked.  Then it piles up, be it electronic or dead tree.  And they store it away.  They store it away for two years, at least, in case anyone ever asks a question that they might need an answer to.

Thereís the who are you paperwork.  The what have you done paperwork.  The does anyone else want you paperwork.  Behind it, a system, and operating that, probably a dispatcher.  That dispatcher, probably griping about the system.

The systemís a dinosaur.  It spurts out hieroglyphics, it tosses out codes and its operating manual has a couple pounds on me.  Itís unwieldy, anti-user, and infuriating.  We keep wondering, even in a department that managed to switch out of Windows 2000 in 2010, when theyíre going to update it.

Thing about the system is that it works.  Itís used statewide by every agency, recording and communicating with each within seconds.  It searches national databases and it prints them out in what may in all honesty be a devilishly clever disguise to prevent untrained eyes from reading it.  Preventing even well trained eyes from reading it as well seems to be a secondary effect.

State of the art means power.  It means expense and it means maintenance.  Dated means reliability, stability.  It means knowing that what you need is there, putting the decision to not use it in your hands.

Yeah, not use it.  The system means you donít worry about it, itís in your control.  And once itís in your control, you can decide what to do with it.  The criminal history of the inmate coming in?  That can wait, because you have an officer on a motor vehicle stop who needs information.  The inmate probably isnít going anywhere.

Itís easy to lose your head when youíve got all these things to prioritize.  Panic is highly underrated.  If you control it, you can get things done faster.  But if you donít, youíll make bad decisions.  Itís the copper thatís out there doing the job, living the intensity.  Itís the ambulance driver thatís calming a patient while talking on the radio.  Itís easy for dispatchers to get caught up.

Randy gave me a speech when I was new up here.  Randy, aptly, is a degenerate pervert, a molester of inanimate objects, and a fluent, if course, speaker of the classic language Innuendo.

ďLet me explain something to you.  You are God up here.  Everyone that calls you for information, with a request Ė they cannot get it done without you.  Make them wait.  You are God.Ē

Dispatcher speeches tend to be short.  We donít have a long enough period of down time for any more than a sentence or two.  Randy was right.  Weíre the deities of law enforcement, keeping the wheels turn.  Thing about being a god though.  Everyone asks you for something, and the majority donít ever thank you for it.

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