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Messages - Eater of Clowns

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61
Clowns.  :sad:

62
I got some of Nigel's favorite unsolicited advice yesterday. I was joking about the time I was gifted a pair of boxers that didn't have a crotch hole, which I didn't know until I wore them out drinking, confusedly fumbling around to find the opening while half in the bag.

Immediately I get a chorus of "Why don't you cut an opening for them?" And "Why not just pull them down and go up and over?"

GOOD IDEA FUCKSTICKS, GUESS I CAN STOP SIMPLY URINATING MYSELF NOW.  :lulz:

63
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Spagbook
« on: October 05, 2014, 04:53:56 am »
I was staying in a finca in a mountainside in Medellin, Colombia when our hostess, who spoke as little English as I do Spanish, looked at me and declared, "Doctor House!"

64
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Spagbook
« on: October 05, 2014, 04:46:32 am »
DEFINED CHEEKBONES AND SOULFUL EYES 100% EOC

jk eoc drunk

You look like Hugh Laurie.  This is a compliment.

OMG, he does!

Hahaha this is a running joke for like 7 years. I was at a party and someone said "has anyone told you you look like," and were interrupted with "yeah, he's heard it." I once was complimenting a friend on his hair and saying that all I ever got was that I look like House and from across the room a random cat yelled out "holy crap you look like House!"

65
I have a coworker that's been out for months. His wife left him and he's been on so many med cocktails he can barely function. It's a crappy situation and I feel bad for him, but he's also a bit of a sociopath. My boss mentioned something about missing him, because he's funny as hell and gets the whole office rolling.

I spent the second half of yesterday's shift cutting out 50 wallet sized photocopies of his face and taping them everywhere in my boss's office. They're on the underside of his computer mouse, along the lights, and covering up the faces of his children on the photos on his desk. The creme de la creme is a 3x3 printout of his face colored over in dry erase markers and mounted on his wall like a demented Andy Warhol painting.

I am on vacation for 9 days. I wonder what will come of this.

66
:spittake:

The Danzig one.

67
How good is your balance? Could you stack a bunch of them on your head?

68
Have you considered using your hands or perhaps arms to carry the books in question?

What if you kicked the books down along the street as you walked?

69
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Ingress
« on: October 03, 2014, 01:49:28 am »
Did you know that when you hit 0 AP your scanner gets disabled and periodically gets red static across the screen? Because I now know that, from trying to hit a shielded level 8 resonator in my underwear while drinking a beer.

70
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Ingress
« on: October 03, 2014, 01:47:11 am »
Dude, that's perfect. Start running up your AP.

THE MOTHERFUCKER FIGURED OUT WHICH RESONATOR I CAN HIT FROM MY COUCH. THAT ONE, ALONE, IS NOW LEVEL 8, WITH FULL SHIELDS AND A TURRET.

 :argh!:

72
I AM TYPING AND THERE ARE WORDS BUT THE WORDS DO NOT MEAN ANYTHING

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

MIND BLOWN. NOT YOURS, YOUR MIND IS PRETTY. MINE. MY MIND IS STICKY WITH BEER BUT IT'S STILL DTF.

73
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Spagbook
« on: October 03, 2014, 01:32:17 am »
ARMHAIR...POSSIBLY ELDRITCH IN ORIGIN

74
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Spagbook
« on: October 03, 2014, 01:30:42 am »
DEFINED CHEEKBONES AND SOULFUL EYES 100% EOC

jk eoc drunk

75
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Spagbook
« on: October 03, 2014, 01:22:38 am »
French Candian memere's quilt, Colombian stepmother's hat, Irish-Colombian stepsisters' book, power drill because it's vaguely gun looking. 'Merca.


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