Messages

61

Apple Zone / Re: ROGER IS IN CHARGE OF MY LOVE LIFE ITT

« on: April 20, 2013, 04:25:40 am »

I shall be in my office tomorrow, ON SATURDAY.  I shall harness the rage and hate of being in my office ON SATURDAY, and write appropriate responses.

Gee, Roger, you must be a Good American and Truly Dedicated to Your Job to go to work on a Saturday!

62

Apple Zone / Re: BRILLIANT FOOD CART IDEAS ITT

« on: April 20, 2013, 04:24:09 am »

Posh White Dude Food Carts - for the urban professional who cannot rectify buying working class food.

ALL QUINOA FOOD CARTS - That sounds tasty.

Currywurst Americana - because Currywurst is just not widespread enough in the States.

Gluten Free Anti-Allium Low-Carb Supercrustyfuck Diet Food Cart - your latest prohibitively expensive and health deficient diet craze in food cart form.

What the Hell is This Food Cart Craze Food Cart - we sell food cart themed ties.

Pickled Food Cart - Dill Pickles, Half Sours, Bread and Butter, Sauerkraut, Kimchi, Pickled Eggs, Pickled Peppers, Pickled Onions, Peter Piper Picks A Peck of Pickled Peppers How Many Pickled Peppers Did Peter Piper Pick?

63

RPG Ghetto / Re: The Saga of Asobiden

« on: April 20, 2013, 04:10:18 am »

Friends, Hedwarves, Shedwarves, Alldwarves,

The adamantine is not your friend.  It is a temptation to delve deeper into a world we cannot rely upon.  Heed instead the call of the surface, of the petals and the pollen.  Heed the call of your Queen!

The beauty and serenity of the Hive is Elven fantasy.  It is the industriousness to which we dwarves are most akin.  It is comaraderie where we shall find salvation, but where is it found?

In Her wisdom.  In Her glory.  In Her defense.

64

Apple Zone / Re: No wonder our society is sociopathic...

« on: April 20, 2013, 04:01:30 am »

Babies are fuckin' weird.

Recent study shows that babies are fuckin' weird.  They demand basic human needs like food, clothes, shelter, medicine, and affection, and really, how are we supposed to deal with that shit?

When interviewed, 9 out of 10 Americans report that their baby cries when it's "hungry" or "lonely" or "experiencing emotions that most adults still don't have a healthy grasp over."  Pressed on their emotional shortcomings, people are most likely to dismiss such things as "the way it's always been" and "just how things are."

65

Apple Zone / Re: So...

« on: April 20, 2013, 03:32:32 am »

From what I have learned of TGRR, a "massive poisonous carpet of ANGRY" is a key ingredient for a good time.

66

Apple Zone / Re: BRILLIANT FOOD CART IDEAS ITT

« on: April 19, 2013, 10:16:43 pm »

Microtransaction food cart - want a burger? - only $.75 - want a bun for it? - only $.25 - want onions - only $.10 - want ketchup?  mustard?  relish?  mayonnaise - $.05 each.  Want french fries? - $1.00 - want them salted? - $.05.

Want a basket for you food?  That's a nickel.  Cup for your beverage?  That's a nickel.  Sit down to eat it?  Nickel per half hour.  On a chair?  Quarter!  On a DELUXE chair?  Fifty cents.

67

Apple Zone / Re: BRILLIANT FOOD CART IDEAS ITT

« on: April 19, 2013, 10:12:30 pm »

Microtransaction food cart - want a burger? - only $.75 - want a bun for it? - only $.25 - want onions - only $.10 - want ketchup?  mustard?  relish?  mayonnaise - $.05 each.  Want french fries? - $1.00 - want them salted? - $.05.

68

Apple Zone / Re: Things go boom

« on: April 19, 2013, 10:08:34 pm »

  AKK parading as Cain would be quite a sight. And probably too transparent to be as funny as I'm imagining.


HAPPY BELATED BDOO, EoC! All the cake for you, etc.


Twidders, I'm loving the name change.

   Thanks Eve!

69

Apple Zone / Re: BRILLIANT FOOD CART IDEAS ITT

« on: April 19, 2013, 10:03:01 pm »

FUCKING Orange Eating Contest Food Cart - you buy in for an UNLIMITED amount of oranges and the vendor calls you a total taintflap until you shit out pure acid.

70

Apple Zone / Re: BRILLIANT FOOD CART IDEAS ITT

« on: April 19, 2013, 09:58:59 pm »

EVERYTHING IN KEBAB CART.

JELLY AND BANANA KEBAB? WE HAVE IT! EXTRA STONG SAUCE? YOU BETCHA

STONG SAUCE FOOD CART - YOU BRING THE FOOD, WE DIP IT IN STONG SAUCE.

71

Apple Zone / Re: ROGER IS IN CHARGE OF MY LOVE LIFE ITT

« on: April 19, 2013, 09:54:48 pm »

This is the most adorable thing ever.

72

Apple Zone / Re: Conquest of the Planet of the Bride of the Son of the Return of the Open Bar

« on: April 19, 2013, 09:54:10 pm »

Also, cats are not needy, dogs are.  And they're funny because they're assholes.

Dog: Sleeps 90% of the time, craps outside. Eats and drinks whatever. Likes to go to the beach once in a while.

Cat: sleeps all day, wakes me up every two hours all night long, only eats food that's the right brand and is half-crunchy, half-canned, won't drink day-old water, craps in a box that needs cleaning and changing all the time, is all the time wanting to be petted or else walking around meowing aimlessly at dust motes or imaginary ghosts or because the water in their bowl is slightly more than eight hours old.

Yeah, this. Dogs are easygoing pals who are usually happy with ANY PROGRAM. Cats are neurotic self-obsessed freaks who can't even be trained to provide any valuable services.

In theory, they kill rats and mice.

However, they also, apparently, ATTRACT rats and mice, so WTF???

I like rats. WAY more than I like cats, and almost as much as I like dogs.

I like rats a lot. They're smart, social, and inquisitive, as well as just plain funny.

Dogs are also more specialized - you get a cat and it's a fucking cat, except it looks different.  You get a terrier or a dachsund and it WANTS TO HUNT RATS, you get a border collie or a welsh corgie and IT WANTS TO HERD THINGS.

I'm a fan of rats, though.  I already had an affection for them, and then I read The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents and I LOVED RATS.  Dammit Pratchett.

73

Apple Zone / Re: BRILLIANT FOOD CART IDEAS ITT

« on: April 19, 2013, 09:49:58 pm »

BOOZE SOAKED FOOD FOOD CART - BECAUSE EOC IS ALREADY KINDA DRUNK

74

Apple Zone / Re: BRILLIANT FOOD CART IDEAS ITT

« on: April 19, 2013, 09:46:30 pm »

BOOZE FOOD CART - FUCK DAY DRINKING STIGMA

75

Apple Zone / Re: BRILLIANT FOOD CART IDEAS ITT

« on: April 19, 2013, 09:45:56 pm »

PINEAPPLE AND MEAT ON A STICK FOOD CART