"At the teaparties they only dunked bags into cups of water…because they didn’t want to break the law. And that just about sums up America’s revolutionary spirit."
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I really loved the Corporal on the farm. It's one of my favorite entries thus far.
I had fun writing that one.
But this last one, I dunno. The Bald Man really MUST work on his cannibalism issues.
What is the best way to tell your significant other:
I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER FUCKING DOG. OR A CAT. OR ANYTHING THAT EATS, SHITS, SMELLS FUNNY, LEAVES HAIR ON THINGS, OR NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION. WE ALREADY HAVE 3 PETS, AND I DON'T EVEN WANT THEM AROUND MOST OF THE TIME.
But, you know, politely?
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.
OH MY GOD POST OFFICE ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON
I hear ya.
Well, they're all out now, except Waffles. I'm gonna do a separate batch of seriously shelf-stable ones for him.
Everyone who's getting cookies: I cannot guarantee that everything makes it there not stale or broken, in fact I'm pretty sure a bunch of things are going to break in transit. As long as nothing gets lost in the postal system, nothing will have the chance to go seriously bad, and the mix of baked goods should keep everything at close to the optimal moisture levels. The chocolate balls contain alcohol as a preservative, do not feed them to small children.
IT'S PROBABLY GLUTEN
I posted ton FB that I'm finally accepting that I'm allergic to beer, and a million people were all GLUTEN! even though THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE and also it's the hops.
you should maybe try some quinoa beer.
While humanity is not required for our MEXICO, it is a clear requirement (Form GH3/2ass/hat, Deceleration A333L&&&/££"!11"/2/2/2E, or the "I am a HuMAN and possess an actual head, skull and contents, medical certification required in quadriclate) that the Ceremonial Sombrero must be shown upon MEXICO's HEAD (And you must recall the strife that occurred the last time a MEXICO just touched the hat. Body and baby parts in the streets for weeks, cats and dogs living together you know the rest)
As a known Lizard person, this aspect alone should stop you. I also remind you of the official portrait requirement that you would be unable to fulfil.
These are the laws of Mexico. Please do not disrupt the peaceful transition process.
I, however, have developed a wonderfur meta self, in where I realize I am naught but a brute, and therefore develop a secondary personality which does its best to countermand my base impulses when dealing with a female I wish to
bone hard and long have a respectful and meaningful relationshipbone hard and long.
This leads to a self-imposed cognitive dissonance, where I often act in bizarre and unexpected ways as I try to act the way I think she wants me to act, which is often completely wrong.
Roger has the superior Way. Obvioulsy.
I just know who and what I am.
I am not stupid, but I am a fool. I love women in general terms, and I go partially concussed when I am around them. When I am around a woman I love in specific terms, I go completely brain damaged...By which I mean, my motivations on any given subject are very simple and very obvious. This leads people to think there's something going on under the surface.
But there isn't. There's just The Good Reverend Doktor Roger Howl jamming his head into the future, to see what will happen.
It sounds goofy, but it's a winning strategy for happiness. And slightly elevated medical expenses.
Well, this one I have (or thought I had) is confusing the fuck out of me. He ought to take a lesson from your book.
All he has to do is let me know that he wants to put his penis in me, and I'm there.
Having met you, it is obvious that the confusion isn't on YOUR part.
Diagnosis: HE'S A FUCKING MORON.
Proposed treatment: Roofie him up. Alternatively, go find a guy who isn't stone blind and brainsmashed.