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Messages - Eater of Clowns

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High Weirdness / Re: The Great Clown Panic of 2016
« on: October 04, 2016, 07:31:43 pm »
heavy breathing

Or Kill Me / Re: Who I Am
« on: October 04, 2016, 01:58:47 pm »
This is quite good, QG.

Day 3 of being alone in the house.

I have scurvy.  My extremities are frozen.  I am reduced to eating rats.

That's an interesting way of spelling "lizards."

Arizona has both.  Gigantic poisonous lizards and rats the size of guinea pigs.

Are you sure they aren't guinea pigs?

Yeah have you tasted them?

I want to tell everyone about the best that I have been trolled in a long, long time. Bear with me folks, it's story time:

Last week my sister asked if I could come along with her to a show. She bought the tickets on impulse and my brother-in-law had no interest. The band I only vaguely recognized, a few hits, and I was along for the fun of it. I checked with the bosses and they said sure, I can just come in early that day and not use any time off. The show was Thursday in downtown New Bedford at our local theater, so it was a pretty simple plan. I got out of work, had a beer at home, and met her and my brother-in-law downtown for a burrito and a beer and the show.

As soon as I get there I can see she's a little worn out. She's still rocking a hangover after sucking down martinis with Oktoberfest chasers at the Adele show the night before. She starts trying to weasel her way out of the show. "Would you be mad if I bailed?" "Do you know anyone that can grab my ticket," etc. Well I remain blank, because she tries this kind of crap of getting people to give her an out all the time, so I just don't say anything at all. I figure if I can get a beer and a burrito in her, she'll dive into it and start feeling better. We go to another bar, sit on the deck in a nice evening, sip on a Coffee Porter, and she's perking up. Cool - evening saved. We walk to the venue, get a block away from the doors, and she bails. At the time the opener goes on, where she either has to go to the show and sit through it, or go to her car and go home, she bails. At the last possible second. And I'm mad - I don't give a fuck about this band, and I rearranged my schedule, and I just turn around and drive home.

Cut to two days later. We're on Martha's Vineyard with our whole family at a house they rented for the weekend for my stepmother's birthday. All she wanted was our family together at one of her favorite spots, and for the sake of keeping transportation simple, I coordinated with my sister to catch the ferry together over to the island. She'd apologized and made up for the whole thing by driving us to the ferry, making us coffee in the morning to make the ride easier, all that. We spent the day in the popular tourist towns, and we commiserated that, as LMNO can attest, everything the Vineyard does, Provincetown does better:  you can shop, cheaper, and barhop, cheaper, but with drag queens. We get out of an overpriced bland seafood dinner and walk along the docks where the bars and restaurants abut yacht tie-ups, just the whole group of us ambling along on a beautiful night.

One of the bars starts playing a song. After the first few notes, my sister says "Oh I love this song," and starts getting into it. "I don't really recognize it," I said. The lyrics start, she's singing along, and both my stepsisters and a lot of the bar patrons are singing along. My sister is nudging me and hamming up the singing:

Rock me mama like a wagon wheel,
Rock me mama any way I feel,
He-ey mama rock me.

Alright, I recognize this but it's not exactly my jam. The three of them continue the song well after we pass the bar, well after we can hear it all. One of the yacht parties looks at our group and says "What, that's it?" and they burst back into the chorus.

He-ey mama rock me.

The singing fades, and we run out of dock to walk down. The big group of us all start having our own conversations again and my sister sidles up next to me. "So no recognition of that song" she asks. And I think about it. Yeah I've heard it, everyone has, but it's-

And it hits me. It's Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show. It's the band we were going to see two days previous.

And her grin, I swear to you, was the color of the blood moon.

Edits: spelling, mild phrasing

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 15, 2016, 08:35:42 pm »
I'm totally alright with RMB and PDS continuing this forever, but purely out of spite of it popping up in my unread topics every time I log in, I would like to request a Mod unsticky it.

My folks made me mix them a drink using two different brands of fum, for a blind taste test.  I took two shots as payment. 

I remember now.  I hate rum soooo much. I hate the taste, I hate the burn going down, the burn as it sits there, the burn in mah face.  Hate.

But the test was uccesfel and now they know that pricer rum is smoother.  WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED.  (slowly raise hand)

eta Alos hate the grumpy I get from rumj.


This is adorable.


So like I think you got sexually assaulted dude?

Aneristic Illusions / Re: Apple and Haugheys legacy
« on: September 01, 2016, 04:20:35 pm »
Maybe if I apply early I can get into the iGulag. It'll at least be cleaner.

So like, not informing support that your av and computer equipment was struck by lightning is a thing.

They're powered by electricity. A lightning strike will surely just supercharge them.
I should grab cables during a storm, surely this will give me powers.

Well you'll stop aging to begin with....


New England has been a gorgeous, unparalleled paradise for the last week, of warm sun, cool breezes, striking sunsets, and a temporary ebbing of the inevitable grasp of misery that consumes us all.

So take that, ya fahckin queeahs.

Oh, yeah.  Run The Jewels is pretty amazing. I even tend to overlook El-P's tough-guy misogyny/homophobia because of his talent.

I put them on a Pandora station out of curiosity recently. It's gold. Atmosphere, Aesop Rock, MF Doom, old Wu-Tang. Finding some good new stuff on there as well.

This is the greatest thing I have seen all week:

Been listening to this track lately. "Flame your crew quicker than Trump fucks his youngest," is a nice reminder of how fucking fast hip hop turnaround is.

Apple Talk / Re: Pagan or Racist?
« on: August 23, 2016, 01:57:09 am »
Could someone make the white power people stop ruining norse gods for everyone?

Idris Elba maybe?

« on: August 23, 2016, 01:55:51 am »

My department taking over inmate transportation has been...interesting.

We had to get an inmate up on Boston to bring him to a doctor's appointment, also in Boston. Trip to facility - 1 hour, to and from appointment - 1 hour 15 minutes, trip back from Boston - 1 hour.

The team gets to the Boston facility before routine inmate count. No entry or exit for half hour prior. Count takes an hour. Emergency follows count. Second count follows emergency. Inmate appointment rescheduled. Team coming back to home facility.

We just paid two guys to drive to and from Boston, allocated a vehicle, took up their entire 8 hour shift, and didn't even bring the fucking inmate in to be seen.   :lulz:

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