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Messages - President Television

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The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: FISTING AND YOU
« on: December 02, 2009, 05:01:32 am »
Fisting is fundamental.

The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Musical Atrocities
« on: December 02, 2009, 04:09:20 am »
this is kinda fun

I remember this.


This track is dedicated to all the ladies out there who like to go to the movies.

Literate Chaotic / Re: How to write
« on: December 01, 2009, 04:15:17 am »
Kurt Vonneguts tips for writing short stories:

   1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
   2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
   3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
   4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
   5. Start as close to the end as possible.
   6. Be a Sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
   7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
   8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Not that I write a lot, but I love Vonnegut's style.

But it should be kept in mind that he goes on to say that great writers break several of these rules.
Not to disagree with them, but I thought that part should be included.

The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Vent
« on: November 30, 2009, 05:13:51 am »
i receive this vent

it heads all the way til it's done



what's this I don't even

GASM Command / Re: Black Friday GASM
« on: November 29, 2009, 07:33:28 am »

So, my suggested variant on this idea is a slightly smaller group, all dressed as zombiesin homemade trashcan robot disguises.

Do this sometime.

I do what I like,
just what I like,
and how I love it!


Surprised it took this long.

EDIT: Another Foetus track:

The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Vent
« on: November 29, 2009, 06:21:44 am »

also, sorry dood, that really sucks.

But yeah, that's awful.

It isn't the song that's great in this case so much as the performance. You can really feel the energy. It's almost like a religious experience.
Shit like this is the reason that rock n roll is the only god I need.

Aneristic Illusions / Re: Conservative Purity Ball
« on: November 27, 2009, 11:39:00 pm »
That's it.  I'm throwing my hat in the ring and creating a new political party, Cain's Cynical-Nihilist Alliance.

Here are our principles

1.  We support smaller government through mandated Russian Roulette games for all political seats and, if killed, the politician replaced by a blow-up sexdoll.  All lobbyists will also be thrown down a cliff, then laughed at.

2.  We support abusing Canada's government-run health care, and will bus American citizens over the border to be treated.

3.  We support market based energy reform, such as hiring Blackwater to slash the tires of every energy company who doesn't do as we say.

4.  We support the worker's right to go crazy and whack their supervisor, if they feel like it.

5.  We support the expulsion of all illegal immigrants to America, their children, their children's children, their children's children children etc etc ad infinitum.  Zero tolerance.

6.  We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by declaring we have won, then withdrawing sneakily so the terrorists cannot follow us home.

7.  We support the containment of Iran and North Korea via the construction of a giant, space-based weapons platform, which we call a "Death Star".  Dick Cheney will be the commanding officer.

8.  We support the Defense of Marriage even more, by restricting marriage to white, hetrosexual twenty-somethings, and making divorce punishable by being hung until you are sorry dead.

9.  We support death panels so long as it makes Sarah Palin do more hilarious freakouts.

10.  We support the right of every child in America to own one depleted uranium shell.


What's funny is I only actually seriously disagree with two of these, so I'd be eligible to join your party.

Lol, that's brilliant.

The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Also- Techno Chicken
« on: November 27, 2009, 03:08:28 am »
That had me giggling like an idiot.
Oh, wait.

GASM Command / Re: Black Friday GASM
« on: November 25, 2009, 10:24:33 pm »
I'd do something, but I don't think we have Black Friday in Canada. Is there any way I can help regardless?

Wait, you're qualified to be a sous-chef?

Seriously. It takes talent you can't even imagine to burn top ramen.


The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Musical Atrocities
« on: November 22, 2009, 06:58:58 pm »
Not an atrocity quite so much as Alan Jackson being a giant asshole. Still an atrocity in my book.

I see a five o'clock shadow on the upper lip.

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