Messages

76

Apple Zone / Re: I love the queers

« on: December 13, 2012, 09:35:20 pm »

I must live a very sheltered life. I will be probably be 100 years old before I find myself in a situation where I am wracking my brain to figure out which pronoun I need to use.

Where are you people hanging out where every new person is a veritable gender pronoun obstacle course? (Is this because I don't frequent bars & clubs for instance?)

Where I live (a town of about 5000 largely affluent white people), the chance of me needing to say 'zhe' is about as likely as me accidentally calling a 'Baron' a 'Viscount'.

They're everywhere. You just aren't looking under the right rocks. Granted, most of my friends I met online in the #nanowrimo chatroom OR are pagans that I met through my former coven.

Although CT has been a 'blue state' for a while, where I live is comically filled with Republicans. Mrs Mang & I have gay friends, but they're older, married couples and are, like ourselves, totally run of the mill. Maybe we're hanging with the wrong kind of lesbians?

The only transgendered people I've encountered in a very long time was a MtF wiccan in a local new age shop and the ambiguous dude in Starbucks once. Openly queer folk are not common in these parts.

 

77

Apple Zone / Re: The Last Whiskey Bar

« on: December 13, 2012, 09:28:14 pm »

Lol, a pizza tax slice? I kind of love it. What'd you get a degree in?

I'm contemplating just losing the spot. It's my favorite, but it's not like there aren't other seats I like.

I didn't. I was in for pre-vet medicine. My program lost its accreditation and then I had a psychotic break and then it was 9/11/2001 and I was in a semi headed for Iowa and my parents were on their way to my college in PA to "SAVE MAH SOUL FROM DER DEBIL!" and it got a little confusing for a few years, there.



I keep meaning to go back, but I'm broke and lazy.

Did it work? 

I went to work with a silly 'Santa loves me' badge that I found on Mrs Mang's bookcase. Think she got it at J C Penny. Anyway, someone sees the badge and says "Hey, that looks really cool...what does it say?" She squints to look and reads it "Santa loves me!"

I look at her quizzically and say "Santa? I thought it said Satan. I was given this by a coven of dyslexic devil worshippers."

My work colleague fell about laughing, but the woman concerned failed to get the Santa/Satan gag and didn't know what dyslexic meant. Joke roont.

78

Apple Zone / Re: As I prepare once again, to leave for the Holidays...

« on: December 13, 2012, 09:19:45 pm »

PS New London & Groton???

Xanadu for bedbugs. EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!!!

79

Apple Zone / Re: I love the queers

« on: December 13, 2012, 09:18:32 pm »

I must live a very sheltered life. I will be probably be 100 years old before I find myself in a situation where I am wracking my brain to figure out which pronoun I need to use.

Where are you people hanging out where every new person is a veritable gender pronoun obstacle course? (Is this because I don't frequent bars & clubs for instance?)

Where I live (a town of about 5000 largely affluent white people), the chance of me needing to say 'zhe' is about as likely as me accidentally calling a 'Baron' a 'Viscount'.


 

80

Apple Zone / Re: As I prepare once again, to leave for the Holidays...

« on: December 13, 2012, 09:04:45 pm »

Luna: You're in charge of Richter. Keep the pimp hand strong. In Navyguy's absence, I am assigning you Eastern Connecticut, to ensure that Western Connecticut doesn't do anything funny, like gentrify downtown New London. I know that you're familiar with the area, so setting up the necessary barricades and obtaining the right amount of artillery should be a snap.

Cainad: YOU LEAVE EASTERN CONNECTICUT ALONE.

Leln: In the event Western Connecticut attacks, you have permission to drop all of Central Massachusetts on it. From orbit. Just to be sure. If in fact at any time the world needs to be saved by Library SCIENCE, inform me immediately so that I may witness the fire power of a fully armed and operational Dewey Decimal System catalog since 1998.

Oh come ON

I told you: I was just having a bad day, needed to cheer myself up, and some mistakes were made.

I really don't think this level of precaution is necessary.

I didn't see my boyfriend for nearly a month because of the damage to the Navy base ALONE. Fortunately, most of their important stuff is underwater, so when that chunk of Fairfield county landed on Groton, full of sweater vests and tennis rackets, they were able to protect classified information. Ask Mangrove if you can play with Hartford for a little while.

If by 'play with' you mean 'set fire to' then knock yourself out.

Hartford is one of the most ugly and pointless cities I have ever encountered. It's badly laid out, there's nothing to do there unless you happen to work in insurance and, even if you do find something to do, it can only be right in the middle because the North & South ends of the city are rampant with urban warfare.

Burn it down and start over. All you will be losing are corrupt financiers, dope slingers and roaches.

81

Apple Zone / Re: How come I never get chosen as a "secret santa"?

« on: December 13, 2012, 06:50:41 pm »

TGRR,
Stuffed to the fucking gills with the spirit of "giving".

Why no secret Santa? I'll tell you why. It's a simple, short answer: THE SMELL.

If people cannot find a reliable way to counteract or remove that odor, then no, you cannot be secret Santa again.

But I'm not the person generating the odor.  I feel that holding me responsible is unfair.

I concede the point. Technically, the smell came from the rotting seafood you sewed into the linings of curtains & throw cushions you provided as part of a 'home makeover'.

82

Apple Zone / Re: How come I never get chosen as a "secret santa"?

« on: December 13, 2012, 06:39:54 pm »

TGRR,
Stuffed to the fucking gills with the spirit of "giving".

Why no secret Santa? I'll tell you why. It's a simple, short answer: THE SMELL.

If people cannot find a reliable way to counteract or remove that odor, then no, you cannot be secret Santa again.

83

Apple Zone / Re: BREAKING: THE MAYANS WERE RIGHT AFTER ALL

« on: December 13, 2012, 06:32:16 pm »

Am I the only one that actually enjoyed Paul playing with the Nirvana boys? Cause like...I know the latest cool thing to hate is the Beatles, but it's kind of fucking silly to assume that it wouldn't work. It's not like the Beatles didn't play "proto-grunge" or anything. Ever. It also seems absurd to assume that Nirvana wasn't influenced by the Beatles in any way shape or form just like 99.9% of every subsequent rock band between the UK and US. Shit, they were being covered by their contemporaries.

I don't see him doing a disservice to Cobain in the least, in fact, if anyone would have the honor, if you call it, to front Nirvana in his place, it may as well be McCartney. Or Neil Young...but he did the Pearl Jam thing years ago.


...Shut up, ECH.

For the record, I like the Beatles, Nirvana and Foo Fighters. As horrid & hipster as this sounds, with regards to the Fab Four, I "prefer their early stuff"...lol....For me, they started to go off the boil from 1967 onwards. Of course, that doesn't mean that everything they did sucked after that, but the ratio of misses to hits (and I don't necessarily mean chart wise) started to shift in favor of the former.

While Paul does get maligned for his multifarious musical turkeys, there isn't a single member of the Beatles who didn't, at one time or another (in the band or solo) produce some godawful crap. So, no innocent parties there.

As for the performance itself, it was a bunch of guys having a jam which, more often than not, is more satisfying for the participants than it is for an audience. It was a bit of a song, not that well formed, thrashed around by some famous dudes who were clearly enjoying themselves. Given that Dave Grohl teamed up with J P Jones of Zeppelin for Them Crooked Vultures, I'm open to the possibility that perhaps Dave, Krist and Sir Paul could, potentially knock out some half decent tunes with enough rehearsal/studio time.

I didn't think this really reflected positively or negatively on any of their collective musical legacies. Some guys bashing out a riff for charity. Of course, the media could never just say that, they have to go for: 'Beatle fronts Nirvana!' OMGROFLBBQ!!111

84

Apple Zone / Re: BREAKING: THE MAYANS WERE RIGHT AFTER ALL

« on: December 13, 2012, 04:24:33 pm »

Shenanigans!

1. It's not true about Dave & Krist not playing together in ages since the demise of Nirvana. Krist played on the last Foo Fighters album and is kind of uhh....seen to be playing with Dave in the documentary film they made about that record.


2.Given that Pat Smear was part of both bands, it could be argued equally that Paul McCartney jammed with some members of the Foo Fighters and the old Nirvana bassist just happened to be there. Plus, Paul and Dave have played together before, so there was not a single thing about this event that was new, edgy or historic.

3.The song was entirely non-descript but who cares because as long as a shit load of people donated money and helped out hurricane victims, then all is well. It's a shame the promoters felt that they needed to somehow 'entice' us with some multi-valent nostalgia A BEATLE AND GRUNGE...TOGETHER!!!! 

4. And when you consider Courtney Love, this jam wasn't the worst thing to happen to Kurt since he blew his brains out.

85

Apple Zone / Re: BREAKING: THE MAYANS WERE RIGHT AFTER ALL

« on: December 12, 2012, 05:59:07 pm »

If you thought Macca fronting Nirvana was a bad idea, let me introduce you to this:

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/balloon-boy-falcon-heene-metal-band-145332294.html

'Ballon Boy' Falcon Heene has his own band with his brothers only, they make Hanson look like the Mozart triplets.

So, if the thought of Paul The Walrus singing Smells Like Teen Spirit isn't disturbing enough, then you might want to consider this little gem:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xb-rNQQVVTA

Can you handle this much America(tm)???

86

Apple Zone / Re: I still maintain a land line.

« on: December 11, 2012, 02:50:20 pm »

We get telemarketers with really specific target market. I like to experiment with target market mathematics.

TM: Is there a male over the age of 20 with an interest in large household appliances?
Me: We've got three males averaging 16 who are pretty keen on microwaves. How large are we talking? We've also got a 21 year old female who loves fridges, but as a woman is incapable of making financial decisions, so I can understand why she's excluded from your target market.
TM: Um... How? How old? How many? How?

In my last flat, we had a telemarketer who steadfastly refused to believe that there were no men living in the house.

"Can I please speak to the oldest male?"
"Sorry, there are no males here."
"Okay, when will the oldest male be home?"
"Never, there are no men."
"Okay, when would be a good time to call and speak to the oldest male?"
"NO MEN. ONLY WOMEN. NO MEN."

 

Arrgghh The Script! I must stick to the SCRIPT!! REALITY WILL NOT ENTER MY MIND!!!   

87

Apple Zone / Re: Oh, yeah, it's annual Holy Name™ time.

« on: December 11, 2012, 02:38:39 pm »

I will take one of your monikers good sir!

Suppurating Mind Gangster of the Lower East Side

Thank you!

88

Apple Zone / Re: Oh, yeah, it's annual Holy Name™ time.

« on: December 10, 2012, 11:21:13 pm »

I will take one of your monikers good sir!

89

Apple Zone / Re: I still maintain a land line.

« on: December 10, 2012, 05:04:43 pm »

I like how you don't piss off the ones who are just trying to get through the day, but instead give them something to talk about at the next party they go to.  "Oh, my GOD... There was this one call I made last week--"

That's the whole idea.  EVERYONE is a jerk to telemarketers, arguably one of the worst jobs in America.  I'd rather give them something weird to laugh about.

Unless they're hard-sell assholes.  Then I unload a bit.

I heartily support this!

There was a phase a few years ago when our phone was getting carpet bombed from India with calls about refinancing. I realized that these people were doing a crappy job, for crappy money and getting shit tons of abuse from people. You can have fun with them without being an asshole.

One day, we had our 3000th call from India about the mortgage. I replied "I'm sorry, but I don't speak English" to which they apologized (in English of course) and hung up.

For some reason, I had a particularly lazy Jehovah's Witness call. Ordinarily, they do the door to door thing, but I guess they wanted to try something new and edgy. So, I answered absolutely every question with only a yes or no answer and offered no other response. For added yuks, I did so in a silly voice so that I said "Yelz" rather than yes. (It's a stupid in-joke I have with Mrs Mang and the kids...sounds a bit like Mr Burns from the Simpsons.)

So the JW says "Do you have a few minutes to talk?"
Me: Yelz.
JW: Did you just say Yes?
Me: Yelz.
JW: Yes? You said yes? I thought you said yes.
Me: Yelz.

This went on for a good 5 mins and I got to hear her run through her script. I don't know how I managed to get through that without laughing because the longer it went on, the more absurd it was. "Do you ever wonder why there's evil in the world?" Yelz. Do you have any thoughts on it? No. etc

When it's hard-sell, I get entrenched in No and point out that I am only saying No simply because of their attitude. One pushy sales girl who wanted to sell me replacement windows actually laughed when she realized her Glengarry Glenross sales bubble got popped. "You mean to tell me that you are refusing our offer to build you a conservatory simply because I called you?" Yup, that's right sweetie, I would have considered your offer if only you hadn't phoned.

90

Apple Zone / Re: A few thoughts on the latest round of White Guilt discussions

« on: December 07, 2012, 06:09:23 pm »

Oh.  Wait.  Semantic.  Sorry, never mind.

Semantic sounds awfully close to Semitic.

Is this thread anti-semitic!?