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Messages - Don Coyote

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16
61 people clicked on this thread.

1 new guy answered.

60 old timers don't want to admit they got got.

WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

17
RPG Ghetto / Re: Lost Mines of Phandelver
« on: March 17, 2018, 04:02:51 pm »


First session:
Daughter's passive perception is 12 which matched the ability to detect a snare trap. She says, "i step into the trap anyway"

Took 1d6 blugeoning damage for no good reason.

Second Session:
(STARTER SET SPOILERS)
Our heroes enter the Cragmaw Cave (goblin hideout led by a bugbear named Klarg). Immediately upon entering there's a side area that has a window one can look/crawl through to view the "boss" area area. Upon a successful climb, my son, a duergar fighter, says, "I pull down my pantaloons and take it to browntown" I say, okay make an athletics check...THE DAMMED SPAWN ROLLS A NATURAL 20.

His "character's flaw" is that he doesn't wipe properly and so manages to build up enough pressure to chuck the projectile through the window, into the adjacent room NAILING Klarg on the head who just happens to be walking out in front of a smoldering camp fire.

At this point I'm >forced< to determine the damage for a ranged dookie. I just shrugged and went with 2d6 (after all it /was/ a critical hit). Does 9 damage and knocks him into the camp fire doing an additional 1d6 for a grand total of 13 damage.

It sounds like your kids are a menace to society, which is in keeping with PCs throughout the ages, and that you are so far doing an excellent job GMing.

18
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: March 13, 2018, 04:09:46 am »

19
RPG Ghetto / Re: Masterwork Monsters for Pathfinder
« on: March 12, 2018, 02:13:46 am »
Quote
Warning: this topic has not been posted in for at least 120 days.
Unless you're sure you want to reply, please consider starting a new topic.

FUCK YOU YOU AIN'T THE BOSS OF ME

I FUCKING FOUND THIS SHIT HIDING IN A DOC WITH ONLY SLIGHTLY RELATED MONSTERS  :argh!: :argh!: :argh!:

 The Dunsali Horror (Necrocraft) CR 7

XP 1,200
N Huge Undead
......

This was a CR +1 or 2 encounter in a room with doors smaller than the monster. It was in an already cleared room that only had some minor abandoned gear, that the party had booked it from after dicking around thinking they were safe and meeting a lower level boss. They left the Spire and went to another easier dungeon for a month in game and got upset that a powerful wizard, that they knew about, had made a new horror for them to deal with, that they didn't even need to deal with. By the by, the party defeated the monster with no casualties but a lot of whinging from the rogue who charged in first because he had the scout template and wanted his sneak attack dice. I mean, sure go ahead and charge into combat with an aware enemy two size categories larger than you obviously made of bones with your short swords.

The Dunsali Horror (Necrocraft) CR 7

XP 1,200
N Huge Undead
Init +0; Senses darkvision 60ft; Perception +0
Defense
AC 19, touch 9, flat-footed 18
hp 65 (10d8+20)
Fort +3, Ref +3, Will +7
Defensive Abilities DR 5/bludgeoning; Resist cold 5, undead immunities
Offense
Speed 40 ft., climb 40 ft.
Melee 4 claws +15 (1d8+10)
Statistics
Base Atk +7; CMB +19; CMD 29
Feats Toughness
Skills Climb +18, Stealth -8
SQ Construction Points 4 (2 extra attacks, climb speed, mostly skeleton)
Organization solitary
Treasure: 500 gp Onyx, Bracers of Armor +1, Amulet of Natural Armor +1, 125 lbs of brass wire

This monstrosity is a medley of fallen friends and foes. Its legs and four arms are bones and spider limbs held together by spider silk and brass wire. Its torso is an unholy amalgamation of moon spider thoraxes and bronze solder. Its lower jaw is the upper half of the fallen summoner Dun'sali meeting a collection of smaller goblin skulls. The ends of its four arms are clawed with spider mandibles. Black and green fire glow in the dozens of empty eye sockets.


OH WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?! REALLY???

THIS IS COCKFICKINGASS

20
Apple Talk / Re: PICS VIII: 10% LARGER THAN PICS VII
« on: March 11, 2018, 07:40:26 pm »
Found this today. It warms me soul.

21
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: March 09, 2018, 03:42:08 am »
So, I think a combination of finally being treated, with therapy and meds, and being a father in these fucked up times, I have run out of fucks to gives about offending my family.

22
RPG Ghetto / Re: FUCKING STUPID MONSTERHEARTS
« on: March 08, 2018, 09:15:17 pm »
Just wait until someone does a FATAL crossover...

 :scared:

23
RPG Ghetto / Re: FUCKING STUPID MONSTERHEARTS
« on: March 08, 2018, 03:24:02 pm »
 Monsterhearts is the RPG equivalent of lolicon, only it hides behind a veneer of being a, and direct quote, "queer [game]... that it pushes back against the heterosexist framework that underlies so many of our culture’s stories. When you play, you contend with all the chaotic possiblity and uncertainty of desire." (p 6)

It hides behind being:

about the messy lives of teenagers who are secretly monsters. It explores the terror and confusion of having a body that is changing without your permission. The monstrosity of these characters is literal: they are vampires, werewolves, witches, and more. But their monstrosity is also allegorical, standing in for experiences of alienation, shame, queerness, and
self-destruction. (p 7)

See it's ok to RP as horny teenages because it's also allegory.

There is some decent advice on running and playing an RPG in the game, but you can find similar good advice in other books on the craft of being a GM and/or player all over the internet and in books specifically on those topics, all without having to wade through a game about being horny teenagers.

And if you don't know what lolicon is? It's fetishsizing little girls. It's making pornographic materials depicting underage girls that hides behind being non-photographic visual depictions of this, so the little girls aren't real so it's "not causing actual harm" Although it does. It's been used for years in Japan by pedophiles to tell children that this kind of shit is ok between an adult and a child.

24
RPG Ghetto / FUCKING STUPID MONSTERHEARTS
« on: March 08, 2018, 05:59:40 am »
I just want everyone to know the hatred that flowing through my veins caused by this garbage assbutts game I felt compelled to read: Monsterhearts.

SWEET FUCK. I thought the stories of it being about playing supernatural teenagers fucking we the same of stories as the "let's harass the only woman at our D&D group for being a woman and not a real gamer" or "dare you enter my magical piss forest realm." Nope, the game is literally about playing horny teenagers who are also supernatural creatures. The rules about fucking and turning on other pcs.

While I am a "you do you" about games, still, why the fuck do folks in their 30s-40s play a game about....oh wait nevermind.

Let's take a perfectly good concept "supernatural spooky high school" and make it about fucking sex and nothing but sex and/or "dark impulses." Get over the fact that you couldn't get laid in high school and were treated like shit. High school fucking sucked. We know. We all had shitty high schools. We all wanted to fuck Buffy Summers when we 15 and be kick ass sexy monsters of the night.

25
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: March 03, 2018, 06:39:20 pm »
Damnit, baby either has a badass immune system that eats platelets, or one that is too lame and the bone marrow is making defective ones.

fuck all the things

 :cry: fuck

Won't know for a month or so what it is.  If it's the bad one I'm going to start begging for people's bone marrow.

It appears my genes are defective, but in a way that doesn't hurt me, just my kids.

Double fuck. Hang in there.






One thing I really hate about FB is it recommending people that you were friends with but because you're a fucking asshole and prone to really dumbshit unfriended all of them because you're an asshole. Yes thanks FB for the continual reminder of how childish I've been.

26
Aneristic Illusions / Re: My two Pence worth
« on: February 28, 2018, 11:48:19 pm »
Look on the bright side - at least america didn't vote to abandon it's entire economy :lulz:

Don't fucking jinx us. :argh!:

27
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: February 26, 2018, 06:07:11 pm »
So on Wednesday I've got an appointment with the local DVR. Hopefully this will mean I find some sort of employment. I'm in a tricky position. I need to either find part-time work that will pay me very little so that I can keep my insurance benefit or a full-time job that I can handle that's got benefits sufficient that I won't lose out on getting my pills.

Also going to be riding the bus a lot more since my car doesn't work. It's going to be an interesting challenge. I'll get used to it eventually but in the meantime I literally have almost no idea where the routes go. I have a bus schedule map but I've never been good at map reading or planning a trip. Starting next month I'm going to buy a bus pass and just ride the thing as much as I can until I learn the place by sight.

"we have a mental health problem in our nation"

"so...free or heavily subsidized mental health treatment for at the very least the lower income brackets so they can be 'contributing' members of society?"

'Haha NO!! You clearly are lazy and are using your 'illness' as an excuse for not working hard. If you want mental health care, try being wealthy. Peasant."

Also, bus routes are clearly designed by evil or senile wizards for arcane purposes. your plan of riding a lot to familiarize yourself with the routes, stops, and timing is my method.

Also uhhhh good job everyone on... not dying? Apparently there's been some near misses. Yikes.

Not being dead is great.

28
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: February 23, 2018, 01:32:09 am »
Clearly an ancient Rabbi was really a Buddhist monk because vaccines contain mercury and cause autism, it's just science sheeple.

Romans did make pilgrimages to Buddhist shrines if they were God-Fearers stationed in the east, but this is straight out of a work of fiction, and it's fucking hilarious that random WORLD GOD TRUTH TV DAILY websites are picking up on it.

It's like these people do God's work for us.

Not even surprised it was from a work of fiction.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE communism

29
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: February 23, 2018, 01:22:22 am »
Clearly an ancient Rabbi was really a Buddhist monk because vaccines contain mercury and cause autism, it's just science sheeple.

Romans did make pilgrimages to Buddhist shrines if they were God-Fearers stationed in the east, but this is straight out of a work of fiction, and it's fucking hilarious that random WORLD GOD TRUTH TV DAILY websites are picking up on it.

Not even surprised it was from a work of fiction.

30
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: February 22, 2018, 08:23:31 pm »
Clearly an ancient Rabbi was really a Buddhist monk because vaccines contain mercury and cause autism, it's just science sheeple.

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