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I can conceive of scenarios in which this dude is not wrong. Very rare and very extreme. But it's that extreme part that would make the line "I'm not here to help you cheat on your wife" burn a hole through what would already be a pretty imperiled heart.

I usually have a pretty vivid imagination, but it's failing me in this case.

This is why I hate bars.  I'd rather just hang out and drink in the hotel room or at someone's house.  It NEVER FAILS that if you're having FUN in a bar, a silly drunk bastard will attach him/herself to your group and babble gibberish at you for amazing lengths of time. 

Same here. It's especially intolerable when you don't drink and can pinpoint the exact moment the jabber will start over again on a loop.


Damn, Cain made me realize something I had forgotten: I don't believe in progress (most of the time).

Allow me to explain my position:
People are idiots.
Making more idiots is not progress.
Making idiots live longer is not progress.
Giving idiots bigger bombs is not progress.

The only thing that comes close is sending idiots into space, but even then we manage to fuck it up: The international space station? What the fuck is the concept of nationalism doing in space? you drew your lines on the ground map so you get to stay on the ground you smarmy little small-minded fucks!

Well, I wouldn't go that far.

I'd just point out, like I did, that some ideas concerning equality and the universality of humanity pre-date the 20th century by quite a bit, and the idea that history = bad and modernity = good is as childlike as the belief that "traditional values" = good and modernity = bad.

Which brings me onto another point.  The whole idea of traditional values is laughable.  It's either a bastardised, misremembered, idealised and watered down version of percieved 1950s social mores, or "Victorian" values minus all the bits that people don't like talking about (like the very bawdy jokes, the nude photographs, the "penny dreadfuls", rampant drug use etc).  It's make believe, a story for children. It's also incredibly ethnocentric, as it ignores the social and scientific progress that occured under Islam or in the Russian republics, to focus on an exclusively Western "rise from barbarity narrative" (which also conveniently sidesteps the Greco-Roman heritage of Western civilization...probably due to all the paganism, buggery, wine and debauchery).

People in the past were just as honourable, depraved, corrupt, loveable and terrible as modern people - because, y'know, there was the common denominator in that they were people.

This is brilliant. People are people, regardless of their era and the culture they find themselves in.

It's incredibly freeing, and incredibly condemning all at the same time.


When I first started looking at history that way everything started to make so much sense. Which, if I remember correctly, was due to one of Cain's comments from a while ago.

Discordian Recipes / Lazy Broccoli and Pasta
« on: November 21, 2014, 06:16:49 am »
Ever since I read the thread about "what you're made of," I decided to eat more delicious things. But nothing that requires too much effort as my free time is very limited.

A few weeks ago I got home after work and there's no real food around except for half a box of penne, bread, and frozen broccoli. Now, I've been eating raw broccoli with just a vinaigrette on it for a while, but we were also out of all salad dressing period. (There's something about the bitterness that seems to work. Or I have a disgusting palate, I'm not entirely sure.) Anyway, we did have a bottle of regular-ass olive oil and balsamic vinegar which always good with bread, so I developed a plan.

I threw a ton of seasoning salt in the pasta water and then boiled the penne until taste tests proved the noodles perfectly delicious. I understand that this is the most critical part of any pasta dish, so at least I got that part right. While the pasta hung out in the colander for a second, I microwaved the broccoli for a few minutes and then threw the tremendous quantity of penne on top of it. Then I drizzled a ton of olive oil and balsamic vinegar on it, applied a liberal shaking of Montreal Steak Seasoning (which seems to be primarily coarse sea salt, coarse black pepper, and garlic), mixed it up a bit, and threw a few pieces of bread on there.

Yeah. It seems healthy, and is hella easy to make so I've been making this ridiculous little concoction just about every night. Sometimes swapping out the broccoli for half a bag of frozen brussels sprouts that I cut in half after microwaving to make sure they're hot.

Here's tonight's half-eaten masterpiece:

Now where is that image thread about Remember the Good Old Days When [insert horrible shit here]?

I could see it coming in very handy for Fernando.

The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Sermon #1 on 21C Fun
« on: November 21, 2014, 03:46:59 am »
Everyone gets their monkey on in different ways.  On the East coast, they have THE GAY BAR and all the other shit that comes with proper cities.  Here in Tucson, we have "driving badly" and "irresponsible firearms use" and various plants that make you think you live in the RIGHT universe for a while.  Portland, well, nobody's really sure, but it seems to involve art gallery openings and scooter/hockey stick mayhem of the sort that can only be done right by middle-aged single mothers with teenaged kids driving them batshit.

The point is, if we're gonna have Wrongfun™, we all have to do it our own way, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do.

But there are those who feel that "fun" should be regulated and controled, so that only Rightfun™ is obtainable.  These are the forces of NO, of STOP, of CALM YOUR TITS.  They are the people who feel that prohibition is a great idea.  They are the people who post "shock" articles on Facebook and howl weird shit about what should be done to Those People depicted in the articles. 

History is full of these assholes, whether they be Stasi or NSA or just the HOA Rules Nazi down the block.  They are against unregulated FUN, and for everyone settling down and being Good Americans™.

I am against these people, brothers and sisters, and I hope you are too.  I hate them and they hate me and that's how everyone likes it.  If they liked me, or even found me amusing from a distance, I would seriously have to reexamine the way I live my life.  They walk around all day with their disapproval stamped to their ugly, pinched faces, screaming at anyone who will listen (and most of those who won't) that "IT'S NOT FUNNY" and "THIS ISN'T A SUBJECT FOR HUMOR".

Yes it is.  I don't care if they're talking about terrorism, the free market, or whatever social justice zealotry they have shackled themselves with...And don't get me wrong, I'm all about egalitarianism, but I was just informed that "fart rape" is a thing, and it doesn't actually matter if that turned out to be a hoax, because if it IS, it hit too close to the bullseye.  No, as the late and unlamented Good Reverend Roger said, "Everything is funny when it happens to someone else...and it's usually still funny when it happens to YOU."

The fact is, you can judge a society on how much it laughs.  The Germans laugh all day, and nobody ever laughs in North Korea.  You decide.  And here in America, 43% of the population is democratic and 43% is republican, leaving only 14% of us laughing.  So we'd better LAUGH UNTIL OUR GUTS BLEED, or accept the fact that this nation is 86% North Korean.

What's really odd about that is that I remember a time when at least the democrats were laughing.  Not the politicians, of course, but the regular person in the street.  But let me ask you:  When was the last time you heard Joe or Jane Sixpack laugh?  I bet it's been a long time.  In fact, I bet they look at you funny when YOU laugh...Like you'd done something inappropriate.  And maybe you had, but that doesn't mean a laugh is a sign of bad manners or bad taste.

And why is this?  Because our society has lost its nerve.  Because our society is BUTTHURT, because being butthurt is both easier and SAFER.  Nobody gets black-bagged for NOT having a good time.  Nobody arrests people for Angry Townhall Face.  Nobody loses their job for sitting utterly rigid in their cube, staring at their monitor...Or joylessly eating their lunch in the breakroom, talking about SAFE subjects like the football game or how well their kids are fitting into the Jello-mould of society.

Is THAT what you want?  It isn't what I want.  I laughed at The Bomb and I laughed at Al Qaeda and now I laugh at the NSA and the republican senate.  And if rumors are true, I'll LAUGH MY ASS OFF when Sarah Palin puts her name on the presidential ballot in 2016. I laugh at preachers doomsaying on account of Gay marriage, and I laugh hysterically while icebergs the size of New Hampshire fall off of Antarctica.

Yes, I laugh at all of these things, all of these things and more.  I bray spittle and laughter in the faces of those who disapprove of my laughing at awful shit most people won't even bring up, because THAT'S WHAT A YETI DOES.  Leave the glum miseryguts bullshit for the Calvinists.  They LIKE that shit.  Because they're NUTS.

Okay for now,


It's all in HOW you find amusement in the horrorshow.

Also reminds me of this Redd Foxx bit:

The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Your Daily Whine.
« on: November 21, 2014, 03:22:46 am »
"There’s just a different way that men do things with each other..."



Considering how much water his previous threats carried (unmasking OVER 9000 ANONS BY SUNDOWN!!!1) I'm sure that's going to work out really well for him.

Somebody's mad his twitter got hacked.

And their interim twitter account got taken too.


Three grandmas smoke marijuana for the first time:


Two Twitter accounts belonging to American racial segregation org Ku Klux Klan, @KuKluxKlanUSA and @YourKKKCentral, have been seized by Anonymous as part of the hacker-activist entity's new campaign, #OpKKK.

Wtf anonymous? Remember when they used to do fun things, not this Social justice crap.

Or your funometer is miscalibrated.

The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Spagbook
« on: November 19, 2014, 10:01:57 pm »
You're the one wearing sweatpants and a leather jacket I presume.

Upon further reflection: dandelions are not food.

I made that mistake once, too.

We modern humans have a more refined palate and more discerning stomach than our "that tarantula is easy pickin's" ancestors'.

Speak for yourself, city boy.



On that note, I'm going to make a doctor appointment to get my asthma better controlled.


ONIDA, S.D.—The worst rail delays in more than a decade are impeding crop shipments in the Midwest, causing grain-storage facilities to fill up and sending pries for corn, soybean and soybean meal up sharply.

Congestion on railroad networks, now threatening to extend into a second year in the U.S. Farm Belt, is forcing some buyers to purchase additional soybean meal, used mainly in animal feed, to ensure a steady supply, analysts said.

That helped push futures prices up 11% in the past week. And soybeans and corn both jumped by around 7% as livestock and poultry operations in the eastern U.S. rushed to avoid feed shortages and speculators bid up the price of the commodities related to soy meal, analysts said.

The transport problems are caused by several factors: Rail companies are experiencing an overall rise in demand to move goods, including consumer goods, crude oil from the shale fields of the upper Midwest, as well as increased grain from two years of bumper crops. Last year, an unusually harsh winter compounded problems by forcing shippers to run shorter, slower trains.

My boss just recently negotiated some "we're sorry" money from the railroads for the fuck in the ass we're taking not being able to ship by rail near as much as we need.

Even though this article just lists it as one small factor among many, the effect increased oil traffic has had on railroad congestion has been an open secret since much longer than one unusually harsh winter, and a bumper crop of grain-ago.

The delicious, delicious tr;dl of it all: Increased domestic oil production is resulting in drastically increased transportation costs. Hail Eris!

Oh it actually gets even better than that—a lot of the oil that they're shipping are fucking bomb trains. The containers that they ship that oil in are supposed to be upgraded to stronger ones that don't explode, but they don't because that would cost money. Gambling with people's lives in densely packed urban centers that those trains run through is clearly the preferred option:

I like to imagine that oil executives were so butthurt by the 2011 Muppet movie that they said, "Fine, you want to make us out to be villainous caricatures, then we'll BE villainous caricatures. Muahahaha!"

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