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AbbyGasm

Started by Golden Applesauce, March 25, 2008, 03:49:16 PM

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e

While it would probably be true, I don't think "Laughs at jokes I don't get" makes discordianism sound much like a cult.  To me it rings the "Someone is laughing at this right now bell pretty loudly.  Perhaps there's a way of rephrasing it so that it's a little more ambiguous and could be taken as sinister or harmless, depending on who's doing the reading.

Changes in bold

Dear Abby,

I've tried  to be accepting of other people's religions, especially when it comes to my friends, but I think one of my closest friends (we'll call him "Bob") is going too far. He claims to be part of this group called Discordianism, which he says is 'a joke disguised as a religion and a religion disguised as a joke' or something like that. I think it's some kind of hippie cult.  Since he's joined this group, he's stopped acting like the "Bob" I used to know.  He talks a lot about government conspiracies, laughs a lot at things that aren't funny (like funerals), and just doesn't act like a normal person should.  I don't know what to do! He hasn't done anything harmful yet, but I think his mental health might be harmed if I don't get him out of this so-called "religion" which refuses to take anything seriously. 

What's even worse is that recently he's started trying to convert me and other people we both know to join his new cause.  While I know my friends are too sensible to join a cult, I'm worried that he'll find some people who aren't, and will get them in on the act.  From what I've read in their holy book, the Principles of Chaos, the more of this cult there is, the more unstable they'll be.

How can I make my fears known to "Bob" without offending him and ruining our friendship?  I don't want him to hate me, but I don't want him to become part of some crazy cult, either!

Yours,
NORMAL from NORMAL, IL


Changed the name of the PD to its rough english meaning, since it's unlikely someone who is arguably afraid of us would know so much about us.  Also split it into 3 paragraphs and added some on, as well as a more detailed question than "Help!" and generally chopped some bits up and spat them out again in a different form.

As an aside, I will laugh some more if "Abby" uses google to check up on information and finds this page.

Payne

Can't directly find this page through google, only reg'd members can see it.

e


Golden Applesauce

Yeah, sorry for letting this one die.  Wanna shoot for June 12th?

I'll write up (another) sample letter and general guidelines for letterwriting.
Q: How regularly do you hire 8th graders?
A: We have hired a number of FORMER 8th graders.

Cramulus

do you know anything about wikicode? If you feel up to laying down some preliminary stuff on the BIP wiki, I'll gladly hook you up with an account.

Golden Applesauce

I know very little about wikicode, but I could probably learn very quickly.
Q: How regularly do you hire 8th graders?
A: We have hired a number of FORMER 8th graders.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

One thing to know is that you don't need (or want) to try to mimic the "voice" of letters that are published, because they're all rewritten anyway... that's why they all "sound" the same. Writing in the "Dear Abby" voice might tend to get your letter discounted as a fake... instead, try writing a letter in your own voice, or in the voice of an imaginary friend, like Big Lita:

Dear Abby,

I'm worried about my son. He just turned 17 and is into the internet and has a lot of friends who are into the internet also. Lately he's been reading a lot of books that raise red flags for me like some books by the Satanist author Robert Anton Wilson and others. He use to be a really good kid but now he is lacking the respect he use to have for the school, the authorieties, and including us, and has some kind of smart comment for every time we try to have a normal conversation. He has stopped going to Church with us and has gotten involed with some kind of "religion" called "discordia". I guess he found it on the internet and a lot of his friends are involved in it to. It gets more disturbing Abby, this "religion" which really I think I'd rather call a cult is a complete fake, theres a book for it that was written in the sixties and I read parts of it and it sounds like a bunch of drugged-out hippys to me. But my main concern is that this book and the other members of the cult promote a lack of respect for "everything". They don't take anything seriously, and my son is starting to be warped by this mindset, he even laughs at bad news on the TV sometimes and I'm afraid it's stealing his humanity away as well as his soul. I cant find very much information about "discordia", but I was hoping you could help point me in the right direction for getting help for my son and also warn your readers about the dangers of cults, even ones that are desguised as jokes!

Thank you and God bless,

Lita Alba, Salt Lake City
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Golden Applesauce

aww, and I prided myself on the ability to mimic weird voice's like Abby's.  That does make a lot more sense; I was always confused as too how all of these people (many of whom were not that bright given the problems they had) were all able to write in such a consistent hand.

AND I REELLY REELLY WILL FOR REEL WRITE THIS LETTER SOON
Q: How regularly do you hire 8th graders?
A: We have hired a number of FORMER 8th graders.

Cramulus

I wonder if there's some magical technological way to collect lots of advice column addresses with little effort / fairy dust.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Professor Cramulus on April 14, 2008, 04:11:27 AM
I wonder if there's some magical technological way to collect lots of advice column addresses with little effort / fairy dust.

I don't know, but in searching turned up this hilarious article:

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=56491
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


e

Quote"At times Abby appears to condone adultery, even homosexual adultery," the report said. "'Confused in Illinois' wrote Abby that she had no interest in intimate relations with her husband, but she is now involved in a 'passionate sexual relationship' with a female friend. Abby told her to 'look at the bright side. At least you now finally understand what has been missing...'"

Dear god.  Abby you SLUT!  :argh!:

Cramulus

Idea:

We should put some publicity up about "Discordian Rallies" of some sort. That way our letters can be centered around the horrible unlawful, sinful, bizarre, believable things which happen at Discordian gatherings. "Dear Abby: last weekend my son went to this Discordian rally thing, an he came back with a tattoo the word "Spag" tattooed on his neck!" Everyone can adlib what happened.

The real interesting thing is going to be that if tons of newspapers cover this thing within a short amount of time, news may emerge on the phenomenon itself. This sort of meta-news will cause reporters to write rather frankly about Discord, raising awareness, etc etc.



To Do:

  • Collect addresses of the ten most popular advice columns.

  • Write up a page on the wiki about AbbyGASM. Explain what it is, how it works, and how to get involved. Make sure the "buzz week" date is posted loud and clear.

  • Push links to this project ALL OVER THE WEB. Hit 23ae, facebook, myspace, lj, poee, eb&G, irreality, ANYWHERE where Discordians hang out.

  • During buzz week, and for a week or two afterwards, we'll hide the wiki page, so that advice columnists doing background research on this thing won't see the project and spoil the prank.

  • Collect any buzz that comes up, and post it to the wiki




Volunteers?

Faust

Yes!, tonight, will be on full in about 5 hours
Sleepless nights at the chateau

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I'm in for writing letters and spreading the word.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


e

Sounds like a more fun version of "Wag the Dog."