Author Topic: Iason, where did they go?  (Read 1421 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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Iason, where did they go?
« on: October 12, 2009, 08:19:00 pm »
Where have Larry and Moe gone, now that we finally need them?  I mean, we all have a pretty good idea of what happened to Curly, even if we don't like to talk about it much, but if there was ever an age for The Three Stooges, it's now, and I suppose two out of three wouldn't be bad.

Everything has gone wrong since they left, Iason...society is crumbling, freedoms are eroding, and the media still won't talk about the destruction of New York City, and that was what, 54 years ago? 

No, everyone just pretends that everything is fine, because Moe isn't here to poke them in the eye and explain things to them.   Larry, of course, was just along for the ride, but you may have noticed that he was always the voice of ethics among the three.

Curly died a horrible death trying to save us...We know this, and we remember him with a sense of hero worship normally reserved for the better of the founding fathers.  His sacrifice was probably in vain, but it was genuine.

But what happened to the other two? 
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Re: Iason, where did they go?
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2009, 10:11:14 pm »
They went where your hopes and dreams went... or maybe I mean where my hopes and dreams went. They went down the sewer with our pharmaceutical-infused piss and they went to the treatment plant and they were recycled into the groundwater and there are traces of them in the reservoir. That's why they warn us not to drink the water, anymore.

Moe poked too many people in the eye. He explained too well. He made people  understand, and they won't have too much of that, you know. He had to go away, they had to make him disappear. He went first, before he had a chance to explain about Curly. If he'd explained about Curly people would have seen, they would have understood, and worse, they would have remembered. It wouldn't work for them, you see, not at all. So they gave him to the Machine and the Machine sent him through treatment, and now we have to buy bottled water because they don't want us drinking from the reservoir. Just in case. It's only trace amounts, of course, perfectly safe most likely, but just in case. Just in case.

Larry was less of a problem. Without Moe explaining and making people see, it was easier to let him slide... nobody was listening to him anymore. He didn't even have to go through treatment, he just gradually dissolved.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Iason, where did they go?
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2009, 10:22:38 pm »
Yeah, Moe had a way of making people understand horrible things, and I don't suppose that could be tolerated for long.  So they did to him what they did to Will Rogers and Oscar Wilde and Fatty Arbuckle.  They turned him into nothing but a joke, and pretty soon he faded away, leaving nothing but the unimportant parts of his work behind.  He's gone, and he never even got a memorial, except for a mention in the song The Curly Shuffle.

But it won't do any good to distill the reservoir water, because that's also where they put Roy Cohn and Spiro Agnew.  The reservoir is deep and it's cold and it never gives up its dead, at least not its important dead, sometimes they pull some schmoe out in the wreck of his car, but they always incinerate the body, just in case it absorbed too much of you know who.

After all, this IS America, and Fat City is simply not ready for zombies possessed by Moe.  And he'd do it, too.  Oh, yes.  Then they'd have to club him back into his grave before people started to remember things best left forgotten, right?  I mean, it's bad enough having everyone walking around with nagging memories that maybe things were different, and maybe once we all got to see just what the hell was really going on...but if the ghost of Moe suddenly appeared and started braying the horrible truth while jabbing us all in the eye, all hell would break loose...and the shareholders would get upset.

And we can't have that.  No, no, let's just go back to our bottled water.  It sparkles.
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Richter

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Re: Iason, where did they go?
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2009, 11:00:32 pm »
Larry, Moe, Curly, they were gone by the time I got here.  You'd catch the old memories, the mentions somewhere.  The re - runs that got the plug pulled and the TV taken if anyone caught you watching. 

"Too weird", they'd call it (because only the Great Grey THEY would pull that.), it'll get you too excitied, it's too manic to be safe. 
So they took it away and left us with fisherprice playmobile, and everything was too plastic and too sterile, and handed to you too quick to be ANYTHING worthwhile or fun.

Fun was die cast, covered in lead paint.  Fun went bang, crash, or pop, and it was OK to whack your buddy, throw a rock, or barf and just keep rolling with it.  Dirt, fun ALWAYS had dirt too.  Funny thing is, that hasn't changed too much either.  We've just tossed booze, cars, drugs and fucking in with it.   

When we found Fun again, everyone in the room howling laughing, we realized we were having freaky fun at freaky camp and were STILL CERTAIN the the Inquisition would be knocking down the door any second.  Like it was a barometer or something.  We would have mocked them and howled all the way to the auto de fe.  The Inquisition never came, though, and I know exaclty HOW I'll start howling when they do. 

They won't like it, they'll kill me horrible because of it.  At least I'll have had some fun along the way.
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Re: Iason, where did they go?
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2009, 12:55:31 pm »
I feel bad for Larry.  Of all the things in this world, the hardest by far is to be the fulcrum.  The one who is forced to watch the lesson being learned, repeatedly, until the end of time.  Because when the terrible joke plays itself out, those people directly involved can't see it for what it is.  It's up to the Third, watching the danse macabre spiral its way to the inevitable conclusion, to make the final connection that reveals the Horrible Truth.

The victim can be a martyr, the villian can be reviled, but only pity is felt for those who remain, caught amongst the forces of inevitability.  While Moe and Curly were the Object Lesson, it was Larry who was the Teacher.


And no child was left behind.

Iason Ouabache

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Re: Iason, where did they go?
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2009, 07:44:36 pm »
The Stooges are all dead, but Hollywood is trying to dig up their corpse one more time. Those fucking Farrelly Brothers think that they can do it better. They somehow think that if they slip Jim Carrey and Paul Giamatti in a pair of overalls no one will notice the difference. And did you see who they originally wanted to play Larry? Sean Fuckin' Penn. I honestly wish I was joking. Jeff Spicoli, freaking ex-Mr. Madonna himself doing a bit of the old slapstick.

Just goes to show you that Hollyweird died a long time. Hasn't had an original idea in nearly 30 years. They've been recycling the same dozen scripts since before Hitchcock died. Now all they do is rape an old tv show or video game, throw in a couple of CGI explosion and hope the sheep are willing to pay $15 a pop to see it. 

The sad part is that it's not hard to do good comedy. All comedy can be boiled down to one thing: We want to see other people in pain. We want to see apes hitting each other over the head with wrenches. We want to see their eyes gouged out. We want to see some poor schmuck get his heart ripped out and trampled on the ground. We relish the awkward silences and horrible misunderstandings. And we laugh and laugh and laugh because it's not happening to us. We like it when the shit is hitting someone else's fan. Better that loser than us.
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Re: Iason, where did they go?
« Reply #6 on: October 13, 2009, 09:22:15 pm »
And nobody ever asks what happened to Shemp.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: Iason, where did they go?
« Reply #7 on: October 13, 2009, 10:33:24 pm »
Where did the go?  They're exactly where they've always been and they won't be coming back to this age of desperate and filthy stardom, where black and white is a gimmick and the ones that did it for real may as well have been chiseled on tablets.  The Three Stooges are those guys on the tiny screen with the rabbit ears sticking out from the top watched by a single sad dumb old man sitting on the couch swilling beer before he crushes the can and tosses it on the floor.  His guffaws are the only thing that aren't sophisticated like the rest of us; we know something shouldn't be done unless it's done excessively.  Anything else is a decaying relic from Before My Time.

Roger, would you have them here if you could?  Their silly antics would fall on eyes that have seen Sacha Baron Cohen wrestle an overweight man in the nude.  Can we bring along Audrey Hepburn?  Rather than simply bat an eyelash to drive men wild she'd have to kiss Angelina Jolie at the MTV Movie Awards, she'd have to be on the cover of Maxim.  What about a truly risque starlet like Marilyn Monroe, our beloved beautiful Marilyn?  I'd rather let them live in immortality in the minds of those who know them as they were.
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Iason Ouabache

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Re: Iason, where did they go?
« Reply #8 on: October 15, 2009, 07:25:42 pm »
And did you see what they did to Lenny Bruce? All the man ever wanted to do was get up on stage in dark smoky nightclubs and tell dirty jokes. But They said that it was "indecent". They made the mistake of thinking that words can harm others. They wanted to protect the audience from the artist. They wanted to decide what people could and could not say in public. They didn't like what Lenny had to say so they hounded him around the world. They threw him in jail for "just words" and threw the book at anyone who dared to let him talk. The coroner's report says that old Lenny died of a morphine overdose but everyone knows that They were the ones that really killed him. They broke his heart and his spirit by taking his words away from him.

Thank the gods They know what's best for us.

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