Author Topic: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase  (Read 57914 times)

Doktor Howl

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #735 on: February 08, 2018, 12:22:45 am »
This is the post that got me banned, from 2012:

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Irishmen produce twice the fecal matter that humans produce. This is why Ireland is covered in 20 pound piles of shit. It is a hyperactivity of the intestines at the expense of higher brain functions. Perhaps the most vulgar thing about the Irish is that they aren't embarrassed by being Irish; they think it's normal. Which only further serves to illustrate their degeneracy.

"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Doktor Howl

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #736 on: February 08, 2018, 12:50:37 am »
Also, turns out that there's a breed of tomato that sets off my digestive enzymes as badly as potatoes.

Had some last night at 6 PM.  Blood this morning was 169, and 164 20 minutes ago.  I could use my blood for pancake syrup right now.
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Don Coyote

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #737 on: February 08, 2018, 01:09:45 am »
Also, turns out that there's a breed of tomato that sets off my digestive enzymes as badly as potatoes.

Had some last night at 6 PM.  Blood this morning was 169, and 164 20 minutes ago.  I could use my blood for pancake syrup right now.

Fuck. I thought my shitty sugar for the day was bad.

Doktor Howl

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #738 on: February 08, 2018, 01:32:52 am »
Also, turns out that there's a breed of tomato that sets off my digestive enzymes as badly as potatoes.

Had some last night at 6 PM.  Blood this morning was 169, and 164 20 minutes ago.  I could use my blood for pancake syrup right now.

Fuck. I thought my shitty sugar for the day was bad.

Part of the whole thing is experimenting when you've been stable for a while.  I've been averaging 105 for a few months, so try tomatoes.

*BOOM*

Nope.
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Don Coyote

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #739 on: February 08, 2018, 03:42:23 am »
Also, turns out that there's a breed of tomato that sets off my digestive enzymes as badly as potatoes.

Had some last night at 6 PM.  Blood this morning was 169, and 164 20 minutes ago.  I could use my blood for pancake syrup right now.

Fuck. I thought my shitty sugar for the day was bad.

Part of the whole thing is experimenting when you've been stable for a while.  I've been averaging 105 for a few months, so try tomatoes.

*BOOM*

Nope.

I made the mistake of being polite to my in-laws, who are fucking diabetic and my MIL is on insulin, and eating a small amount of Chinese takeout. My sugar was 141 when I went to bed and was between 121 and 156 all fucking day.

Doktor Howl

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #740 on: February 08, 2018, 04:14:55 am »
Also, turns out that there's a breed of tomato that sets off my digestive enzymes as badly as potatoes.

Had some last night at 6 PM.  Blood this morning was 169, and 164 20 minutes ago.  I could use my blood for pancake syrup right now.

Fuck. I thought my shitty sugar for the day was bad.

Part of the whole thing is experimenting when you've been stable for a while.  I've been averaging 105 for a few months, so try tomatoes.

*BOOM*

Nope.

I made the mistake of being polite to my in-laws, who are fucking diabetic and my MIL is on insulin, and eating a small amount of Chinese takeout. My sugar was 141 when I went to bed and was between 121 and 156 all fucking day.

You CAN have Chinese food, if you can figure out which ingredients are setting you off.

I can have General Tso's chicken, for example, but orange chicken is just a box of self-abuse.
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Hoopla

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #741 on: February 08, 2018, 07:44:51 pm »
Wifey and I bought a condo!

I am slowly becoming part of The Machine.
“Soon all of us will have special names” — Professor Brian O’Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes" — Walt Whitman

Nephew Twiddleton

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #742 on: February 08, 2018, 08:32:53 pm »
Congrats, Hoops!
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

PoFP

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #743 on: February 08, 2018, 10:03:10 pm »
A customer submitted a support case with my organization using an automated system that includes one of those AIs that start chats with you on the webpage if you're waiting for a response. Well, even though the AI Chat window blatantly states that it's not a real person, the customer argued with it as if it were. When it told the customer that it is "Still learning" since it's "only been alive since 2017," she responded with "Oh, that is such an excuse."  :lulz:

She also felt the need to tell it that she gets "mad easy," and then decided to curse at it, but with exclamation points and underscores  :lulz:

Our team is losing our shit right now, because she's also misusing the case submission system, and resubmitting her chats as a case with updated portions of the conversation. So we're just getting a steady stream of unusable tickets that are chuck full of  :lulz:

EDIT: She just fucking apologized to the AI. Which made me realize that if/when AI do want to take over the world, they will do so without much resistance.
« Last Edit: February 08, 2018, 10:10:32 pm by PoFP »
Listen carefully. I don't have much time, and I only have 462 characters left. I'm a scientist from Area 52 (Area 51 was used to draw attention from Area 52, where the aliens were ACTUALLY stored) who was working on neural interfacing with networked devices. In an experiment gone wrong, I accidentally uploaded my mind to the internet. In the 2 seconds I had before my mind scrambled itself with the world's network traffic, I was able to store this snippet in this random internet signature. If you're reading this, let the world know tha

Doktor Howl

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #744 on: February 09, 2018, 12:30:58 am »
Some say the best revenge is living well.

*I* say the best revenge is hiring all the best talent off of your former employer.
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Doktor Howl

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #745 on: February 09, 2018, 12:40:32 am »
So, I presented some things to the board today.  It went well, all things considered.  I showed them horror, and they said "how much to fix it?"

I told them, and they said "Okay."

This isn't natural, really.
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Cain

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #746 on: February 09, 2018, 03:50:08 am »
A customer submitted a support case with my organization using an automated system that includes one of those AIs that start chats with you on the webpage if you're waiting for a response. Well, even though the AI Chat window blatantly states that it's not a real person, the customer argued with it as if it were. When it told the customer that it is "Still learning" since it's "only been alive since 2017," she responded with "Oh, that is such an excuse."  :lulz:

She also felt the need to tell it that she gets "mad easy," and then decided to curse at it, but with exclamation points and underscores  :lulz:

Our team is losing our shit right now, because she's also misusing the case submission system, and resubmitting her chats as a case with updated portions of the conversation. So we're just getting a steady stream of unusable tickets that are chuck full of  :lulz:

EDIT: She just fucking apologized to the AI. Which made me realize that if/when AI do want to take over the world, they will do so without much resistance.

Tell her the bot has been reported to HR for sensitivity training.

Cain

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #747 on: February 09, 2018, 04:07:38 am »
So, the co-worker who broke into my flat apologised to me today.

I think my reaction is best summed up by this smiley:  :kingmeh:

Doktor Howl

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #748 on: February 09, 2018, 04:11:35 am »
So, the co-worker who broke into my flat apologised to me today.

I think my reaction is best summed up by this smiley:  :kingmeh:

"I'm sorry I broke into your room and stole your stuff to buy rock, but I am very sensitive and the world is hard."
"THUS SPAKE THE DESERT PROPHET ROGER, HIS EYES AGLAZE, HIS BALLS AFIRE, HIS HAIR RECEEDED DUE TO YOUR INABILITY TO SHUT UP"
- Junkenstien

"Locals and authorities are quick to act on suspicions that wartime arms may be lurking in their midst. Even police were convinced by one elderly German who reported finding an old bomb in his backyard, only for bomb clearance staff to conclude that the item was, in fact, a zucchini."
- Newsweek, 8/9/18

Cain

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Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Reply #749 on: February 09, 2018, 04:20:43 am »
Yeah.  She also wrote me an email (which I've not read) and bought me a present to say sorry (which I've not looked at).  6 weeks after the event, no less.