The internet was created as a network to allow humans to mostly interact with others and share knowledge. Amirite? Much like the cruel open world, we’re all mean here, arrogant, and yet faceless. Why do I leech on for my daily dose of the tubes? Besides some form of ridiculous co-dependence, the internet has allowed me to remember that humanity, even at it’s most amazing and selfless hours are still nothing but a collective of douchebags spreading their douchebaggery abound whilst flaunting their epic douchitude. And I find it amusing.
Do NOT come to me asking for help, posting threads of pity or buttons of Paypal on pages asking for donations to keep your website alive or to keep your bunny alive. Eat your bunny plz, post pictures, grant us thee folk of the internet the horrormirth we desire to continue our lives in a sick, twisted illusion of awesome. I am awesome, because I tell myself this on a daily, as it helps me get through my day with no medication requiredâ„¢!
I don’t tell you about my debt, my marital issues, my financial stress and overall hatred of my current status quo in great detail and outside of general jest, because you’re not listening. I did the Livejournal thing for a while, and all it did was create an abundance of drama I haven’t seen since middle school anytime I posted about something a wee bit wrong in my life…then I remembered I didn’t read my friend’s shit anyway, so why the fuck bother?
I don’t listen; you don’t listen.
I began a brief ritual of ‘Wednesday Rants’ on the ol’ LJ during my Sophomore year in college in an attempts to at least bring some sort of reason into having the damned thing…it didn’t work, and I abandoned it rather quickly, as the answers I either got were my friends of the best variety giving me empty praise or some faggot twisting it into bullshit. Therefore, I felt like I accomplished nothing. I often think of posting on Verwirrung, and feel that in short, it will really only benefit those here anyway if at all, because outside of PD.Com, no one could give a fuck about this site, but perhaps they need to? Maybe? Who knows. I highly doubt anyone here will get anything from this smear on the blog.
I’m not an entirely cold human being, no…but I have my moments. I am close to those I allow to be close, care for them, laugh and cry with them, but my shell is a woman that rarely smiles. This doesn’t mean I’m upset, it means that I just don’t care to unless I have good reason. There was a Daria episode in which the football alum from their high school died because the fucking goal post fell on his head or some shit, and it was pointed out that the reason Daria never smiles is because she ‘thinks’. I often use this as my excuse when I’m asked about my sour countenance. The reaction I get is usually an odd look and a, “But I think too, and I smile, so smile, damnit!” My retort is typically, “Well, maybe you aren’t thinking hard enough?” And leave it at that. I also like leaving my thoughts to myself.
…I also hate my teeth, but that’s another tale entirely.
The internet is my escape from thinking, sometimes WAY too much. It allows me to be creative during work, or gaming, it allows me to sit here and giggle like a motherfucker all day long as I leave this forum tabbed on my browser. The internet is a collective of minds that do the thinking for me, and I like it that way, because it gives my tired brain a break. No doubt others do the same.
So why should I give a fuck about what’s wrong with your life anyway?
GTFO my internet with your piteous throws of fits and excuses as to why you NEED to be accepted or WHY you’re different. We’re faceless, mindless-minds who congregate to feed off of your insolence like sociopath vampires…hiding our identities while we attack you with little or no remorse. If you need a shrink, GO TO A SHRINK, don’t come here, to the internet to find answers because Wikipedia gave you a link or you felt lucky on fucking Google.
Of course, one could always allude the internet is like a gang that you need beating into, which means that you better lay there and get it over and done with quickly to avoid severe injury…rather than putting up a struggle.
Oh fuck it, I really just wrote this to conjugate forms of douchebag. You all may go about your business.
Indeed – I do not exist currently on PD…but your words do reach me.
Could it be that they are reaching out because even in this cold sea of anonymous faces and lies – it is still easier to relate to than the colder “real world”? As humanity becomes more and more paranoid due to the improperly-balanced pyramid that sits above all our heads, we have become distrustful and even spiteful towards anyone who does not fit into our particular dataset. Even in casual interactions where no real emotion or work is necessary to connect, we more than often refuse the humanity of the other individual and choose to grind forward – eyes to the floor.
Now, ranting about the lame things going on in your life is, of course, pretty useless on the whole. But – the network (not unlike our brains) of datapoints connected by a fine, filigree nervous system of 1s and 0s pushes our evolution forwards. The connection you make by creating your point on the map is what makes all the other points relate to each other, and you relate to them.
Do you not find a sense of (in a highly bastardized sense) “community” in the PD forums? Is there no warmth in your heart for fellow Discordians, SubGenii, and other various netizens?
Or maybe I’m just full of shit.
I generally serf looking for gems. Hidden treasures which usually mean little to anyone but myself. Hell, often they don’t even mean anything to the person who placed the gem there to begin with. Below is a rare example, which is what makes it a treasure. RE: “smiles”
“This doesn’t mean I’m upset, it means that I just don’t care to unless I have good reason….. The reaction I get is usually an odd look and a, “But I think too, and I smile, so smile, damnit!†My retort is typically, “Well, maybe you aren’t thinking hard enough?†And leave it at that. I also like leaving my thoughts to myself.”
It seems to me as time’s progressed, the less funny shit there is to eat up in everyday life. But I wouldn’t know it from the smorgasbord of giggles others gobble up on a daily basis. If I could surround myself with like minded people that could potentially foster more genuine feelings of levity. Of course it always runs the risk of waxing cold as well. That and there’s slim pickings. I wouldn’t say I’m a tough crowd, I’d say I’m an eager audience. But dammit all to hell, give me irony, parody, something zen, I don’t care. Just hit the right note and at least try to dispense with the obvious, redundant persona desperate to see itself copied in you.
I don’t know how best to describe that brief feeling when being prompted by some lack of reciprocity another’s so obviously wanting me to fill. And these can be people I love and care about genuinely. I don’t want to say, “That shit wasn’t funny. You’re wasting my time. You’ve crossed a line.” Partly because that is the plain truth of it but also because I wouldn’t want to deal with that when I spew out some sub par moment of my own. So it seems some of us are dealing with this mutual awkwardness, while surrendering the ship to less than fulfilling ice breakers which continually lead nowhere fast.
I wouldn’t say this if I didn’t see it all the time. The teacher says something not even remotely funny, insightful, sometimes just an outright lie and a collective laugh/silent acceptance hides the truth – that in the .5 seconds following, everyone in the class is wondering what the hell they just laughed for, or why they had surrendered dignity in quietly accepting what they knew to be wrong.
Why perpetuate the lie? Maybe for some of the reasons I stated. Maybe for some you did. One thing I’m fairly certain of – It’s not necessary and someone has to help break these social habits. They’re making phonies out of all of us. It’s not worth it, but we’ll likely continue on this way until the next evolutionary rung.