Everything is better Gonzo-ized.
Tomorrow, I will do horrible things to the memory of HST via this story.
This is one of the best Ideas I've heard all week.
Efrim and I were in the airport bar, discussing the future of American football, when two men wearing clerical collars walked in.
They sat down, and pretty soon they were discussing the nature of reality, and of heaven and hell, and which swine would go where. The first mentioned that the barstool next to the one he was sitting on was made of "matter", which is mostly empty space. The second replied that there was no real proof that the stool even existed, since the senses are simply recording data that may or may not be correct.
Now, while we were paying attention to this, we missed the Raiders throwing yet another interception. Efrim decided he had had enough, and walked over to the barstool in question. He picked it up, and said, "I refute it THUS", and began to thrash the two clergymen. One was knocked into me, and I spilled my drink...so, as he started to get up, I put my cigarette out on his neck.
"That will teach you to mess with serious people", I snarled, and kicked him back onto the floor. Three TSA goons ran in, and dragged the two screaming ministers away, to some small filthy room where they would be made to explain themselves to all the wrong people.
Efrim sat down, and picked up his drink. "I hate guys like that", he said, "Reality is anything that can raise a lump on your skull."
"That's because you have no faith in the words of St Augustine", I replied, "You young Turks are all the same".