RANT 19: Disorderly Sermon

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

RANT 19
Disorderly

?¨Holy, holy, holy are these truths that I utter, knowing them to be falsehoods, broken mirrors, troubled waters.?Æ
-Aleister Crowley

?¨No sea perdido en medio de los preceptos del orden.?Æ

-The White Mouse, speaking through St. K

[A transcript of a spontaneous sermon to the Purple Monkey Mafia, delivered by myself, St. Hugh, KSC, KSB, KHS, Tequilarius Malignatus, taped in the wee hours of Aftermath 36 by St. Kallista,WTF.]

Do you seem to be a verb? A question? A parenthetical parenthesis constructed only out of fluid and paradoxical and parenthetical thoughts, feelings, illusions, and perceptions? Are you living on quotations? What is this Damned Thing you call yourself? Are you a [insert label here] sort of being? Are you tired of being misunderstood and mistrusted simply because no one can see the real (note: ?´real?? often means nothing in particular) you? Or are you tired of people understanding you all too well? Don??t just sit there, do something?ñor someone?ñwhatever the case may be.

What is going on here? What is this Discordian Society, whatever it may be, whoever it may be, and however it may be? Why is it that whenever you lose a sock you blame Eris, instead of your own monkey brain? Why is it that imaginary characters have become more real than the so-called real characters? And which one are you? Or are you a combination of both? Why are you still looking for a truth you can make up for yourself? What are fnords and why do you see them? How is it that the great Tequilarium can be home to three different cabals simultaneously? (Though I must admit the distinction between the three is becoming lost on me.) Who has taken the jelly from your donut, and why? What is the true purpose of Chaos Magic(k), and why should you care?

Oh, Great Mindfucker! How do you know that your mind can withstand the mindfuck? [To an audience member: Put that fucking candle back!] ?ñNow, where was I? Where am I? What am I? What are you? Where are you? What the fuck is ?´now?? supposed to mean anyway? What if I don??t believe in ?´now??? ?´Now???ñ that bastard parasite of muddled thought! Why have you not yet realized that the word ?´uprising?? is the sexiest word in the English language? (I don??t know about the others.) You can??t even tell me why men have nipples yet give no milk?ñso why do you think you can answer stupid pointless questions such as ?´why are we here???  Catch me on a good day and I??ll tell you why you??re here. Catch me on a bad day, and I??ll tell you where to go. [To audience member: I told you to put that candle back! Do you want to be personally illuminated right now, in front of everyone?]

[Clears throat. Drinks tequila from bottle held by new initiate??s hands.]
How can you have the gall to tell me you can change paradigms as readily as clothes when you only speak one language fluently? You may think that I am ranting a bunch of silly questions, until you actually start listening to them. What are questions anyway? What is ?´anyway??? What is the meaning of life but false, true, and meaningless, if even that? How do you know that you are not a cabbage disguised as a human being? You could simply be pretending because you know that many of us are hungry. If you think this sermon is crap then you do it. [Ducks as beer can flies towards him.] Are you pissed off by all these questions? Come quick! Beat that bastard of an ego back into the bottle of gin the critter escaped from.

Okay. So maybe this sermon is crap. Maybe you are crap. Maybe the whole world is crap. But besides throwing shit and breaking windows and being Discordian, what are you going to do about it? Huh? Yeah, that??s what I thought?ñyou??ll sit here and pretend to listen. An bhfuil Eris agaibhse anois?

My friends, we are the disorderlies of Chaos. We are the custodians of our own damned lives. We are the Children, Lovers, Friends, Family, and Bastards of Eris. We are the Destroyers of the Profits. Why give praise to the God of the Crapscreamers, that god of enslavement called Yahweh/Shaitan, when we have the Prettiest One inscribed on our hearts? (Unless, of course, he was really Eris in drag.) Why do you insist on being somebody when you are probably somebody already? Why do you need validation? And just what is validation? What is need? If your ego is doing that badly then make up another one.

Chaos is a blind all-seeing deity of nihilistic something-or-other-ness. That??s why Eris has a sledgehammer. You may have fallen off your rocker. But if it was a damned good rocker, you would have never fallen off of it in the first place. Sometimes you can only gain free will by being forced to lose your mind. Herein lies the truth and the lie that you would probably wish to run from. But you can??t escape it. Life is the disorderly that can keep you out of the mental institutions of order, if you choose to open your mind to it. You want peace? Plunge into Chaos. You want happiness? Fertilize your creativity with the bullshit of despair. You want Eris? Well, check to see if She??s in a good mood and call Her. I am not responsible for your response to this. You are.

Why is the path of truth overgrown with weeds? Because the rest of us have looked at that path and found it to be a lie, and not a very funny one at that. Discordians, Purple Monkeys, Friends, Mystics, Comrades, we get holes in our socks from time to time. Revelations of the apocalypse can be found in crumpled up newspapers. This is life. All Hail Discordia!

(Aftermath 35th/36th, 3169? / November something, 2003: I was very tired by this point. Three rants delivered in one night. Go figure.)

[Guido Finucci]

And I hope the poor fucker holding your tequila got something out of it.

Well done St. Hugh - we're lucky to have you.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Yep. They got a six-pack with only five cans. You know the rules.